My alarm clock blares loudly and I throw my arm overhead to turn it off.

I feel the emptiness next to me and I...miss Reno. I pat my hand behind me hoping that he's there. But he isn't.

I turn around and see all my clothes dried and folded.

A neat note on top.

"Dem may have washed it, but he doesn't know shit about folding. Sorry I couldn't stay longer...call me, I worry about you okay? Oh, also, I cleaned your cuts for you after you passed out. And I also held a cold pack to your face so your swelling would go down. You were so doped up, I thought you wouldn't mind as long as I didn't wake you.

-Reno"

I touch my face and feel bandages. I can't smell much at all.

I look over at Hayner's bed. Him and Dem were tangled in each others arms, junk food scattered on top of their almost limp bodies as Dem drools onto his scalp. Nice.

I get dressed and grab my packed bags.

I shake Hayner awake.

"I'm leavin." I say.

"Wha...? Really?"
"Yeah, gotta catch the train to the airport. I'm going home, remember?"

He blinks at me for a few seconds before sitting up.

He pushes Dem off of him and hops into his clothes he always leaves on the floor.

"What are you doing?" I ask as he jumps in his boots.

He runs his finger before shuddering away, discovering the slobber Dem left in his hair.

He slaps Dem with the same hand, "Keep the fort safe, there's some fucking knives under the bed if you need 'em."
"Uhhhh..."Dem rolls over, covering his face with the blanket.

"Let's go."

-x-

Hayner and I walk down the street in the freezing fog.
We don't say a word until we get on the train headed to the airport.

He turns to me, "Sora, what happened?"
I look down at my hands, "Seifer and Rai happened."

He sighs, sitting back in his seat with anger, "Man..."

He sits up slightly, "What'd they-"
"-They threw a rock at me. Punched me. Choked me. Kicked me. Tied me up and wrote some shit on my forehead...Then Reno came."

"Did they run?"
"Yeah they fucking ran. I don't know what happened to Seifer. But Rai tried to sock Reno."
"Did it work, or did he fucking kick his head in?"

I smile, recollecting the only thing that felt good at that moment, "Yeah. He got him."

Hayner grins, "Good."

-x-

"If he comes over, d-don't let him in okay?"

"What the fuck are you on?"

Half empty glasses covered every inch of the kitchen and food scraps fell to the floor off of dishes.

Mom's on another bender, her sunglasses crookedly hanging off her ears as she stumbles back and forth to the door.

"And why is he coming over?"
She flicks her lighter a few times before catching a flame. She's shaking, looking back and forth as though he could be here at any moment. Mom's been out all night, doing god knows what.

Hiro stares down at the table, miffed at how this morning's conversation turned to the worst.

I can't say I'm happy either, seeing as though I was focused on inviting Sora over.

If my dad's creeping around the place, there's no telling what the fuck he could do. And I'd rather not put Sora in that predicament.

"Where...Okay guys where the fuck...are my keys?" She huffs out, looking in her purse before opening random cupboards.

"You're not seriously about to drive are you?" I question her, crossing my arms. The smell of her smokes fill the kitchen air, and it seems like the only sound going through is the sound of her freaking out.

"Axel I need you to shut up so I can think!" She screams, her sunglasses nearly flying off.

"What the fuck is your deal?" Hiro asks. I roll my eyes, looking in the fridge for food.

If she's this tweaked out, then she must've been with him before coming to the conclusion that she should avoid him all over again.

"He's...super pissed at me s-so just ignore him. If you let him in, you can kiss goodbye to your house and-and your parties and-and your fucking game systems. Everything."

"Goddamn don't you ever shut up...?" I mutter to myself as she goes on some crazy fucking rant.

After five minutes, she ends it with, "I'm gonna be gone for a while...Love you boys."

I repress my laughter, she's so crazy it's amusing.

She walks out of the kitchen, dragging her purse behind her.

Hiro stands up, a concerned look in his eyes and runs after her, "Mom!"

-x-

People can't keep their eyes off of me as Hayner and I move quickly through the airport.

"Text me when you get back home."
"I will. So you're really just staying over here?"

We stop just before the security gates, taking a seat off to the side.

"Yeah, my parents have like eight other kids they can deal with, they don't really need me."
"She probably misses you dude, you've been gone for years. Are you sure?"

He looks down, crossing his arms, "Yeah yeah I know I've heard. Maybe I'll go back around Christmas, but I don't even have the cash to buy a plane ticket. If I was gonna go I would've bought my ticket in advanced. But I didn't, so..." His brown eyes trail away, and I can tell he's getting bitter. I know he's just upset.

I know what'll make him feel better...

"Well, if you're so sure you're staying, here." I reach into my pocket and grab my car keys.

He cheers up, as his mouth gaps open at the sight of them.

"Take care of my car—wait, you do know how to drive stick, right?"

The happiness in his eyes fade, yet he keeps up the facade, "Yes...?"

"Because you know, in case of an emergency I need you to save my car. If you can't save my car because you can't drive stick then tell me now."

"...Yes?"

I shake my head, but I know I'm gonna end up forking them over in the end.

"No wait! Please, I'm sure Dem knows how to drive stick and he's staying with me over the break so come on please?"

I look down at my keys, and back up to his pleading brown eyes, "Fine. I don't need you to drive it anywhere, unless there's an emergency. Got it?"
"Yeah yeah, I got it."

I remember I'm short on time and I stand up, "Remember, no fucking cruising around and trying to pick up chicks. I'm counting on you to keep her safe. Also, if Fuu comes around give her the bag under my bed, it has all her stuff in it."
"No worries man! Just say hi to your fam for me and take an easy, alright?"
He throws up his thumb and I give him a thumbs up back.

-x-

I sit outside of the airport, rain falling hard as people shaved past me. I can barely make out the smell of sand and sea through my stuffed nose, yet I continue to push myself to take deep breaths. Before the rain gets to heavy I pull my hood over my head. I take out a cigarette and watch for the cab to swing around.

Plenty of scenarios go through my head. From mom breaking down crying to Donny just laughing it up in my face.

How I'm going to do it? How am I gonna deal with them? I don't know. Maybe I'll just ignore it and act normal. Maybe people'll think it's so rude to ask they'll just ignore it.

I take one last drag before putting my cig out and look down the street.

Bright headlights cut through the rain as the white cab approaches. I stand up, putting my game face on. Roxas climbs out the minute it pulls to a stop running over and lifting me up.

"Sora!" He rejoices.

I hold on tight for dear life. The minute we held each other I knew that I didn't want to leave without him.

I would rather be around Roxas than anyone else in the whole world.

He swings me back and forth, compressing my swollen and bruised parts.

"Ow ow okay okay..." I chuckled lightly as he lowered me.

He looks at me and his happiness is soon sucked dry, "Wh-what the fuck happened?"
I smile morosely, "Long story, don't worry 'about it."
I ruffle his dirty blonde hair before picking up my bags.

-x-

"You back home yet?"
"Yeah, just got in the cab. About to have a family reunion. Yay."
"Doesn't sound like you're excited."
"Guess I'm just stressed."

Shit.

Finding out that he's stressed doesn't lay out a good foundation for me.

I look over the papers for all of the testing I've been going through, thinking of the right time to show him.

Thinking of my father hiding around the place scares the shit out of me, no doubt.

What a fucking twacked out creep. I mean, really man...

I wanted to have Sora over.

…..It's still not that impossible, if I figure out the security system.

...Then again, I was never good with that stuff. Better have Hiro do it.

-x-

"Who's over?" I ask, hearing a distinct giggle that didn't belong to mom.

"Namine. We've been spending a lot of time together since everyone went to college." Roxas blushes.

"Oh? How so? You guys finally dating?"
He shakes his head, "Nah, I don't really want to date her right now. I'm moving, she's staying behind. Who knows if I'll ever come back?"

I nod silently, looking at the small peaks of blue through the dark clouds. The rain comes and goes, making abundant puddles present everywhere. The streets were quiet, you could tell people were inside with their families.

"Dude what happened to you?" Roxas finally asks again, kicking himself off the house. He sits next to me on the porch. I hear my mom and Namine talking along in there, excited to see my busted up face again.

I smoke another cigarette, just stressing the fuck out. I feel like my hair's about to fall out.

And Donny...

Haha, don't even get me started on what he'll be saying.

"I got jumped and beat up dude what does it look like...?"I mumbled, getting sick of the questions I've been asked.
"Yeah, but why?"
My fingers shake slightly as I bring the filter up to my lips.

I take a long drag, staring off down the long road ahead of my street.

I shrug, "I couldn't tell you."

I daze off, my heart picking up speed as I remember the beating fresh in my head.

My hearing's a little fucked still, all I hear in the silence is the ringing.

"Know what? That's a lie. It's 'cus I'm gay. And I got too cozy with this kids fucking girlfriend, that's why."

I reach inside my pocket for my pack of smokes, but Roxas yanks my arm.

I look up, and he looks sad.

"Let's go inside man, mom's waiting for you." He says quietly.

"Got any Vicodin?" I ask, not caring about what he thinks.

"Later. Face your demons now. We've got family coming tomorrow."

I groan as he drags me inside.

Fuck my life.

-x-

Ugh, this is disgustingly awkward.

At least it's gonna be, when they let go of me.

I enjoy what I have now, squeezing my mom and Namine with all my might.
Donny's in the kitchen, barely paying attention.

They let go and I just wonder who's gonna say something first.

"Sora...what happened?!" My mom shrieks, holding my face.

Shit, I guess that should've been painfully obvious.

Donny's all eyes and ears now, standing up from the kitchen table and coming over.

He leans up against the wall, a know it all smirk present on his face.

"It's clear what happened. Boy tried that gay shit over there and had his ass handed right back to him on a silver platter." He cackles, coughing half way through as I decide that I've had enough.

"I'm goin' upstairs...Everyone leave me the alone please." I mutter as I turn away from my mom.

"Donny..." She says quietly.

"Don't say I didn't warn ya boy." He calls up.

"Fuck you..." I say under my breath.

-x-

I hit the stale sheets of my bed, turning my stereo on and playing whatever CD I left in there last.

It takes a second for the music starts playing, and instantly there are loud strings going along a rift before my ears are blasted with Roxas' mix CD.

Whatever...

I crawl under the sheets and hear a knock on my door before it swings open.

"Hey, dude, I don't mean to be a bummer but mom's like, wondering why her son won't talk to her after getting home from college?"
"I'll talk to her when Donny leaves."

"Are you okay?"
I sigh under the sheets, "Yeah."

Wish I was high.

"Just want to get everything over with."

He strolls over, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Well, I was going to save this for dinner tomorrow, but it looks like you need the good news now."
"What?"
"I graduated. I can start looking towards college, maybe we can get a place together?"
"That's sweet." I say with a small smile.

My phone vibrates and it's Riku.

"Hey, so, can we hang out tonight?"

Fuck. I remember. I agreed to see him over Thanksgiving break.

"Yeah, sure, just come over later on tonight. I'll be home."

"Okay. See you soon :)"

Uuuugghhhhhhh.

I throw my phone across the room, "Give me your Vicodin."
"Why?" He asks.
"I've got really bad pains. Please? Pretty fucking please? I'll pay you back."

"Fine. Hold on..."

He leaves and returns with a bottle.

"Here."
"Thank you so much." I say, trying to contain my happiness.

After he leaves, I head to my bathroom and do what I usually do.

I get super fucking high.

And just sit.

Letting these waves of euphoria silken me.

A few hours pass and I just chill alone in my room, smoking a few cigarettes before throwing on a few movies.

Just as I was starting to nod out, I hear a few knocks on the door and turn down my radio before answering.

"Sora, you okay sweetie...?" My mom asks concerned.

I feel bad.

I smile, not feeling the pressure from earlier, "I'm okay mom."
"What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" She asks.

I shake my head, "Don't worry about me, I'm fine okay? Kids fight, remember?"
She hugs me tight, and I squeeze back.

"If you need to tell me anything I'm right here okay? Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine! You're worrying about me too much mom, I'm fine."

She nods, "I'm going to the store and then dropping Donny off at his parents for the night."
"Is he going to be here for Thanksgiving tomorrow?"
She nods sadly.

Fuck.
I sigh, "Alright."
"If you want to invite your friends over, go ahead. Just remember to stay out of the basement."
"I will, love you."

She's about to leave, and then she just stops, sniffing the air.
"Sora...have you been smoking inside the house?"
"No love you byeeee-"
I try to close the door as fast as possible but she stops me.

"-Sora I smell it on you! Just because you're eighteen and out of my house doesn't mean you can smoke wherever you please! If you're going to do that crap do it outside!"
"You smoke in the house sometimes..." I murmur.

"What?"
"Nothing. Got it. Bye." I answer, looking away.

"Tell all your boyfriends to use the front door too. That garden ladder isn't a ladder for people, it's a ladder for plants. Please and thank you-"
"-Okay! Love you! Bye!"
"Okay bye."

She takes her foot away from the door and I shut it.

Jesus Christ...

I sit by my window and watch the hypnotic waves mostly hidden by the fog. I try to relax, but it's pointless. My stomach is doing somersaults.

I should of told him I was sick...

"Sora! Riku's here!" I hear Roxas call from downstairs.

"Shit..." I hang my head low.

"Coming!"
I slug down the stairs and see Namine and Roxas watching a movie together.

I take a few seconds, pushing my hair in front of my face and making sure my hoodie's on good before opening the door.

I swallow, "Hey."
Riku smiles, his hair slightly dripping wet, "Hey."

-x-

I get all my papers in order, from earliest to latest tested.

Shower.
Eat.

Sai calls, "The deals been made. We're moving after the new year."
"Really? You and me?"
"Yeah, who else?"
"Hey, let's say I want someone to move in..."
"...Unless it's your brother, I'll have to think about it."
I sigh, "Alright. Well, I'm about to make up with Sora. For good hopefully."
"Good luck with that."

"I know right?"

It feels like there's two guy's boxing in my stomach.

-x-

Me and Riku sat twiddling our thumbs in the dark of my room.

The last time we saw each other everything was so...natural.

So why are things so awkward now?

I'm high...

So very high, but not nodding out like usual.

I feel like my tolerance got bumped up a few notches.

"Let's go watch a movie." I say, looking up.

"Wait." He pulls me back down on my bed before reaching for my hoodie.
I react, holding his wrist.

"What's wrong."

I look him in his eyes and he pulls my hoodie back.

"Sora...what happened?" He holds my face.

I snap away, "Nothin'. I get tired of hearing that question."
"What the fuck happened to you? Seriously?" He holds my face.

I frown, "I got beat up alright?"

He slowly lowers his hand, looking down.
"Nothing fucking new with me Riku. I know it's hard to do, but can we just ignore it? I'd rather not have my break be about my face." I look out the window.

"Fine." He says silently.

-x-

"I'm sorry."
"Don't be."

"Sora-"

"-Just don't."

The quiet buzz of the VHS rang through the house as the blue screen brightened the dark living room.

My eyes hugged the blue light, not looking over to Riku for a second.
I feel myself numbing out, and I can only let it happen.

Roxas and Namine left for a walk after the movie finished up, leaving us in this awkward situation.

Riku leans forward, "How you feelin' right now?"
"Oh, you know." I rest my arm on the couch, hoping for an interruption.

"You know..."

I look over, his silver bangs covering his turquoise eyes.

He makes a twisted expression, "I still love you."

I blink, staring him down, "...Really."
"Yeah."
"If you love me so much, why are you with another person?"
"I..."
"Better yet, if you love her so much, why are you here? Does she even know you're here?"
"No, of course not."

I sigh, rubbing my face, "I hate it when you do this to me..."
"What?" He scoots closer.

"I love you, but I can't be in love with you. I mean, look at you. You're at my house when you have an on again off again fiance. You're...you're fuckin' messing with me." I say.

Riku makes a fast move and holds my face.

His eyes pierce mine as he kisses me.

I can't help but melt into his arms as he holds me closer. His taste, his scent...

It all brings me back to a better time.

The time we were in love...

But then I think of what I'm doing.

I remember the reality.

I dissect the situation.

I know what's gonna happen, he's just gonna come around and bounce back.

He has no intention of really loving me.
I'm not even sure if he knows what his intentions are.

"It's been harder than I thought...getting over you."

I push him off and stand up, "That's not my fault Riku. You're taken. We're best friends now, nothing more. So just...just go home."

It hurts bad, but I know it was going to be the truth I'd have to face sooner or later.

I'm sure I'd be crying if I wasn't so high.

But since I'm high, I just want him gone.

He stands up, "Are...you sure about this?"

He shakes his head, "No, you're right...I'm sorry. I'll...see you later Sora."

He walks out of the house and I slouch back on the couch, throwing my head back.

I need a cigarette.

I hold onto the railing, moving up the stairs to my room slowly.
I open the door and sit on my bed, reaching for the pack under my blanket.

A strong breeze blows in and I close the window.

Actually, I don't remember leaving the window open...

I stand up and right before I light my cigarette I feel someone squeeze my ankle.

I scream, the cig falling to the floor as I trip trying to escape.

I hit the floor hard and wince, grabbing my side in pain.

"Shit!" Axel crawls out from under my bed like an arachnid.

"I didn't think you'd get that scared babe I'm sorry." He says with a smile, crawling over my body.

Again, I hide my face from him.
He laughs, "What are you doing?"
He grabs both of my wrists, pinning them to the side of my head.

"Sora...?"

I feel myself getting hot and tense, needing to escape.

He pulls my hood back and his happiness turns to anger.

"The fuck happened to you?"
He asks, letting my wrists go.

"Nothing." I say quietly, pulling the hood over my eyes.

"Sora what the fuck happened? Tell me!" He presses harder.

I start crying, "Nothing! Okay just leave me alone!"

I push him off and run to my bathroom, sitting against the door in the dark.

He takes a few seconds before knocking on the door.

"Sora...I'm sorry. Please talk to me?"

I sniffle.

"Please? I miss you...I want to hold you, that's all."

I take a few minutes and open the door.

He pulls me into his arms, holding me tight before pulling away.

-x-

After he calmed down a bit, I open up to him little by little.

"So, these guys, they jumped you for no reason?"
"...Yeah. I really, really don't want to talk about it right now. I mean, I'll do something about it when it the times come."

He sighs, "Sora...What are you gonna do?"
"Don't worry about it. I've been telling everyone this and you're no different, I just don't want to talk about it."
"Alright, alright..." He looks upset. But there's nothing he'd be able to do anyways. What's done is done.

I sit up and grab my cigarette off the floor before lighting it.

He stares me down.

"What?"
"Oh, nothing, just didn't know you started smoking. Got over your fear of hairy tongues?"
"I've started a lot of things this year. Gotten over a lot. Haven't you?" I look away with a smile.

He smirks, "Smart ass."

He lays next to me, propping his head on his elbow as he rests his free hand on his knee.

"Babe, let's make up." He says with a grin.
I just laugh.

"I'm serious. I've been working. I want you." He says with intensity.

I roll my eyes.

"I'm serious...We have a lot of shit to talk about. But I want to know if you're willing to make it work with me. I won't start talking unless you wanna make it work."
I blush, my heart racing, "What do you mean?"

He shrugs, looking ahead, "Well, for one thing you never told me about your serious phobia."

I swallow, "Wh-What do you mean?"
He grabs my hand and squeezes it tight, "It wasn't the stripper, was it?"

"I-I-I..." I look straight ahead, unsure of how I'd answer.
"Who-"
"-Roxas. I begged it out of him. Doesn't matter. But, I'll tell you what happened with me. I'm dealing coke, and I'm doing it with Saix. We went to this strip club and his boss's client and I fucked around. I was really high and lonely, but that's no excuse. She looked like you, so I pathetically, in my wasted state, fucked her. Using a condom. Next day I thought I'd never deal with her again, so I switched out my bag of coke with hers. I was...I guess you could say I was on a bender, and Sai cut me off of the really good pure shit. I wanted it, his special client had it, so I yanked it. She called me back, and told me if I didn't start fucking her that she was going to tell Mar. I didn't know who Mar was, because I was technically only assisting Sai at that time. And I told Sai myself, and he said he was gonna fucking kill me himself if I don't make things right. I knew that I was likely going to die, so I listened and I...did that for a while."

He looks away, breathing, "This...this is harder than I thought. Okay, well...I was lonely, so I fucked around with her past the point that I had to because I wanted to replace you. I wanted her to be the perfect exact replacement...but I knew that was full of shit so one day I just stopped. Came to Twilight Town to make things official with Mar, and I came to see you. Because I couldn't stop thinking about you. I hunted you down because you're kinda the only person I want to deal with anymore. You left so fast I..."

He laughs.
"I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I want to be with you."
"Thanks for finally being honest. But no. If you know what I've been through then you should understand." I say sadly, standing up.

He sits up, "I can't get you out of my head. I just...that night she was lookin' a lot like you, and I was lonely. What else can I say? I'm a fucking retard."

I feel jealous and hurt. Maybe I shouldn't...but I can't help myself. He commits, then cheats on me with Larxene, then blames everything on me before fucking some stripper that apparently looks like me...

He shrugs, looking away shyly, "I mean...it was stupid. Nothing compares to you, I was just fuckin' pitying myself. I want you. I...I didn't know that much about you, or what you went through. When Roxas fucking cussed me out over it...I felt absolutely horrible. I didn't understand how bad I was hurting you when I...Look, I understand now, and I want to start over."

But it's true...I keep leaving out details that could be the difference between a good relationship and a bad one. If I had told Riku all my problems, maybe things would've ended up better. In this way...Axel's no different.
But...I...I can't.

I shake my head.

"Go." I say.
"What?"
"I can't...Go."

"Wait." He holds his hand up, before taking a stand.

He pulls out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and passes it over to me.

"Take it. I just want you to feel a lil' better. I'll...I'll see you later." He bites his bottom lip, turning his frown upside down.

As he goes to my bed ready to climb out the window, I open the folded pieces of paper.

Test results...?

He got tested.

Over

And over

And over again.

All the results...are negative.

I let paper after paper float to the floor, scanning through each piece thoroughly.

The dates.

The clinics.

The time.

It all adds up.

I run to the window, grabbing him off of the window seal before he slips out.

I squeeze tight, "Axel...did you really...for me?"

-x-

"Of course I did."

Sora climbs over me, gazing at me as if to ask why. He pushes the sleeves of my jacket up, looking at my overly pricked arms. He runs his fingers down them before holding my face.

"You didn't...did you really?" He asks with a whisper.

I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling the rest of my feet inside from the window, "Every week. At every clinic we could find."
"Why? Why waste your time on...me?"

"You're far from a waste in my mind. You're the most important thing I've worked for...in a very long time. I wasn't going to let that slip, especially after I learned more about you..." I push his brown hair away from his eyes, stroking his cheek softly down to the nape of his neck. It's only now that I grasp how significant Sora is to me. He's something that I've never had before.

"Oh the mistakes I made against you...I'm so sorry Sora."

Sora smiles, holding my hand softly as he leans down to kiss me. He kissed me tenderly, sliding his tongue through my lips to meet mine. I slide my hand under his sweater, embracing his adorable love handles. He gasps, sitting back as he held his mouth.

"What? Oh, my tongue ring, remember?" I stick my tongue out to show him.
He's flustered, looking down lustfully before kissing me harder.

Sora...my Sora...

He rests his forehead on mine, and I start melting over those blue pools of his.

"Can we start over again?"

"Yes." He smiles, kissing me again.

He begins playing with my tongue ring slightly, who knew it'd be such a turn on.

I squeeze his ass tight, filled to the brim in glee.

"Your ass got bigger." I tease.

"Shut up."

I stayed for hours.

Until the morning sun broke through, kissing those pure lips of his. Stroking my fingers through his wild mane and admiring all his elegant features. I took the night, studying him inside and out.

Lucky doesn't begin to describe the way I feel.

"When are you coming back?" He asks groggily. I pet his hair, wishing I could stay by his side forever.

I want to make up for lost time.

"I'll be back before the morning's over Blue Eyes, promise."
We share one last kiss before I climb down the cold wet garden ladder.

"Be back soon, I'll be waiting." He smiles before closing the window.