Benevolently Unbound - A Sesshomaru Romance
"It was in the distant parts of my mind that I retreated too when life seemed too harsh and so cold. I was without my family and without my lord and little master. I fought with the stress of living and the tormented thoughts of death. For now... neither option seemed to please me and so... I waited."
It was late in the day when Rem made her way to her room. She had been bathing for a while and the steam had made her dizzy and dreamy. She had the unreasonable feeling get out and so she did.
"Are you alright Lady?" From the second floor stair's Davien called up to her. He was rather solicitous sounding...
"Ah yes. I am fine. I just need some air." Rem gave a wiry smile and leaned on the railing of the third floor stairs. No, not really. She spoke inwardly despite her outspoken answer.
"Well, if you need anything, I will be more than happy to help you. Just ask." She nodded then paused... She was always aware when Sesshomaru stood behind her; it was a feeling that coursed through her whole body.
"My Lord..." She turned and gave him her best smile. She found it amusing to watch him, but lately he almost seemed at odds with himself. He made her uncomfortable.
"You've keen eyes." His statements were always blunt and straight to the point.
"Does not a demon have enough sense to feel your presence?" She laughed and Sesshomaru eased his tense shoulders. "Are you worried? You are ever at my side. I know well enough that I cannot recall any thing, but... I trust you... I also have a favour to ask." Rem waved good bye to Davien on the lower floor and stepped in line with Sesshomaru.
"What is it you need?" She had never asked a favour of him before. Perhaps before she felt he had done enough in leaving her to humans and simply giving her a safe haven. Was it a sense of debt that made her do the things she had done?
"I feel... an ominous cloud. I cannot sleep at night and dream of terrible things. Fire and smoke and ash; oceans that do not end and a black sky. Then blood. Who's...? I do not know. I want you to teach me to fight. To protect myself. I feel that if I can protect this body I may fend off these dreams." He had noticed her fatigue over recent days, that he was in arms reach of her room at night and to know she was being tormented even in sleep ushered in a severe sense of foreboding.
"I can protect you." She managed to give a weak smile and he took her hand. This isn't right. This does not feel like love, but... I feel something for him...but. It is like we are playing a game and that in the morning it will not have happened or not have been real...
"And what if I do not wish to bother you with forever watching my person? Having always to wonder if I am safe... I ask only that you teach me something basic, that even a woman can do. A demon can do. Else I fear I will have to ask someone I think more likely to help, but not as well as you." The name left unsaid rippled and echoed in his mind. Davien. He was almost regretting telling her she was half demon.
"As you wish. We will start tomorrow in the afternoon." She had the answer she wanted, but still she held his hand. This is love right?
"Do you sleep Sesshomaru-sama? You do not rest in any room. I know because I can smell where you often stow yourself away."
"I do not stow away anywhere." He frowned at her then. True he did not enter many rooms in the estate, but he did not hide himself among the rooms he did frequent.
"And sleep? Do you not need rest being a complete demon?" He wondered in some small part of his mind if she was afraid to sleep alone. You are not Rem.
"I do, but not often." He wanted to say demons did not need rest, but the lie seemed pointless.
"And where do you rest then?" He took a step down the hall at the third floor and she followed, still grasping his hand. This is not right.
"You ask too many questions." He was growing more irritated with such questions. How could he sleep when she had his bed?
"And you answer them not enough." She withdrew her hand and glared a moment at him.
"Not enough? What more would you have me say?" His voice rose as the conversation escalated.
"Something... more. Other than what is exactly needed. Do you not speak of mundane things? Do you not talk for pleasure?" His calm state was quickly fading away the more she spoke. He found it odd that the woman before him was both different and yet the same, but her lost memory was the one which pained him... yet comforted him. He did not know what to think anymore. For a moment, just one she had sounded like she had once before.
"Pleasure? You are a woman; I need not speak with you unless I choose to." Her eyes widened and she turned on her heels down the hall.
"So be it, you childish, petty demon..." As soon as the words left her mouth her hands flew to her head and she crumbled to the ground. Before he could even reach her Jaken had scurried down the other end as fast as he could. Rem wretched and screamed as if burning and then suddenly stopped.
"Rem?" Sesshomaru gave his hand to help her up, but she smacked it away. Her chest heaved as if she had run miles without rest.
"Don't..." Slowly she forced herself up on her own and pushed past Jaken without another word and slammed the door to her room. I am breaking inside.
"What happened, my lord?" But Sesshomaru did not answer and followed after her.
.
A hand rapped on the outside of her bedroom door.
"What do you want, my lord?" She did not want to see him any more today. It hurts...
"A word." He forced himself to give her a better answer. "I would like to speak with you."
"...Come in." A memory flashed before her in pieces she could not place. An opened door and a feeling of desperation. She groaned and set her palm over her left eye and breathed deeply.
"Do you not feel well?" He closed the door and she sat on the bed clutching her head still.
"I think... memories are trying to return. When I said you could enter, the words bounced around my head, so many times and I saw something."
"What did you see?" Perhaps her memories were returning. He could only hope, for as much as Rem now was kind and polite, it missed something dire from the previous one. She is the same and yet... she is not the Rem I... that she was before.
"Only a door. One of these, from the estate." A small thought, invisible to everyone on the planet hid beneath his face.
"It may be that certain things you do might awaken memories lost." He paused then turned to a stand in the corner where he removed the clothes she owned before staying with him. "These are yours." She picked them up in her hands and visions, too many to tell what they really were, unfolded in her mind.
Rem's body twisted, her arm retched around while a scream tore from clenched lips; pillows fell to the floor.
"Rem." Sesshomaru watched not knowing what to do. If she stayed like this she was going to get hurt. But if she didn't get her rightful memories back it would be worse.
So he pinned her shoulders down onto the bed.
Her back arched up and her face contorted with pain. Her screams could be heard from every floor. "Wake up." He called to her but she only thrashed, as well as possible while being restrained. Her next words chilled him. Her words were a thing of the past that had nothing to do with him and was nothing he could cure or aid her.
"Ka-san!... STOP!...!" He knew she was dreaming, but her frenzied scream broke him apart to hear. He could tell what haunted her sleep and he pitied her; for that was all he could do. Tears washed down her face, but her radical jerks never stopped. Sesshomaru released her shoulders and pulled her to him as best as he could. She is there. Inside ,hidden somewhere... but she is still there.
" The blood!... Stop them... Ka-san!" Her voice reached heights of hysteria and she clawed at his arms and any other part of him she could reach. He could only image how her dreams were warping her memories.
"Rem..." He held her tighter and ignored the burn of her poison which seeped from her hands and onto his skin. He had immunity, but she was walking death and even he could not with stand it outright without pain. "Please." The word made an impact on her for a moment and it was long enough to try something he otherwise would never have done of his own accord.
In the few seconds of stillness he bent his head and kissed her. She did not wake but she return to her sleep induced torment either. When he pulled away her breath was shaky and her heart raced like an animals.
"Sesshomaru... sama."
"What the hell is going on in there? Open the damn door!" Davien beat the door until Sesshomaru answered.
"She needs rest. I will explain later." A thought had begun to eat away at him since she stopped her spasm. If she doesn't get her memory back soon, she will not survive like this; no-one can protect her from dreams. "I will be here for a while, do not disturb me."
Davien did not leave.
"Have you thought of maybe using a spirit channeler. If Rem's soul is split, a channeler might be able to call it back to her body, returning her memory in the process." The idea had merit.
"Go and find one, if you can." He closed the door behind him and picked up a water flask from the bed side. He soaked a cloth and washed her face, removing the beads perspiration and tears which stained her porcelain face.
"Why do you have no memory?" He asked himself. Rem's sleeping body answered.
"I'm... afraid." Sesshomaru nearly dropped the cloth, but retained his control and asked another question.
"Of what?" He bent over so he could hear even the slight word.
"...Y-you." Her breathing was shallow and he settled himself next to her. As odd feeling as it was, sleep tugged at his senses and he would allow himself to rest there next to her, but only for a moment.
"Why?" She did not answer. "Why?" Nothing.
Rem did wake the next day, but Sesshomaru had long since woken and left. He had rested for the remainder of the night and well into the morning when Jaken called on him. Later he had left again and did not return for many days. Davien had also left, leaving Rem's care solely to Jaken.