Chapter 25 – Bonding

The next day Kate came around for a surprise visit.

She greeted them all warmly, elated to see the Doctor back to English with his bandages gone. After a small chat with them she sat down with the Doctor and examined him from head to toe, checking every potential ailment there seemed possible with a varying array of bizarre tests.

When she was done the Doctor went to bed, still utterly exhausted as his body tried in vain to heal itself. For a while Kate, Rose, Jackie and Jack chatted idly over a pot of tea until they deemed it safe that the Doctor was asleep.

"He's definitely improved," she said, taking out the chart she'd recorded her data on. "His physical injuries have healed a lot quicker than the normal rate of a human and his motor functions and reflexes have improved drastically since I last examined him. You've all done very well. Is there anything you need to tell me?"

"He has some partial amnesia," Jack explained.

"What has he forgotten?"

"He forgot everythin' from landin' on Earth two months ago to when he woke up in hospital," Jack explained. "We managed to jog his memory a bit on that, but then…" His voice seemed to die in his throat as he glanced sideward at Rose, cuing her to speak.

"Years ago, he was in this war," she began to explain, fiddling with her fingers. "This Time War… He doesn't really open up about it, but his entire race died in that war. He's the only one left of his kind. He lost everyone. But now he's forgotten it happened… He thinks they're all still alive."

"It defines who he is, without it he's… a completely different person," Jack said.

Kate frowned. "We can only wait and see if it comes back. But…" she paused and then leant forward, conspiratorial. "If he remembers, he's going to have to go through the grieving process all over again. You have to be ready for that. I can't equate anything I've felt to losing my entire race, so…" She closed her eyes, bowing her head. She didn't need to say the rest.

The Doctor took Rose out for dinner. She couldn't say exactly say no though it wasn't a very Doctor-ish thing for him to do. They went to a posh restaurant that had managed to restart business since the invasion, serving good food at cheap prices with candles and red drapes for an intimate atmosphere.

Jackie had given the Doctor some money, but he didn't need it anyway. People still recognised him from what had happened, and the Doctor had never seemed more confused in the time Rose had known him. People kept coming up to them, thanking them and shaking their hands until the Doctor had finally had enough and demanded she tell him what exactly they'd done to deserve it. Finding no alternative, she told him what had happened in the Sontaran Headquarters – the ultimatum. The more and more she spoke the more and more pale he became as the memories surfaced.

"No wonder my head hurts," he said, hands running through his hair for the fifteenth time that minute. "What happened after the roof caved in?"

She shrugged at this. "You'll have to ask Jack. I was out of it by then."

"I'm sorry," he said, looking down at the tablecloth.

"For what?" she asked.

"I shouldn't have let you get hurt…"

She took his hand, squeezing it where it lay on the table. "It wasn't your fault."

His eyes connected with hers, and he reached up to caress her cheek with the hand she wasn't holding. "You're too perfect to be hurt. I'll never let anything hurt you ever again."

She didn't really know what to say to this. He was so much more expressive with his emotions than before, he really seemed like a completely different person. So she just smiled and let go of his hand, calling the waiter for their bill.

As it transpired, the restaurant paid the bill for them, and considered it an honour. They left to a crowd of applause out into the night air, stomachs full and hand-in-hand.

"Back home, then?" Rose asked.

"Can we take a walk first? Been cooped up in that flat for ages." He laughed happily.

She nodded, smiling. "Sure."

It was getting dark. They strolled through the silent city, into a park just a few steps down the road. The Doctor led her over to a park bench, pulling off his coat and placing it around her shoulders before dropping down onto the bench, arms and legs splayed, surveying the scenery.

"Rebuilding's going well," he commented.

"'Things are gonna finally go back to normal," Rose said, wrapping the coat around her tightly and dropping down onto the bench next to him.

"I'm sorry for being a burden to you lately," he said suddenly. She glanced at him, finding him staring across the park at nothing.

"It's okay, you need time to heal," she replied gently. He looked at her, and they exchanged smiles. He put an arm around her and drew her closer towards him.

There was a moment as they just took in the late night atmosphere together, the moon shining brightly and the stars twinkling above them.

"Rose," he said suddenly.

"Yeah?" she snuggled closer into him, enjoying his warmth.

"There's this thing Gallifreyans do," the Doctor said almost glowing in the moonlight. "It's called bonding. It's sort of like marriage for humans, but a bit more. You bond emotionally and physically to the person, you feel what they feel. If the person is happy, the other person happy, if the person is sad, the other person is sad. If the person is hurt, the other person won't feel their pain, but they'll feel their distress. The two people want each other every moment of every day. Bonding can only be broken by death. It's something that you have to be completely sure you want to do. It's commitment forever."

Rose paused, staring at him for a moment. "Why are you tellin' me this?"

"Because…" he took her hands into his own, gazing intently into her eyes. "Because I'm sure. I want to bond with you."

Rose stared at him. "…What?"

"I love you."

Rose couldn't believe it. She resisted the urge to pinch herself, thinking she was somehow dreaming. "… Are you serious?" she asked, eyes wide.

He laughed that gorgeous laugh, his eyes sparkling. "Totally. I want to bond with you, and then if you want, we can marry. I can give you children if you want them."

I can give you children. The words seemed completely unreal coming from him. There was nothing she'd love more than…

He leant forward and she suddenly felt soft lips on hers in a passionate kiss under the moonlight. She found herself kissing him back as his arms wrapped around her, pulling her towards him. She was pressed against his chest, her arms embracing him with her heart thudding in her chest as his tongue explored her mouth, and she loved every single millisecond of it. She wanted him as he wanted her. She wanted to be with him, forever.

Finally he parted from her, and Rose was left feeling slightly light-headed. He smiled at her, his hands dropping to her waist.

"What d'you say?" he asked.

Then she realised something.

"Doctor," she began, her voice and arms shaking as she held his hands. "I…"

He gave her an encouraging grin. It broke her heart.

She swallowed. "… I can't do this. I can't bond with you. I just can't. I'm sorry."

She let go of his hands got up from the bench, running off before she got the chance to see his face. She ran all the way back to the Powell Estate, tears blinding her as they ran like a waterfall down her face. She burst into the flat, startling Jackie and Jack before she ran straight into her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

She slid down against the door, and sobbed unashamedly.