I know. Its been a while. I'm gonna try to be less shitty about not responding to review questions, fan requests, and PMs. On that note—lets jump right back in to...
Robin for Exalt
"I actually voted for the $87 billion. Before I voted against it." -John Kerry-
"PICK A GOD AND PRAY!" Frederick put a rifle round clean through a Feroxi stagbeast.
"Masterful!" Chrom lauded the shot.
"Ha! These things kick ass!" a giddy Basilio wildly fired his gun up in the air.
"Your Grace? Is this wise?" Laurent had strongly counseled against using vacation time for a hunting trip. There were pressing matters of state, with tensions mounting between Nohr and Hoshido. And public concerns about the new currency that needed quelling. And of course Robin was having a field day in the king's absence. "We received another petition from Prince Ryoma, demanding to know why Ylisse was moved by the Fall of Renais and the suffering of the Laguz but does nothing about the atrocities of King Garon. And I quote," Laurent read from the Ryoma's missive:
"Under the wisdom and guidance of King Chrom, Ylisse has maintained a clear and resolute foreign policy of destroying evil across the globe. The free world is free because Ylisse is strong. And yet today, the world has cause to question that moral clarity and resolve which has become a pillar of peace in our time. For what is the promise of the Ylissean commitment to truth and justice worth, while a man as depraved as King Garon holds power and Ylisse bares silent witness to his ways?"
"Inform the prince that his missive has my undivided attention." Chrom stood atop a rocky outcrop, leveled his rifle, and scoped out the ravine below in a way that suggested his attention was anything but undivided.
"Ryoma doesn't want your attention. He wants a response." Laurent pressed. "Robin has already issued a public statement on the matter. And has made a point of saying you would sooner laze about the woods in a crisis then take charge of your war room."
"Right then; issue a statement that I'm on a sensitive diplomatic mission to Regna Ferox. And that I'm conducting a full evaluation of Ylissean foreign policy with our Feroxi allies to determine the best course of action moving forward. Now watch me hit this bear." Chrom caught sight of a prize worthy of the royal trophy rack. "BOOM! HEADSHOT!"
"Extraordinary!" Frederick hoorah-ed.
"If this is a sensitive diplomatic mission and a time for policy review, would it perhaps be advisable to be sober?" Laurent tried to give good counsel. Bless his hard; he really did. Basilio however was living up to his reputation as the Walking Keg of Regna Ferox. And Chrom had no quarrel with partaking of his flagon.
"You've never seen Feroxi diplomacy, have ya lad?" Basilio guffawed. "Gods above, Chrom; why'd ya bring the egghead?"
"He's helping me with some…projects…" Chrom was nondescript. "Sooooooo...King Garon? How are we feeling about this one?"
"Never met the man. Hear he's a crazy old bastard. And not the good kind of crazy." The warriors of Regna Ferox knew of him by his reputation for martial prowess. Tales of his—other characteristics—followed. "One of those Walhart-wanabee types. Fancies himself the world's greatest conqueror. Only thing he's ever conquered is a tribe that fights with ice picks."
"I should think the world would be a better place if he were dethroned. Yet my people do not have the stomach for another war." Chrom felt the mood of the country. My campaign doesn't have the stomach for another war. "Intervention in Magvel was unpopular. Robin won't let me forget it. Tellius was really pushing the envelope; it was all I could do to send weapons and supplies. I don't suppose Regna Ferox can spare any men?"
"Don't matter one lick if we have the men. We don't have the ships or the gold."
"Ships can be bought, And not-enough-gold isn't a real problem ." Chrom pimped his paper. "Have you considered switching over to the Chrombuck? Its quite strong you see."
"…about that…" Laurent jumped in. "There are ongoing issues with the conversion from gold to paper in need of redress. Multinational usage at this time would only compound..."
"Did you set up a currency reserve board like I asked?" Chrom had actually boned up on economic literacy and put a fair amount of thought into this.
"Yes. And its controlling inflationary pressures against the prevailing interest rate, as you said it would. But its created short-cycle fluctuations in the paper value of bullion converted to chrombucks , and conversely, the gold value of chrombucks converted back to bullion. The merchant's guild has realized that by trading between the currencies and swapping assets for subprime derivatives, they can…"
"NERRRRDDDD!" Basilio Bwahaha-ed.
"…draft a memo and put it on my desk." Chrom was thinking hard. He wasn't thinking THAT hard. He turned his attention back to Basilio. "King Garon. Nhorian war crimes. What are we doing here?"
"It's your army. Why are you asking me?"
"Well you ARE Ylisse's closest ally and partner in foreign affairs. And not half-bad in the field either. " Chrom stroked his ego. "Tell it true. What would you do?"
"You know bloody-well what I would do. Ya got guns now lad. Use em."
"…Your grace…political implications aside—and I do not doubt for a moment that intervention in another squabble between nations with whom Ylisse has no quarrel would be politically disastrous—I have serious reservations about intervention on-the-merits." Laurent counseled. "Hoshido and Nohr exist as regional checks against each other's power. Both maintain violent, expansionist policies against the lands of their neighboring tribesfolk and fox laguz. Because Hoshido and Nohr dedicate almost the entirety of their manpower to maintaining their stalemate, further expansionism and aggression is mitigated. Ylissean intervention on behalf of either party would break the regional balance of power; leaving one nation completely unchecked and uncontested in its sphere of influence. This would mean…"
"NERRRRDDDD!" Basilio crushed an empty beer can against his forehead and chucked it at the grandmaster.
"…He isn't wrong..." Chrom considered the weight of his words. "But would that really be such a bad thing?"
"Emmerynn always said Queen Mikoto was a peace-loving ruler and good friend." Frederick saw no problem with Laurent's what-if scenario.
"Mikoto is one woman." Laurent urged Chrom to think harder. "Reigns are short and history is long; one generation of leadership was the difference between your sister and your father."
"Yeah. Point taken." Chrom followed Laurent's lead and thought harder. "…give me a moment…" Chrom whipped out a shiny new trinket.
"…the fuck is that?" Basilio had never seen such a thing.
"A summoning stone!" Laurent immediately recognized the magical communication device. "Such things only exist on Tellius. How did you get one!?"
"Priam gave me a bunch of them. It's good to have friends." Chrom dialed his nephew from half a world away. "Hey; Owain! I'm sorry. Odin. How's Nohr?...Uh-huh…Uh-huh…Really? Pregnant for real this time? Yes…I think Ophelia is a beautiful name. Listen; did you do that thing I asked you to do?...Uh-huh…Uh-huh…Prince Leon's bodyguard? Perfect! What's your assessment?...Uh-huh…Uh-huh…Prince Corrin?...You're sure?...No; it doesn't matter if he's really, really stupid…Oh; he can't be that bad!...Uh-huh…uh-huh…No; I'm pretty sure weed is still illegal in Nohr…yeah…I know; that sucks…uh-huh…yeah…nice talking to you to little man. Be safe!"
Chrom hung-up.
"Owain's in Nohr?" Frederick was completely out of the loop on this one.
"…Long story…" Chrom would fill him in some other time. "Hey Laurent, Basilio; how does this sound? We want to stop Garon from being a bag-of-dicks; right? But we don't want to destabilize the whole region. So what if instead of going in and trashing the entire Nhorian Army, we find a Nhorian prince who wants to stop Garon from being a bag-of-dicks. And we give him a shit-ton of guns."
"Eh. Seems like a cop-out." Basilio was lukewarm to the idea.
"Our policy is that we support a coup?" Laurent balked.
"Not a coup." Chrom waxed rhetoric. Coup was such an ugly word. "We support the…uhhhhhh…selective annihilation of major government officials. To create a vacuum. Then we fill that vacuum."
"…."
"In the name of peace and justice."
"…That's a coup..." Laurent wasn't the type to be fooled by flowery words.
"Alright, alright; fine. Forget what it's called. Is it a good plan?" That's all Chrom really wanted to know.
"It's…better than your first idea…" Laurent offered a measured endorsement. "Assuming we have reliable human intelligence on the ground and we know exactly who it is we're arming. I question only how much we truly know about this Prince Corrin. Owain has never been the best judge of character."
"Owain is an excellent judge of character." Chrom disagreed.
"He married Robin." Laurent reminded him (as though he needed reminding).
"He did the right thing in the end. And if you think he married her for her character, you've never seen what's underneath those robes." Chrom had seen what was under those robes. Frequently, and with great pleasure. Owain was young and horny; he really couldn't blame the poor boy. "Owain's assessment is that Prince Corrin burns with a great love of justice and an earnest desire to save the world. The hateful deeds of his King weigh heavy on his heart; with might to match his ideals he would turn against him in a heartbeat."
"Was that ALL Owain said?" Laurent thought he had overheard something about the prince being dumb. Really, really dumb.
"He...also said Corrin is a stupid, sheltered child—hopelessly naïve and easily swayed by his siblings in all things." Chrom didn't think this was the important part. "We can overlook that, right?"
"No; we can't overlook that! THIS IS A TERRIBLE PLAN!" Laurent shouted.
"…But…"
"Can you say that if his brothers and sisters beseeched him to bear arms against Hoshido, Prince Corrin would refuse them!? Supposing even that we can trust in his intentions; what of his judgment? His attention to detail? His analytical mind? Suppose by mistake and poor planning he is discovered. Can you say that if his coup fails, our most dangerous weapons will not fall into Garon's own hands?"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"...No." Chrom admitted to himself, as much as to his grandmaster. "No; that would not serve the interests of justice. Gods! Is—is the best thing really for me to do nothing at all?" With such great power and so much suffering and evil in the world; it felt so wrong. Doing nothing.
"The best thing is for you to listen to the wise counsel your friends and allies have given you here today, sleep on it, and then do what you know in your heart to be fair and just." Frederick spoke simply, but from the soul. "You are a good man—if not the wisest—and wise enough to give wiser men your ear when you have need of wisdom. That is all any king can be."
"We can explore other options." Laurent brainstormed. "Diplomatic sanctions. Economic sabotage. There may yet be a reliable and responsible resistance faction worth arming—one halfwit prince does not a nation make. I'd take a closer look at the Knights of Cheve…"
"Heh. You're alright." Basilio had to give begrudging respect where it was due. Laurent was making sense. "Now what say yeh take a break from talking, and see if your aim is as sharp as that head o' yours." The Khan put a gun in Laurent's hand.
"You want me to…shoot something?" Laurent puzzled.
"With that hold, not bloody likely." Basilio guffawed. "Hey Frederick—what's that yer always saying? PICK A GOD AND PRAY!"
"Wouldn't do me any good." Laurent mentioned offhandedly. "I'm an atheist."
"YOU'RE WHAT!?" Frederick, Chrom, and Basilio looked at him as though he had just tongue-kissed Miriel.
"...an atheist." Laurent repeated.
"Inconceivable!" Frederick gasped.
"Terrible!" Basilio spat.
"How can you be an atheist?" Chrom was just downright confused. "I mean...You've met the Gods. One of them sent you back in time..."
"I have met beings with abilities beyond my power and understanding claiming divinity, and human deference to their edicts derived therefrom. To us they may so seem. The first men—living primitively and knowing nothing of the world beyond their caves and hovels—if a Ylissean mage knight were to appear before them armor-clad and wielding fireballs and lightning, I do not doubt we would seem the same to them. And yet surely we are not gods." Laurent explained himself. "If 'gods' are said to be beings to whom piety is owed because they are of the divine and we are not—beings of a super-reality without which our reality cannot sustain natural or moral order—I see no evidence that such beings exist. Much less that I have encountered one."
"Laurent. When this is done, we're going to go back to the castle. We're going to sit down with Tiki. And she's going to explain to you why that's bullshit." Chrom reprimanded. "But for now, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
"…And that is why—after considering this matter long and hard—I have decided that Ylisse will NOT be taking military action against Nohr. I strongly condemn the actions of King Garon. But I cannot at this time, in good conscience, answer Prince Ryoma's request." Chrom concluded one of the lengthier speeches of his reign and stepped down from his podium at King's Plaza.
"Really?" Robin, speaking to him on the side, was bemused. "This is the one you're not going to get involved in?"
"You disapprove?" Chrom hadn't sought her counsel or spoken with her about the issue at all.
"I'm—surprised—that's all." Surprised was one word for it. "The way you see the whole world in black-and-white and jump into every fight, as soon as you think you've figured out who's the good guy and who's the bad guy. Nohr vs. Hoshido is as black-and-white as they come. Now you stay your hand?"
"I considered invading Nohr. But that would have thrown off the regional balance-of-power and done more harm than good.
"…"
I also considered arming resistance factions inside Nohr. Cheve looked promising. But I realized that we couldn't assure our guns wouldn't wind up in the wrong hands."
"Realized, or Laurent told you?" Robin knew damn-well Chrom hadn't figured that out on his own.
"So what if he did?" Chrom did not deny it. "You use to tell me things."
"...You never listened..."
"...You never stopped talking..."
"You're the one who always needed to have the last word!"
"Robin my dear; If you want the last word, the podium is yours."
"...How generous..." Robin moved to take the stage. Briefly, she turned back to give the Exalt her regards. "I—I'm proud of you." She gave him a girlish blush and a hug. "You're learning."
"What was that about?" Sumia asked when Chrom rejoined her.
"We had—a moment. I think Robin just acknowledged that I made a smart decision without her help, and that I'm growing as a King." Chrom told his wife.
"She's about to stab you in the back so hard." Sumia's womanly intuition knew when a man was being strung along.
"Oh; what's the worst she can do? We're on the same side of the fence here." Chrom knew Robin to be a loud and vocal critic of his usual intervention policies. "She's not going to get up there and say I fucked up by not invading Nohr."
"My fellow Yliseans!" Robin pounded the podium. "Queen Mikoto—boon companion of our dearly departed Emmerynn and dearest friend of the Halidom—has been MURDERED! In a terrorist attack on Shirasagi Town, perpetrated by the Nhorians! I have repeatedly urged Chrom to take a tougher stance against the criminal actions of King Garon, and put forth a comprehensive plan for regime change in Windmire. As long as our Exalt is weak and indecisive, we will keep seeing more of these attacks! I call upon Exalt Chrom to stop stonewalling, stop playing politics, and arm the Nhorian Resistance in Cheve!"