"Yes, John." Hope says as he rounds the hallway to his room, to find Hope standing in front of the door. "You have officially forced me to start stalking you. I get that you have your own personal issues to work through, but I need to close this case."
John sighs, feeling emotionally tired from everything he has learned over the last couple of weeks, and feeling slightly alarmed at the current that shoots up his arm, as Hope hooks her arm around his.
"I just need a.. phonecall… and if that doesn't work, an e-mail.."
John unlocks the door and Hope steps through first plopping down on his sofa, as if she wants to make sure that he doesn't go in and shut the door on her. Ironically, the thought had crossed his mind.
He closes the door, feeling as if he is suffocating from her mere presence, then he reaches inside his jacket and pulls out the envelope. He puts it on the coffee table, and sits down, staring at it.
If he understands correctly, this particular envelope has probably got photo's of memories, he at first thought was too intense to be real. Suddenly Hope's hand is on it, and he snatches up the envelope.
"John? What is in there? Can it help us with the case?" Hope jumped up right along with him.
John shakes his head, then finds his voice.
"No, no, it has nothing to do with the case, but it could be Pandora's box."
"Where did you get it?" Hope asks intrigued.
"Stole it." John says, matter-of-factly.
"You what?" Hope looks shocked
John turns back to her, she sits back down, almost falling as her legs give out.
"What's wrong Hope? Don't give me the whole holier-than-thou speech about right and wrong. Sometimes life is about survival, and then normal rules don't apply."
"But stealing is a bit…"
"Heavy?" John sighs, finally realizing why he feels trapped. He finally knows who he is, he finally accepts himself, wants to be himself. He is not a good person, he doesn't consider himself a bad person, but he knows by Salem standards, he would probably not be called the good guy. They will never, Hope will never, accept him as he is.
"Tell me, Hope, if I told you that in that envelope is something you did in your life, that you have no memory of, and I then put it in a locked drawer and walk out of here, can you swear on your life that you will not break open the lock and take this envelope?"
Hope opens her mouth, then closes it again, then sighs.
"I see your point."
John puts the envelope on the table and sits down on the couch, next to Hope, stretching his over-tired body.
"So, what is it that I can do for you?"
Hope turns to him, pulling her one leg, knee-bent onto the couch, before she answers.
"I need you to organize me a job at Dimera Shipping New York."
"Oh?" Hope sighs with relieve as she sees a flicker of interest in John's eyes. "Are you going under cover?"
"Yep, that's the plan."
John is silent for the moment.
"I need to get out of Salem. Is there some way I can join you? Legally, I mean, going undercover."
Hope looks surprised, then seems to gather herself.
"Depends, the only way this will work is if you stop avoiding me."
John looks uncomfortable, then stares at the envelope.
"It depends on whether we can still be friends…."
"But of course.."
"You don't understand Hope. I need to be me."
Hope stares at him looking very confused. John turns on his side of the couch, facing her, mirroring the way she is sitting with her one bent leg on the couch.
"I'm not the same John you remember, Hope. I…. am whole now."
Hope reaches forward, and grabs his hand. John flinches.
"Do you remember your life John? Do you remember what you did for Stefano when you were under his control? Can you prove his dealings?"
John pulls his hand away.
"That part is off limits. I won't tell you anything if you don't promise to never talk about investigating those crimes again."
"John? I don't understand. For years we wanted to take Stefano down for controlling you and for what ever it is that he made you do."
"He didn't make me do anything Hope. Stefano never controlled me."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, Stefano never controlled me. The first time he messed with my brain is when he sent me to Salem as "The Pawn" and fed me Roman's boring personality."
Hope shakes her head.
"It can't be John. You are the most moral…"
He cuts her off with a rueful laugh.
"I am everything but moral…. You know what, just leave it. I'll make the call."
As he moves to get off of the couch, Hope grabs his arm.
"I'm sorry, John? Sit, please? I promise to keep an open mind."
"Right. I'm sorry Hope, you can't change who you are. I'll make the call, I'll stay a part-owner of Dimera shipping, I'll help in the investigation as much as I can. And when you hang Stefano, I'll laugh at him through his burglar bars, and then leave Salem."
He looks down at his arm, where Hope has still got hold of him.
"I'm not letting you go. I want to know more. You're my best friend John, when you died, a piece of me died with you, and when we found you, the loss was even greater when you pushed us all aside. I'm not letting you walk away again, whatever happened in your past."
John feels his resolve melting, as he relaxes back onto the couch. He can drown in those chocolate and green eyes pleading into his. Then he tares his eyes away. This is dangerous territory, he realizes. She isn't Gina, even though her presence unnerves him, even though her stubbornness pulls him to her, even though he knows her inside and out. He knows that she will not accept him. He decides to drive the final nail into the coffin of their friendship. To get it over and done with.
He'll tell her his life's tale.