Chapter 25 - November 2016

It was exactly like the doctors had predicted, Lana could go to work and just live her life without having everyone to tell that she was sick. After a few days she was back on track like nothing had ever happened. Even the next cycle of chemo went well, except for the nausea that was pretty bad. Jen had read a lot about nutrition and eating well during chemo and that's why she always reminded Lana to eat and to drink when they were at rehearsals on set, because she tended to skip lunch and use the break for extra rehearsals.
They were still cautious, though. It was weird that no one has said anything. It was obvious that they were spending lots of time together but no one had called them out on it. Jen highly doubted that they suddenly did not care anymore, but she also doubted that they had decided to blindly trust them. It had to be something else and Jen caught herself waiting for something bad to happen. Something that would make them part again.

They woke up next to each other - something they had learned to appreciate as it was not something they could have done very often in the past year. Even though they had not spent one night apart since Lana was sick, Jen would not stop cherishing these moments because she knew exactly how it had felt when she was waking up alone, instantly missing her girlfriend, knowing that she would not see her for who knows how long. Instead of immediately getting up and going for a run, Jen pulled Lana closer, receiving a sleepy giggle. The blonde woman buried her head into Lana's neck to enjoy her scent.

»We have to get up«, Lana said without moving an inch.

»I know.« Instead of doing so, Jen hugged her even tighter as if Lana was a lifebelt she desperately wanted to hold onto. And she kind of was. She meant the world to her, and Jen was painfully reminded of how much she needed Lana every time they had to go to that stupid hospital with these dying people. At least Jeff had been there too and he seemed to be doing well. He would recover, and so would Lana.

»How about I make breakfast and you walk Lola?«, Lana suggested.

Her morning voice was Jen's favorite tune. She could listen to her talking for hours, so she did not answer to force her to talk even more.

»Answer me. Do we have a deal?« Jen could tell that Lana was smiling because she knew she would rather stay in bed with her.

»Yeah«, Jen replied but still refused to let her leave. Instead, she started tickling her until she could hear her beautiful laugh. She rolled her over so Lana was basically lying on top of her and Jen could hold her even tighter.

»You never told me how you got your scar«, Jen stated and could not stop herself from touching it gently. It was definitely one of her favourite things about her girlfriend.

»I was trying to save my cat's life.«

»That's very like you.« She pulled her closer and kissed her deeply, holding the kiss until she needed air.

»We're gonna be late for filming«, Lana giggled and started to draw lines on Jen's chest until she reached her cleavage and Jen wished she would not stop there. But if she had not stopped they would not have made it out of bed the entire morning, so Lana freed herself and made her way to the bathroom, only to turn around halfway to blow Jen a kiss.

When Lana was so full of life, Jen asked herself if it was even true. If she really was sick. Maybe the doctors had misdiagnosed her. Deadly sick people did not get up early or went to work. People with deadly diseases planned trips to the beach or did stuff they had never done before but always wanted to do. Ill people looked ill. Lana was not like these people. But the reality was a different one.

It did not happen very often that they had to be on set at the exact same time, but on that day they had. Driving to work with Lana and sitting next to her at hair and makeup had something peaceful and soothing. Although Jen could not interact with her the way she did when the two of them were alone, she knew Lana was there. Sometimes their hands touched (accidentally of course) just to make sure the other one was still there. Jen caught herself staring at her girlfriend so often that she was wondering why no one had figured out what was going on yet. The mood on set was special and heartwarming that day. Maybe it was because it was Sean's first day back and everyone liked him. Sean and Lana had become good friends when they were working together, and Sean was a fun person to hang out with. Everyone had been sad when he had had to leave. Maybe it was because not one single cast member knew if this would be the one of their last scenes they had together. Everyone signed up for six seasons, and this was the sixth. It felt more like a farewell party than actual work. When Josh saw Jen, he immediately picked her up and spun her around like the dad he was for her character and the good friend he was for her in real life. They had gotten closer again and hung out a lot together the past weeks, only the four of them and Bex. It was good for both Lana and Jen not to talk about Lana's disease for a few nights. Not that they had been talking about it all the time, but Jen figured it was good to just forget about it for a while. There was nothing to think about anyways. Lana would receive one more session of treatment, and then they would finally cut out the tumor. And then they could go on vacation.
Since Lana was the only one who brought her phone to set that day, she was the one to take silly pictures of Jared and Sean first, and later of Ginny and Josh. From different angles, of course. She looked like one of those paparazzi photographers and Jen found that really cute and also kind of funny. It got even funnier when Lana insisted on taking a photo of Jen as well, and they wandered around set to find the perfect lightning. When Jen asked Lana why she put that much effort in taking pictures of everyone, she said she wanted to do a project for her fans. Of course she would. Lana always tried her best when it came to her fans.

What concerned her a bit was that Lana did not miss any opportunity to hug her co-stars. She had always been a huggy and touchy person, but this was different. There was this little voice in Jen's head that told her that it was almost like Lana was genuinely saying goodbye, but there was no need to do so, Lana was feeling well and the doctors were quite optimistic. Jen repressed that thought immediately.

Right now there was no time to worry about things like that anyways. Jen had to focus on filming a rather difficult scene with Colin. She had practiced it with Lana though, because she felt quite insecure about shooting scenes she could not really identify with. In fact, she could not identify with her character at all lately. Her character had been in distress the whole season and it was not something she was particularly good at. Meaningful dialogues and especially the ones with Jared, her TV son, were more her thing. What also drove her nuts was that so many people were on set that day. It made her feel exposed and even more insecure. Normally she loved having all the main actors around because it was always fun, but not when she had to shoot something she felt not completely comfortable with.

Also, it was freezing cold. She passed her coat to one of the crew members right before going to the spot where Colin already warmed himself up and got into character.

»Are you okay?« he asked, while the crew fogged the area to make Steveston look a little more like Storybrooke. Not everyone was watching them. Some went over the script themselves to learn their lines last minute.

»Yeah, it's just cold.« Not that this was anything special in Vancouver. She was used to it by now. She really hoped that she would make it through that scene without embarrassing herself completely. There was also some fans watching from a distance, but they could see what was going on if Jen messed up.

»Jen, we've been filming together for years now. Don't tell me you're okay when clearly something's off.« Colin rose an eyebrow at her and tried to make eye contact with her.

»I'm just not feeling good with playing Emma anymore, you know. She is written so out of character lately, I don't even know how to play her anymore. I always knew exactly how she would react in different situations but now I just don't know.« She was lowering her voice, because she did not want one of the writers to hear that she was criticising their work. As an actress she had to do what they told her to.

»Right, and I'm totally with you on that, but unfortunately we don't really have a saying in this. We just have to try our best and I'm sure you'll make the best of it. You're a good actress.« Colin gently touched her shoulder. »If it helps, it's not just you. I wish we could skip all these scenes as well. You know I preferred playing Evil Hook.«

Jen had decided not to sign for a possible season 7 years ago, but this just confirmed what she was planning to do. »I know, I know. I'm ready, I guess.« She hated and loved that Colin and her got along so well. She hated it because fans had been mistaken them for lovers multiple times in the past, which was ridiculous due to the fact that Colin and his wife were one of her best friends. She loved it because it made it a lot easier to film intimate scenes and they supported each other when they were not happy about what the writers had planned for their characters.

Surprisingly, the scene went very well. They did not even need a second take. Maybe it helped her that Lana and everyone else was joining the scene as well. It made the whole thing less intimate.

When Jen was wrapped up in her cozy jacket again, Lana walked right through her, gave her a high five and then hugged her. Jen instantly pulled away, looking around in panic. There were fans watching and filming them and Lana just hugged her in front of everyone. Immediately Jen took a few steps back. Not showing any kind of physical affection while being on set or any event related to ABC was one of the things they had agreed on from the very beginning to protect themselves and their relationship.

»I'm sorry«, Lana said, »I'm just really proud of you. My actress.«

»It's okay.« She looked at the people standing at the barrier and waving at them enthusiastically. Lana smiled and waved back shyly. For a brief moment Jen considered kissing her in front of everyone so they finally would not have to hide anymore. But she just smiled at her girlfriend, and Lana smiled back, almost as if she was thinking the exact same thing.

After filming for at least ten hours, the whole cast went to a burger place for dinner and Jen almost choked when she saw who else they had invited. Apparently Rose was in town and someone had decided to invite her. Probably Colin. They were good friends.

»Let's go«, Jen whispered right when they got in and Jen saw Rose sitting at the table chatting with Ginny and Josh who got here earlier.

»Why?«, Lana asked until she found the source of Jen's urge to turn on her heel.

»I'm not gonna sit at a table with her«, she said determined to leave but apparently Lana had other plans.

»Maybe you guys should talk.« Lana shrugged.

»Are you serious? After what she's done to us?«

»I just think you could give her a second chance. We're together now, we found a way.« Lana eyed the younger blonde woman before turning to Jen again.

Apparently Rose saw them talking about her and slowly made her way up to them. She was super scared, Jen could tell. »Hey«, she said insecurely. Lana smiled at Jen and went to join the others so the both of them could talk.

»Why are you here?«, Jen asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest. It was still hard to look at her former best friend without getting angry.

»I missed my friends«, Rose admitted and indicated that she meant the rest of the group by that.

»Hm.«

»How are you? You look exhausted.«

That was nice of her to say. Actually, honesty was a quality Jen had always valued in her. »This job isn't fun.« A truth. Not the truth, but one truth.

»I know. Is there something else?«, she asked, indicating that she knew more than Jen had told her by now.

»No? Why?«

»You can always talk to me… like, I'll always be your friend.« Rose's face softened, like she was actually feeling sorry for her.

»What are you talking about? What do you know?« There was no way she could know about Lana's disease. There was no way she could know anything about their lives.

»Enough, I guess.«

Maybe she was bluffing, but maybe not. She seemed to know exactly what she was talking about. »I swear to god if you tell anyone anything I-«

»I won't, relax.«

»Why do you know, who told you?« Bex or Fred. It could only be Bex or Fred.

»I don't know if I should-«

»Oh you better tell me the truth for once!« Jen had to prevent herself from raising her voice because this was not the place for yelling.

»I got a call from a friend that told me you two could use a little help so I helped. Satisfied?«

»What do you mean by that? What did you do?«

»I told the office about your girlfriend of course. That's what I do best, right?« Jen was ready to throw something. »Kidding. I mean, not really. I told them about your girlfriend but not about your actual one.«

»You're not really making sense right now.«

»I told them you and I were hanging out again and that you had a girlfriend and planned on keeping it a secret until the show ends. I said her name was Claire and I hope she doesn't mind.«

»Why would you do that? And why would they believe you?« By then, Jen was more than confused. The office could not be that stupid and actually believe that.

»Because I sent them pictures of you and her, of course. Old ones.«

Jen connected the dots. When she started to hang out with Claire they had indeed taken pictures and she might have had sent a few to Rose. That was why they were leaving them alone. They genuinely had no idea that she was actually still with Lana. She nodded and thought about thanking her but actually she did not want to. »Who's that friend?«

»Please don't ask, she meant well and it actually helped you guys. I mean, the office is questioning me about Claire but they have no idea about Lana!«

»Just… tell me. So I can thank that friend.« Even though this friend should not have trusted Rose with this.

»It was Bex.«

Yeah, Bex probably really meant well. And she did well. All she wanted was for them to be happy and she would never do something that would hurt Lana. »Okay.«

»Are we even now?«

Under these circumstances, Jen could actually see herself forgiving her. Thanks to her Lana and her were able to spend time together. Thanks to her she could be there for her girlfriend. »… I guess. Thanks.«

»You're very welcome, that was the least I could've done. And I'm really sorry for what happened with La-«

»Don't talk about that here, no one knows«, Jen interrupted.

»Okay. How's she holding up?«, Rose whispered to make sure no one could her whom she was talking about.

»She's doing okay. She's the strongest woman I know«, Jen said and tried to sound not too much in love if this was actually possible.

»I think you're the strong one. Watching the person you love suffer like that. Must be really tough.«

»…yeah.«

»I'm here if you need help.«

Rose meant well and in the future maybe Jen could use someone to talk to, but not now. »Yeah thanks, uhm, I don't know about you but I'm starving.«

»Me too.«

»Come, let's get dinner«, Jen said and started walking towards the table where Lana had saved a chair for her.

»I missed you, Mozza«, Rose said right when Jen was about to sit down.

»Don't push it.«

Rose laughed and made her way towards her chair.

The only two good things that came out of this show were that Jen had found the love of her life and also friends she did not want to miss. That was why she could never regret signing. On nights like these, when they were all sitting together, eating and drinking and chatting about everything and everyone, it showed her how grateful she was to have them all in her life. Colin could have hated and blamed her for the threats and hate they had gotten for years, but instead he decided not to. Ginny could have told the office about Lana and her, it was fairly easy for her to find proof, but she chose not to. Lana could have hated Jen, but instead she fell in love with her. So no, Jen was not sorry for playing Emma Swan. Not even in the slightest, but she had accepted that this was over now. The people she had met would stay in her life though, hopefully forever.