Disclaimer: Anything you recognize? Doesn't belong to me.
Spoilers: Eh, no.
Pairings: All worked out for plot purposes.
Summary: Are you prepared to face all of the consequences for the choices that you've made?
Notes: Nothing that hasn't been said before..please R & R.
Thank yous for all the reviewers on the last chapter. Review responses follow the actual chapter.
Chapter Twenty Four: Cause for Forgiveness
By the time the water shut off upstairs, the tears had stopped flowing. And whether it was due to the fact that she finally pulled it together or if she just couldn't cry anymore; Lita didn't exactly know. All she did know was that, John was highly pissed off, Randy had left in a huff..and she had herself to blame. She could have just told John the truth last night when he had called, she also could've grown a spine at the airport and told Randy to stay at the hotel. But, for whatever reasons she couldn't put her finger on now; she hadn't. And now she felt the same overwhelming feeling of nervousness that she had felt the night she had told Randy. Which, as the redhead thought back on things, was the starting point of this beautiful disaster called her life. But, instead of berating herself further; she settled on the couch; hazel orbs staring dully ahead until she heard footsteps on the stairs. And perhaps it shouldn't have surprised her when John settled on a chair instead of joining her on the couch; but the former Diva really couldn't blame him. All the same, the two sat in silence for a moment; one processing what had just occured while the other did the same.
John leaned forwards, resting his forearms on his thighs. "First things first...I owe you an apology." He stated quietly, and his voice was calm..almost too calm.
Lita blinked, "You don't--"
"For what I did earlier?" John interuppted, "I don't wanna hurt you like that, I wasn't raised like that..and I'm sorry."
Lita shrugged it off, tucking her legs beneath her. "I've taken worse from my days in the ring."
John's shoulders lifted ever so slightly, "That's the only thing I'm apologizing for..that punk ass is lucky." His jaw tightened a moment, "If it hadn't been for you..I woulda liked to have sent him outta here on a stretcher."
The redhead merely nodded, "Alright.."
"I have some questions for you," He bridged his hands together, resting his chin on them. "An I want answers..hell, we ain't leavin' this house until I get my answers."
The former Diva nodded again, a strand of hair tucked behind her ear. "Go ahead then."
John squared his shoulders, intense blue eyes focusing on a spot across from him. "When I called you..he was here..I already knew that, but why couldn't you tell me he was sleeping here?"
"Because I know how you would've reacted.." Lita started quietly, "You would've jumped to conclusions and--"
"Given what you said to me?"
"Right before you hung up." She reminded crisply. "Or do you not remember that?"
"Back up and don't make me the bad guy here." John's eyes locked on her for a moment. "What was I supposed to say, huh? Findin' out that your ex, someone that used to be my friend..is at my house?"
Lita sighed, "I'm sorry alright? I know I should've just told you then, and I don't know why I didn't."
John snorted indifferently, "I'm not buyin' that."
"Alright," Lita's hand fisted in the hem of her shirt. "I do know why I didn't tell you..I didn't tell you because I knew you would blow things out of proportion. I knew you would think that he and I slept together..which we didn't..and I knew that you would act like this."
"So you're sayin'..you didn't tell me, because you didn't want to hurt me?" John shook his head, "It woulda been better hearing it from you, than seeing it."
"Then what more do you want me to say?" Lita shook her head, a soft sigh escaping. "You wanted the answer, you have your answer."
He frowned, wanting to find out more but he had more pressing issues to get to. "You say you did this for Katie..how am I supposed to know that you ain't just usin' Katie as an excuse."
Lita's jaw clenched for a moment, "I did do this for Katie..Katie wanted him to stay, Katie asked him to move in for God's sakes. She's four years old and absolutely infatuated with him."
"Why?"
Lita tossed up her hands helplessly, "How the hell should I know?"
"Have you told her?" John questioned then, a brow raising at the woman he thought he knew so well. "Does she know that he's her father?"
The former Diva's head shook in the negative, "I'd rather wait.."
"Then how much has changed," He questioned almost quietly. "Two weeks ago, you would've said no..regardless if Katie really wanted him to stay...so what changed?"
Lita raised a brow, questioning hazel orbs turning to Cena. "Say what?"
"You heard me."
Lita paused for a moment, turning fully to face him. "Katie--"
"I'm not askin' about Katie." John raised a brow, blue eyes locking with hazel. "I'm askin' about you. What's changed with you?"
"Nothing's changed John.."
"Don't play dumb with me," John shook his head, raking his hands over his hair. "Before he got here, you were still havin' regrets about him bein' here. How did you go from that to invitin' him to stay the night?"
Lita's lips pressed together, her shoulders rising and falling with the intake of breath. "I never expected for Randy to really want to be a part of Katie's life. And maybe it was foolish of me to think that, but I honestly thought he wouldn't want to know her..but after seeing the way he is around her, the way she is around him." The redhead clasped her hands together, "I started thinking different."
A moment of silence passed between them, John holding her gaze; his eyes seemingly disecting her words for signs of any falsehood. And while John wanted to believe her, there was just something different with the redheaded woman sitting opposite the room from him. Something that he couldn't quite figure out yet, but he was determined to find out. Whatever the case, they remained like that for a minute longer..neither breaking the silent staredown.
xxx
John sat back in the chair, intently watching the redhead's movements. He knew her well enough to look for certain indications that there was even the slightest bit of a lie beneath her carefully chosen words. He also knew her well enough that, she wasn't the type to directly answer any question..she masked it..sugar coated it to some extent, but he had learned to pick past the guarded bullshit. Only this time, he wasn't quite sure..her reply was vague, but not too vague so that he would say she was lying to him. However, rather than thinking further on that; Cena moved on to the next of many questions.
"Saturday night..when I called." Cena began, making sure the redhead was paying attention. "Katie said you were on a cruise..then when I called later, Dawn said you were still out. Where were you?"
"Saturday was a parent's night out..Randy and I got invited when we chaperoned for the field trip." Lita swallowed thickly, licking her lips then. "The reason I wasn't there the second time you called, is 'cos Randy had an allergic reaction to something he ate..he had to go to the hospital, so I went with him."
John nodded slowly, "Did he stay overnight?"
Lita's forehead furrowed in confusion, "It's standard procedure.."
"Did you stay with him?"
Lita's head ducked momentairly, "Yes.."
"I see.."
The redhead let out a low sigh, "I would've done that for anyone if they asked."
John snorted, "Yeah..I'm sure you would've."
Lita narrowed her eyes, but reminded herself that John had every right to be angry right now..and thus she chose her words carefully. "Are you saying you wouldn't?"
"I would for almost anyone," John admitted then, "'Cept him."
Lita rolled her eyes at that, "That's a bit much, don't you think?"
John raised a brow, "Where it concerns him..no. An' I can bet he would say the same if the situation was reversed."
"You don't know that John."
"An I don't care either." John rolled his shoulders, leaning forwards once more. "But that ain't the point..why did you stay with him? He's a grown man...I think anyway..an' he's perfectly fine on his own."
A wry smile crossed the former Diva's face. They were both acting like children..fighting over the same toy. "I stayed because--"
"Did he ask?"
Lita blinked, "Why does it really matter?"
He raised a brow, "You shouldn't have to ask that."
Lita twisted a strand of hair around her finger, "Yeah..he asked.."
"So if he had asked you to..I dunno..stay with him at the hotel.."
"John please," Lita untucked her legs, stretching them gingerly. "Those are two entirely different situations."
"Fair enough then.."
Lita sighed, "Ya know..despite what you may think, he and I did not sleep together."
"I never--"
"Bullshit John." Lita let out a short breath, "I can see it in your eyes..how can you honestly think I would do something like that?"
John raised a brow, "Maybe because you were never home, maybe because all of your free time was spent with him..alone..what the hell am I supposed to think?"
Lita buried her face in her hands, "You make it sound like I would purposely sleep with him..and I wouldn't! I can tell you that, I would not put myself in that type of situation."
"Alright," John held up his hands in defense, readily dropping that subject. "So..that brings me to my next question."
Lita waved a hand, "Go ahead.."
"He said I didn't know about your past with him." John shrugged a touch, leaning back in the chair once more. "I'll admit, I never really knew that much..soo.."
Lita blinked disbelivingly, "Why the sudden interest in something that died four years ago?"
"Cuz you're gettin' all defensive." John stated shortly. "So, what was your past like?"
Lita's shoulders lifted momentairly, a thick silence falling over them once more. She wasn't exactly sure where to start..nor if she really wanted to delve into the past right now. But then, she had answered most of Randy's questions over the past few days..so the least she could do now, was return that same favor to John. Given, they weren't exactly the same questions, but they did carry the same weight. All the same, the minutes ticked on, John growing impatient as Lita took her time to answer the question.
xxx
Lita opened her mouth, willing the words to escape..but they wouldn't just yet. Her mind raced through the times that John had been there..and ironically enough, they were all from times that she and Randy had hit one of their more hellish moments. John hadn't been there from the very beginning..and when she thought about it, not many people had. In fact, five people had been privy to the information when she and Randy had started dating. Victoria, Tyson Tomko, Dawn, Jeff and Matt Hardy. And even as the relationship progressed, she and Randy had done everything possible to keep it under wraps. She wasn't exactly sure why they had done so at the time..but that didn't matter now anyway.
"Randy and I.." Lita began then, her breath catching for a moment. "Randy and I started dating a month after I was cleared to return to the roster. I wasn't back in the ring, but I did start traveling with the roster again, doing appearances..stuff like that..And for the longest time, we tried our best to keep it quiet."
"Why?"
The redhead's shoulders lifted marginally, "He was with Evolution at the time..and Triple H and I have never seen eye to eye. It wasn't like he could just up and say, oh I can't go with you this weekend, I'm spending time with my girlfriend.."
Cena shrugged, "Understandable I guess.."
Lita nodded shortly, "By the time though, that you and Dawn started hanging out with us more..we were more comfortable in our relationship..not so much to the extent that I wanted to go completely public with it, but at least more comfortable."
Confusion etched on John's features. "So why were y'all fightin' so much?"
Lita frowned, chewing on her lower lip in thought. "We wanted different things I guess..he was ready to really move on in our relationship..I still had my doubts."
"Okay..so.."
"The night up at the lake..you remember that right?"
Cena bristled, "How can I forget..you were a mess and--"
"Before I got there, Randy and I had gotten into this fight..I can't remember why, all I remember is we fought." The former Diva's eyes fluttered shut then, Lita drawing in a breath before she continued. "I walked out so I could call Dawn and let her know we were on our way..or that at least I would be...and by the time I got back up there, Stacy was in the room."
"Yeah..I remember you sayin' that.."
"I jumped to conclusions..he tried to explain, I didn't want to hear anything of it..so I left." Her shoulders lifted again, hazel orbs opening then, a sigh escaping her. "You know the rest."
"An' when he got there.."
"He told me that he didn't do anything with Stacy." Lita stated quietly, her legs drawing up on the couch. "And that all I had to do was just look at him and I would know that."
"How were you so sure though?"
Lita paused a moment, drawing her knees to her chest. "Because he loved me..because I loved him..that and he drove all the way from the hotel to the cabin, drunk off his ass."
"And that means somethin' because.."
Lita rested her chin on her knee's. "He wasn't as reckless and rash as people thought..I mean he had some sense..and enough sense to not behind the wheel that drunk. But, all that was on his mind was setting things straight."
John nodded slowly, hearing this story from Lita's point of view put a different perspective on things. "So..why did you two break up?"
"John I--"
"Li..please," John waited until she met his gaze. "I need to know."
"After the weekend at the lake..I found out I was pregnant. Randy and I had talked about moving in together, but we never really talked in length about our future. At times I didn't know if we had much of a future to plan but.." She trailed off, the former Diva squelching down the rising bundle of emotions. "We ended up breaking up almost two weeks later..I left the WWE and you know what happened after that.."
John raised a brow, puzzled blue eyes holding her gaze. "Did he break up with you?"
The former Diva's head shook in the negative, "I ended things actually.."
John slowly nodded, "Did he know?"
"No," came the quiet reply, the redhead turning her face to rest her cheek on her knees. "He didn't know."
"Why didn't you tell him?"
A sad smile crossed her face, though John couldn't see it. "Because it made it easier to leave."
"So you ran away.."
The redhead's forhead came to rest on her knees then, her back rising and falling with a deep breath. "Yeah..I ran away..I didn't know what to do ..I didn't know what I wanted and--"
"Do you.." John licked his lips, preparing himself for her response. "Do you regret leaving him?"
The redhead's breath caught, a choked sigh escaping her. "I regret leaving without telling him everything and--"
"And?"
Lita lifted her head, bright hazel orbs locking with John's for a moment. "I can't change the past John.."
"So you do." He stated quietly, his head shaking a touch. "An' you walked into this house knowing that.."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize for that..havin' Katie around..havin' you around.." John shrugged, raking a hand over his hair. "It changed my I went from bein' this hard ass thug, who didn't give a damn..to bein' a family guy."
"I know.."
"At times I wonder..is it really the best thing for me?" He shrugged helplessly, "But then I decide I don't care..the two of you mean the world to me."
Lita nodded lightly, wondering exactly where this was going. "I.."
"I think you should move out."
Lita blinked, her body seemingly frozen on the couch at that moment. She hadn't expected that from John..nor did she want to hear it from him. It wasn't that she didn't think she was capable of raising Katie without him, just that..being in his house, was the one thing she had come to count on. It was, in a sense, the last remaining piece of stability. And she also realized that it was the last remaining piece that completely tied her to the past.
xxx
Another thick silence curtained the two, John's hands clenching and unclenching, Lita's eyes blinking rapidly. But this time, there was no tense staredown. Instead, John kept his gaze trained on his shoes while Lita kept her gaze trained on her hands. Moving out of this house, meant so many things that Lita couldn't even begin to process it. And not just to her, but to Katie. This house, after all, was the first home that Katie knew. To take that away from her..
"I'm not kickin' you out.." John stated first, "I could never do that to you...and I would never do that to you. You can stay here as long as you need ,but I really think you should move out."
Lita's brow furrowed in confusion. "Then why?"
"Over the next few weeks, months..whatever.." John started, swallowing thickly. "He's gonna be around a lot more..an' I really don't think I could take another repeat of this mornin'."
Lita nodded slowly, her mind still reeling. "I understand.."
"An' I think it's best for us."
Lita blinked then, "How is it best for us?"
"You're comin back to the WWE soon..that means we'll be around each other a lot more than we are now." John shrugged then, rubbing his palms on the chair. "I'm not sayin' I don't wanna be with you, 'cos I do Li..more than anythin', I want to be with you, I want there to be an us."
Lita slowly nodded, "I understand..I guess I could move back to Sanford..or down to Florida or--"
"You could stay in the area."
"That too." Lita sat back against the couch cushion, "I'll figure something out.."
"Li..don't get me wrong here, I love havin' you an' Katie around, but.."
"Please.." Lita lifted a hand, "Just don't..you're right in a sense..I think it would help us."
"But?"
"But, it'll just be hard." She stated quietly, "I've just gotten so used to things and.."
"That's why I think you should move out.." John moved from the chair then, waiting until he was kneeling by the couch. "You used to be this independent, carefree woman..and I know that woman is still in you."
"Yeah.."
"You can do this Li," A ghost of a smile crossed his face then, "It'll be hard..but you can do this."
"You know..I never really thought about that." Her shoulders lifted then, the redhead locking eyes with him. "I've become dependent on other people..in a good way, but still..the old me would've kicked and screamed."
"She's still in there Li." John rose then, sitting next to her. "You just gotta look for her."
She nodded, raking a hand through her hair. "Yeah..I just need to find a balance I guess."
John smiled softly, taking one of her hands in his. "I'll still be here..still be there beside you.."
"I know.." She smiled in turn, a tear escaping then. "The hardest part will be breaking the news to Katie."
"Tell me about it," John shook his head, "She ain't gonna take it well."
"No she won't but.." Lita shrugged then, tentatively resting her head on his shoulder. "It's something that has to be done."
He kissed her forehead, "I love you Li.."
Lita nodded, knowing deep down she couldn't return those feelings yet. "Speaking of Katie..I should probably go pick her up soon."
John squeezed her hand gently, "I'd come with ya..but I am dead tired."
Lita rolled her eyes, "It's alright.." She smiled a touch, brushing her lips across his cheek. "I'll be back soon."
"I'll be here."
She nodded shortly, rising from the couch then, waving over her shoulder as she exited the house. And no sooner had the door closed behind her, did John let out a sigh. He didn't really want Lita to leave..but at the same time, he had the feeling that their relationship wouldn't go anywhere if she stayed. Their relationship now was just a marginal transition from what it had been since she moved in. The only difference was, they held hands..they kissed..everything else was the same. They hadn't even gone on a date and they'd been together for almost two weeks. Had it been any other woman, he knew that the first and second date would've happened by now. Which was why he knew..that although it would take some time getting used to it..having Lita and Katie move out, would be the best for them in the long run.
Review Responses
randy-lover-4ever: Love triangles are something, that at first, I swore I would stay away from...now I remember why..lol. Thank you for the review!
NDA-91: Interesting suggestion..and if it were anybody aside from John, I might use it..but I think I'm tormenting him enough. Thank you for the review!
iaera: 'tis only the tip of the iceberg..a taste of things to come really. This was mild compared to what will go down. As for John's reaction, hypocritical..yes. But, Randy was being pretty patronizing. Thank you for the review!
CNIBWM: Will he kick Li and Katie out? Not really..Should he kick them out? If I was him, I would. lol. Thank you for the review!
Myth: Randy's just trying to get his life back....well not entirely true, but that's part of it. You are dead on with Lita not being able to face problems..instead of confronting them, she just makes it worse. But, soon enough, she'll face the consquences..as for everyone else, well that's why there's still a lot of plot left. Thank you for the review!
Latisha C: I don't think I've used that much profanity in a chapter either...hence why this story is rated R. Thank you for the review!
together: Well hm, if I was in John's shoes, I can't exactly say I would be thrilled. But, yeah (authoress makes note of the picture on her desk and the wallpaper on her computer; read: soft spot for Randy), I can see where you're coming from. Thank you for the review!