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Disclaimer- I do not own Glee, or it's characters.
Chapter 25- Sexy Secret
"Did you hear? Did you hear?" Kurt said, sitting down across from Blaine in the school cafeteria at lunch.
"If you mean the fact that someone smashed a hole in the TV in the common room, yes, I did hear. I can't say I'm particularly upset but it really does kinda suck-"
"No! No, not that. The coach from Aural Intensity had a nasty fall!"
Aural Intensity. Their competition at Regionals.
"Oh! Well… I don't really know whether or not to be happy about that…"
"You haven't even heard the best part yet."
"Oh? And what's that?"
"I heard coach Sylvester pushed him down the stairs."
Blaine gave Kurt a confused look.
"You know… the cheerleading coach from my school? The evil one? She had a segment on the news?"
"Oh! Right! She pushed him down the stairs?"
"Yes. And get this… she's taking over his spot."
"What? Can she do that?"
"Apparently she can. Regardless, she isn't very musical, so our competition at regionals has just gotten a little bit easier."
Blaine smiled to himself. They were definitely going to Nationals.
They had Warbler rehearsal at the end of that day to discuss possible songs and solos for Regionals. They hadn't really come up with anything, only that they needed to do something with a lot of "pop". They needed to really stick out.
After rehearsal, Kurt and Blaine went to grab coffees.
"Y'know, for a while there, I really thought that we were never going to talk again. I really hated being in a fight with you." Kurt said.
Blaine frowned. "I know. I'm sorry. But you know what? That's behind us. Much behind us."
Kurt looked away. "I… I have something to confess."
"Confess? What is it, Kurt?"
"I… I've been with a girl before. Brittany. Remember her from the party? I know exactly how you felt with Rachel, because I've felt it before… with Brittany. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and I really had no right to get so mad at you because I'd done the exact same thing…"
"Kurt, don't worry about it. I completely understand. I didn't have a right to get so angry. Really, we don't need to worry about that anymore."
Kurt smiled. "All right. Deal."
They were silent. Desperate to break the awkward, Kurt spoke.
"Don't you think it's time for the Warblers to do a Joan Armatrading medley?"
Blaine laughed. "Well I'm not so sure people know who that is."
A voice from behind them startled them.
"Well, well, if it isn't my sweet, sweet porcelain."
Blaine and Kurt spun around. Behind them was a tall, blonde woman. Blaine recognized her from Sue's Corner on TV. It was Kurt's school's cheerleading coach.
"Coach Sylvester." Kurt gave an unpleasant smile. "What are you doing here."
It wasn't even a question. It was more of a "get the hell out of here".
"Just picking up some coffee. I like my enemas piping hot." She snickered. "Actually, boys, I heard that this was a Dalton Academy hang out, and I come in a spirit of fellowship. As you no doubt have heard, I've taken over for the coach of Aural Intensity."
"We heard you pushed him down the stairs."
"No, you can't prove that."
Blaine gave a confused look to Kurt.
"This is sort of how she talks." Kurt explained.
"So… I happen to have some top secret Intel." She smiled to herself.
"Oh yeah? What is it?"
"Just buy your coffee, Porcelain."
They were at the front of the line, and Blaine and Kurt both ordered their coffees. Then Sue ordered hers. While she was filling her cup with sweetener, she turned around to face Kurt and Blaine again. "New Directions… are getting sexy. And the key to Regionals is out-sexying them. And I suspect the judges are scoring extra for it this year."
Sue was filling her glass with all sorts of stuff, including vinegar. Blaine found it hard to listen to what she was saying.
"So, Porcelain, quid pro quo… what do you have for me?"
Kurt gave her a disgusted look.
"I'm sorry, coach, but you and I are not in cahoots."
"Thought you'd nailed that down before I gave you my top secret Intel." She picked up a lid and put it on her coffee. Or whatever it was now. "Porcelain, you just made a powerful enema." She walked off.
Blaine was shocked. Then he realized what the coach had said.
"We gotta hold and emergency meeting."
Kurt came back to reality. "Why?"
"Weren't you listening? The judges at Regionals have an eye out for something new, which means the Warblers gotta do something 'sexified'."
Kurt shook his head. "I can't believe it."
"Can't believe what? That we're gonna get a great head start on this performance?"
"No, it's just… I've never been… never mind."
Kurt headed towards the door.
Blaine followed. "What? Never what?"
Kurt turned around. "I've never been that great at… being 'sexy', I guess."
Blaine laughed. "C'mon Kurt. Let's go hold the meeting."
"Alright, Warblers, thank you all for coming." Blaine was standing in the Senior Commons, surrounded by the Warblers.
"Yeah, why are we here?" Jeff asked.
"Well… Kurt and I were out getting coffee, and we got some… top secret info for Regionals."
"What?" Wes shook his head. "How can we know this can be trusted?"
Blaine explained everything, with Sue and the coffee shop. Kurt helped confirm the story.
"We've never done anything… 'sexy' before. Ever." David said nervously.
"That's why I had the perfect plan. We should invite some girls down to the abandoned warehouse behind Dalton, and we could perform our sexiest song for them. See what they think. No one is going to know sexy better than a bunch of teenage girls."
Wes looked doubtful. "It will never work. The Warblers just aren't 'sexy'. Besides, we don't even have a song."
"Animal. By Neon Trees."
David's face lit up. "I love that song!"
"And we'll sing it as a duet. Kurt and I already know all the lyrics, all we need to do now is practice with you guys. So… what do you say?"
Wes sighed. "Alright. Alright. When would this be?"
"Well, tomorrow, or Wednesday."
"And what girls?"
"I was thinking you and David could invite your girlfriends, and a few more girls… it would work best."
"Alright Warblers… let's get sexy!"
"I can't believe we're doing this." Kurt said, as Blaine, him, and the rest of the Warblers set up the warehouse before the girls arrived. They were putting a bubble machine in to add extra effect. David had had the machine from a party he held years back, and he never had a use for it. Now they could cover the girls in bubbles. It was going to be so much fun.
A few minutes later, they heard giggling. The girls came in chatting to each other and looking around excitedly. There were at least ten of them.
Blaine cued the Warblers to get into position. He started to welcome the girls.
"I would like to welcome the ladies of our sister school Crawford Country Day. As you know, the Warblers are competing in our show choir's Regional competition next week. So, what we're going for here today, ladies, is something a little… a little sexy. But we need your input. Are we scream-worthy? Do we make your knees turn to jelly? So without further ado—hang on to your bobby socks, girls— 'cause we're about to rock your world."
The girls laughed. The Warblers started singing. They ran up onto the mountain of risers they had set up. Blaine went to the top.
Here we are again, I feel the chemicals kicking in…
Kurt jumped up in front. His face lit up in excitement.
I do it every time, you're killing me now…
The way he said "killing me now" almost sent Blaine over the edge. He kind of growled it, and Blaine could feel his legs turning to jelly. But then Kurt started making really ridiculous faces. He kept singing.
Oh, oh, I want some more…
They danced. They sung. And Kurt started making weird faces again. Was he constipated or what?
What are you waiting for, what are you waiting for…
Blaine and Kurt ran over to the bubble machine. They turned it on as the rest of the Warblers surrounded the girls and danced. Bubbles flew everywhere.
Kurt and Blaine ran down to join the mob of beach balls, bubbles, girls, and Warblers, all singing and dancing and screaming.
Say goodbye to my heart tonight…
The song ended and the girls screamed and cheered.
The Warblers and most of the girls left the warehouse, Wes and David both with their arm around their girlfriend.
Two girls came up to Blaine. They smiled and held out little pieces of paper.
"Call us," One girl said, smiling seductively.
Blaine took the papers and thought it over. No, he was not going through that again. "Sweet, but… not on your team." He winked and turned to walk away, as the girls got an annoyed look on their face. Blaine almost laughed.
He looked over at Kurt, who was sitting on a riser combing his hair. He had a towel over his shoulders.
Blaine walked over to him. "Are you okay? You kept making those weird faces the whole song…"
Kurt looked up, surprised. "Those weren't weird faces, those were my sexy faces."
Blaine almost burst out laughing. That was embarrassing.
"It just looked like you were having… gas pains or something…"
Kurt nodded his head. "Great. How are we supposed to get on the stage at Regionals and sell sexy to the judges when I have as much sexual appeal and knowledge as a… baby penguin."
"We'll figure something out."
Kurt nodded. "Right. Okay. Well I have to go back to Lima tomorrow after school so we can't do it then. I'm gonna look ridiculous forever."
"Lima? Why?"
"I need to go back and pick up some more moisturizer. I ran out and I have some more back in Lima. I'd go back tonight but it would get way too late."
"Well… let me come with you. Maybe we can work on your… problem."
Kurt laughed. "Right. Okay. Let's go join the Warblers again."
He got up and walked out.
To be continued...
Next chapter: Inexperience