Author's Note: Hey guys! As requested, this is the tale of the Banishment of Bilbo Baggins from Rohan. It was an interesting tale to write, so I hope you all like it!

Anywho, time for reviews!

Wraven: Thanks! And I hope you like it!

TheBugSlayer: Thanks! I hope you like this too!

Katari Michelos: That's something that will forever scare me after writing that chapter. Can you just imagine the poor people of Middle Earth after hearing about the hobbits?

Nuka: From me: Don't worry, Lothlórien is coming! As is Isengard!

From Lord Elrond: I happen to like pumpkin pie thank you very much, and YOU SHALL NEVER TAKE THE MOOSE FROM ME! YOU SHOULD JUST GIVE UP NOW! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA! (see, I've been practicing)

Now….ONWARD!

News Flash: No dwarf sightings as of right now.

But, for other news, the soldiers in Gondor picked up a battered Thranduil. Apparently he came through the secret pass out of Mordor and wandered all the way to Ithilien. The soldiers have sent out a notice for someone to come claim him (we're not going to pick him up. Someone else can). How in Valar's name did he end up all the way over there anyways?

Furthermore, Elrond still has the moose (and he's not going to give it back, even if Thranduil comes for it)

And Kili is still AWOL and MIA. The elves miss Kili. The mafia wants Kili to take the moose away from Elrond so that he'll be sane again.

Now, without further ado, Lord Elrond would like to present a little something he came up with.

The Banishment of Bilbo Baggins from Rohan

By Lord Elrond (commentary in bold by Grima Wormtongue)

Once, there was harmless little…

Harmless and little?! You ()$* )(*# *& little ()$*A )(*$)( *!

Ignore him *ahem* as I said, a harmless little man called Wormtongue….what a weird name.

GRIMA! ITS GRIMA YOU IDIOT!

Well it is a weird name. Anywho, well this harmless little man had somehow worked his way up the ladder of society despite his revolting taste in clothes and shampoo

My clothes are very nice thank you very much! And what's wrong with my shampoo?

It makes your hair look very greasy. The mafia can get you some very nice shampoo that will make your locks as long, beautiful and flowing as yours truly *flips hair around gracefully*.

Anywho, said harmless little man with greasy hair was now the advisor of the Théoden King of Rohan. But…DUN DUN DUUUUUH, this harmless little greasy haired man was a TRAITOR! He was actually serving the falling wizard Saruman! (Otherwise known as Saruman, the hairless majestic wanabee wizard; or more fondly named, Saruman the bald.)

THAT IS NOT TRUE YOU )a$* #(*$)( *$a) (*$! IT IS SARUMAN OF MANY COLORS!

Whatever. And since this man was a traitor, it is true that he poisoned the King's mind and "took over" rule of Rohan. And don't deny it, you were basically in charge.

…..

Good, so anywho, no one like this man. The traitorous harmless little greasy haired man. But that's not really relevant at the moment.

Then why'd you say it you $*&$(*#&*$(#&( idiot?

*shrugs, trying to hide a smirk* felt like it. Anywho, all was well with the world, and then…..

THEY SHOW'D UP!

Excuse me that was my line. *Ahem*….THEY CAME TO TOWN!

None other than our beloved company. DUN DUN DUUUUUH. And do you know who was with them? Our beloved burglar, Bilbo Baggins.

Sauron himself in a hobbit disguise.

Whatever you say. Anywho, Bilbo came to wreak havoc in Rohan. When Wormtongue…

GRIMA!

As I said, Wormtongue learned of mess Bilbo was creating, he had him brought forward to threaten….

KINDLY ASK HIM

*ahem*, threatened him with banishment if he did not refrain from wreaking havoc. Well, actually that's just what he said. In reality, he was actually afraid that Bilbo would somehow mess up his rule over Rohan. Yep. You heard me, he was afraid of Bilbo Baggins, that little hobbit!

You're scared of him too!

That is not relevant at this time. What matters is you were scared of him. So anywho, Wormtongue threatened with banishment if he dared to mess with his rule over Rohan. Bilbo was like heck no, ain't nobody got time for dat and paid Wormtongue no mind. Actually, it probably would've been better if he hadn't called him over at all…

Now you tell me.

Well we didn't know where the dwarves were. If you had told us they were in Rohan sooner we could have stopped any of this from happening. Anywho, here's the rundown of what happened:

You know how Bofur sang a song praising the unmajesticness of Denethor? Well Bilbo wrote a similar song for Wormtongue. I believe it was entitled "Ode to the Greasy One".

You didn't have to say that.

It's part of the story. Shut up.

Anywho, it was called "Ode to the Greasy One", and it praised the greasiness of Wormtongue's hair, how harmless he was, and how all around he's just a really creepy person.

Truly, it was a masterpiece.

THAT I WILL BURN!

You do that and you'll have all of Middle Earth on your doorstep crying for your head. You destroy the masterpiece, and Bilbo Baggins comes for you.

Anywho, on that happy note, Master Baggins did not stop there. Oh no, he was far from done. After he sang the "Ode to the Greasy One," he commissioned a first class portrait from Ori of Wormtongue running away from a rabbit, screaming at the top of his lungs.

It could've been a rabid rabbit from the cave of Caerbannog.

Well we'll never know now will we? Anywho, the title of this picture was: "The Esteemed Greasy One Dueling the Foul Beast." ….That was your idea of a foul beast?

THIS NEVER HAPPENED! I NEVER DID THAT!

Geeze, you're more of a sissy than I thought. Anywho it didn't stop there either. Of course it didn't. He didn't just have this picture done, he put up copies of it all over Rohan. He even sent a copy to Saruman and Sauron! Now wasn't that kind of him?

Shut up and finish the story. If I can't stop you, at least it can be over quickly.

And you think that's the cherry on top, you're not even close! To top it all off, Bilbo pulled a classic Bilbo retaliation.

He stole all of Wormtongue's clothes…and burned them.

He proceeded to replace these clothes with the EXTREME pink frilly dress (it's horrendous to look at. It's so pink, and fluffy, and frilly and it's GOT BOWS EVERYWHERE! Glorfindel had a heart attack just looking at it. Gollum was traumatized)

You still haven't found a cure for that? I mean come on, you're Lord

Shush! *smacks him upside the head* no interrupting! Now, where was I? Oh yes!

He took all of his bath oils and such.

He proceeded to replace said bath oils and such with mud and grime.

While he was asleep, Bilbo stole Ori's writing things and tattooed flowers and hearts and smiley faces and all that good stuff! (I believe he had a unicorn done on his stomach) Is that true?

No.

It probably is.

And while he was asleep, he braided all his greasy hair into pretty intricate braids that only a she dwarf would where (Apparently it took Bilbo forever to wash all the grease from his hands.)

And you know what day it was? When he did this? It was Rohan's Day. The Day where there's a giant celebration and the King and Company parade through Edoras so the whole town could see.

That was the most humiliating moment in my life. And you know what's EVEN WORSE?

I bet. And what?

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ROHAN DAY!

Thought as much, don't know how Bilbo managed to pull it off but he did. I really ought to congratulate him on such a job well *oohmph*

*ruckus ensues*

And long story short, Bilbo was banished from Rohan, never to be seen again. Okay thanks for coming everyone, goodbye! And if you see Bilbo, hold him down till the mafia gets there!

*Elrond rips Wormtongue away from the paper screaming he wasn't finished yet. But, needless to say, the paper had already been sent off to be published. Much chaos ensued (mainly Elrond smacking Wormtongue upside the head with a long stick)*

THE END