Thanks to all those giving this story a chance!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
This is unbeta'd and not pre-read by anyone. All mistakes are my own.
MA: This story will have explicit and lemony scenes. If boy x boy relations offend you please don't read any further.
*****iwtfy*****
And now I've run out of time. I'd promised myself I'd tell him the truth the next time I saw him in person. This was going to be an interesting lunch.
I ran my hands through my hair and tugged.
Fucking hell.
"Mom," I whispered into to the dark room.
When I didn't get an answer I tried again a little louder.
"Mom."
"Ed? What is it?"
The room darkening blinds my dad had installed worked like magic to keep out any sunlight and I still couldn't see into the room. Light was flooding in from the door behind me but it didn't reach as far as Mom's bed.
"It's Edward, Dad's not here. I thought I'd wake you because Emmett will be here soon."
"Em? Here? What's going on?"
Nothing is 'going on' except for the fact that I look like I've run into a wall and your favorite son is overly concerned because he knows you probably don't give a fuck.
"He had a day off and he's coming to visit. Get up; he's taking us to lunch in half an hour."
"Oh I can't." Her voice sounded raspy with sleep. "I can't go out today, I've got a migraine. Emmett will understand. Tell him I'll make a trip to see him next week."
I snorted. My mom still had her license and drove occasionally, but I'd never seen her drive further than the grocery store.
She hadn't always been this way. She used to visit Aunt Maggie in B.C. every summer, driving for six days by herself. She continued the tradition with Emmett after he was born. Our photo albums were full of pictures of Emmett in his car seat with different landscapes showing through the window beside him, recording their trip as they crossed the country. She stopped making the annual journey eighteen years ago, right about the same time our photo albums stopped being updated.
As I stepped further into the room the anger in my belly should have been a signal that I was headed in the wrong direction. Why couldn't she at least try for once?
"Mom! Emmett never comes to visit. You haven't seen him for over six months. Take some medicine and get dressed," I demanded with exasperation.
"Honey, I can't," she moaned, her voice filled with self-pity and a plea for understanding. It didn't work on me anymore, I only felt disgust. "Your brother wouldn't want to see me like this anyway. I promise! I'll drive up to see him soon."
My eyes had adjusted enough in the low light that I could make out her head sticking out from under the blanket. Her hair was limp and lifeless, much like her whole personality. When she pulled the blanket up higher to hide her face I felt like ripping it off her.
Sadistically, I moved toward her windows and pulled the blinds open to let in the sun. When she didn't complain and only further buried herself deeper in her blankets I realized it was futile. With the air conditioning cranked the way Dad liked it Mom was perfectly comfortable sleeping under multiple layers.
I took a deep breath and any further thoughts of torture slowly passed. Taking a step back I buried my anger and paused as I reached the door. I couldn't help but make one final jab.
"You aren't fooling anyone. You need help and it's not fair that you don't try."
I shut the door before she could respond.
Not that she would have anyway.
I'd known it wasn't likely that she'd pull herself out of bed and join us for lunch, but I'd had to try. I hated how negative Emmett got when it came to Mom and I'd hoped to maybe to prove him wrong. Defending her always left a bitter taste in my mouth, yet when I didn't I felt guilty afterward. My brother never understood how it made me feel because his conscience was clear. It was my fault after all, that she was depressed in the first place.
*****iwtfy*****
When the front door crashed open announcing my brother's arrival, I was lying in my bed fighting my rising apprehension over what this afternoon could bring.
"Hey bro, where ya at?" Emmett's voice bellowed through our small house and I cringed.
It wasn't often I didn't look forward to seeing my brother. In fact, this might have been a first.
"Coming," I yelled out weakly as pulled myself out of bed to take one last look in the mirror.
Yup, it looks worse today than it did last night.
I grabbed my wallet and keys and left my room; prepared to expect an outburst as soon as he saw me. I stepped into view with a slow step forward.
"'Bout time Edward. I want to stop by the track cafeteria before we go out to eat and I'm starving" Emmett complained.
Emmett was always starving. My eating habits were unusual, but Emmett's were legendary.
When I'd entered the kitchen I'd noticed without surprise that he was hunched over and perusing our fridge. The short reprieve that was offered with this distraction gave me the opportunity to inhale a last deep calming breath as I prepared my shaky nerves for his reaction.
"Why do we have to go to the track?" I asked.
There was no way I was going to walk into the cafeteria where Jasper and Rosalie were likely eating. If I had to, I'd stay in Emmett's truck and wait.
Emmett turned, stood up to his full height of six-four, and studied my face. I waited, holding my breath for the explosion I fully expected to hear.
"So… finally I can be called the 'pretty one'," he smirked.
Huh? If he can make a joke that's good, right?
Emmett's grin disappeared.
Uh-oh.
"Who did this to you kid?"
"It's not as bad as it looks and it was really my fault." I needed to get in my story before he took off to hurt someone. "I knew what I was doing. I deserved what I got."
With narrowed eyes and a bunching of his shoulders Emmett stepped toward me. Knowing his anger wasn't directed to me, I resisted moving backwards. His eyes bore holes into mine and his words came out slow as if he was having trouble vocalizing them.
"Did he do this to you?"
Who? Did he think Jasper did this to me? Wait, he doesn't even know about Jasper…
"Who?" I asked, curious as to who Emmett was referring to.
Emmett closed his eyes as if to gather strength before he responded to my question.
"Dad," Emmett answered.
Oh. Fuck.
My father and I have always had a contentious relationship. As we grew up Emmett was clearly his preferred son and I could do nothing right in his eyes. But, while Dad would often verbally berate me; he'd never lifted a hand to me.
"No!" I declared forcefully.
I heaved a sigh as I realized I was going to have to get into details I hadn't shared with anyone. It was embarrassing to admit that I'd acted so immaturely, especially when I often felt smug about how much more mature I thought I was as compared to my high school buddies. Clearly I wasn't as grown-up as I'd previously thought and it was going to be painful to own up to it.
"I was having a bad day and I went to Tony's and ended up sparring. I was stupid. I treated it like a real fight and the guy sparring with me let me have it. Carmine stopped it immediately, but the damage was already done. Honestly, it's not that big of a deal."
Emmett relaxed his grip and I could read relief in his expression. The anger though, hadn't completely subsided.
"Carmine should have known better. If we have enough time I think I should stop over and have a little chat with him. He should be taking better care of my baby brother."
I grimaced at the 'baby brother' reference. Is that all anyone ever saw? Still, I owed it to Carmine to keep him out of trouble. He should have banned me from the club for my behavior and I was grateful that all I'd gotten was a warning.
"He stepped in as soon as he realized what was happening. I was upset about something and I took it in the ring. I shouldn't have. I was being a moron. Like I said, I knew what I was doing and I deserved it."
With relief I could feel his anger start to dissipate and he reached into the bowl on the counter and grabbed up an apple. Watching him toss it from one hand to the other, I noticed his shoulders relax and some of his natural humor return to his eyes.
"Tony's eh? I didn't know you started going there."
"Yeah. I guess the place kind of grew on me."
"Huh. Well you'll have to tell me what else is new over lunch. I've missed my little brother; he doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore. You ready to go?" Without waiting for an answer he took a huge bite of the apple and headed out the front door.
Driving to the track I mulled over our interaction in the kitchen.
"Em?"
"Yeah?" Emmett responded between bites.
"Who told you about my face?"
His anger aside, I could tell he'd known about the damage by the way he'd examined my face the first time he looked at it. The surprise just wasn't there. I'd originally thought it was Dad, but I realized now that couldn't have been the case; unless he hadn't believed Dad's explanation of my fight at the beach.
"Heidi text me this morning."
"Heidi?"
"Yeah Heidi. You know, the assistant trainer for Eclipse. She and I have always been friends and she keeps me apprised of how you're doing. You haven't been calling me on the phone lately and when I ran into her a few weeks ago I asked her to keep a closer eye on you."
Friends. Emmett wasn't one to ignore the attention of a good-looking woman, so I was pretty sure I could assume they've been closer than friends on several occasions. Not wanting to delve any deeper into his relationship with Heidi or get into the reason why I haven't been calling, I resolved to change the direction of our conversation.
"Why do you need to stop at the track cafeteria?"
When Emmett didn't answer my question my curiosity was awakened. I turned to look at him and if I wasn't mistaken he actually looked like he was a bit embarrassed. Emmett's complexion was darker than mine so he didn't have an embarrassing flush like I did when he felt self-conscious; instead I had to look for other signs. For instance, the way his fingers were tapping on the steering wheel while no music was playing was one clue to his current discomfort.
"I met someone. I'm hoping to surprise her," he finally admitted.
"You met someone?" Someone from Forks?
I have to admit I don't know what I'd been expecting, but that wasn't it.
To say I was surprised would be downplaying my current emotion. Emmett had always played the field and never seemed interested in a relationship. He was married to his career. And, with the enormous city of Toronto to scour for single women, it was intriguing to hear he met someone from our small town that had piqued his interest.
"You have a girlfriend? From Forks?" I questioned. Possible love interests started flitting through my brain and I was curious if I would know her.
"No. Not exactly," he sighed. "I met a woman a few weeks ago at Woodbine. She was only visiting and she works at Forks. Since the cafeteria is usually busy this time a day I was thinking there might be a possibility of running into her."
This situation was certainly unexpected. Emmett had never had to chase after women and he certainly never showed this much interest in anyone before. Not only that, but he knew everyone at Forks. Why the sudden interest now?
"What's her name?" I must know her.
"I don't know," he admitted. "She wouldn't tell me."
It couldn't be someone who'd worked here last year because Emmett knew everyone. This girl must have really made an impression...
"What does she look like?" I was hopeful I would recognize her from a description.
We pulled into the track parking lot and parked not far from the spot where I'd parked with Jasper. My face flushed with the memory. Don't go there Edward.
Emmett turned off the truck and closed his eyes as if trying to picture her in his mind.
"She's the hottest woman I've ever met."
I choked back a laugh. Okay? Seriously Em, I'm gonna need more than that. This discussion is being to feel like I've entered the twilight zone.
"Edward," he opened his eyes and looked over at me with a completely sincere look; "I want to marry this woman."
Holy fuck!
"And you don't even know her name?" It was crazy, but I could kind of identify with him. I hadn't known Jasper's name while I'd obsessed about him for weeks.
"Nope. Don't need to. The minute I laid eyes on her I knew."
"Why didn't you ask her name or ask her out?" I was confused. Did Emmett see this girl from afar and lose the nerve to approach her?
"She uh," he stumbled through his words, "she wouldn't tell me. I don't think she liked me," he admitted with a slump of his shoulders.
I hated seeing this side of him. Emmett hadn't looked this defeated since he'd quit school.
"Maybe you came on a little strong. I mean, you did decide within seconds that she was your future wife. Maybe you scared her off." It seemed like a reasonable explanation.
"You think so?" Emmett asked pulling himself up again. "If I see her again I should play it cool?"
I was shocked and delighted that Emmett was asking me for relationship advice. I should mark the date on the calendar; I don't think it had ever happened before.
"Sure. How could any girl not like you? She didn't give you a chance."
Emmett's confidence bounced back and he hopped out of the truck with enthusiasm. I followed behind him trying to keep up. I hadn't planned to go to the cafeteria with him, but it was impossible to resist seeing how this turned out. Besides, according to Emmett, this might be my future sister-in-law. The idea, as improbable as it sounded, almost put a smile on my face. It was nice to focus on someone else's situation for once. It almost made me forget about Jasper.
We entered the cafeteria, me trailing a good five feet behind Emmett. I found his eagerness to find this girl endearing. Emmett had been a popular guy when he worked here and he so rarely had the time to visit that he was stopped and greeted by almost everyone he passed. Not wanting to get pulled into a conversation I overtook him and moved ahead, scanning the room for my favorite head of blonde hair.
As if he could feel my gaze upon him, Jasper lifted his head up and without having to look around his eyes met mine. For the first time in weeks he didn't immediately look away and my heart rate picked up its pace. The noisy din around me faded and I felt like we were the only two people in the room.
That is, until I felt someone casually sling an arm over my shoulder.
Jasper's eyes shot away from mine and looked at my brother standing next to me. I noticed them narrow and even with the distance between us I could feel the cool change in his demeanor.
Was he jealous?
I couldn't conceal how happy that possibility made me, and for the first time in weeks I felt a smile blossom across my lips.
Oh fuck – that hurts! I brought my hand up to my mouth realizing I must have split my lip again.
"I don't see her. Maybe I'll… what the hell bro, you're bleeding."
Emmett dropped his arm from my shoulder and moved quickly to the condiment table to grab a napkin. He returned and pushed it non-too-gently against my chin and lip.
Taking over and holding the napkin to my mouth I looked to Jasper's table. He wasn't there. His coffee and plate of poutine remained there unattended. My head swiveled around searching the crowded room for him.
"We aren't going to eat here, but give me a second to see if I can find out where she works," Emmett said distractedly as he moved away from me.
Uncertain of what I wanted to do, look for Jasper or stick with my brother, I froze when I heard a familiar whisper in my ear.
"It looks like he's okay with your news."
I turned to see Jasper standing very close to me. His expression was open and friendly. It felt like he was looking at me again for the first time and hope filled my chest, that is until I realized what he'd said.
I was disappointed that I'd misread his reaction earlier. If he knew it was Emmett it must not have been jealousy he'd felt.
"I haven't had the chance to tell him. How did you know he's my brother?"
"I didn't at first. But as I started walking over here I heard Emmett's name uttered enough that I put it together. Come outside with me for a minute? I need to talk to you."
Jasper put his hand on my forearm and tugged me toward the door. My skin tingled under his touch and there was no way I had any choice but to follow.
"Okay," I breathed out so quietly I doubt even Jasper could hear me.
When his hand dropped from my arm as he pushed open the door I mourned its loss. What excuse could I concoct to make him touch me again?
Jasper led the way to the side of the building and the exact spot where we had first spoken and I had offered him a job. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up. The hope that had been building up sunk down a few more inches and I couldn't conceal my disappointment. He must have noticed the look.
"I'm gonna quit again, but life's been a little stressful lately," Jasper justified.
"You don't have to explain anything to me. It's none of my business what you do," I responded bitterly.
He tapped some ashes away and then leaned against the tree behind him.
"E, I'm sorry if you don't like how I've been acting, but what did you imagine when we broke up? Did you expect us to suddenly be best buds and shoot baskets together or something?"
Or something… Fuck! Why am I being such a prick? I'm the one who broke it off.
"I thought we agreed to be friends."
Jasper looked thoughtfully at me. He let out a long puff of smoke that rose up in front of him.
"E, you're in high school. It would look a little strange if I started hanging around you and your buddies. I'm twenty-five; we have an eight-year gap between us. What kind of loser would I be if I hung out with a bunch of high schoolers? I'd be like Wooderson from Dazed and Confused."
I opened my mouth to protest but Jasper reached out and put a finger to my lips.
If my lips didn't feel so ripped apart I would have been tempted to stick out my tongue and lick it. His eyes darkened and he swiftly removed his finger.
Did he know what I'd been thinking?
My face reddened and the tips of my ears turned pink.
Jasper groaned, probably embarrassed he'd ever been involved with such a baby.
Fuck. Sometimes I act like such a girl.
"And frankly," he continued, "if we hung out alone, I'm… well... it wouldn't have worked." He turned away from me slightly and took another drag from his cigarette. "Are we good? You understand why things have to be the way they are?"
"Kind of," I grudgingly offered.
Without considering the outcome I blurted out my plan.
"I'm going to wait. For us. I mean," I stumbled through my explanation, "for you. I'm not going to be with anyone else. I want us to try again when I'm older. Maybe next year when I'm in university? I'm not asking for you to wait, but if you're not in a relationship at the time…?"
Suddenly I couldn't look at him.
Why did I fucking put myself out there? I must sound like a lovesick fool.
I should go back into the ring and get hit a few more times. Anything was better than leaving myself open like I had.
"Edward," Jasper sighed.
Oh fuck this is going to hurt.
"Sugar," he started over, "you can't put your life on hold. You're only seventeen. You have so much growing still to do. You have no idea what kind of man you'll be next year or even next month. I remember being your age and I'm so different now than I was then. There is no way someone I met at that age would still be the right person for me."
He can't know how I'm going to feel.
I rushed to make it clear even if it only made me more vulnerable.
"I'm sure of what I want. I won't change that much. I can't imagine any point of my life when I won't want you," I argued.
"Fuck!" Jasper exclaimed and rubbed his forehead as if I were giving him a headache.
I started to feel like maybe I'd made a mistake; this conversation was definitely not going the way I'd hoped.
"It might seem like that now, but I can't hold you to that. I'm flattered you want to pledge to wait, but I'm not accepting that promise. You're too young to close off all your opportunities. You need to get out there and experience what it's like to date. Find someone your own age, someone you can explore your sexuality with, someone that you can be open and free with."
"Not going to happen," I shook my head in protest.
He doesn't understand. I can't be with anyone but him.
He butted out his cigarette and as he's about to toss it into the grass he paused, I recognized the moment he remembered our first interaction in this very same spot. Changing his mind he palmed the butt instead.
Regardless of the audience we might have I wanted to wrap my arms around him.
I took a step closer.
I don't fucking care about hiding anymore.
With the tree behind him he couldn't move backward, but in a very obvious move to deter me he pulled out his lighter and pack of cigarettes again. He shook out another cigarette and quickly lit it. My heart stuttered as I realized he'd never said that he would want me in a year or two. Maybe he'd been trying to let me down easy.
Stupid idiot Edward.
Still, I couldn't resist reaching out to touch him.
"Hey Edward? You ready to go?" Emmett's voice called out from behind me causing me to drop my hand before it could reach Jasper.
I sighed in defeat and I could swear I heard Jasper mutter what sounded like 'thank the Lord'. Knowing my brother was getting close, I took one last look at Jasper's expression before I turned. He didn't meet my eyes, but his posture had relaxed and he looked bored.
I swallowed back bile as I fought to keep my expression neutral.
"Hey I'm Emmett Cullen," my brother greeted Jasper in a friendly tone and offered his hand to shake.
"Jasper Whitlock," Jasper responded as their hands met. I was instantly jealous of their contact. "I work with Edward."
"You work for Carlisle?" Emmett inquired with a raised eyebrow as they dropped their hands apart. He always wanted to know everyone's business around the track. "For how long?"
"Only for about a month. I'm only there part-time. My s…boss, my other boss has only a couple of horses so I split my time between the two stables."
"Well, nice to meet you Jasper. We have to head out. Not too often I get to town and I need some time with my favorite brother." He slung his arm over my shoulder and pulled me away from Jasper's presence. Emmett is never self-conscious about how he acts and never hesitates to hug me. It's almost like he wants to make up for the fact that our parents never do.
"See you in the morning Jay," I called out woodenly, trying to keep any emotion from seeping into my voice.
"Yup," Jasper replied.
I was quiet as we walked away. In a short span of a few minutes I'd managed to alienate Jasper even more and dash any hope I'd been holding onto of regaining our friendship.
After we'd walked several yards away and my brother's arm was starting to feel heavy on my shoulder Emmett finally broke the silence.
"I found her," Emmett gusted out with glee and squeezed my shoulder a little too hard before he let go.
I rubbed my shoulder and turned to look at him. His grin was so happy and excited that it hurt. It hadn't been that long ago that I'd felt that way. I wanted so fucking badly to feel that way again. Yet, even with an air of despair hanging over my future the suspense was killing me.
"Did you find out her name?"
"Naw, she still wouldn't tell me. But it was just my luck that she was sitting with Heidi and Heidi happened to mention that…hmm, I don't know what to call her? For now I'll call her Blondie. Heidi mentioned that Blondie is moving to Woodbine in a couple weeks! Apparently Blondie owns horses and trains them herself! Fuck that's hot! Anyway, while I was standing right there with them Heidi told Blondie that I was a stand-up-guy. Then she suggested to Blondie that she should go to me for any help once she's moved!" He rubbed his hands together in excitement. "This is turning out perfect!"
"Except she still won't tell you her name," I pointed out what I thought was an obvious flaw in his optimism.
"Sure," admitted Emmett. He either didn't notice or refused to acknowledge my unusual pessimism. "But she'll come around," he grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "I'm irresistible, right?
*****iwtfy*****
Would you believe I had this chapter written a week ago but something just didn't feel right? Anyway, after a few days without reading it I tackled it as if I were beta'ing it for a friend and lo and behold I changed a lot and added more. It went from 1,500 words to over 4,000. Better I waited, right?
Let me know what you think – I love hearing from you!
Next chapter will be more Emmett and Edward. I think Edward might have something he wants to tell his brother.
Thanks for reading!