I'd like to thank, I was in awe when I saw so many reviews come through haha!:
LeytonShipper - Thank you it always means a lot to here what my reviewers think.
Elena - good to know your enjoying it.
Guest - Thats for me to know and for you to find out.
Dinaaaaa - Thank you.
Guest - I know I feel like crying too haha.
PeytonLoverxx - Hope I didn't keep you waiting to long.
Jordana60 - I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter, I thought it would be good to see a different side of Karen and to fit more with the storyline of my fic. Thanks for reviewing.
Mufc87 - I'm glad to hear that you are happy with the way things are going and thank you.
Kb - Another Update.
LeytonTLA - Yes there will be a lot more angst and drama to come I promise.
To cry at sadness is strength, strength to see and engage with what is truly being seen and felt. To feel deep emotion is an open door, one ready to let any wanderer meet you as you truly are. To be happy is to feel the goodness that still lives on in the world, to share a spark of love and let it inside. To be angry is to know you are wounded, though the cause is rarely obvious. Emotions are what make us human, to be an emotional person thus is to embrace your humanity. They are the blessings of being part of the natural world, blessings with so much to teach the open heart and mind.
A heavy silence settled over them, thicker then the uneasy tension in the atmosphere. Unsettled eyes glanced unceremoniously around and tried to avoid catching other glances that passed by. The only sound being was her speeding heartbeat that seemed to now be thundering in her ears. She went to pick up the porcelain mug of hot chocolate that sat taunting her, the steam coming from it like a volcano ready to erupt. But soon changed her mind as a sense of nausea at the idea swept over her entirely causing her to exhale a deep breath. Thirty minutes, thirty minutes and ten seconds it had taken her to get everything out in the open, and now the three of them sat engulfed in an intense tranquility that threatened to make her lose her mind any second. How were they meant to decide how they moved forward from this? What now? they say god works in mysterious ways, you just can't know how mysterious those ways could be. She wondered what world history would look like if people had all understood their feelings better and could be honest with themselves. How many world leaders deceived themselves on their true motivations for war? How many said it was for God instead of greed and fear of the unknown? How many addressed their unwarranted feelings of superiority and their anxiety about how their subjects perceived them? Perhaps they had issues from childhood, pent up rage, an "inner child" who never felt loved? Should people feed their inner demons or inner angels? What kind of world do they want to hand down to future generations? A huge part of the solution lies in the understanding of the way humans like her feel, what triggers negative thoughts and how they avoid acting on them. What is the good of understanding the universe if people fail to understand ourselves?
She felt Lucas' calloused hand entwine with hers no doubt a silent gesture to make sure if she was ok. She squeezed his large hand plastering on a false warm smile as his icy eyes met hers, she was far from okay right now. She had pretty much been forced into telling Karen what happened it was either that or she forever in Karen' eyes be the no good crack whore who would jumped into bed with just about anyone for a line. 'Peyton I had no idea' she glanced over to a red eyed Karen who was staring at her intently pain etched on her features, much resembling the way Lucas was looking at her now. 'It's not your fault, it's no one's fault' she spoke almost inaudibly as she felt Lucas press a light kiss into her blonde spirals of curls. 'Can I do anything for you dear...anything' Karen' guilt was apparent and Peyton forced herself to look away as she declined mutely with a shake of her head. 'Actually I should probably get going...' she muttered as she got to her feet and in that same moment Karen and Lucas did the same. She knew that Lucas could see through her fallacious facade and knew that she hated talking about the rape. 'I'll drive you' she didn't have it in her to fight so just nodded, saying her goodbyes to Karen and walked out towards Lucas red jeep before climbing in and sitting in a deadly silence.
She was raised in love and peace, taught to show grace and forgiveness, but when your mind turns to you none of it is there. You knew what you were doing. She suffered and she drank it like a fine wine, becoming intoxicated on her own power. All I felt was bitterness at the fact that Karen had been so quick to practically jump down her throat about her past. How she had scolded the hell out of Lucas for getting her pregnant, how happy Lucas looked in that photograph with Brooke. With each passing second it grew like a tumor, pushing on the side of her that was serene, enveloping her in toxic darkness. She unaware that the car has already started moving and sits there in her own little world of resentment her head resting on her hand for support as she shut her glaucous eyes.
Suddenly there was a screech of the jeep tires and the car stopped abruptly, they couldn't be back at her house already. Her sage green eyes danced around her surroundings and she realized that unbeknownst to him they were pulled up right by the tree where it all happened where Sammy raped her, and were probably a good ten meters away from Brooke's house. 'Peyton talk to me baby...I know your upset about how things went back there' she barely hears what he says, like there's an incredible brick wall stopping him from getting through to her. The panic starts out as thin cellophane, something her fingers can pierce breathing holes in. In another minute the panic is a deluge of ice water surrounding every limb, creeping higher until it passes her mouth and nose. That's when the attack becomes absolute, shutting her body down as fast as punching a fucking biochemical reset button. An invisible hand is clasping over her mouth; an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline piercing her heart, unloading in an instant. She feels her ribs heaving as if bound by ropes, straining to inflate her lungs. Her head a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing her mind into blackness. She wants to get out and run; She needs to freeze. Sounds that were near feel far away, like she's no longer in the body that sits paralyzed in the passenger seat of Lucas' jeep...
'Peyt' she freezes like a monument frozen in time as his hand touches her shoulder, before shaking her head frantically. 'WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE!' she shrieked her voice breaking as tears broke free from her eyes. 'Baby' she winced as he touched her cheek before spinning wildly and trying to open the passenger door but her hands were shaking and sweating so much that it enabled her from doing it, her hands slipping right off. 'Peyt babe, calm down what's going on' the more questions he asked the more wore she became. WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE!' she repeated her voice cracking and then a scream tore through her like a great shard of glass, not like one of those women in some Tarantino movie being tortured, but worse. It had a raw quality, the realness of a person consumed by a pain that knew no end or limit. . She felt her eyes widen and pulse quicken, Her heart thudding like a rock rattling in box. The scream came again, desperate, terrified... human. The blood draining from her face. The door finally opened and before she was even aware of making a conscious decision her legs were pounding furiously on the grey slate concrete track, her ears straining for more sounds, more clues as to where it had come from.
'PEYTON!' She continued to run away from that place, away from that god forsaken tree...away from that godforsaken parking space. When she felt strong arms lace around her and she tried to fight but she wasn't strong enough and she had to think about the child within her, so tried sooth herself but it just wasn't working. 'Peyt it's me...ok...it's me' she fault viciously and scratched him away before loosing her balance Her body jerked as she fell. The wind in her face making it impossible to breathe, she felt like she'd suffocate before she ever got the signal to pull the seems to slow down when you're falling. In the seconds it took her to reach the ground she knew it was going to hurt. She hit the floor hard landing straight on top of her protruding womb and letting out a high pitched pained grunt. 'OH GOD PEYTON!' she heard Lucas frantic voice as she saw his blue eyes looking into her face and she blinked blearily. Peyton knew she would faint when her stomach gave out. It felt like her innards were being replaced by some kind of black hole and a pain that ripped her raw. Then nausea crept from her abdomen to her head and the world went black.
She wakes suddenly, every thought in high definition, Though her eyes are open she can't think of why; her heart is pounding, mind empty. It's as if a hypodermic of adrenaline has been emptied into her carotid. She strain into the utter darkness, breathing rate beginning to steady. Her hands flew to her protruding stomach her heart rate increasing but when she felt the slight bulge of her womb she relaxed. Taking in her surroundings everything seemed unfamiliar, she was laying in a bedroom she didn't quite recognize. The bedroom was furnished on a meagre budget but if was full of more warmth than Peyton had seen in many years. On the back wall was a mural, a tree with every color of fall leaf imaginable and a few more besides. On the crude pine bed she was laying on was a hand embroidered orange cover. 'Peyt' she blinked her eyes and glanced over to where the gruff disturbed voice had come , her emerald eyes met those of Lucas' cerulean ones as he flew from the seat he was in and sat down beside her.
'How you feeling, is the baby okay' she could hear the southern drawl in his voice and it made her want to laugh but she kept composure. 'I dunno my head hurts but yeah...I think she's okay' she whispered almost inaudibly as she watched him get up and bring over to her a clear glass of water. She drank it hungrily before pulling away and smiling at him slightly but she could tell he was on edge.
'Peyton why did you freak out back there' she knew she shouldn't bother lying to him, this was Lucas and he only wanted her to be safe. It would be easy like ripping of a band aid. 'That's where it happened' she watches as he visibly goes ashen, lips almost blue in this crazy summer heat. His limbs move as if some inexperienced person is controlling them remotely and his eyes are wide, looking right at her, but not really as he stands to his feet looking like all the wind had been knocked right out of him.
'What?' she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out so she looked down her brows furrowing. She felt the bed dip as he gripped her chin between his fingers before pressing his forehead to hers. 'I'm so sorry' she shook her head against his dismissing his apology, 'It's not your fault' she breathed as she pulled away to look at her surrounding as his hand stroked the back of her head. 'Luke where are we?' she asked as she took in the unfamiliar room. 'A woman named Ellie saw me trying to wake you up on the pavement, I was so scared you fell on your stomach and you were out cold. I didn't know what to do she said she lived across the road. So I carried you inside and yeah...you've been out for a good hour' she stared at him wide eyed before nodding mutely, when the name rang a bell. 'Wait did you say Ellie?' she asked watching as his gorgeous blues took on an edge of confusion before he nodded mutely. 'Where is she now?' she queried, 'Downstairs' she nodded. She tried to sit up but winced in pain, gripping her head.
'Peyt?' she shook her head dismissively, 'I'm fine Luke' she insisted as she watched his uneasy squint. 'I'll be back, i'm gonna get you some more water' she gave him a genuine sweat smile of appreciation as he pecked her lips before disappearing out of the room. She sat in her own company looking round the room before pushing herself shakily onto her feet and staggering to look in the mirror. She took in her appearance so tired and worn down.
Exhaling a breath she turned to walk away when a photo on the dresser caught her attention and she neared closer to it picking it up with trembling hands. Beneath her feet the wooden floor felt soft, not as much as even a firm carpet, but not right for oak planks. She staggered backward, her mind swirling, her breaths shallow. It was photo of her as a baby, bundled in a teenage mother's arms who was looking down at her adoringly, her hand unconsciously fell to the little bump on her stomach. She picked the picture up and stared at it tears starting to glaze in her eyes as her mind pieced together everything a feeling of hate and bitterness so strong it threatened to drive her wild. 'Peyton' she heard Lucas' voice from the door way and spun around glassy eyed and caught sight of the target of her anger. That was the breaking point of her patience. At that moment, she was blinded by a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter, yet surprisingly satisfying. 'Giving me your card...talking to me at Karen's...lying about working at Thud' she growled through clenched teeth as the other blond woman in the room's face softened and she opened her mouth to speak but Peyton was quick to stop her.
'Who are you?' she asked shakily her voice breaking. 'Peyton what's going on' she heard Lucas interject as he took a heavy step into the room walking closer to her and she snuggled into him clutching to him for dear life and still staring at the woman. The two blond teens stared at the woman waiting for some kind of response as she looked to the floor. The silence made Peyton's anger flare more. 'WHY DO YOU HAVE MY FUCKING BABY PICTURE WHAT ARE YOU SOME SORT OF STALKER OR SOMETHING!' she cried tears spilling down her cheeks as she breathed heavily.
'I...I'm your mother Peyton' that was it Peyton snapped. She flew from Lucas' comforting grasp, she reached out. She went to punch Ellie in the face. When her fist came in contact she fell to the ground wailing in pain, as she tried to shake the aching after taste, upon the taste buds of her hand. Much like coffee, its bitterness drew her in to take another sip knowing she would be more awake than minutes before. She tackled her and held her down so she could not fight back. But Lucas' was quick to grab her before she could take another hit. 'Peyton' she heard him say against her hair but she didn't stop.
'YOUR LYING...YOU BITCH MY MOTHER IS DEAD...YOUR LYING!' she cried desperately trying to fight his strong grip and sobbing uncontrollably. 'You wee adopted I couldn't take care of you because I was a drug addict, your father was away with work' she shook her head, all of this was sounding to familiar. 'NO...SHUT UP!' Peyton screeched trying to get out of Lucas' grasp. This wasn't true this couldn't be happening.
This wasn't happening.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, I'm thinking in the next one i'm gonna skip a couple months ahead. Just so it fits in with the amount of chapters I want. Until next time.
LeytonFan4Eva xxx