She was eying Keith as he stared at her, amusement in his eyes, though he managed to keep the smile off of his face. Peyton looked down at herself, then back up at Keith, then she pinched her arm. "Ow," she muttered, rubbing the spot where she had pinched. Keith couldn't help the laughter this time. She looked back up at him. "What's going on? Am I dead? What happened?" she asked the three questions in quick succession before she began to look around. She was in a meadow that she didn't recognize, and she had no idea how she got there. "Is this a dream?" she added, almost as an afterthought.
Keith stopped laughing, looking aroung at the meadow. Then he turned his gaze back on Peyton. "No you're not dead," he said, and Peyton felt the relief flood through her. "Not yet, anyway," he added, and she tensed up again. She looked at him questioningly, wondering what exactly he meant. "It's up to you whether or not you die," he answered her unasked question. She opened her mouth to speak up, but he held up his hand. "I have a few things to show you before you make your decision," he finished.
Before Peyton could say anything, the scene around them changed. Peyton recognized the living room in Grace's house, well, her house. It was years before, though, about 14 years before. Peyton saw Grace sitting on the couch, and she wanted to run and hug her grandmother, but there was someone already sitting in Grace's lap. Upon looking closer, Peyton realized that it was her, as a four year old. "He's in heaven, sweetie, but he'll always be with you, in your heart," she heard Grace's voice.
It was then that Peyton realized her mom was sitting next to Grace. Because of Grace's words, she remembered when the memory was. It had been right after her grandfather had died, and they were explaining to her about death. She stepped closer, forgetting that Keith was there, and reached out, trying to touch her mother's face. Peyton's hand went right through her mom's face. "You can't talk to them. They can't hear or see you. You just have to watch," Keith spoke up from behind her.
Peyton focused more closely on the scene again. She knew exactly what her younger self was going to say, and she found herself mouthing the words as well. "Does he still love me?" she had asked. Peyton remembered sitting on Grace's knee, learning about death. It wasn't something she had really understood at that time. All she had gotten out of the talk was the fact that her grandfather wouldn't be coming back, but he still loved her very much.
Peyton watched her mother nod adamantly. She remembered that her mother spoke up next and she stayed silent, longing to hear her mother's voice. "Of couse he does, honey. He loves all of us. He just can't be here in body. He's gone up to heaven," Anna said, and Peyton felt tears well up in her eyes at hearing the sound of her mother's voice. She hadn't heard it in too long.
Little Peyton contemplated this for a moment. From the look on her face it was easy to tell she was thinking. She was even biting her lip, just like she still did. Peyton hadn't realized that she had had that habit for that long. Finally, the young Peyton looked up at her grandmother, her green eyes big and innocent. "What's heaven like?" she had asked.
Peyton could remember the answer to the question, and she felt the tears slip from her eyes. The whole scene was different from this point of view, knowing what she now knew. Grace looked down at her granddaughter, trying to find the right way to explain. "Well, angel, heaven is a wonderful place. It's different for everyone. It has the best things you could ever imagine. I think in heaven your grandfather has a refrigerator that is always full of beer, a huge flat screen TV, and I think in your grandfathers version of heaven it's football season all year," she laughed lightly and young Peyton smiled as she thought of it. She knew those were all of her grandfather's favorite things.
Grace's face grew a little more serious after a moment, though. "The point, sweetie, is that, I don't want you to dwell on the fact that your grandfather is gone. He's in a better place now, and he's going to watch over you forever. You can miss him, and I know we all will, but don't stop living your life because he's gone. I would never want you to stop living because I died, and I'm sure he agrees with me. Just remember that," Grace placed a kiss on little Peyton's forehead, and then the scene dissolved away, and Peyton and Keith were in the meadow again.
Peyton took a deep breath, now trying to control the silent tears that were slipping down her cheeks. "Why did you show me that, Keith? And you still haven't answered my first question. What's going on? Why can't I just be dead already, so I can be with my grandparents and my mother?" she moaned, not really thinking about what she was saying. That's not to say she hadn't thought about dying since Grace had died. She was really tired off all the bad things that happened to her, and she was starting to wonder if she wouldn't be happier in heaven.
Keith shook his head, looking up at the sky. "This is going to be harder than I thought," he mumbled to himself. "Peyton," he spoke up, waiting until he had her attention before continuing. "Do you understand how selfish what you just said was?" he asked, still a little appalled. He had never actually expected it to be this bad, even if he had been watching Peyton for the past two and a half months. "Do you know what I would give, so I could go back and change the day of the school shooting? I'd give anything to be back with Karen, and Lucas. And you want to leave that behind?" his voice raised as he tried to prove his point.
Peyton flinched at his words, and she realized that what she had said had been inconsiderate to Keith. She knew he would do anything to be alive again, and here she was, shoving the fact that she could have her life back and she didn't want it in his face. She sighed. "I'm sorry, Keith. For what it's worth, he misses you. They both do, and your daughter is the cutest thing I've ever seen," she informed him.
Keith backed off, running his hand through his hair, and turning, so Peyton couldn't see the tear that slipped from his eye. He knew his daughter was gorgeous. Of course she was, she belonged to Karen also. He missed them so much, and wished everyday that he could be there with them, but that didn't stop him from watching over them. "You know, trying to convince you that your life is worth it is not the only reason I'm here," he said, his back still towards her. "I'm here because my killer hasn't been brought to justice yet, and I'm stuck in this world between worlds until he is. So I thought I'd help you get your life back while I waited," he chuckled, but it was a harsh sound, with no humor in it.
Peyton listened to his words carefully. After a moment Keith continued. "You know it'll crush him if you die," he said turning to face Peyton as he spoke. Peyton didn't need to ask to know who Keith was referring to. "So, I guess in a way I'm looking out for my nephew, too. It was killing him even before the accident, to just sit by and watch you suffer, wanting to help you, but not knowing how to. It was killing him that you didn't let him in. You guys have been through so much together, already, and all he wants is to be there for you, but you have to want his help," he said.
Peyton listened to Keith's words, growing frustrated. "What if I don't want his help? What if I don't want anyone's help? I just want the pain to stop," she was crying and she wiped furiously at her eyes. "You don't get it, Keith. Your life was great when you died. Of course you'd do anything to get it back. Mine wasn't perfect. The only reason I was still there was Lucas, but what if I can't deal anymore?" her voice broke and she fell silent for a minute. "Why do all these things keep happening to me? Why can't I ever just be happy, without all the hard things in life?" her voice was quiet, and broken.
Keith didn't have an answer for her this time, and Peyton realized that after a few moments of silence. She turned away, falling onto the ground as her tears became sobs. As far as she was concerned, the conversation was over. If he didn't have an answer for that, there was nothing he could say to her right now. Keith waited a moment, until she could get ahold of her sobs. The truth was, though, at that moment she couldn't. He knew she needed to cry, because she hadn't since she had learned of Grace's death. So he just let her.
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Lucas ran into the hospital's ER, asking the first nurse he saw about Peyton Sawyer. Brooke noticed him before the nurse got a chance to reply. She had heard Lucas's frantic voice and leapt out of the chair she had been sitting in, sobbing her heart out. "Lucas," she sobbed, getting his attention. When he turned to face her, she fell into his arms, just needing a hug. She had already called Jake, Rachel, Haley and Nathan, and Peyton's father, but the person she really needed wouldn't be here until his plane landed, so she would have to make due with a hug from Lucas, even though she barely knew him. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry," she moaned into his chest.
Lucas wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. He could tell that she really cared about Peyton and she felt horrible, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything to comfort her. He was too worried about Peyton. She seemed to get that. She leaned back, trying to wipe at her sobs. "They won't tell me anything except that she's in surgery now. They said something about internal bleeding and bruising, but they also said they couldn't tell me because I wasn't family," she explained.
After a moment's pause her sobs started coming harder. "I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't make it. It'll be all my fault. I'll never be able to live with myself," she sobbed, and she started pacing the floor of the waiting room. Lucas had nothing to say to comfort her. He was lost in his own thoughts. If Peyton didn't make it, he wasn't sure he'd be able to. He didn't even get a chance to tell her goodbye. All he wanted was to hold her in his arms, and tell her that he loves her.
About twenty minutes later, Nathan and Haley came into the hospital. Haley saw her best friend and immediately pulled him into a hug. She knew how bad he must be feeling, because she knew how she felt, and she knew he had to be feeling a million times worse. Peyton was only one of her best friends. She couldn't even imagine what it would be like if it were Nathan in the hospital, fighting for his life, and she never wanted to find out. When she let go of Lucas, she took Nathan's hand with one hand, and continued to rub Lucas's back with the other.
They all took seats, except Brooke, who continued to pace, silent tears still streaming down her face. Lucas couldn't bring himself to cry. He wouldn't allow any tears until he knew what was really going on. After a long silence, Haley finally let her curiousity get the better of her. "What happened?" she asked. All she knew was that there had been an accident, and Peyton was hurt. She noticed Brooke's head was bandaged, so she looked at Brooke for an answer, correctly assuming that Brooke had been the one involved.
Brooke collapsed into a chair, knowing that she'd be unable to stand while she told the story. She took a shaky breath and began. "I came out here because Lucas asked me to try to talk to Peyton. We went for a drive because I know she loves her Comet and I wanted to hear more about the town. I thought it'd help heal her if she thought about the good times," she paused to take another shaky breath. "We stopped at the Rivercourt for a while, and everything seemed to be going good. She wasn't her normal self yet, but I really thought that I was making some progress," she stopped as a fresh wave of tears over came her.
When she got control of her voice again, she continued. "Well, on the way home, she asked me why I came. I decided to tell her the truth. I thought she'd be able to handle it. She couldn't," Lucas, Haley and Nathan were all hanging on Brooke's every word, trying to understand what had happened. "She tried to get out of the car while I was still driving. I had to let go of the wheel to stop her from jumping out of a moving vehicle," she buried her face in her hands at this point, trying to muffle her sobs.
She kept her face in her hands as she continued, but they could hear her just fine. "I didn't even see the car coming toward us. The Comet swerved, and it hit Peyton, straight on," she managed to finish before she was sobbing uncontrolably again. Haley was crying somewhat too, but she let go of both Lucas and Nathan to comfort Brooke. She could tell Brooke needed it the most right now, even if she barely knew her. Haley didn't have it in her to not comfort someone who needed it. Lucas couldn't even stop the tears that leaked out of his eyes, though he tried to control them.
It was a few hours before the doctor came out. Lucas jumped up as soon as he heard the doctor call Peyton's name. The doctor eyed him for a minute, then asked if he was family. He knew he had to think of something, and quick. Larry wouldn't arrive for a while, and he needed to know what was going on with Peyton. "I'm her fiance," he fibbed. He was going to marry her one day, what did it matter if he screwed up the truth a bit. "Look, her dad's not going to be here for a while and if I don't hear what's going on with her, I'm going to lose my mind," he pleaded with the doctor when he still looked a bit skeptical.
The doctor could tell that Lucas wasn't kidding. He looked sympathetically at the young man, who didn't know the fate of his own soul mate. He knew it was hospital procedure to tell the rest of them to leave, but he could tell that they really cared about the girl too, so he didn't push it. "Well, she had some internal bleeding that we had to go in and patch up. She also had a couple of broken ribs and she broke her left leg in three places, which we had to set. She had a collapsed lung, that we had to fix. She also seems to have fallen into a coma, though. If she makes it through the next twelve hours, she'll probably come out of the coma, but, really, it's up to her," he explained.
Lucas listened to what the doctor said, and it felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest. He wanted to break down, but he wouldn't, not in the hospital, not in front of the doctor. He needed to see Peyton. "Can I see her?" he asked desperately. He needed to see her with his own eyes to know that this was all real. Right now, his only hope was that this was a horrible dream.
The doctor paused for a moment, thinking it over. He really shouldn't let the young man in until her father gets here. If he really was her fiance, though, then he had the right to see her. After some hesitation, he nodded. "Yes, but only you. She's been moved to her own room, and you can go in there. Follow me," he said before turning, walking down the hallway.
Lucas looked back at Brooke, Haley and Nathan, not even needing to think about it before following the doctor. Brooke watched him go, wishing she could go with him, but not even bothering to ask. As much as she wanted to see Peyton, she needed to stay in the waiting room and wait for Jake to arrive. She needed comfort more than anything else right now, and the only one besides Peyton who would be able to give it to her was Jake. So the three silently took seats again, just waiting.
Lucas followed the doctor to Peyton's room, now kind of nervous. He knew she wasn't going to look like his Peyton, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to bear it, but he had to see her. At the doorway, the doctor stopped. "This is her room. I don't imagine she'll be waking up anytime soon, but you can stay here as long as you wish," he said before turning and walking away, leaving Lucas standing alone outside of Peyton's hospital room.
Lucas gulped as he paused outside of her doorway, trying to ready himself. After a moment of bracing himself, he opened the door, pushing it open slowly. He cautiously stepping into the room, before closing the door behind himself. He tried not to look at the bed as he walked across the room, so he looked down at his feet until he reached the bed. When he was standing right next to the bed, he looked up.
Peyton was so pale, and she looked so broken. She was attached to many machines, machines that helped her breath, machines that checked her blood pressure and heart rate, and machines that he didn't even know the function of. He could tell that her ribs were wrapped, but almost every other part of her looked battered and bruised, too. She hadn't looked this bad the last time he had seen her in the hospital.
As he examined her face, he could barely recognize her. She had a bandage wrapped around her head, and bruises forming on her cheeks and under both her eyes. It looked like she had broken her nose, maybe on impact. Her lip was also cut and swollen. She looked like she had been in a fight. Her arms were also bruised, and if he didn't know the reason she was in the hospital, he would have assumed that she had been beaten. It really tore at his heart to see her like this. It was much worse than the last time she had been in the hospital, because there was much more physical evidence this time.
With a sigh, he leaned down, trying and failing to find a clear spot to put his lips, he settled for lightly kissing one of the cuts on her forehead. "Hey, Blondie," he said; he had heard it was good to talk to people in comas, and he intended on letting her know that he was here. He pulled one of the chairs in the room up to the bed, and took a seat, settling himself in and taking her hand, what appeared to be the only unbattered part of her body.
His thumb gently rubbed her palm as he sat next to her. He spent a long time just sitting next to her, trying to control his tears and find the right words to let her know how much he needed her back. He really wouldn't be able to survive if she didn't make it. "So, Peyt, I guess you thought it's been too long since you scared the hell out of me. You just had to land yourself back in the hospital, did you? Are our lives not hectic enough? Not painful enough?" he finally said, trying to inflict a casual, teasing tone on his voice and failing.
He paused a moment. He had really wanted to be nonchalant about this, but it was impossible. He couldn't be nonchalant when his soul mate might die. He took a deep, shaky breath, and opened his mouth to speak again. "Peyton, please. You've got to come back to me. I love you and need you so much, and I'm so sorry, but please, don't leave me," he pleaded with her, his voice broken.
He kept his eyes on her broken face the whole time he spoke, wanting nothing more than for her to open her eyes so he could see that stunning green again. "I'm sorry I called Brooke in, but I didn't know what else to do. I felt like I was losing you, like you were slowly slipping away. I thought she might help. Now you're here, and you really are slipping away," his voice broke.
He couldn't speak for a long moment as he regained control of his voice. "You have to come back. I can't live without you. I can't survive without you anymore, Peyton. I need to see those green eyes, and that smile that you only let out once in a while. I need to hear your sweet voice and your laugh when you're trying desperately to not even smile. You need to come back, and draw, like you used to, and listen to your music that's sometimes just a bit depressing. I want to see you bite your lip again, when your nervous. I miss all your little quirks, like how you play with my fingers when we're holding hands, and I miss the way you sing and dance when you think nobodies watching. I miss the way you talk in your sleep, and you manage to curl up even closer to me, when I think there's no possible way we could be closer," he let out a hollow chuckle. "I even miss your stubbornness, because it's a part of who you are," he added.
He felt a tear slip off of his cheek, hitting his hand and he reached up, leaving only one hand holding hers, to wipe his tears away before clutching her tiny hand in both of his again. "I've been so scared of losing you, recently, and I didn't even think you'd leave me physically as well as mentally. It was hard enough, you slipping away like that. Don't leave me, Peyton. Please, you can't leave me," now he was begging, and he didn't even care, if she would only wake up.
He looked at her hand, lacing her fingers through his. "I love how your hand fits perfectly in mine. I love how we fit perfectly together, as if were were made for each other, which I know we were. I love how your hair always smells like your shampoo, and when you sleep in my bed, you always leave your scent lingering in my sheets and on my pillowcases. I love the way you always tell me whats on your mind, actually, you tell everyone what's on your mind," he chuckled hollowly again. "I love you, with all my heart and soul and every fiber of my being. It would be really great if you could hear me right now, and if you can, please, just send me some sign that you can hear me, and that your coming back. Move just one finger, just a little, and I'll know that all my hope is not without reason," he said.
He waited, staring at her hand in his, but nothing happened. He waited a long time, just staring at her hand, but nothing moved. Eventually he gave up, deciding to just sit there, because there was nowhere else he wanted to be. He had every intention of staying there until she woke up, even if it took days. He remembered the lie he had told the doctor, and pulled the ring box out of his pocket. He kept it on him at all times, even though she had said someday. He pulled the ring out of the box and slipped it on the third finger of her left hand, loving how it looked there. It was the ring that Keith had used to propose to Karen. After staring at the ring on her figer for a minute, he took her hand again, settling in to wait.
A/N: Aren't you guys lucky, this is my second update of the day. I updated Can't Lose Hope as well. So what do you think? I know, Peyton's not awake yet. Also, I know Leyton is not engaged, but I do have an idea for that. So, yeah, you'll just have to stick around to see what it is. I think I'll let whatever's going to happen with Peyton happen in the next chapter. So you guys will have to wait until I get that up to find out. Is Peyton going to come back to Lucas, or is she going to be too afraid of living to go back? Hmm, the possibilities. I know, I'm evil. Leave lots of reviews, and maybe I'll update faster.
Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. I just wish I did.