Chapter 25 Baby Come On

She's a pretty girl

She's always falling down

And I think I just fell in love with her

…And I can always find her at the bottom of a plastic cup

Drowning in drunk sincerity

A sad and lonely girl

Quit crying your eyes out

Quit crying your eyes out

And baby come on

…And she said, "I think we're running out of alcohol,

Tonight I hate this fucking town

…So please take me far away before I melt into the ground"

…You sad and lonely girl

Baby Come On by +44

The day after the incident with Lily in his bedroom, James sat beneath a tree, tossing small rocks into the lake, thinking about said occurrence. The redhead hadn't spoken to him all day, and avoided looking at him in classes. It was really starting to get to him. He really couldn't blame her, though. He could hardly believe the way he had treated her, either. Of course he hadn't meant to hurt her—he would never, ever do anything to purposefully hurt her—but he'd been blinded by his rage, had let it get the best of him.

He threw a rock at the lake with more force than he'd intended, and then watched with fascination as the glassy surface of the water shattered and exploded as ripples spread out from the point of the rock's impact. One rock, with a bit of muscle behind it. That's all it took to disturb the enormity of the lake. His expression turned dark. It was exactly like the wizarding world right now. One maniac with a few mindless followers, and the whole world was thrown into chaos.

"Hi," said a soft, tentative voice from beside him; for one wild, hopeful moment James thought it was Lily, but it wasn't. It was Remus.

"Hey, Moony." A huge, deep sigh escaped him as he stared across the grounds once more.

"How are you?" Remus inquired gently, sitting down in the grass alongside James. "Have a killer headache from the hangover, I'm guessing?"

"Actually, no," James said, a faint note of surprise in his own voice. He hadn't even noticed that, as he'd been too wrapped up in his dark musings. "I'm not hung-over at all, as a matter of fact."

Remus's eyebrows shot up. "Really? Because, Prongs, you downed quite a bit of firewhisky last night, mate. You were pretty pissed when Sirius, Peter and I dropped you off at your common room."

"I know," James answered, puzzled, frowning in thought. "Of course, I was made to sober up pretty quickly last night when I got back."

"Oh?" his werewolf friend asked curiously.

"Yeah. Lily and I—we, uh, we sort of had a bit of a row," James started awkwardly, running his fingers through his hair. "Then she just—she, well…I mean…"

"Spit it out," Remus said, punching his friend on the arm teasingly. "What did she do?"

James's cheeks went slightly pink and he quickly turned away to toss another stone into the great depths of the lake.

"You're going to irritate the giant squid if you don't stop that, you know."

"I know."

Pause. "So, what happened with Lily last night, hey?"

Mumble, mumble.

"What? Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"She told me that she…that she, uh, loved me." When he looked up to look at his friend, James saw that Remus was sitting quite still, staring straight in front of him, his eyes wide, as if he hadn't heard a word James had just said. Thinking Remus maybe needed him to repeat it, James said, "Lily 'I-will-never-date-Potter-I'd-rather-die-or-kill-him-first' Evans told me she loved me."

Remus coughed a few times, as if he had suddenly begun to choke on air. "Are you joking?" he finally said, several moments later.

"Nope. She said it all right."

Another pause, this one much longer than the last time. "Well, what did you say?" Remus asked. Then he grinned and socked James again playfully. "When's the wedding?"

"I-I didn't say anything," James admitted awkwardly.

"What?" Remus burst out. "What do you mean, you didn't say anything? Nothing?"

"I dunno, I just sort of…froze up!" James said defensively, running his fingers through his hair again nervously.

"But why? I mean, you've loved her for ages—"

"I know! I know, okay? I screwed up! I know that!"

"Sorry," Remus said softly, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder sympathetically. "I just can't believe you wouldn't say anything to her after that. I just thought you'd've been ecstatic, that's all."

"I was. I mean, I was so happy, but…jeez, I don't know. I was so shocked, too. I never expected her to come out and say that, never in a million years, and then, suddenly, there it is, outta fucking nowhere, while we're in the middle of a fight, for crying out loud."

"So, now what are you doing to do? Have you told her yet?"

James sighed miserably. "No. I don't even know why, Moony. I've told a million girls that I loved them, and it wasn't even true, but now when I really do mean it, I can't say a word! And then I really screwed things up."

"Why? What else could you possibly do to that girl, after all the pranks we've pulled?" His tone was light and teasing.

"It wasn't a prank," James snapped, and Remus withdrew his hand. "Sorry, mate. I was just telling her about…about my mum, and my dad, too, actually. You know the story, about how they've never really been there, you know?"

Remus nodded. "I know," he said softly.

"I just…I got so angry, not at Lily, of course. But at them, both of them," James continued, the dark expression sliding back across his face. "I wasn't really paying attention, I guess. I grabbed her arm, hard, Moony. Oh, Jesus. She looked so scared. She was scared of me. I hurt her."

For a long time they were both silent. Finally Remus said, "You've got to tell her, James."

"But…" He trailed away, swallowing and purposefully avoiding Remus's eyes. He sighed, and tried again. His voice was down to a whisper now. "I'm…scared, Remus."

"I know you are, Prongs. But that doesn't change anything. You love her. She loves you. She told you she does. Now you've got to tell her, or you might lose the one thing worth living for."

u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n

"—Evans?"

Lily's head jerked, and she peeled her face from between the pages of her Ancient Runes book, rubbing at her burning eyes groggily. I must have dozed off, she thought, peering around blearily at her surroundings. She was in the library, sitting at a table by herself with parchment and books spread all around her.

"Miss Evans?" the voice that had woken her prompted again.

Lily looked up into the face of Professor Slughorn, the potions master. Panic rushed through her insides, and she stood up so fast several books fell off the table. "Professor! Oh, no! I've missed my lessons! I've—"

He held up a hand and chuckled merrily. "No, no, no, dear girl. It's nothing like that!" he said heartily. "Professor Dumbledore would like a word with you up in his office, that's all!"

"Oh, thank goodness." She breathed a huge sigh of relief, then began to pack up the parchment, inkbottles, quills and books scattered hither and thither about the table, shoving it all into her book bag.

Slughorn stood off to the side, watching her gather her supplies, rocking on the balls of his feet with his hands in the pockets of his robes. He seemed nervous.

"Um, Professor, you really don't have to wait for me," Lily said kindly. "I know where Professor Dumbledore's office is, you know, with me being Head Girl and all."

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you first," Slughorn said, quite awkwardly. "About—well, I just wanted to tell you that if you ever need anyone to, uh, talk to…well, I think you'll find that I'm a very good listener!"

She blinked, clearly caught off-guard at these words. "Thank you, Professor," she said slowly after a moment of extremely awkward silence. "I appreciate the sentiment."

Seemingly relieved of some huge burden, Slughorn grinned, patted her on the shoulder in a paternal sort of way, and then strode out of the library. Lily stared after him, bemused, then shook her head and left, too.

"Ah, Miss Evans," Dumbledore said pleasantly when she knocked on the partially open door hesitantly. "Please, come in. Butterscotch?"

She politely declined the brightly wrapped candy he proffered her and nervously sat down in the chair in front of his desk. "Forgive me for being blunt, Professor, but what—"

"Am I late?" called a loud voice from the hallway, and Lily swivelled in her chair to watch as a harassed looking wizard dressed in the most violently neon green robes she had ever seen stepped into the office as well. "So, she's already arrived then?"

She felt a rise of indignation at these words. Why was he speaking to Dumbledore as if she wasn't even sitting there?

"It would appear so, wouldn't it?" said Dumbledore pleasantly, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

Lily was becoming more and more confused by the second. First James last night, then Slughorn in the library, and now this? What was this, the official "Let's Makes Lily Evans's Life a Living Hell Anyway We Can" week or something?

"Miss Evans, this is Fernandez Kane, with the Ministry of Magic," Dumbledore introduced. "Fernandez, this is Lily Evans, as I'm sure you know by now."

"Yes, yes," said Kane briskly. "Let's get straight to the point here, shall we? Try to make it nice and quick—yes, that's the idea here." He sat in the other chair opposite of the headmaster's desk. "Miss Evans, I have several questions for you regarding the murder of your father, Dean Evans, on the night of—"

"I know what day it was," she interrupted coolly.

Kane looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "Moving right along. You claimed to have been under the Imperius curse, correct?"

"Perhaps we should wait for the other witness, Mr. Kane," Dumbledore said before Lily had the chance to angrily reply. "I do believe I hear him now—ah, yes. There he is. Come in, please, Mr. Potter."

Yep. It was official. This was most definitely LMLELLAHAWC week.

"Fernandez Kane, this is James Potter," Dumbledore said, also offering James a butterscotch candy, which he took with a grin.

Kane was looking even tetchier. "Now can we proceed?" he asked irritably. "Would you like for me to repeat the question, Miss Evans?"

"No," she said instantly. "I can remember what you asked me, Mr. Kane. Yes, I was put under the Imperius curse the night I killed my father. But you already know that, because Professor Dumbledore told me that officials had marked that two of the three Unforgivable curses were performed in my house that night."

He was scribbling something down with a quill and piece of parchment she hadn't seen there before. "Right. Do you remember what the 'wizard in the mask' asked you to do while under the curse?"

"He told me to first pick up the knife—"

"The murder weapon?"

No, the knife to cut up the chicken with, she wanted to snap, but she bit her tongue. "Yes. After that, he told me to remember…" Her voice trailed away as a lump formed a solid barrier in her throat, preventing her from speaking.

"Remember?" repeated Kane, his eyebrows raised. "Remember what, exactly?"

Lily opened and closed her mouth a few times, swallowing against the lump. "Just…just remember…"

"Yes?" There was barely disguised frustration in Kane's voice as he prodded her to answer.

"Hey, give her a minute," James said gruffly.

Kane turned to him, regarding him with dislike. "Well, while she's gathering her wits about her, then, we'll go to you. What do you remember from that night, Mr. Potter, was it?"

"I got a letter I thought was from Lily, asking me to meet her at her house, so I went, but when I got there she had no idea about the letter. Then some guy in a mask showed up—he was a Death Eater, I know it—and…well, I don't remember much else," he finished, somewhat lamely. "Everything's pretty fuzzy."

Scribble, scribble, scribble. "Right. Okay then." Kane turned his gaze back upon the redhead. "Can you answer my question now?"

She glared at him with all her strength—a death glare that made full-grown wizards quake, a look James was all too familiar with—and James noted with a certain amount of satisfaction that Kane was looking very uncomfortable.

"He made me remember all the times Dean beat and raped me," she spat.

Kane made a note on the parchment, his fingers shaking slightly. He had to clear his throat before he was able to continue. "Did he tell you to kill your father while you were under the curse?"

Lily glanced nervously at Dumbledore, then at James, and then back again. "N-not exactly," she admitted, twisting her hands in her lap.

"Interesting." Another note.

"Look, am I going to get in trouble for—"

"You said he used the boy—" There was a noise of outraged indignation from James at this—"as a sort of bait for you?"

"It's time you answered one of my questions, Mr. Kane," Lily said coolly, regaining her cold confidence again. She detested this man. She really, really did. "Am I going to get in trouble for murdering my father?"

It took several long, strained moments before he answered her. "No, I don't believe you will. Technically, it wasn't your fault—"

"So I'm not going to be punished for it?"

He sighed. "No. Now, can we please get back to my questions?"

For the next two hours, Lily sat as Kane interrogated her about the circumstances of her father's death. She was seriously about to slap that stupid face of his when he announced, "All finished then. You two can go."

"Actually," said Dumbledore, "I'd like to speak to them before they leave. I'll be seeing you, Fernandez."

As soon as those hideous green robes had swished around the corner and out of sight, Lily demanded, "What was that about?" Her cheeks were tinted pink in her anger.

"Ministry inquiry," Dumbledore answered, offering them each another butterscotch candy; both declined, but the headmaster took one for himself. "Naturally, the Ministry's in a fuss about the whole situation, in light of the recent attacks and such. It seems as if Voldemort is steadily growing stronger, and is gaining more and more followers."

"Disgusting," James spat scathingly, though he wasn't looking at either Dumbledore or Lily.

"I tried to keep the officials at bay as long as I could, in order for you to rest and take a break from thinking about the incident at all," Dumbledore continued to Lily, as if he hadn't heard James's outburst.

The redhead nodded, and then sighed, a long, tired sound. "Thank you, Professor. I really appreciate that. I needed some time to not think for a while."

They both stood up, but Lily hesitated in the doorway. Dumbledore smiled kindly at her. "Is there something else on your mind, Miss Evans?"

She swallowed and finally brought her gaze to meet his. "Why would Voldemort make me kill my father? Why does he care about the trivial affairs of a Muggle family?"

The smile vanished, being replaced by a much darker look that honestly scared her more than anything she'd ever seen. "I don't know," the old Headmaster said. "But it certainly is an unusual bout of cruelty, even for Voldemort. Miss Evans, I'm going to suggest that you are very careful from this point on."

These words left her far from reassured. In fact, they terrified her even further.

u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n u n

That night at dinner, the students were significantly more subdued than normal. It was utterly depressing to Lily, for some reason. Normally, she'd be glad for the relative quietness compared to the loud clamour usually present at meal times. But not right then; she wanted it to be loud and noisy, full of laughter and giggles like it usually was. When it was so quiet, all that she had to do was think, because there were no pointless, easy conversations to carry.

It was dangerous to let her think so much. Why on earth had that stupid Death Eater made her kill her father? What had it accomplished, really? She hadn't even gotten in trouble for it. So why? Just to make her a murderer or something? Well, no, that couldn't be it, because…well, what point was there in making her a murderer if she didn't get in trouble? And why hadn't he—the Death Eater—just killed Lily and her father alone? After all, Lily was a Muggle-born (dirty, in the opinion of all Death Eaters and they're ruthless master), and her father was a useless Muggle. Why bring James into all this? Why make her choose between them?

She pushed her plate away and left the table, ignoring Nicole's question and the Marauders' curious looks (well, three of them, anyway; James was noticeably absent, which was just as well for Lily). She left the hall without saying a word, leaving her friends and barely touched dinner behind in favour of the Heads' common room.

Unfortunately for her, James was there, too, sprawled out on the couch closest to the fire with a bottle of firewhisky dangling from one hand as he stared blankly into the flames. She cringed at the smell of alcohol and let her breath out in a part exasperated, part sympathetic hiss. He glanced up at her and blanched. She could just ignore him and walk up to her dorm, but she decided instead to sit on the floor in front of the couch, pulling her knees against her chest and wrapping her arms around them, resting her chin on the top of her knees.

"Hello," he said softly. "Whiskey?"

She stared with disgust at the bottle of alcohol he offered her. "No," she said shortly.

"I think it'll help you," he told her absently, taking another mouthful straight from the bottle and cringing. "Makes you go numb."

"I don't think being numb is the problem," she said softly.

"Well, it makes you stop thinking," he said cajolingly, offering her the bottle again.

This time she seized it and took a gulp before he had the chance to warn her. The liquid seared her throat and brought heat to every inch of her body, even more so than plain butter beer did. She nearly gagged, shuddering even though she was extremely warm. James reached for the bottle, thinking she'd had enough, but she took another swig, swallowing painfully, beginning to feel sort of woozy.

"You know something?" she said a moment later, clutching the bottle tightly in her fist. "Sometimes I really hate the wizarding world."

"What?" he said, startled and thinking the alcohol had somehow befuddled his mind and he'd merely heard her wrong—which indeed was a possibility. He had already consumed quite a bit of the bottle.

"Sure, doing magic is all well and good," she continued, swaying slightly as she took another gulp of firewhiskey. "But what's the point if there's nothing you can do to stop bad things from happening?"

"What do you mean?" he asked carefully, once again reaching for the bottle and this time prying it from her fingers. He didn't think all that alcohol was good for her. After all, given her body weight, it was bound to effect her a great deal more than a normal person.

"Well, when I first got my letter to Hogwarts, I thought, 'Oh, great! Now I have a way of self-defence. I can protect myself from being hurt now. Nothing can touch me, because I have magic on my side.' I didn't realize how wrong that was. Just look at this idiot Voldemort, for example. He's killing everyone, Muggles and wizards alike. Being magic is no better than being a Muggle, is it?"

"At least when you're magic you have some chance of fighting back," James said slowly, slightly alarmed at her words.

"But in the end, it doesn't matter, does it?" she said softly, her eyes reflecting the firelight. "In the end, you still die, don't you? Magic or not, there's no way to stop a killing curse."

He swallowed. It was hard to admit, but she certainly had a point. He shook his head. "In the end, it does matter. I'd rather go down fighting for something I believe in than just cowering. In the end, that's what matters. That you fought."

For a moment she was silent. Then she stood, grabbed the bottle back from him, and took another swig. "I'm going to bed," she declared, wobbling dangerously on her feet before stumbling up the staircase to her dormitory, holding onto the railing as if her life depended on it.

When she had slammed her door shut, James stared back at the fire, swallowed a huge gulp of firewhiskey and whispered hoarsely after her, "I love you…and in the end, that's what really matters."

Now if he could only tell her that face to face.

A/N: Well, first of all I just wanted to apologize for the long wait for this chapter. I haven't updated for over a month now, but it's been really, really hectic around here lately, what with my sister coming home from the Navy on leave and my parents scrambling to put as many activities in two weeks as humanly possible. On the bright side, school's finally out so I'll have more time to work on this and my other story, as well as a few other things I've been putting off for the summer. I know this wasn't the best chapter, either, and I really have spent quite a bit of time trying to perfect it, but unfortunately, I just haven't found a way to get it absolutely right so I figured I'd just update and see what you guys had to say; maybe with some suggestions (hint hint) I could finally get it perfect, or at least satisfactory.