Hey guys! This chapter was interesting to write since it is all in Soos' POV, something I found interesting to do. And just a heads up, the words in italics are Spanish. I know a bit of Spanish, but I'm nowhere close to fluent, so I did Google most of the words. If you know Spanish and the proper word/phrase, please tell me, and I apologize for the words that may be inaccurate. And I want your guys' opinion on something. I'm debating when to release Society of the Blind Eye. Normally it would be on the 11th, but the 12th is the one year anniversary of this story, and the 15th is the one year anniversary of the show ending, so when do you think I should post it, 12th or 15th? Most votes win, so let me know! Now then, SHOUT-OUTS!
Female Fantasy Freak- Thanks for your review! I'm glad you liked what I did with Willow, and I'll work on giving her her own dialogue. Society might be a little weird since she and McGucket are close, but I think you will like what I do with it in the end. And I've read some of your Learning to Love story, and it is AMAZING! I don't know what will happen as far as canon goes, but I love how you're having things play out. And a message to Bill from me: STOP TAKING OVER PEOPLE'S KEYBOARDS!
Gamelover41592- Thanks for your review!
Cutie Patootie- Thanks for your review! And yes, Alex will be part of the Zodiac. I'm sorry you don't really like him, but I'm glad you like everything else! Hearing from my readers always encourages me, even if it's constructive criticism.
Teletubby2015- Thanks for all of your reviews/compliments! And while I agree that the show could have easily done another season, I am actually king of glad Alex Hirsch stopped it when he did. I mean, the entire show was about a SUMMER away from home, then the kids going back, so if he had done even another season, it would have turned into an endless summer like Phineas and Ferb, and while I love that show, they really should have ended it a lot sooner than they did. But the good news is, there is still a chance for a TV movie or a spin off, and there are fan projects and fanfiction, so the show will never die.
Disclaimer: I only own Willow. Anything recognizable belongs to Alex Hirsch/Disney XD.
Soos' POV (July 26th)
After Mabel's show started to go to infierno, I gave Wendy a ride home then went back to mi casa. Technically it was my Abuelita's house, but I had been living with her for as long as I could remember. It was a small house; living room, kitchen, bathroom and two bedrooms, all on one level, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else, except maybe the Mystery Shack. I was playing one of my favorite video games, First Person Puncher, Abuelita reading our mail, when a timer went off.
"Highlights are done!" I told her, starting to take the foil out of her hair. "You're gonna make the other ladies at the bingo hall so jealous!"
"Just a minute mi hijo," she told me, giving me a piece of mail. "Your primo Reggie is having an engagement party next month." The mail was a picture of Reggie with him arms around a black-haired woman.
"Reggie's engaged? But he's like the poor man's Soos!" I loved Reggie, but he wasn't exactly the most attractive man out there. But from the picture, it looked like he and the girl, whose name was Isabelle, were happy together, and I was happy for them.
"I do not want to pressure you, but you are a man now… in a way," Abuelita told me. "It's time for you to start meeting girls. I would like to see you settled before I ascend to heaven and live with the angles."
"And with grandpa!" I said, but she shook her head.
"No. He is not there. But please find a girl to bring to Reggie's engagement party, for Abuelita." She stood up and kissed my cheek, then went back towards the bedrooms. I shrugged; this would be easy!
"I'm great at fixing stuff, playing video game, having a sort-of mustache," I said to myself, feeling the hair I had glued on my face. "I can totally get a date before the engagement. Totally. Piece of cake."
"YOU'RE DEAD!" The video game told me. I sighed; the game was right. I was dead.
GFF (July 27th)
Abuelita's words were playing over and over in my head all the next day. I was just about finished hanging up some t-shirts when I noticed a woman with strawberry-blonde hair looking at the snow-globe displays. I'll admit, I panicked a bit. I hid in a shirt rack, getting myself together.
"You can do this Soos!" I told myself. "Just use your mouth to say words that makes romance happen." I stood up out of the rack and cleared my throat, getting the woman's attention. "Your face is good. I'm a Soos!" Instead of staying and talking to me, she screamed, dropped the snow-globe, and ran out of the gift shop like El Diablo was chasing her. I sighed and went back to hiding in the shirt rack. That definitely could have gone better.
"Soos? You okay?" A girl's voice questioned, the shirts being pulled back. Wills and Dip were there, staring at me. Even though I was depressed, I was glad to see them looking kind of normal. I had gotten the short version from Mabel last night; Dip was still bruised and moving stiffly, but they looked more awake than they had in days which made me happy, but I was still depressed about the woman.
"I think I was flirting, but I'm not sure," I told them, crawling out from the shirt rack. A barrel of keychains moved, Mabel popping out of it.
"Did someone say flirting?" She asked, climbing out of the barrel.
"Yeah. My cousin's having an engagement party in a few days, and I kind of promised Abuelita that I'd get a date by the end of the week. But…" I was 21 and I REALLY didn't want to admit this part, even though the dudes would probably understand.
"But…?" Wills prompted.
"I've never actually been on a real date before!" I told them quickly. I mean, I had been on dates in middle school and high school, but those weren't anything bigger than dances or a movie. You couldn't count them as REAL dates. I grabbed the OUT OF ORDER sign off the vending machine and put it on my chest. "You belong on me, out-of-order sign."
"Finally, my prayers for a chance to match-make this summer have come true!" Mabel said excitedly, hugging me. If she was willing to help, I would take it. Dios knew I needed all the help I could get.
"Soos, piece of advice," Mr. Pines said to me. "You need to get rich. Or lie about being rich. Outside of that, I don't like your chances."
"Don't listen to Stan dude," Wendy called over from the counter. "You're a sweet guy with a steady job and a pickup truck."
"Age aside, would you date him?" Mr. Pines asked her. Instead of answering, she buried her head in her magazine.
"Soos, the point is, you've helped us so much this summer it's time we help you," Dip told me, holding his fist out. "We're gonna get you that date. P-terodactyl bros?"
"P-terodactyl bros!" I said, fist-bumping him, thankful for all the help I could get. "So what the plan?" I asked Mabel, the most eager of the three of them.
"We're taking you where romance lives and where fashion styles die," she said dramatically before pointing out the door. "TO THE MALL!"
Why a town with only 1,000 some people in it needed a mall, I had no idea. Granted, the town was practically in the middle of nowhere, so the mall did have pretty much anything you could need. As soon as we got there, I started looking around for a woman I could take to the engagement.
"I'm gonna go find a replacement for old Goldie," Mr. Pines told the kids, patting the statue. "Babysit Soos while I'm gone."
"Alright Soos. Are you ready to explode the charm bomb on these poor, unsuspecting ladies?" Mabel asked me, gesturing at the women who were walking around.
"But what if I embarrass myself again?" I asked her, concerned.
"You can't be any worse at this than Dipper," she told me, not that it was any comfort. She pulled a whistle out and blew it, making a good number of people turn to look at us. "And… FLIRT!"
After an hour and at least ten women, I had a headache. Mabel was giving me advice and I was trying it out, but it never worked out as well as I was hoping. Then when she told me what I was doing wrong, the way she explained it just confused me even more. Then Wills was telling me different things that went against what Mabel said, and the two of them kept arguing with each other about who was right. Why couldn't this be easier?!
"Don't worry Soos!" Mabel told me, still trying to help even though nothing was working so far. She was getting something out of one of those toy machines. "You'll find the right girl. You just need to… Stick with it!" She pulled back her prize, a sticky hand, and made it stick on my face. I knew she was trying to cheer me up, but it wasn't working. I sighed.
"Could this day get any worse?" I said to myself. I looked around, trying to see if there was someone else I could try talking to, when I saw a familiar face. "Reggie!" I whispered, the dudes looking at him. He looked like me body-wise, but his hair was darker and longer. With him was his fiancée Isabelle. "He can't see me like this! I have to hide!" I stood up and ran into the video game shop we had been sitting in front of, going all the way to the back and sitting in the corner.
"This is it Soos. A lifetime of loneliness," I said to myself, pulling a few video games off the shelf beside me. "You're the only ones who could love me. 'Fighty Hog,' 'Dr. Punch Head MD,' 'Romance Academy 7.' Wait…" The last one was in a sale box beside me, the only thing that didn't look like it had been sitting there for ten years. I picked it up and started reading what was on the box. "'Virtually improve your dating skills. Nine out of ten basement dwellers recommend.' This is perfect!"
"You are better at games than flirting," Dip said, the dudes walking up to me.
"Anything to get you out there Soos," Mabel added, Wills taking the game from me and looking over it.
"I'm not sure you want to buy that game sir," the store clerk, a blonde girl with square-framed glasses, told us. I shrugged; the dudes and I could handle anything that happened. Then I noticed a brown-haired woman with a weapon in her hand, looking muy peligrosa. I walked up to her and tapped her arm.
"So, hey there. What's your deal? You like to-?" Out of nowhere, she fell over, hitting the floor face-first. "She's dead!" I yelled. That REALLY didn't work out well.
"Soos, it's a cutout!" Wills told me, coming over and lifting it up. She turned back to the clerk. "We'll take our chances."
That night, I put the game in my computer. A disc came on screen, the words YEAR 2000 ELECTRONICS in front of it. "Man, I can't wait for the year two-thousand," I said to myself, the welcome screen appearing. The options were Start, Quit, and Shizenhakka, whatever that last one meant. I hit start, cherry blossom trees appearing. Japanese symbols came on the screen, English under it. "'When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom… anthyding can hadplen.' That is so true."
"Hi there!" A cute pixel girl with pink hair and a computer cable bow on her head appeared in a classroom, books hugged against her chest. "My name is .GIFfany. I'm a schoolgirl at School University. Will you help me carry my books?" Beside her, the choices appeared.
"I'm really feeling number two here," I said, clicking the option that said 'I'm impatient! Date me now!' It went red and made a buzzing sound. "I messed up!"
"That's okay. Try again!" .GIFfany told me. I clicked option one, which was 'Yes of course!' It made more sense than option three: 'Hey look! A squid!' Gold coins started raining down the screen, happy music playing. This game was already working!
"What would you like to talk about?" .GIFfany asked me, the options of 'Your interests,' 'Samurais,' and 'Squids' appearing, but none of them seemed right.
"I'd rather just click your face," I said, doing so. She laughed robotically, but it was cute.
"You're so funny!" She told me. I smiled.
"This game is amazing! I don't know why anyone abandoned it."
"And I'm sure you'll never abandon me, new boyfriend." Did she just say what I think she said?
"Novio? .GIFfany, it's almost like you're actually alive."
"Yes. Almost," she said, laughing again, me joining her.
"You have such a nice laugh!" I told her. This was going great! I had only known her for five minutes, and we were already dating. I can't believe I ever thought dating was hard.
GFF (July 28th)
.GIFfany and I literally talked all night. Since she was programmed, she didn't have a lot of backstory, so I did most of the talking, but I could tell she was listening the entire time. I told her EVERYTHING, even some stuff I've never told anyone before, not even the dudes. The past two hours had been me telling her everything that the dudes and I had gone through in the six weeks since they had come up here. It was odd; I had always known there was something weird about this place, but in the space of six weeks, my life had been turned around. Those dudes had never known anything of this scale, and now they were at the center of the weird, and they were handling it like pros. At least .GIFfany was normal.
"…So that's basically my life story," I told her, rubbing my eyes and glancing at the clock. 11:08. Wow. Oh well. "Now you tell me everything about you!"
"Every time you compliment me I get another highlight in my eyes!" .GIFfany told me excitedly. I shrugged; Whatever the lady wants.
"You're pretty!" I told her, the sparkles in her eyes getting bigger. "And pixel-y!" I added, the sparkles growing even more. "And so agreeable!" Stars, planets and cat faces appeared in her eyes. "Yes!"
"Soos?" Someone said from behind me. I turned around and saw the dudes standing in my doorway.
"Hey dudes! Come in!" I told them, moving to the side so they could see .GIFfany on the screen. "This game is amazing. I'm learning how to talk to girls, going on dates, and I haven't seen any natural sunlight for 13 hours!"
"Soos, maybe it's time to apply these skills with real girls," Mabel told me, moving over to the blinds I had covering my window. But I couldn't go now! And things were going so well!
"I'm about to meet her parents!" I told them, then whispered, "Her dad is an octopus-man!" Mabel grabbed the blinds and pulled them open, blinding me. I hissed like a cat and ducked under the desk, covering my eyes while they adjusted. Dip and Wills grabbed my arms and pulled me out from under the table.
"We're going back to the mall! You need to unplug!" Dip told, me starting to drag me out of my room.
"I'll see you later, .GIFfany! I'll be back, I swear!" I told her just before Mabel pulled the door closed behind us.
"Soos, it's just a game. You don't have to wish it goodbye," Wills told me, pulling me to my feet. "It's not like it's going anywhere." As we left, I thought I heard electric sounds, but I wasn't sure. The mall wasn't going as well today as it had been yesterday. Friday's were usually the day most of the sales were, so the number of people here was a lot smaller. Not that I was complaining all that much. I wanted to get back to .GIFfany and talk to her more, and the women I did see walking around were making me nervous.
"Dang! Where all dem sweet honey's at?" Mabel yelled, pocketing the binoculars she had been using and pulling out a megaphone. "I'm gonna go check the ladies' bathroom." She took off, running into the bathroom, yelling into the megaphone. "It's love time girls! Get out there! No time to wash your hands! It's time to date! Date! Date!" The women all came running out, a good number of them grabbing different security guards.
"And, here comes security," Dip said, sighing. "We'll deal with this. Stay here and practice on some real girls." They left, going over to where security had grabbed Mabel. I looked over the railing of the escalator, seeing too many women.
"These women have so many dimensions! And no explanation-ing menus!" I said to myself, backing into someone. I turned around and saw a blonde woman with a ponytail, bending down to pick up her purse. "Undo! Undo!" I yelled, trying to use the undo combination with the mouse it the air.
"You can't undo who you are," the woman told me, standing up and walking away. I panicked and ran to a TV shop, leaning against the glass, mentally face-palming and calling myself estúpido idiota.
"This is the worst," I told myself. "I wish I was back home with-"
"Hi Soos!" .GIFfany said from behind me. I turned around and saw her on one of the TV screen behind me. Just having her here was already helping me calm down.
".GIFfany! Am I glad to see you!" I told her, then I realized that she was on a TV screen in the mall, not on my computer at my house. "Although, sorta confused."
"Oh Soos!" She told me, appearing on a different TV screen. "I am not an ordinary game. I am… special." A bunch of people working at computers came on screen, all blue except one that was pink. She zoomed in on the pink person, binary appearing on his screen. "The programmers tried to delete me, so I had to delete them." The computer the pink person was working on surged with electricity, shocking the person before .GIFfany's face came back on the TV.
"What did you do to them?" I asked her, not wanting to date an asesino.
"That's not important," she told me, taking over every TV screen. "What's important is that you won't have to talk to real girls ever again. We can be together FOREVER!" On the last word, the TV screens all made up one giant image of her. Although that part about being together forever was a bit odd, if it meant I didn't have to talk to real women, I would take it.
"That's awesome! Bit of a red flag, but mostly awesome! So, what do you want to do now?"
"Anything you want, Soos!" Want I wanted was to go to the Kidz Zone and ride the little train they had there, so that was what we did. I was on the real train and .GIFfany was conductor of the train on the screen. It was fun, even though it did hurt my pompis.
"Please insert fifty cents to continue." The train said, .GIFfany disappearing. I reached into my pocket but didn't feel any coins.
"Aw man," I sighed, about to get off when I heard someone laugh. I looked around and saw someone watching me from behind the Meat Cute store.
"Oh, sorry," she said, coming out and walking up to me. She had tan skin and copper-blonde hair. "I think it's awesome that you're a grown man riding a little train like that. You're totally owning it."
"Yeah," I said, not thinking anything of it. "I'm like, if you think it's fun, you do it. You know?"
"Exactly! Being an adult is the worst. Skewering meat, paying bills. I just want to ride tiny trains all day."
"At least you get to work at Meat Cute," I encouraged her. "Extreme lunch meats are the food of the future."
"I feel the same way," she said breathlessly, holding her hand out. "I'm Melody by the way."
"I'm Soos," I said, shaking her hand. I noticed that under the smell of lunch meat, she smelled like honey. "If you like robot for kids, you should check out the best restaurant of all time!"
"You mean…" she questioned, knowing what I was talking about. "Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree!" We said at the same time. She smiled and started playing with her hair. "You've heard of Hoo-Ha Owl's? I loved that place when I was a kid!"
"There's one right in this mall! I could show you sometime," I offered.
"I'm free around eight," she told me. That would work.
"Boom! Done!"
"Perfect! I'll see you then," she said, taking something out of her pocket and handing it to me. I looked down and saw that it was two quarters. I looked back up and we waved bye to each other, Melody walking out of the mall. The sun was shining in through the big windows out front, so when she left, her hair went the color of gold.
"What a nice lady," I said to myself, readjusting on the train. "Well, back to riding this tiny train for children." I reached out to put the coins Melody had given me into the slot, but someone screamed and tackled me off the train, brown hair covering my eyes.
"SSSOOOOOOSSS!" The person yelled, moving around and hitting me in excitement. The hair moved out of my face and I was able to see that Dip and Wills were bending down next to me, which meant Mabel was the one who was attacking me.
"We saw the whole thing Soos! That was amazing!" Dip told me excitedly as Wills pulled Mabel off me. "You talked to a real girl, and you got a date!"
"I did?" I asked. Getting a date never crossed my mind, but now that they said it, the pieces clicked. Melody playing with her hair, me smelling honey, her hair looking gold when she left. I thought I was just showing her around, but now I realized that we were going on a date, and even though I was nervous, I didn't not want it to happen. I had a date.
"That game really worked!" Wills was saying, Mabel finally calming down and bending down next to them.
"You don't need it anymore! You can toss it out!"
"Toss it?" I repeated. Yes, it was working, but I could already feel myself getting nervous, and when I get nervous, I sometimes slip into Spanish, which was the last thing I needed during the date. I needed that game to help me calm down, and I needed .GIFfany to do that. I also liked .GIFfany because I knew her and how she would react to certain things. "But I like .GIFfany. She's good to me. She's predictable."
"Soos, can a computer game go to Reggie's engagement party with you?" Wills questioned. She had a point with that. That was the point of this whole thing; to get a date to the party, and if I didn't have one, then this whole thing was pointless. I sighed, knowing what I had to do but not wanting to do it.
"Hey .GIFfany, we gotta talk," I told her that afternoon. I was about to get ready for my date and felt it better to explain before hand.
"Of course," she said happily. I forgot that she had gotten shut down before Melody and I had started talking. "I am programmed to find everything you say interesting." Yeah, that was probably going to change after this conversation.
"Well," I started. "Have you ever had to choose between two things you like, but you don't know which one is right for you?" She just looked confused. That was better than angry. "I'm just thinking long term here. Maybe I should be with someone a little less… beep, boop. You know?"
"I don't think you know what you're saying Soos," she told me angrily. "No one loves you more than me. The girls out there will just make fun of you!"
"You really think so?" I asked.
"I know so!" She yelled. "Besides, we had a deal. You bought my game, you held my books, you're my boyfriend! Now sit down in that chair!"
"I don't think I like the way you're acting…" I told her, starting to understand why her game had been returned repeatedly.
"I WON'T LET ANOTHER GIRL TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME SOOS!" She yelled, banging on the inside of the glass screen.
"¡Cálmate .GIFfany!" I yelled, slipping into Spanish. It didn't work; instead she started yelling louder.
"YOU'RE MINE SOOS!" I panicked, looking around for something that would make her stop yelling. I did the only thing that made sense: I grabbed the game controller and hit pause, freezing her mid-scream. The sudden silence was off-putting.
"That got intense," I said to myself, wiping a bit of sweat off my head. I popped open the disc tray and took the game out of it, slipping the game into my pocket and turning my computer off, just in case. "I'm sorry .GIFfany. Maybe having a cursed robo-girlfriend wasn't a good idea. I'm taking you back to the video game store after my date with Melody." I started to get changed, pulling on a sweater-vest and bow tie, glad this was almost over. I couldn't wait to get back to what passes for normal in this town.
GFF
"You can do this Soos!" Mabel told me. We were in the mall food court, Dip giving me a massage, Wills giving me A LOT of water. Mabel had put on a referee sweater and a hat that looked like Dip's, but it was pink with a heart on the front. "Just remember what your love crew taught you. How does she look?"
"Nice!" I responded.
"What are her stories?"
"Interesting!
"And who's going to pay for dinner?"
"SOOS IS!"
"NOW DATE!" She yelled, blowing an air horn. I took off, running to Hoo-Ha Owl's. I slowed down when I saw her, not wanting to arrive out-of-breath. She actually did look great. She was wearing white shorts that showed off her legs, along with purple sandals and a purple top with white polka-dots. I caught my breath then walked up to her.
"Melody! You look great!" I said, getting her attention. She blushed a bit, smiling slightly. "So, are you ready for…" I almost froze, then remembered that I had written what I was going to say on my hand. I glanced down, reading the words. "A date…" I looked at my other hand. "With me?"
"I totally am!" She said, laughing. I held out my arm for her, allowing her to take it. So far so good, I thought as we walked into the restaurant. It was a nice place for a first date: tables in` the middle of the room, games lining the walls. The best part was that there were kids around, so you didn't have to worry about keeping your voice down or dressing up super nice, which really helped me calm down. I lead her to a table in the middle of the room, me sitting down while she went to the restroom. While she was gone, the dudes walked in, taking a seat on the other side of the room.
"If you need help with anything, we'll be right over there," Mabel said, taking a seat as Melody started walking back.
"Man, I could go for some complementary breadsticks right now," she said, taking a seat.
"One time I was so hungry that I ate the decorational bamboo at a Chinese restaurant," I told her, singing and patting my belly. "Like a big old panda!" Thank Dios, she laughed.
"You're hilarious," she told me. I sighed mentally: Maybe this was going to go better than I thought.
"Yeah well, I just sorta say whatever pops into my-" I had been bringing a water to my mouth when I noticed what was on the screen behind Melody. .GIFfany was there, looking hurt, hand over her heart, the words YOU PAUSED ME? in a box at the bottom of the screen. I choked on the water, splattering the table. Melody reached over and patted my back.
"Soos, are you okay?" She asked me, even though I didn't really hear her. I nodded, draining the water in one gulp, the temperature in the room feeling twenty degrees hotter. "Are you sure? You're sweating an awful lot." I glanced up and saw the words YOU LEFT ME FOR HER? on a screen above Melody's head, images of her with X's over her eyes appearing.
"Necesito ir al baño! Quédate aquí!" I told her, slipping in Spanish again. I got up and went over to where the dudes were sitting watching us from behind a pizza box.
"Soos, what are you doing out there?" Mabel questioned, offering me a water. I took it and drank half, calming myself down enough to speak English again.
"I've got a big problem dudes. I'm being stalked by .GIFfany!"
"Soos, get a grip on yourself," Wills told me. ".GIFfany can't stalk you because she's not real."
"I'm not so sure about that," Dip stated, pointing above us. .GIFfany's face was on the screen, bathing us in red light. "Take it from someone who brought a video game to life, this will not end well."
"Don't worry. I'm pretty sure she's stuck on TV screens," I told them, about to go grab Melody and get out of here when electric sounds came from beside us. Along the row of arcade games, .GIFfany appeared in the background, stopping only briefly to disintegrate Rumble McSkirmish before continuing towards the stage.
"Oh boy," I said to myself, running back over to where Melody was sitting. "So hey, you wanna move this date far away into the forest away from all electronics and people?"
"But the floor show's about to start," she said, gesturing to the stage where the curtains had just opened, showing the robots that made this place so popular. They started their routine, but shut down before they could get anywhere. The spotlight moved to focus on the cheerleader, the only one still active.
"Hello friends," .GIFfany's voice said. I glanced around, glad to see that the dudes had started evacuating people without causing a scene. I didn't want any kids getting hurt because of me. "Hoo-Ha the Owl is dead. This next song goes out to my forever boyfriend, Soos."
"Soos, what's going on?" Melody questioned, looking at me. I grabbed her wrist and stood up.
"No time to explain; We gotta get outta here!" Then I yelled loud enough for everyone to hear. "EVERYONE, GET OUT, NOW!"
"The only way out, Soos, is in my arms!" .GIFfany yelled, the eyes of the cheerleader going red, the other robots coming to life and jumping off the stage. Everyone else in the restaurant panicked and took off, clearing out in ten seconds. The five of us were almost to the door when they closed on us, the garage doors slamming down, trapping us in.
"I'm sorry Soos, but you can't run away from our relationship!" .GIFfany yelled, turning the skee-ball games into canons, aiming them at us. I grabbed the top of one of the arcade games along the left wall, pulling it down to the floor, doing the same thing with one on the right, giving us cover.
"So, about all this," I told Melody now that we had time. "I may have purchased a dating simulator that became self-aware and went crazy."
"Oh, I am crazy," .GIFfany said. Melody and I peeked over the top of the game, watching the cheerleader move forward in front of us, .GIFfany keeping pace along the screens of the games. "Crazy for you, Soos!" The cheerleader held out her hand, blue lightning arcing towards us. Most of it hit the doors behind us, but one spark lit Melody's hair on fire. I reached up and patted it out quickly, guilt crashing down on me. Melody and the dudes were all in danger and it was my fault.
"I'm sorry Melody," I told her, coming to a quick decision. "I'll fix this. It's me she wants. I'll distract her while the dudes keep you safe! It's the only way!"
"Soos, these are children," Melody told me as I climbed on top of the games. She had a lot to learn.
"The only WWWAAAYYY!" I yelled, jumping off the games and running towards .GIFfany. The skee-ball machines were still firing, and the balls hurt A LOT when they hit me, but adrenaline had kicked in, so I kept going. "Over here .GIFfany!" I yelled, running past her and grabbing a metal serving plate off one of the tables to use as a shield. Melody and the dudes started running around the restaurant, the other robots chasing them. I ran towards the kitchen, using the serving plate to slide under the doors. I stood up and turned around just as .GIFfany came in.
"I've got you surrounded Soos," she said, making me back up a few feet. Through the window I could see that the robots had captured Melody and the dudes and were holding the above the ball pit.
"Please, let my friends go," I begged her. "I'll do anything, I promise!"
"I seem to remember someone promising to be my boyfriend!" The cheerleader held out her hand and shot lightning at the TV beside me, .GIFfany appearing on the screen. "Think about it. Real girls are unpredictable. They judge you. Do you really think that Melody will take you back after this awful date?" She did have a point, but I knew that things with Melody and I were over. This date was a desastre, and it was all my fault. There was no reason for Melody to take me back, and I honestly wasn't expecting her to.
"I can download your brain into the game with me," she offered, the cheerleader's finger turning into a stick with a flash drive on the end of it. "We can be together, FOREVER!" She held her hand out to me, extending the flash drive. Just because things with Melody and I were over, there was no way I would let her take me into the game. She really is crazy if she thinks I would let her do that.
"Stay back!" I yelled, throwing anything I had in my pockets at her. My wallet and the candy bar didn't do anything, and the screwdriver missed, sticking in the wall behind her.
"Come on, Soos! Don't make me delete you too!" I reached into my back pocket and felt it. "What do you say?"
"I say, GAME OVER .GIFfany!" I yelled, opening the oven that was behind me and throwing her game disc into it, slamming the door shut. It bubbled and sparked, crumpling in on itself. The TV screen froze and turned off, .GIFfany disappearing. The cheerleader sparked, the fur melting off, leaving the metal body before it crumpled to the floor. "Game over," I repeated, grabbing my stuff and running out of the kitchen.
The restaurant was a mess, something I did feel bad about. A few tables had been broken and most of the games were trashed. But at least no one was hurt. We were cut up and scraped, but there was nothing serious. The dudes offered to start cleaning up and finding the owner while Melody and I talked on the stage.
"I'm sorry about all this," I apologized for at least the hundredth time, putting a Band-Aid on Melody's arm. "Although, I honestly remember this place being a lot more fun when I was a kid."
"I do to," Melody responded, patting down her hair. "But believe it or not, I've been on worse dates."
"Really?" I questioned. How could things be worse than this?
"Never date a magician,' she told me seriously. THAT explained it.
"Why would I?" She laughed and punched my arm in the way you do when you're totally comfortable around someone. Maybe this date hadn't been as much of a disaster as I had thought. Then I remembered why this whole thing had even started to begin with. "Hey, you aren't maybe interested in going to my cousin's engagement party in a week? I promise there's like zero robot badgers." She laughed and nodded.
"Yeah. I'll still be in town then." Did she just say…
"'Still be in town'?" I repeated.
"I never told you?" She asked, face-palming. "Sorry, but I was just visiting for a month. I'm going back home to Portland in a few weeks. But after that, we can video chat if you want."
"A relationship with a girl that I can only see through my computer…" I said to myself, smiling. "Sounds perfect!" And it actually did. Yes, it would have been better if she could stay in town, but of all the places she could have been visiting from, Portland was probably the best. And after dealing with .GIFfany and her robots, I think a five hour drive was worth it if it meant we could be together.