Chapter 25.

I sat in the hospital waiting room, feeling numb. We'd been sitting there, just sitting, for ages, waiting for news. All I knew was that Stef had been shot in the abdomen, and that her lung had collapsed. She was in surgery now. I'd picked up some of the story by listening to Mariana and Mike. I guess, Mariana had gone to see Ana. Ana asked her for money, something she's apparently been doing for a long time now, and Mariana got fed up with it. So she left. Mike and Stef went to Ana's house to look for her, but no one answered the door. So, they went inside. Ana and Mariana were long gone, but Ana's boyfriend was hiding in a bedroom. He shot Stef. And Mike shot and killed him.

"Are you okay?" Jesus asked me from the seat next to me.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I'm just thinking."

"I hate hospitals," he said. "You want to take a walk?"

I shrugged. "Sure." I glanced over at Sophia. She was sitting next to Lena, her head on her shoulder. She would be okay for a few minutes.

"I'm worried," Jesus said, once we were in the hall. "I feel so bad for mom."

"Me too," I nodded. All I could think about was that she was hurting and scared somewhere behind closed doors.

"Mariana feels terrible," He said. "I know she does."

"She never meant for this to happen," I told him. "She didn't know Stef would get shot."

"But she should've known to stay away from Ana," he said, shaking his head.

I sat down on a bench in the hall. "She's pretty bad news, huh?"

He nodded. "She was never a very good mother. But Mariana always loved her, no matter what she did. It's been harder for me to forgive."

I stared ahead, thinking about my initial thoughts when my foster sister first told me she was seeing her birth mom. I still couldn't imagine wanting more than Stef and Lena. Finding them was like a fairy tale for me and Sophia.

"Were our birth parents messed up too?" he asked

I snapped out of my thoughts. "No. Not really. Well, my dad had a drinking problem. But my mom was really great."

"You must miss her," he said. "Didn't she die?"

I nodded, and my eyes filled with tears. "We should get back. There might be news soon." I got up and hurried back to the waiting room.

When we returned, Lena was talking to a nurse. "Your wife is in ICU," the other woman was saying. "She's stable. You can see her now." She looked over at us kids. "Immediate family only."

"Can't Callie and I see mom too?" Sophia asked. She frowned, worried.

Lena gave the nurse a questioning look. "Callie and Sophia are our foster daughters. Are they allowed?"

The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry. We have to keep it to immediate family for the time being."

Lena nodded, then gave us an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, girls. Can you sit down and wait? We shouldn't be long."

"Take your time," I said. "It's okay."

"I'll tell her you're here," she promised. "She'll be happy to know you're thinking of her."

"Thanks," I nodded. "Come on, Soph." I put my hand on her back and guided her to the chairs as Lena and the kids went through the ICU doors. We sat huddled together, Sophia leaning against me.

"It's not fair," Sophia said. "I want to see mom too." She sniffled, and I knew she was gonna cry. "I hate being a foster kid."

"It's not Lena's fault," I reminded her. "It's the hospital rules."

"But what if we never get to see her again?" she asked, her question hanging in the air.

My eyes stung, and I couldn't help but think about our own mom again. "We will," I assured her. "Don't think like that." But her words haunted me. I felt cold inside. I hugged her closer; we both needed someone to hold onto.

Mike must have overheard our conversation, because he came over and sat by us. "Don't cry, honey," he told my sister. "Stef is tough. She always has been. If anyone can pull through this, it's her."

"I hate guns," Sophia said, balling her fists. "I hate them! They just hurt people." Tears squeezed from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

Mike smiled sadly. "I don't know if you girls remember me. But I remember you. I was there, the night your foster father was shot."

We were silent, unsure of what to say.

Finally, Sophia broke the silence. "I remember you."

"That gun didn't just hurt your foster father, did it?" he said. "It hurt you, too."

Sophia didn't answer. Maybe she didn't know what to say. I knew I didn't.

"I took a man's life tonight, too," he told her. "I did it to protect one of the people I-" his voice broke. "One of the people I love most in the world. Just like you did. But that doesn't make it any easier for me to live with. It never really hit me until tonight, what you've had to deal with. And I'm a grown man. You're just young girls."

"Will the hurt ever go away?" Sophia asked him.

He shrugged. "I can't say. Maybe it will. But it's gonna take time."

Sophia nodded. Then to my surprise, she reached over and laid her hand on top of Mike's. They stayed that way for a long time, like there was a silent understanding between them.

That night Lena stayed at the hospital, and Brandon drove us all home. No one wanted to be alone, so we all brought our pillows and blankets down to the living room to sleep.

I laid down and tried to close my eyes, but I couldn't fall asleep. The house felt empty without Stef and Lena. And Sophia tossed and turned next to me.

"Sissy," she whispered. "You awake?"

"Yeah," I whispered back. "What?"

"This reminds me of mommy," she said quietly.

I pulled my afghan up to my chin. "Me too."

"Is Stef going to die too?" she asked.

"No," I answered. "This family's not like ours. They're lucky." I rolled over and pulled her close to me. "Go to sleep now, baby."

"I love you, sissy," she said.

"Love you more," I whispered. "Goodnight."

I closed my eyes, but I still couldn't sleep. I'd tried to sound sure of myself for Sophia's sake, but I didn't really know if Stef was going to die or not. If she did, she'd know that Sophia loved her; my sister told her so every day. But I never did. She'd done so many things for me, too. She gave me a phone, she listened to my problems, she held me through my night terrors, hugged and kissed me, and called me slug-a-bug. Stef was one of my best friends in the world, my parent, and I loved her. And when she told me she loved me, I couldn't even say it back.

And I hated myself for it. I wouldn't want to live if Stef died without knowing how I felt.

I made up my mind. I had to see her.

The next afternoon, when Lena came home to rest for a while, I told her I was going to the library. Really, I took a bus to the hospital. I found the right floor and walked, kind of shyly, up to the nurse's station.

"May I help you with something?" the nurse sitting at the desk asked.

"Um, yes," I said, clearing my throat. "I'm here to visit Stefanie Adams Foster."

The nurse clicked some keys on her computer. "Are you family?" she asked me, looking up at me through the top of her glasses.

My heart raced. I nodded, looking her straight in the eye. "She's my mom."

"Room 331," she told me.

"Thank you," I said. I turned down the hall before she could ask any more questions.

Stef was propped up in bed, hooked up to wires, and monitors, and oxygen. She looked so fragile in her hospital bed. It was scary, seeing her that way. I'd always thought of her as invincible; she was the family's rock. But I took a deep breath, and went in anyway. "Hi, Stef."

She turned to look at me. The color was gone from her cheeks, and dark shadows framed her eyes, but she still managed to smile. "Callie?" she said softly. "What are you doing here, slug-a-bug?"

"I came to see you," I said. My voice wavered, and tears dripped down my face.

"Come sit with me," she said. I did, and she reached for my hand, brushing her thumb across my knuckles. "Why the tears, baby? What's wrong?"

"They wouldn't let me and Sophia see you yesterday," I said. "Because we're not family."

"You are too family," she said. "You're my family."

"I lied to get in here," I told her. "I know it was wrong, but I had to see you. I have to tell you-"

"What?" she whispered. Her lips were dry and cracked. "What do you have to tell me, love?"

I squeezed my eyes shut; my tears blurred my vision. "I- I love you, Stef. I love you so much. You have to know what you mean to me." I heaved a sob, and reached for a tissue.

"Sweet baby," Stef breathed. She lifted her arm a little, even though she couldn't hug me. I scooted my chair up to the bed and laid my head down. She stroked my hair with the tips of her fingers. "I know you love me," she said. "Maybe you haven't said it in so many words, but I know. And I love you too."

"I told the nurse that you're my mom," I confided. "I meant it."

She smiled, and tears sparkled in the corners of her eyes. "I've dreamed of hearing you say that." She cupped my chin with her hand. "Here. Come here. Let me give you a kiss."

I stood up and leaned down so she could reach me without straining herself, and she touched her lips to mine. "I'm so happy that you came to see me," she said, squeezing my warm hand with her ice-cold one.

"Do you need anything else?" I asked her.

She shook her head a little. "No, no. Just you being here is enough. It's what I needed."

I nodded and sat back down, laying my head down on the bed again. Stef caressed my cheek, and I closed my eyes. Even though my world was upside down, I felt more whole than I had in a long time.

To Be Continued