TsunOro
He was a man once. A brilliant, awe-inspiring, cunning, captivating man. Cruel of course but it was a part of his nature and their job. He disdained those below him and only cared deeply for a close few. And they were among those few. His team. They bled fought and damn well nearly died together many times. They'd managed against all odds to get reunited as jounin after their separation as chuunin. He was the one she let hold her when Nawaki died as she batted away any of Jiraya's poor attempts as she didn't trust the letch. Both of them held her when Dan died and that had barely registered. But what had gotten through all the shock and the grief and guilt and hurt was the water that dripped down on her. She ran a hand across her face and her eyes widened as she met his red-rimmed gold ones. He was crying for her. And she hugged them both harder and cried even louder after that. Broken, hysterical sobs that had her gasping for breath (complete with stinging eyes and feeling like she was going to vomit or pass out or maybe even both) and left her with a headache for hours after until she finally collapsed into an uneasy sleep.
And she thanked him by leaving. She hadn't wanted to of course and he had let her (he had even suggested it because he saw her go teary and glassy-eyed whenever they passed special spots because there were so many that no matter how hard she tried she couldn't avoid them all and he knew when she got kicked out of the hospital too and taken off the field because she couldn't handle blood anymore and she hated being so weak but she just couldn't do it anymore) go saying that it was her choice and for the best (though Jiraya had argued against it, fought against it so hard because how could she just leave and they could get through this and they could be enough for her dammit! They were her team and teams didn't abandon each other). And she'd cried at that at the words and the thoughts and the way it hurt and how she had never been so weak because she was a ninja and a kunoichi and didn't cry only she didn't want to be that anymore maybe. She didn't want to see any more pain and death. Didn't want to cause it.
She still wonders if things would have been different if she'd stayed. If he wouldn't have grown so much colder and distant. If he wouldn't have ventured into the worlds of ROOT and ANBU so wholeheartedly and alone. It's impossible to know. She doesn't cry anymore though now. Now as back then when she hears the bad news so gravely delivered she punches and hits and breaks things and screams and growls and drinks but she doesn't break down doesn't cry. Won't cry anymore. He made his choices. She'll remember the man behind the monster still though. As long as he's alive she'll hope for him to come back. Jiraya keeps her informed of things as best he can even if she refuses to come back and help him find her wayward teammate. He'll come back on his own or not at all. He knows where to find them, he always has and if Jiraya's searching and chasing has proved useless so will hers. He'll have to have enough hope for all of them because she doesn't anymore. Because she's heard the rumors and read the reports and he doesn't sound human anymore.
..
A/N: as cannon complaint as I could make it. According to my sources he really did cry for her and well this got me thinking.
Anyway hopefully this chapter came across well. I tried to capture some of the primary emotions and stuff. And I don't think anyone is weak for grieving and I'm just trying to show how she probably reacted to the deaths and became the person she is now.
Also I really would like to do a whole fleshed out thing with the sannin and their pasts and growing up. I like all the characters in Naruto i just wish some were given more focus/development because they all have interesting dynamics and actions, etc.