"A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah."
- Dear God, Avenged Sevenfold
Dom's POV
One year in prison gone, another year to go and I was still thinking about the same things I always thought about. My family. I allowed myself to think about the journey here. A bus full of criminals down a road I'd taken many times but this time it felt lonely. I remembered the fear I had about having to cross state lines because of the news of over-crowding in most California prisons. Especially in the low-security ones that were suited for my sentence. But Lompoc seemed to sort their problem out just in time. I was still in prison but I was closer to my family than I could have been.
At first I found it hard to even find a purpose to keep going. I always had my family around me but then suddenly that was gone. Then during the visits I was left photos that I was allowed to put up in my cell. As time went on it surprised me that it was Letty's face I sought out first when I looked at the pictures. I finally found my purpose to keep going. I kept thinking back over all the words she'd said to me, trying to remember as many as possible. It got to the point that when she visited (which I only allowed her and Mia to visit once a month) I didn't want her to leave and the rest of the times I just wished she was here seen as I couldn't be where I knew I'd love to be.
Over the year that passed I found my feelings for Letty changing and I grew more protective than I was before. I'd already told Vince to keep an eye on them but if I told him to keep a closer eye he'd get suspicious. In the end I turned to the one thing I hadn't turned to in a long time, praying. Prison was the last place I expected to pray, I knew I had no right to ask for any help when it was my own fault, but I wasn't really asking for help really. I made it very clear that this was the only thing I was asking of Him. All I wanted was for Him to make sure she was safe seen as I wasn't around to do it myself.
It worked a little, helped me be at ease. Especially when each month I found out that she really was OK. I wanted to tell her the truth about how my feelings had changed but I chickened out every time. I knew she deserved better, everyone deserved that one person that was honest with them no matter what. I'd like to think I was honest, ninety percent of the time anyway, but I'd left her. I'd really just gotten to like Letty as a friend, not just Mia's friend, but my friend and then I left her. I wish I hadn't done what I'd did so that I could've stayed there with her, because honestly I'd never felt so lonely or so tired.
The same routine happened for the second year of my sentence right up until my release. I didn't tell anyone when I got out, the date had always been unsure but I kept quiet when I found out.
I walked most of the way, taking a taxi a couple of times throughout the journey, always needing to get out and walk. The road felt even lonelier leaving the prison than it had arriving, it felt almost barren. Admittedly it was pretty late so there would be less people travelling down this road but part of me figured it was just a way to prolong my stay away. But I kept on walking and before I knew it I was nearly home. I felt hungry but I knew nowhere would be open and it actually made me more eager to go home.
The closer I got the more excited I became. I thought about all the things I used to get up to with Vince, Mia and Letty before and the things I might have missed. By time I was on my street I was thinking about only the times I had with Letty. I looked through the images that had been taped up in my cell. They had been the only thing that I had to get me through, and maybe they would have to continue to do so but I hoped that things would go back to normal enough that I wouldn't need them, that I'd have the real thing.
As I reached the front door I gave another prayer. I was home now but I still felt like I wasn't really suited for the job to protect Letty properly, I needed some help. I felt like running when I realised this but the door opened before I could. Vince was there like he was ready to shout but he stopped and just stared. Mia came to investigate, poking her head around him. I considered just turning and walking with the way they stared at me, but then I heard her voice and she pushed through them.
I spent two years holding onto memories and I still felt lost. I spent so long, a lot of it on the walk home, trying to find a way to not feel like that. I'd felt like I was wasting away, and maybe it was due to the walk that probably took me half a day, maybe a whole one, but I was pretty sure it was the worry, not knowing how things would play out when I got home. But seeing her again told me to stay. I grabbed her to me, giving in to my own selfish ways.
She hugged me back instantly. It felt amazing to just hug someone again, felt even better that it was her. Just when all hope seemed to fade I realised that I worried for nothing, they wanted me here, it wasn't that they had to have me here but that they wanted me here.
R&R