A/N- Well once again thanks for all the wonderful reviews. We finally get vacation time in this chapter and some facing the facts and then some nice fluff. I hope you enjoy!
Greg's excitement was thrilling Nick as they landed in the airport in Costa Rica. "I can't believe we are in Costa Rica! I've always wanted to come here. How again did we come to get a place to stay at here?" He asked Nick for the third time. Nick chuckled.
"I'm only telling you this one last time. My dad works with this guy who owns this little vacation house on the beach that they use during the winter. Well they aren't there right now so my dad asked a favor and got us the place. Both our parents helped with the airfare and supplied us with some extra money to enjoy ourselves. Now don't ask me again!" he expressed with a grin.
"I won't, I promise." He looked out the window as they were coming in for a landing. "God, it's beautiful here. So unlike Vegas, I mean like tropical and not desert."
"Yeah it is," Nick replied but he was looking at Greg, who was practically glowing in the sunlight. It had been a very long time since he saw him looking so genuinely happy. It was a beautiful sight. Greg turned his head and saw Nick gazing at him.
"So, um, you say we land in San Jose and then we take a puddle jumper to Limón?" He asked him, feeling a little weird under his strong gaze. "Yes that is correct. So don't get too comfy at the airport."
"I won't. I just want to see this place that we will be staying at."
"So do I. It sounded wonderful hopefully it is what it sounded like. I think we will have a really relaxing time here and no major drama, okay?" Nick said to him.
"I'll do my best," Greg said to him and meant it. He knew Nick went through a lot to arrange this and it was supposed to be helpful to him.
About an hour and a half later they were arriving at the private beach house south of Limón. They had rented a car so they could get around on their own. They pulled up to the small house and got out. First thing Greg did was notice that the ocean was right behind the house. "Look at that water; it's so clear and blue." Nick smiled, admiring the ocean too. "Yeah it's beautiful. Let's say we get our stuff inside and check this place out."
They spent the next hour getting settled into the 2 bedroom/2 bathroom beach house. They even had a pool to enjoy if they didn't want to go to the beach. They drove into town to grab something to eat and buy some groceries to store in the kitchen at the house. They had five nights to be there and Nick wanted to make sure they were going to be as laid back as they could be.
Greg was enjoying the peace and quiet of being there and hardly thought about the last miserable months of his life. He walked out to the beach and stood out there as the sun set behind him. He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh salty air and let the warm breeze blow against his face. He just focused on the beauty that surrounded him and not on himself for a change. He heard someone coming up behind him and turned around to see Nick carrying a blanket and a bottle of wine and two glasses with him. He smiled at the sight.
"I was thinking we need to take advantage of this gorgeous night and view and chill out on the beach here and I brought us refreshments," Nick said to him as he handed Greg the bottle of wine and glasses so he could lay out the blanket on the sand. They both sat down on it once it was laid out. Nick took the bottle of wine and poured them both a glass. He handed a glass to Greg. "Now you can't drink too much but I know a glass or two can't hurt."
Greg took it from him and nodded. "No, I should be fine." He took a sip and then stared out at the ocean. "I needed this Nicky, I really did." He turned back to look at the man he loved so much. "Thank you for arranging this for us. It's amazing."
"You're amazing," Nick said before leaning over and placing a kiss on his lover's lips. He ended the kiss and looked at the happy crooked smile on his partner's face. He smiled and took another sip of his wine.
"Yeah I definitely needed this," Greg smiled as he drank down more of his wine. He lay back on the blanket to stare up at the darkening sky. "I bet when it is completely dark, you could see every star in the sky here."
Nick lay down too and stared up. "Yes, I am sure you can. I think we could almost fall asleep out here too."
"We probably could but who knows what animals might come out at night here. We are in the tropics after all. Don't want anything attacking us," Greg chuckled.
"The only thing that is going to attack you out here is me," Nick grinned before rolling over and grabbing Greg's neck and pulling him in for a deep, passionate kiss. Greg placed his hand under Nick's shirt and ran it up his back, feeling the smooth muscular skin. He started to tug at Nick's shirt, for him to take it off. Nick shifted and sat up, pulling his shirt off and then leaned down to place another kiss on Greg's lips.
Things were starting to get hot and heavy when Nick went to pull Greg's shirt off. Greg suddenly broke the kiss and placed his hands on Nick's, stopping him from taking his shirt off. "No," he said quietly, shaking his head in the moonlight.
Nick sat back on his legs, staring down at him in anger. "Damn it Greg! When are you going to get over your self-consciousness with me? How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care about the scars and marks? We're never going to get anywhere if you keep this up. Make up your mind what you want and let me know when you are ready to be intimate normally again. I'm going into to take a shower," Nick said angrily. He got up, grabbing his shirt and the wine bottle and his own glass and stomped back into the beach house.
Greg just lay there, stunned by Nick's reaction. The thing was, he knew he was right. He knew he was being unreasonable and Nick had every right to be mad at him. The problem was he could not get over it as easily as Nick wanted him to. But he had to do something otherwise he might lose Nick. Nick arranged this whole wonderful vacation for him and he couldn't even return him the favor of being intimate with him. Greg realized it was crazy that he was more worried about how he looked around Nick than his HIV status, which in the long run was more detrimental to their health.
He knew he had to do something and do it soon before he ruined their vacation and his own chance to find some peace with his life again. He got up and rolled up the blanket. He picked up his wine glass, finished off what was left in it and stared at the house. "It's now or never," he said aloud before walking off toward the house.
Nick was so furious he had to take the shower to cool down his temper. He thought that this vacation would take away all of Greg's fears for a while at least. He thought he was content there but apparently the same rooted issues were still there. He was starting to think Greg would never get over his self-image issues.
He sighed heavily as he turned off the water. He stepped out of the shower and was shocked to see Greg standing in the bathroom, completely naked, waiting for him.
"Here I am, all of me," Greg stated but his voice betrayed the confidence he meant to convey. Nick stepped out and grabbed a towel to dry himself off while looking at him. He finally saw the newest scars that he had made on his own body. He didn't let it show on his face how much it did bother him to see them. The way they looked didn't bother him; it was knowing he caused the damage to himself that bothered him. Maybe he should let him know how he felt about it. But then looking at him and the look on his face told him he needed to do something else if they were ever to get beyond this.
He walked right up to him and stared him in his eyes. He could see Greg's confidence wavering and could see a slight tremble starting. "Greg, I don't have a problem seeing you naked, with your scars and marks. It's you who have the problem." He took him by the shoulders and turned him around so that he was looking at himself in a full length mirror. "Now tell me what do you see?" Nick could see Greg struggling to look at himself. He finally looked down as tears came to his eyes.
"Nick…" was all he said. Nick tightened his grip on his shoulders. "Greg, you need to learn to live with yourself before you can be comfortable living with me. I see the scars and the marks but what do I see when I see them, I just see you hurting yourself and wishing that you would have let me in before you took those steps. It's those that you created that bother me the most, knowing you hated and still possibly hate yourself so much," Nick said to him, trying to keep his own emotions at bay for Greg's sake.
"I haven't done anything since, I swear to you," Greg said finally, lifting his head back up to look at himself again. He saw Nick standing behind him, looking at his reflection. "I can see that you haven't and that makes me happy. I just wish it would make you happy."
"I'm trying Nick, I really am but I still see them, taking their cigarettes to my skin or taking a knife against it and causing me pain. I still see them controlling my life for those four months. And I feel like Brad and Jakob were controlling me in some other way the last month, making me their fool. The only time I do feel in control is when I am home, with you. But when Jakob had you and I was helpless yet again, I suddenly realized I could control what happened next. When he handed me that knife, it all fell into place. I knew I could control the rest of our lives. I would end mine and Jakob wouldn't have the leverage that he thought he had and you, you would be free of me. You wouldn't have to worry about me anymore and you could move on. I thought that was the answer to everything, I was convinced at the time it was the best thing to do," Greg confessed to him.
Nick had to take a moment because anytime he thought about that moment where Greg slit his wrists; it shook him to the core. He knew he would never forget that. "And now….what do you think is best now?" Nick asked him as he moved his hands down his arms, stopping over the scars of his suicide attempt.
"Now, I know I was wrong and I know how much I hurt you and I don't want to hurt you again, so that is why I am here."
"Then look at yourself now and tell me how you really feel, because you can't go on hating yourself forever," Nick told him praying his viewpoint had improved.
Greg looked at his chest, scars all over from his own hands and others hands. His arms bared scars, more made by his own hands than others and then up at his face, which amazingly had no scars from any of it. He studied his body and realized many of the scars were already a lot less horrible looking than he remembered them being. Perhaps everyone was right, with time they would fade. He knew his burn scars on his back had lessened over the years and he basically forgot they were there most of the time, until Nick brushed his lips over them. He closed his eyes and lived in a brief memory of the moment and it brought a slight smile to his face.
He opened his eyes back up. "They don't seem to be as bad as I remember," he said and then looked at Nick's reflection. "If you can live with me looking like this, then so can I, because all that really matters is you accepting me."
Nick smiled a little but it wasn't what he wanted to hear. He let go of Greg's arms and stepped back a little. An ugly, new looking scar on Greg's lower back caught his eye. He suddenly realized what wasn't there and what this new one meant. "Greg, what did you do to yourself back here?"
Greg saw where he was looking and felt incredibly guilty all of the sudden. He lowered his eyes in shame. "I couldn't stand having his mark on me anymore and one day I did something about it."
Nick looked at it more closely and then fingered it. It was a rough, blotchy red scar. "What did you do to yourself?" He asked in horror, knowing this was no cutting job. This reminded him of older scars on Greg's body.
"I…it happened the day before you were taken by Jakob. I was home alone and I looked in the mirror and saw the JM and suddenly felt a need for it to be gone. I didn't want his mark on me anymore. I didn't want him to have that claim on me, even though he was dead. I…," he paused, as he remembered what he did, finding it hard to believe he did it now himself. "I took a lighter and burned it off."
Nick looked up at him, with tears of disbelief in his eyes. "YOU burned yourself?"
"I did. It really didn't hurt that much. I've sort of become numb to pain after everything. It bled pretty badly but I treated it properly afterward to avoid infection. I guess I watched Jasper burn me so many times I learned how to do it and ignore the pain," he explained almost casually.
Nick stood back up and made Greg turn around to face him. "Please, please promise me you won't ever do anything to hurt yourself again. I can't stand seeing what you've done to yourself because you were in so much emotional pain," he begged him as tears fell from his eyes.
Greg's lip quivered as he began to speak. "As long as you promise to always stay by my side, because without you I can't guarantee what I will do but as long as you are with me I promise to never hurt myself again. Just don't leave me."
Nick didn't realize how much his fear of him leaving him affected him. He pulled Greg close to him and hugged him tight. "I promise I won't leave you." Greg started crying on his shoulder and Nick joined him.
They remained embraced for a couple minutes while their crying subsided. Greg was the first to break the embrace. He wiped at his eyes before speaking. "I'm sorry I play this game of pushing you away. My emotions are still conflicted but I don't want you to ever doubt that I love you. I do and I know I have strange ways of showing it lately but it's because I'm afraid of your reaction, that I might finally do something to drive you away."
"Well you need to stop thinking that and just realize that you're not getting rid of me, no matter how hard you try," Nick smiled at him.
Greg grabbed his hand. "I owe you something," he said to him as he pulled Nick out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. He made Nick sit on the edge of the bed while he opened the patio door to the pool area. "We might not be on the beach at this moment but at least we can let in the same fresh air." He then proceeded to turn off all the lights but one corner table lamp which he had on the dim setting. He opened a nightstand drawer and saw Nick had already hoped he would get lucky on the trip, by placing condoms and lube in the drawer. He smiled at Nick. "I should have known." Nick just blushed in return.
Now that Greg knew everything was set he went back over to Nick and pushed him back on the bed and then straddled over him. Nick looked at him seriously, wondering if he was just doing this because he felt he had to or if he really wanted to. Greg put him at ease with his next move.
Greg lifted his left hand and was looking at the ring on it. "I remember telling you when you first gave me this ring that I was not ready and I was not sure you wouldn't change your mind down the road. Then later on I told you I was ready. I thought I was then and a part of me was but then everything fell apart again. Now I look at this ring and everything that we have been through in the last nine months and I know that I want to be wearing your ring." He looked at Nick. "I love you Nick and I would love to marry you someday, should we be allowed to. I now know that you complete me. I wouldn't be here without you, literally this time too. You wouldn't let me go, even though I begged you and I appreciate that now. I do, really!" He said as Nick gave him a doubtful look. "I guess the only way I can prove it to you is to show you the best way I know how." He leaned over him and kissed him deeply. He then started to grind his hips against Nick's, their cocks brushing against each other.
Nick moaned as the friction made him hard. He placed his hands on Greg's face and pulled him away for a moment to look him in the eyes. He saw what he was hoping to see, lust and desire filling the warm brown eyes of his partner. "What? Am I making you hard or something?" Greg smirked mischievously at him. Nick returned his smirk. "You know you drive me crazy when you move your hips like that. See you still know how to be so fucking hot to me."
Greg smiled before smashing his mouth against Nick's and slipping his tongue in to the hot mouth of his lover and duel it out with his tongue. Nick wanted to flip Greg over and control him but he knew he needed to let Greg control tonight. Perhaps round two he could have the upper hand again and Greg would let him be on top.
Greg unlocked his lips from Nick's lips and began to kiss down his body, worshipping the muscled chest and teasing the hard nipples. He worked his way down to the hard cock and placed his hand around it, furthering a moaning from Nick's throat. Greg looked at Nick's cock and licked his lips and then grinned at Nick, who couldn't believe how unbelievably sexy Greg was when he looked at him that way. He had missed those sensuous looks from him that could practically make him have his orgasm right there. He watched as Greg kept his eyes on Nick while licking up his shaft. Nick quivered under him and Greg loved the control. He continued to tease his cock until Nick finally begged him to take him completely at which time Greg took him whole and worked him until he came in his mouth.
Nick felt spent but could see by the look in Greg's eyes he was not finished yet. He noticed that Greg's medication was not affecting his libido tonight. He was hard too and leaned over to grab the lube and condom. He pushed Nick's legs up and lubed up his fingers. He slowly pushed his finger into Nick and started working him. More moaning came from Nick as Greg worked in another finger to loosen him up. When Nick nodded to him that he was ready, Greg put on the condom and slid into Nick slowly. He started a slow pace which drove Nick only to want more from him. Greg leaned down and placed a kiss on the Texan's lips. Nick grabbed his head and smashed their lips together, hungrily tasting himself on the younger man's tongue.
Greg pulled up as his pace became more erratic the closer he got to coming. "I love you Nick, fuck I love you so much," he exclaimed just become coming inside Nick. He collapsed on top of Nick, panting from exertion. He lifted himself enough to pull out and then discard the condom. He then settled back on the bed next to Nick, wrapping his arms around him and laying his head on his chest.
After a few minutes of quiet he spoke up. "Are we okay now?" Nick opened his eyes and turned to look down at Greg's face, which was turned up to him. Nick moved his head to kiss him on the forehead. "We're good, really good. Now if the rest of this vacation goes like the last few minutes have, I think we will be great." He chuckled.