Chapter 25 - Silence
Eternity Embraced

Eternity Embraced, the sequel to A Glimpse of Eternity and Eternity's Struggle, follows the tumultuous relationship of Commander Kiara Shepard and Kaidan Alenko as they wage war against the Reapers that have invaded the galaxy.

Disclaimer: I own only the parts of the individual personality of Commander Kiara Shepard I have developed inspired by the Commander Shepard in the gameplay. I do not own, nor hold any rights, to any of the characters, dialogue, storylines or any part in or of the "Mass Effect" game series. I want to thank Drew Karpyshyn and his staff of amazing writers, animators and voice actors. These are for fan enjoyment only and no money had been made on these stories.

Silence.

Once again the eerie silence of the vacuum of space clung around Shepard as an unexpected anxiety rose up in her.

What the hell? She thought as she tried to get control of herself. It wasn't like she hadn't space walked a hundred times before but for some reason, as she tried to walk across the docking tube to reach the Geth Dreadnaught, everything about the experience was throwing her off-kilter. With every step, slow and heavy as her mag-boots clung to the metal beneath her feet, she fought to bring her pulse down.

"Shepard, I'm reading elevated heartrate and an increase in your adrenaline and cortisol hormones. Your respiratory system has also increased its intake of oxygen. I sense no external reason for the this response. Are you alright, Commander?" EDI's voice asked, piping in through the comm in her helmet.

"I'm fine, EDI. How are we looking out there? And signs we've been detected?" she asked, trying to get the focus off of her. She didn't know why her stress was so high but it was definitely elevating. She had a driving instinctual need to get to dreadnought as soon as possible.

"Our stealth systems are still engaged. I show no signs that we have been detected," EDI informed her, "Your internal scans are showing, however, that you are not alright, Shepard. Perhaps you should turn around. We will find an alternate route onto the ship."

"I'm fine, EDI!" Shepard say, harsher than she had intended. No response came.

In the airlock, Kaidan shared a glance with Tali as they waited for Shepard to secure the docking tube. Kaidan knew something was wrong and it set him on edge. He didn't need EDI's report on her physiological state to tell him something was wrong. He could hear it in her voice. She never snapped but something had her distressed.

One step at a time she continued to push herself down the docking tube and make her way to the dreadnought. The silence outside her suit was eerie but it was her own breathing inside her helmet that was ramping up her anxiety. Her suit began to feel too tight, her helmet cloying. Even though she knew there was a steady stream of air circulating in her suit, her lungs began to burn and struggle to grasp for it.

What the fuck, Shepard, get yourself together, she thought as she tried to slow her breathing.

A glance to her right at the ship helped her focus away from the claustrophobia that was threatening to overtake her. "No wonder the quarians were having trouble," she reported back to the Normandy, "That ship is enormous."

"It is thirty percent larger than an Alliance dreadnought," EDI informed her.

Shepard struggled to keep her anxiety at bay as she thought about the quarians and how they'd jumped into a war with Geth. It was stupid and it angered her. The Reapers were invading the galaxy, looking to wipe out everything organic in existence, and the quarians thought it was a good time to retake their homeworld.

She wanted to help them. Hackett had ordered her to see what they could to do to help the Migrant Fleet in the hopes of reciprocated support with their own war efforts. Shepard had seen the state of fleet, though, and she didn't know what she could do to help them in the long run, let alone secure their help for the war against the Reapers. She would do what she could, like stopping the Reaper signal that was broadcasting across the geth, but beyond that wondered if the quarians would make it out alive from this war they'd started.

She shook her head as she continued down the tube. Though she knew she was getting closer, her destination was feeling further and further away. A sight to her left caught her gaze and she looked, the view of Rannoch - the quarian homeworld. "Tali," she called back to the Normandy, "you're going to like the view."

"Better than a vid?" her quarian friend asked back.

"Much."

She was proud of everything Tali had accomplished. She'd come a long way since her days on her pilgrimage. Not only was she an expert on the geth but she had also been made an Admiral in place of her father who had died seven months prior.

Slowly Shepard continued to make her way forward, each minute getting closer to the end of the tube. She kept reminding herself she was almost there. Between that reassurance and the bits of conversation she had, she was managing to keep herself in check. She didn't know why this was bothering her so bad but she knew it wasn't the time to try to figure it out.

Kaidan tried to contain his worry as he stood on the bridge, watching Shepard's vital signs on the console. Whatever she was going through, she was containing it, but even so her stress levels were far beyond the levels they should have been. There were no indications that something had happened, her suit seeming to be fully intact and functioning, yet everything on the display showed she wasn't okay.

"How are you doing, Shepard?" Tali asked and Shepard could hear the worry in her tone.

"The lack of gravity is a little disorienting," the Commander said, trying to reassure them all she was fine and it was nothing. It definitely wasn't fine but she didn't want them to know. How could she explain it when she didn't know the reason herself?

"The dreadnought has artificial gravity. You should be okay once you're on board," Tali notified her.

"Until then, I'll make do with mag-boots."

"Hey, take your time, Commander. We're fine until they, you know, look out a window," Joker piped into the comm. Kaidan shot him a look and a shake of head as if admonishing him. Muting the comm, Joker looked at him, "What? She needs to be distracted. I'm trying to distract her."

"By reminding her there's a time limit?" Kaidan said wryly with a frown, though it couldn't be seen behind his helmet.

"Geth don't use windows, remember?" Shepard chimed in, reminding him of what Legion had told them, "Structural weakness."

Joker unmuted the comm, "Like the geth are just sitting there saying, 'Those organics would never try the no-windows thing twice!'"

Shepard laughed and was about to toss back a witty retort when suddenly the tube came apart under her feet. Panic coursed through her as she gave as much of a push off towards the door as she could before her mag-boots released.

For a moment she felt the weightlessness of no gravity and all of a sudden, in her mind, she was no longer on her way to the dreadnought. She was back on the first Normandy and the moment when her mag-boots had released from the floor of her ship. She could feel the heat from the fires licking her suit as the explosion racked her body and propelled her into open space.

All she could hear was her breathing and the hissing sound of her oxygen line rupturing. She felt the panic and the dread course through her. She fought and struggled but somehow, somewhere, knew that it wasn't real. That it wasn't happening again.

As if from a distance, she could hear Kaidan's voice in her helmet, "Shepard! What's happening?" his voice threaded with worry and urgency. She clung to the sound of his voice and let it pull her back from the panic and the memories that consumed her and tried to drag her under.

She felt the solid weight of metal beneath her feet as her mag-boots re-magnetized. The flashback faded as she saw the door to the dreadnought once more. She'd made it. She was on solid footing again. Shepard tried to catch her breath as it remained erratic. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears and filling the void of silence that surrounded outside of her.

"Shepard!" Kaidan called out again, pushing off from the back of Joker's seat and rushing to the airlock. "What's happening, EDI? Why isn't she responding?" Fear coursed through him. He hadn't liked the thought of her going over alone but after hearing the report that the docking tube had broken off from the ship, his fear had taken over.

He couldn't lose her again.

"It's alright," Shepard's voice came in shakily over the comms and a part of the tension left Kaidan's shoulders. "Looks like the rest of the team isn't using the docking tube."

Though she kept her voice as controlled as she could, Kaidan could tell she was far from okay. Shepard was not a woman who let anything get to her on a mission and doing a space walk was always a piece of cake. What had changed?

"So I'm guessing you'd rather not solo the dreadnought," Joker quipped as he and EDI started looking for alternative ways to get the rest of the team on board. Kaidan's own anxiety was through the roof wanting to get to her as quickly as possible.

It took Tali placing a hand on his shoulder to calm him down and refocus him. He had to focus. They were in the middle of a war and, especially with Shepard and her recklessness at times, he needed to be able to trust she could handle herself. There would be times she would be on her own or injured and he couldn't lose himself during those times. He needed to keep himself in check. If not, then he needed to recuse himself from missions.

He thought about the regs that had kept them apart in the beginning. Though they were too far gone to let them get in the way anymore, he definitely had more understanding of why they were there in the first place. They could do it, he knew they could, but he was seeing, and feeling, the dangers it posed.

"Not if I can help it," Shepard said over the comms, breaking him from his thoughts. Her breathing came a little more under control as she focused on the solid metal beneath her feet and tried not to think about the closeness of her helmet and suit. "Ask Tali to get on the dreadnought schematics. If she can point me at another docking tube, I'll override the controls and let the boarding party on."

Within a few steps she reached the airlock and opened the doors. It was only when they closed behind her that she let out a breath of relief. She understood the anxiety now and the cause of everything. It wasn't the first time she'd had to use her mag-boots and deal with no air or gravity since the Normandy went down. But it had been the closest she'd came to experiencing what she had gone though when it was destroyed.

She thought she had processed through what had happened. She didn't realize it still affected her so much. Was it because Kaidan was back in her life? She couldn't say. She only knew that as soon as she felt the artificial gravity take over on the ship, she felt better. "I'm inside," she informed the Normandy as she brought up her rifle, "I've got gravity again."

With every step into the dreadnought, Shepard was able to get more control over her anxiety. By the time she made it to the console outside the next docking tube that Tali led her to, she felt as close to normal as she could. Memories still echoed in her mind from the flashback she'd had but she worked hard to push them to the side.

Kaidan was the first through the airlock when it opened, Tali take the flank. He wasted no time walking up to her and looking up at the platform she stood on. It wasn't until he saw her, hale and whole, that a tightness released from his chest. He could see the tension still in her shoulders but she looked to be in one piece. "You okay, Commander?" he asked as he started to climb the ladder up to her level.

"Better now," she said, the tension leaving her shoulders at the sight of him. She wanted nothing more than to step into the comfort of his arms and let him hold her until the memories went away but there was a mission to do. She would let the emotions out later to be processed. Nothing would get in the way of completing the mission and stopping the Reaper broadcast signal.

Kaidan shared a look with her through the visors of their helmets then gave her a nod. He could see something had happened that bothered her but it would be discussed later. They had a mission and he knew she wouldn't let anything get in the way of completing her mission.