Chapter Twenty Five
Bella
I thought about what she'd said about Jasper and I and then of the black depression I'd felt the previous evening. It hadn't been mine but his that I'd felt, so there was some kind of connection between us. Feeling his phone vibrate I saw it was a text from Alice with a cell phone number and a name, Peter Whitlock. I touched Jasper's shoulder again,
"Do you want me to ring Peter? Alice said only I could help you but I don't know what to do Jasper. Help me."
I looked but his expression never altered and he didn't move, I felt helpless but strangely reluctant to bring someone else in on this. I wrapped the blanket around him although I knew he wouldn't feel the cold or warmth of it but hoping he might get some comfort from the feeling of being wrapped up and comforted.
Leaving him for a few minutes I used the bathroom and made myself some breakfast then brought it back to his side to eat one-handed, the other laying over the one of his hands I could reach wrapped tightly around his body. I stroked it gently hoping the feeling might register somewhere inside his mind. I didn't want to leave him so put my shopping off, I had powdered milk and rolls in the freezer plus a few TV dinners for emergencies and this certainly qualified as an emergency. The day passed surprisingly quickly as I sat with him and because it seemed the right thing I read my book aloud hoping he would hear my voice and recognise it.
As it got dark I grabbed some more blankets and another pillow from my bed and made a temporary one on the floor beside him. I wondered if I could get him to lay down relaxing his present cramped position, not sure I should be touching him so much but then I thought what the hell, maybe he'd wake up just to tell me to keep my hands to myself, it was a reaction and I'd take any reaction I could get. I tugged at his hands until they loosened then pushed his knees down until his legs were straight. Deciding I was doing OK I carried on, pushing on his chest forcing him to lay down, well this was progress of a sort.
Laying beside him I put my head on his chest hoping he would register the heat of my body close at his side, smell my familiar scent and recognise me. I finally fell asleep knowing I was due at work the next day but unwilling to leave him so I'd think of something. When I woke up the next morning I was stiff and sore but I struggled up and rang work putting on the sounds of a cold and getting a couple of days off sick, they were really good about it because I never normally took time off. Rustling up some coffee and microwaving a couple of rolls from the freezer I grabbed some spread and jelly to put in them then went back to his side. He still lay looking at the ceiling and I had the strangest feeling that if I didn't get a response soon he would be too deep to call back. Why and how I knew it I wasn't sure but I knew it to be true so if I couldn't reach him I would be forced to ring his friend.
Finishing my breakfast I decided I would have to try something before it was too late, so I unwrapped the blanket from around him and suddenly I was curious to know how his skin would feel under my fingers. Without conscious thought I had begun to stroke his cheek with my fingers and although they often trembled when I tried to get them to do what I wanted this time they were rock steady. I ran a finger down to his jaw and felt the hard scars from bite wounds that were almost undetectable to the human eye. I remembered Edward telling me about Jasper's dark past. He had fought for decades for his own survival and these were just some of the reminders he carried of that time. I could feel the scars continued down below his collar and was tempted to follow their tracks but I stopped myself. Instead I lay my cheek against the cool skin of his and smelled his scent, spicy and musky which set my pulses racing and made my mouth go dry. It felt strange, as if I were violating this man who couldn't defend himself from me but I was going on instinct here. I kissed him very softly on the corner of the mouth then ran a trail of soft kisses down his throat to the hollow where it joined his chest and felt the tiniest movement, he had swallowed rapidly and I couldn't help the tiniest smile, I was getting somewhere at last, and enjoying myself at the same time!
Jasper
Here in the darkest recesses of my mind I expected to find some peace sanctuary from all my hurts but I'd been mistaken for here were hiding all the bad things in my life, the memories of my time as The Major and he greeted me warmly. It wasn't long before I was immersed in blood and carnage and the more it battered at the last of my humanity, the finally vestiges of my sanity the more I cowered in the darkest corner my arms over my head to shut out the screams and the sights of savaged bodies and weeping naked women begging for their lives. Was this the real me? Had the monster become the man? There was no way back for me, no glimmer of hope or help and I knew I was lost. All I could do was wait until The Major became strong enough to take me apart and take his place in the world, in my body, with my face but his dark thoughts. I have no idea how long I stayed here the emotions of every one of my victims battering at my sanity when suddenly I was no longer alone.
I could feel another presence, a softer, kinder presence that called to me. Someone was trying to communicate but who and why? A feeling of peace lapped at the ragged edges of my mind and I grabbed at it only for it to vanish like smoke through my outstretched fingers. But it came again and again, every time a little stronger a little more solid until my fingers touched it and it remained. I could hear a soft voice talking, was someone speaking to me? IT was almost inaudible over the screaming but I concentrated feeling I should know the voice but my pounding head refused to work, memories were just too painful to allow. Then very slowly the voice became louder although the words were still a mystery but it didn't matter. I wasn't interested in the words so much as the emotion the voice drew from me. I felt the feather touch of a kiss on my cheek and knew I had finally gone mad. A woman's kiss, a soft feminine voice, these were things I would never experience in the outside world, not freely given. I wanted to speak, to tell this demon to stop tormenting me but I couldn't force the words past my parched throat. Something about the scent of this phantom spoke to me, I knew this woman and it wasn't Alice but she might just save me from my demons so I clung to her, hoping to hold her close enough to keep them at bay.
Bella
I moved a little to look at him and wondered how long I had before he woke up and pushed me away. Then I lay my head on his chest and traced the scars on his neck with a finger thinking about this man and all he'd been through in his long life. He was incredibly sexy and beautiful and I wondered why Alice had let him go when she couldn't possibly find someone better. As I drew circles on his throat with my finger I felt another movement, his arm came up and he touched my face with his hand very softly then pulled me close wrapping his arm around me tightly as if afraid I might disappear.
"It's OK Jasper, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here."
He didn't answer but neither did he release me and I felt his chest rising and falling too fast and speeding up as if he were running from something,
"Jasper it's OK relax, you're safe here with me. Bella remember?"
I heard my name as a whisper on his lips and smiled.
"Yes Bella, the crazy lady."
The fingers on the hand holding me against him started to stroke my arm and his breathing slowed down, I knew I had reached him before it was too late and the rest would just take time and patience.