Note: Not Mine. School and work finally done for a while. Dying. Update salvo coming in tomorrow. Jesus. I see Jesus. Anywhere here's some shit to pass the time until then.
Short: Well, Shit
As concrete and glass burst out in from the student dormitories as if they were sneezed out by a titan with allergies to bald people trapped in an officer's cleavage, Ozpin strolled out into the amphitheater, nonplussed and only vaguely aware of the ruckus.
The birds flocked to him by the chirps of Little John, tweeting away on his new master's shoulder, squealing promises wrought in blood and death and coffee should the other avians not heed the beck and call of the headmaster.
Towards the newly minted well Ozpin wandered, like a torturer entering his workshop, with only the platter of his feet announcing his arrival like a slow drum.
Where the statue of Hunters once stood, now was elevated a spectacle of marble and high pressure water, sprayed all over the two hunters and the Beowolf they were doing battle with. It reminded Ozpin of a theme park he went to a decade or so ago. Its design was equally appalling.
"Why would I have…" Ozpin puckered his lips. Little John noted the narrowing of his eyes and the furrowing of his brow. The well must have caused his master to be displeased. If Ozpin was displeased, then what would happen to Little John? The bird all but screeched for the murder of crows, of hawks, and of geese to lay waste to the fountain.
And lay waste they did.
Bird droppings are usually unimpressive, if a bit disgusting, but two-tons of anything condensed into a great artillery ball would do damage by sheer weight alone. And if Ozpin wasn't perplexed by why he installed the well by this point, then he certainly was regarding the massive ball of excrement donated by the birds to obliterate his newfound confusion.
Marble and putrid feces collided and both came apart in equal amounts, the excrement from its composition, the marble from the weight. Ozpin's brows reached a new height that day as Little John hopped with joy at his supposed success in appeasing them master. The crap knocked the marble statues and the monument far into the inner courtyard of Beacon and took its place, flowing down into the water like a thick yellow eruption of molasses that sank deep and clogged the pipes underneath.
Beneath Ozpin's feet, he heard something crack. He took a step back, just in time as a spear of water lanced through beneath him. More muffled cracks were heard all the way down towards Beacon as more lances of water burst loose in a series of concurrent pops that rose into the air like Beacon was a water park.
Then, as quickly as the waters rose, they stopped and began erupting excrement everywhere instead.
Beside him the birds continued to bombard the well to the beckoning of Little John. Their auras glowed the color of the rain. A rainbow that rained ass droppings at will. The sheer force and weight of their assault pushed the well into the ground and began to pollute the water pipes with filth.
Across the dorms, hundreds of students screamed, and some spat to get their mouths clean. It was not a good time to be showering or washing.
"Hm." Ozpin said thinking how Glynda would react. "Well, shit." Atop his shoulder Little John breathed proudly, glad to ward off another potential episode for his master.