Brainbot 228 hovered near the ceiling of the Lair, moving in a slow, absent spiral, their braincase electricity dancing furiously with thought.
They replayed the recording of
Designation: Roxanne Ritchi
[ status update daddy's partner ]
Request:
[ maybe you could ask the other bots too minion said you have an auto record function and I was wondering if maybe you could try to find some really nice footage of your daddy for me nice footage videos of your daddy being nice could you do that for me ]
228 wasn't entirely certain that they fully understood this request. 'Nice' was a very subjective descriptor; they wished they'd been given more specific criteria.
They bowged worriedly to themself. Designation: Roxanne Ritchi had entrusted them—them! specifically!—with a complex request; it was important to get this right!
Of course, they could ask the other bots, but 228 didn't have much confidence in the others understanding the full implications of 'nice footage videos of your daddy being nice', either. Not in the way that organics like Designation: Roxanne Ritchi and Designation: Megamind [ daddy ] would understand it.
If they interfaced with all of the others about this, it was likely they'd end up arguing for hours and 228 wouldn't be able to complete their assignment in a timely fashion, which was clearly unacceptable! Designation: Roxanne Ritchi would be so disappointed!
And yet trying to come up with the answer themself wasn't working, either.
It was no good; they'd have to interface. Not the whole swarm, but a small group, maybe just one other bot. A really brilliant bot, who understood organics and—
[ ! ]
An idea sparked in 228's circuitry.
They reversed their flight direction, moving downwards and across the Lair, towards the electrical generators, quietly bowging to themself with excitement. This was a good idea!
As 228 wound their way through the paths between Daddy's old machines, though, they found themself growing a little nervous.
Zero-Zero-One hardly ever interfaced with any of the other bots anymore, and she was known to be rather snappish when disturbed for insufficient reason. Maybe this hadn't been such a clever idea…
No! No, they had a request to fulfill! A very important job! 228 flew on with renewed determination.
They came, at last, to the generator.
"Bowg?" they said quietly, sending out a polite pulse of
[ apology / request attention ]
in the direction of where they sensed Zero's consciousness in the Network.
For a long moment, there was no answer, and then, very slowly, Zero-Zero-One rose from behind the generator.
228 moved their mechanical tendrils in a nervous, uncertain way.
[ sleeping ] said Zero, rather caustically [ demand explanation ]
228 moved submissively in the air, letting themself drop a little lower than Zero-Zero-One.
[ apology ] they said [ request interface ]
The shutter of Zero's eyepiece narrowed.
[ request interface why ] she said [ sleeping ] [ request interface denied ] [ go away or will bite ]
[ apology ] [ ! ] [ request interface ] [ ! ] 228 said, their tendrils moving rapidly in agitation. [ urgent 001 specific request interface ] [ ! ]
Zero blinked her eyepiece slowly and moved in a slow, languid way to settle atop the generator, mechanical tendrils curled gracefully beneath her carapace.
[ zero specific ] [ ? ] she said, sounding, for the first time, interested. [ zero specific why ] [ ? ]
228 moved down to hover cautiously in front of Zero-Zero-One, out of reach of a sudden lunge.
[ zero is oldest ] they said [ first ] [ cleverest ]
[ zero is first ] said Zero, sounding pleased, preening [ zero is cleverest ] [ zero is best number ] [ most important ] [ necessary for algebra ]
228 bobbed enthusiastically.
[ algebra ] they agreed.
They sent a recording from one of their earliest memories, back when Zero had still sometimes led the bots into battle as queen. She had led 228's first battle, during which several things had gone wrong at once—there had been two simultaneous explosions and a fire, and Daddy had been injured and unable to communicate. The bots had nearly panicked and broken ranks, but Zero had reacted instantly, splitting them up into groups to deal with each problem. And she had actually sent 228 to distract Metro Man by biting him! 228 had never been prouder! And when Daddy had fixed their broken jaws, he had told them they were a good bot!
[ 228 greatly admiring zero ] they said shyly as the memory replay recording came to an end.
There was an electric, wordless ripple of amusement/pleasure in Zero's mindvoice; 228 gave a little shiver of delight. Pinky and the other bots always thought it was creepy when Zero did that, but 228 had always been fascinated at the way her mindvoice was able to express laughter like an organic.
[ zero best understanding of organics ] 228 said, and dared to move a little closer to Zero, who watched the move in a tolerant way. [ request interface ] [ ? ]
Zero gave a long, slow blink of her eyepiece, looking at 228.
[ request interface accepted ] she said.
"It looks so nice," Megamind marveled, after he and Roxanne had put up both his new picture and his old picture in its new frame.
He flopped down on the bed next to Roxanne, unable to stop himself from smiling, or even to want to stop himself from smiling. Roxanne smiled back at him.
She was dressed in a pair of soft purple pajamas—her own, sadly, but then the sweater she'd worn before was definitely dirty now.
"I'm glad you like it," Roxanne said, turning towards him and shifting closer to him, so that their legs were tangled together and his chin was resting on the top of her head.
Megamind put his hand on her waist and hummed in contentment.
"Thank you," he said, "and thank you for guessing that I would want to keep the old picture, too. It's—important. To me."
Roxanne made a wordless, inquiring noise.
Megamind curled his fingers in the soft material of her pajamas and closed his eyes.
"It always reminded me of you," he said. "The lighthouse."
Roxanne shifted at that, moving away slightly to look at his face, a small line appearing between her eyebrows.
"Because that's what you did for me," Megamind explained. "When I was—when we met, I—I had decided not to commit suicide, by the time we met," he said, "but I was—I had always planned on dying young. I mean—I always knew being a super villain was a lifelong commitment; I just hadn't—anticipated it lasting this long," he added, with a nervous laugh.
She took a sharp breath at that, an inhalation like a reaction to pain.
(should he—should he not have brought this up? it had felt—he'd wanted her to understand—)
"I hadn't been planning on making it happen," he went on, words coming a little faster now, "but I had been planning on—letting it happen. I wasn't—very careful. With myself. I was hoping that—well, anyway."
He lifted his hand from Roxanne's waist for a moment to gesture dismissively.
"But then I met you," he said, "and you were so—so utterly fascinating and—and you treated me like—and so I wanted to make sure that I—that I got to see you again, got to talk to you more, got to—so that's—that's why—"
He gestured again, at the old print of the lighthouse.
"I was drowning," he said, "and you were the lighthouse."
Roxanne made a soft, pained noise. There were tears rising in her eyes, Megamind was dismayed to see. Oh no—he shouldn't have brought this up—
"I'm so sorry, Megamind."
Megamind blinked, confused. Why was she apologizing?
"Sorry?" he said.
"I'm sorry you were—I'm sorry you were so unhappy," she said, "and I'm—I'm sorry I didn't—I'm sorry I didn't help you."
Megamind frowned, really confused now.
"But you did," he said. "I told you. You saved me."
Roxanne shook her head, her lips pressed together in a line.
"I didn't, though," she said, a bitter note of what sounded like self-recrimination in her voice, "I should have noticed. I should have—I should have talked to you."
"Well, it wasn't like I was going to tell you this then, Roxanne," Megamind said, reaching out to touch the hard line of her mouth, tracing over her lips until they relaxed and softened beneath his touch.
Her mouth moved in a little moue of—disagreement, he thought, or frustration.
"I didn't trust you yet," he said.
He moved his hand to touch the little beauty mark below her mouth—god, how many times had he imagined doing that? And now he could.
"But I do, now," he said, "I trust you. And that's why I'm telling you. You saved me."
Her mouth moved in a frustrated way again.
"No," she said. "I didn't—I didn't do anything, Megamind."
"I—I mean, maybe not directly," Megamind said, frowning, "but—that's what I meant about—about the lighthouse. Saving people isn't always going out in boats and pulling them out of the water; sometimes it's—being the light and showing them that there's a shoreline."
Megamind reached out and stroked her cheek. Roxanne turned her head and pressed a kiss to his fingers.
"Does that—does that make sense?" he asked. "Do you see what I mean?"
"Yes," Roxanne said, "yes, I—that makes sense."
She looked up at him again, and just for a moment, there was something in her expression, something—
(sad and terribly fragile)
And then he blinked and it was gone.
Megamind curled his hand around her hip.
Had he—surely he hadn't imagined that expression on her face. Why would she—was she still sad because she thought she hadn't helped him enough? He'd tried to explain—
"I bought it because it reminded me of you," she said quietly. "The painting. The colors, of course, but mostly—the light. The way it's—surrounded by darkness but still shining. It just—it reminds me of you."
Megamind's breath caught.
She thought—that was how she saw him?
That was—
"Oh," he said, the word trembling at the edges.
She tilted her head up and kissed the edge of his jaw and the tiny point of contact, her lips against his skin, seemed to go all through him, as if she'd touched her lips to the surface of a still pond, sending ripples spreading in ever-widening circles, making the water tremble in the wake of her touch.
He swallowed.
(the light. it reminds me of you.)
He felt—as if, instead of pressing her lips to his jaw, she'd kissed his mind, like her love had lit up his soul, like maybe he was shining.
(the light.)
Like maybe he could be that, for her, because she loved him.
"—oh," he said again.
(Roxanne loved him she loved him she loved him)
"—that poster was the library's, originally," he said, "It used to hang—on the wall next to the romance section, actually, and I never even really looked at it until after we met, but afterwards—you were all I could see in it. And I'd always gone to the library, to get rescue books and sometimes just for the quiet, but after that—I used to sit against the shelves and look at it and I was so sure you'd never love me back; I was so sure that I'd never get the chance, even, to tell you that I loved you, and god, Roxanne, I love you so much."
Roxanne's arm tightened around him.
"I love you, too, Megamind," she whispered. "I love you."
Megamind closed his eyes.
This. This was happening. Roxanne loving him back was actually a thing that was happening.
They stayed like that for several minutes, lying quietly together. Megamind, his eyes closed, felt his body relax, felt himself beginning to drift towards sleep.
Roxanne made a soft noise and shifted slightly. Megamind made an inquiring sound.
"Megamind, I've—I've been thinking," she said, voice quiet.
Megamind waited for her to go on.
"—about you being the Overlord of Metrocity," she said at last.
And—he opened his eyes. Blinked.
That was—odd.
Because he had—he had the strangest sensation that she hadn't been going to say that, at first—
"About what that means for the plan," she continued. "I mean—if you go from being the supervillain who runs the criminal underworld to the superhero in opposition to the criminal underworld, isn't that going to cause—panic? I—I'm worried that I'm screwing this up, Megamind. Like I should have—I don't know. I didn't know about—everything you explained last night—I don't know; I feel like maybe I should have approached this whole thing differently, somehow, but I don't even—"
"No," Megamind said, reaching up with his free hand to take the hand that Roxanne had on his chest. He laced their fingers together. "No, you're—the plan is—it's a good plan, Roxanne. If it—if it doesn't work, it'll be because of—"
(me)
Of course it would be because of him; Megamind knew that he had always been the weakest link in the plan. He couldn't be trusted with nice things, couldn't be trusted to interact properly with people, couldn't be trusted in general; his tendency to fuck things up really could not be overstated and—
Roxanne wouldn't want you to say that about yourself, a quiet voice said, from somewhere inside the swirling vortex of dark thoughts.
The unexpectedness of that thought made the rest of his mind go silent and still for a moment, out of sheer shock.
She wouldn't. She wouldn't want him to say that about himself.
(and maybe—maybe—was it possible, then, that it wasn't completely true?)
"—if it doesn't work, it won't be because of anything you did or didn't do," Megamind went on, pulling his mind back to their conversation with an effort. "And I have thought about this, Roxanne. I've been—I want to talk to you about it."
Roxanne took her head from his shoulder, pushing herself up on one elbow instead, looking at him with a serious expression. Megamind shifted to mirror her.
He swallowed nervously.
(she was still holding his hand; he took courage from that. he could tell her this. he could trust her.)
"If I do this," he said, "then I'm going to have to do this as myself. I—I won't be able to do it like—like someone who—like someone who's a real hero."
Roxanne's fingers tightened around his. She scowled at him.
"You are a real hero," she said, "you already are."
Megamind made an involuntary face and Roxanne gave him a fierce look.
"Everything you've done, Megamind—"
"Yes, exactly," he said, "everything I've done. Even the—the good that I've done; it isn't really the right kind of good, is it? It's not the kind of good that they give you—medals for, applause for. I'm never going to be able to be a—a shining example, some sort of—flawless hometown hero. I can't try to pretend to be that."
Roxanne's frown took on a different quality, less angry, more…concerned?
"I don't want you to pretend to be someone else," she said. "I wouldn't ever ask you to—"
"I know," Megamind said softly, giving her hand a squeeze, "I know you wouldn't, Roxanne."
(and god, he did know. that was a thing he knew. Roxanne wanted him, loved him—as himself and, incredibly, for himself)
"That's why I'm telling you this," he said. "Because—if this plan works and we do somehow manage to make me the city's Defender, I'm still going to be the Overlord as well."
There was a moment of silence; Megamind watched Roxanne's face closely.
"How?" she said.
Megamind took a sharp, ragged breath, relief welling up from his heart and rushing all through his body.
(how. only Roxanne. only Roxanne would ask him that in response to that declaration.)
"God, I love you," he said, voice rough to his own ears. "All right, so—I'm going to tell them—the leaders of the underworld, and as many people as I can get to come to a meeting—I'm going to tell them that the plan is to get me declared Defender."
Roxanne was frowning again.
"But how is that going to help?" she asked. "It'll just be a panic now instead of later; I don't see—"
"No," Megamind said, "no, it won't be a panic at all. Not if we phrase it right. I'd—really, Roxanne, I would very much appreciate it if you would be there, if you would help me with this; I want to make sure to get it correct. Because if we do, then there won't be a panic at all. You see, I'm not going to be the superhero in opposition to the criminal underworld. I'm going to be the superhero who's on their side."
Roxanne's mouth shaped itself into an O of understanding; he gestured with their linked hands.
"This city doesn't need a superhero to bust small time drug deals and arrest sex workers. This city needs a more reliable public transport system, better educational programming, more official aid for people below the poverty line—I can do those things! I've been wanting to do those things for years, only I've never been able to as a supervillain!"
"Philanthropy," Roxanne said slowly, "things like that."
"Exactly! The criminal underworld is functioning fine now; it's mostly self-sustaining. I'll still expect them to report to me, and as long as people follow the rules, they won't have to worry about getting hauled off to jail by the city's resident superhero. Occasionally, in cases where the rules have been broken, I'll officially and publicly take a hand, but otherwise, no."
"But is that going to be—I mean, if supervillainy is about the show," Roxanne said, "then being a superhero has to be, too, right?"
"Yes," Megamind agreed. "Especially since tourism focusing on my battles with Metro Man is such a large part of Metrocity's economy these days."
Roxanne laughed.
"It really is, though, you know," she said.
"Oh, I know," Megamind said, grinning. "I've seen the brochures. 'A chance to see heroism in action! Up close and personal!' It's basically street theatre, really."
She gave him a curious look, smiling at him.
"You don't mind that?" she asked.
"Ha, no!" he said, "I love an audience!"
She laughed again.
"And I do think that people will be entertained enough by watching me dealing with out of town villains," he said.
Roxanne looked interested at that.
"Out of town villains?"
"Oh, yes—I know Metro Man hasn't had those kind of problems, but—well, supervillain turned good? Betraying evil? There's going to be all kinds of other villains out to get me. And besides, I'm not—particularly popular among my peers, now. I've gotten plenty of invitations to join forces with various villains, to ally myself with them, but I'm afraid none of them ever lived up to my…well, my standards of evil, shall we say? And villains tend to hold grudges."
"'Standards'," Roxanne murmured, looking amused, her lips twitching like they wanted to smile. She shook her head. "I'm pretty sure the word you're actually looking for here is 'morals', Megamind."
He gave her a wry smile but he didn't contradict her.
"There'll be heroes too, probably," he said, "that try to attack. Metrocity's Defender would be an extremely enviable position for any roaming, city-less hero. And they'll have the excuse of not believing my reformation's genuine. Convenient for them."
Roxanne made an indignant noise. Then she looked thoughtful.
"All of that will probably settle down, though, won't it?" she said. "In a few years, I mean. That 'not a genuine reformation' excuse will be looking pretty thin after a while, and I imagine most of the out of town villains will get the point of accepting that going up against you is a bad idea."
Tipping his head curiously, Megamind looked at her.
"You're… very confident that I'll be able to defeat them all," he said.
Roxanne rolled her eyes at him.
"Please," she said, "of course you will. If you hadn't been so preoccupied with defeating Metro Man all these years, you probably could have conquered the world by now."
"—if you had been with me, we could have," he said, too surprised to make it sound like a joke, to shocked to say it with anything but the perfect sincerity that he felt.
Roxanne blushed at that; he saw it happen; it was perfectly fascinating, especially this close to her, seeing the heat and the color sweep over her skin.
"—anyway, things will settle down in a few years," Roxanne said, "and we'll be left with the problem of keeping you in the public eye as a superhero."
Megamind felt himself grinning in what was probably a very ridiculous way.
Years. She was talking like this was going to be—she was talking like she planned on keeping him.
"Yes, I haven't really thought that far ahead," he admitted. "But—up to that point, Roxanne, do you—do you think it could work?"
Roxanne bit her lip, her eyes going far away and thoughtful.
"I do, yeah," she said.
Her eyes focused on his again.
"That's a really good plan, Megamind," she said.
Megamind caught his breath in delight.
"Do you really think so?" he asked.
She smiled at him, laughing a little, probably at his excited expression.
"Yeah," she said, "yeah, I do."
Megamind made a quiet joyful noise and lifted their joined hands so that he could kiss hers—the back of it, then her wrist. He turned her hand over so that he could press a kiss to her palm.
"Hmm," she said, sounding intrigued.
He looked up at her questioningly.
"Hero training," she said, "like you were talking about doing for whoever Wayne picked out, remember?"
"Of course; hero training—what about it?" he asked. "Oh! You mean as—"
"—as a long term possibility for superhero presentation, yeah," Roxanne said, her face alight—god, but she was beautiful when she was scheming. "Something to keep in mind at least, right? Or—do you think there might eventually be other villains wanting to reform?"
Megamind blinked, thinking.
"That," he said after a moment, "that is really a very interesting idea. I—I think there actually might! I mean, you know Lady Doppler retired a few years back—she got a serious girlfriend, apparently, and decided the risks of villainy outweighed the fun after all—not exactly the same thing as what you're talking about, training villains to be heroes instead, but it does seem…promising, wouldn't you say?"
"It wouldn't even have to be just villains from Metro City!" Roxanne said, "If you set up a training program, you could get villains from all over!"
"Yes, especially since—" Megamind paused for a moment, his mind veering off in another direction, "—you know this is going to be a—a very big deal, Roxanne, if this plan actually works," he said. "Not just for me, or even just for Metrocity, but—nobody's ever done what you're trying to do before. Not the way you're doing it, or on this kind of a scale."
Roxanne frowned.
"There have been villains that reformed before," she said.
"Yes, but all of them were relatively small time," Megamind said, letting go of Roxanne's hand to gesture, "they weren't supervillains; there really is a difference, and besides, none of them ever became their city's Defender! If this plan works, then people are going to notice."
"Do you think it might?" Roxanne asked. "Work, I mean," she added, when he gave her a questioning look. "You said before that you were sure it wouldn't, but now you're saying 'if'. Did you change your mind?"
Megamind took a breath, let it out. He reached between the two of them and brushed his fingertips against the material of Roxanne's pajamas, feeling the texture of it, feeling the slickness of the buttons and the movement of her body as she breathed, centering himself with the physical reality of her here, with him.
(this was real. she was real and here and she loved him.)
"I feel—oddly hopeful. About it," he admitted. "Which is rather terrifying, really. Being certain you're going to fail is much less frightening than thinking you might have a chance at success. And I do. Think that it might have a chance."
He gave a quiet, shocked laugh.
"It sounds like absolute insanity," he said, "hearing myself say that, but then—" he reached up and brushed Roxanne's hair behind her ear, "—but then, I never thought I could have this, either."
Roxanne smiled at him and he trailed his hand down her jaw.
"And you were wrong," she said.
"Yes," he said a bit breathlessly, "I was so, so wrong."
Roxanne's eyes flickered away from his for a moment, and again Megamind saw in her expression something—
"I've—I've also been thinking," she said, laying down on the pillow, one arm curled beneath her head, her other hand lying on the pillow between the two of them.
"Yes?" Megamind asked, looking down at her, watching her expression.
"More about the brainbots," she said, looking up at him with a smile.
(and again he had the strange impression that she hadn't been going to say that originally)
"What about the brainbots?" he asked.
"—okay, so the brainbots interface with each other through the queen," Roxanne said, looking up at him. "But how do you communicate with them?"
"Oh! There are several different ways—during battles, a lot of times their responses are due to training exercises that Minion and I design for them," Megamind said, gesturing. "The brainbots know that certain circumstances warrant different reactions on their part, and they perform their part without me needing to communicate with them in that moment.
"That's part of what I meant, about updating their programming in regards to you," he went on, "Unexpected presences in the Lair trigger an 'alert' response in the brainbots. That's why they went to go wake Minion. But the—hmm—the severity of the unexpected presence is what determines the intensity of the brainbots' alert response. And because I was with you, and they've seen Minion and I interacting with you before, during non-kidnapping times, their alert response was relatively mild. A different unexpected presence would have caused them to give an alarm and move to detain the person.
"My guess is they were more confused, this morning, than anything else. Sometimes if one bot encounters an issue that they're not sure how to resolve, they'll interface with other bots. Sometimes if they have a large enough group interfacing, they'll even set up their own queen without me!"
"They're so smart," Roxanne said, admiration in her voice, and Megamind preened a little on behalf of his bots.
"I know; aren't they?" he said, smiling proudly. "And—so the disguise watch also functions as a communicator; you know that. Usually it's Minion and I who use it to communicate with each other, but there's also a setting on the watch that allows me to verbally call the brainbots—it doesn't come out as sound waves on their end, though; my instructions go straight to their neural processing units. Which, interestingly, actually allows them to respond faster than if they had to parse the words as sound waves!
"They do understand verbal instructions, though; during direct interactions, I just talk and they comprehend. Sometimes during a particularly intricate battle, if I need to be giving them instructions, I'll wear a wire that picks up small sounds—I'll click my teeth together; Morse code—well, not actual Morse code; it's a system that I made up, so that even if someone else overhears the clicks, they won't be able to decipher what I'm saying. Hmm, what else—ah! a program I can use to communicate with them electronically, by typing. Sort of like—texting, or email, I suppose. And they send me information the same way.
"I tried teaching them to speak themselves, too, but that plan failed. I honestly can't tell if the problem is some sort of mental disconnect for them, or if they just don't want to learn to talk; they can be very stubborn sometimes."
Roxanne made a humming sound of comprehension; Megamind looked down at her, at her face.
He was convinced now that he hadn't been imagining it, those flashes of unhappiness in her expression, those moments of hesitation in which she decided not to say what she'd been originally planning. She'd done it that morning, too, he realized. He hadn't been really consciously aware of it, but looking back now, he remembered the way she'd paused before asking him about the union leaders. Paused because she'd originally wanted to ask him something else.
She was worried about something—about something, he was fairly certain, to do with him.
Which was a rather dismaying realization, the thought that he'd already managed to screw this thing between him and Roxanne up, that he was already doing this wrong, that she was already regretting—
With an effort, he swallowed down his rising panic.
(confirmation bias, he told himself forcefully. she just told you that she loves you. you have no evidence that you've done something irrevocably awful.)
"Do you—have any more questions, Roxanne?" he asked, hoping that if he gave her an opening, she'd tell him what was wrong, tell him so that he could fix it—
"About the brainbots?" Roxanne said, "or generally?"
"Either, really," Megamind said, "You can—ask me anything you like."
Roxanne raised her eyebrows, a smile playing at the edges of her lips.
"And you'll tell me anything I want to know?" she asked teasingly.
"Yes," Megamind said with complete seriousness. "I will."
Roxanne looked up into Megamind's face. There was little line between his brows; she reached up and smoothed it away, wondering why he looked so serious all of a sudden.
(ask me anything you like; I'll tell you anything you want to know)
That was a hell of a promise, did Megamind realize that? Especially considering what kind of overly inquisitive person she was, the kind of person who wanted to pry and pry until she knew everything.
"What was your name," she asked, "before you changed it to Megamind?"
He blinked at her, like he'd been expecting a very different sort of question.
"It was Syx," he said.
He didn't pronounce the word quite like the number, the word slid from the s to the x in a strangely smooth way.
"Syx," she repeated experimentally, "why Syx?"
"It was what my parents called me," he said, "strictly speaking, I don't think it's actually a name in my language. Means something like 'my love' or 'my dear'; I don't think you'd really name a child 'my dear'."
"Because it's like ssshsss," Roxanne said, "right? Like how to say 'I love you'. The s-sound must be 'love'."
Megamind went still when she repeated the 'I love you' phrase he'd taught her.
"—ssshsss," he said, "yes—that's right. The s-sound is love; that's why it sounds like 'syx'."
"How did the warden know to call you that?" Roxanne asked, "I mean, you said you were eight days old when you landed."
"Oh, I could say a few words," Megamind said, "that was the one I said most often, so he insisted they call me that." He laughed. "I remember Dr. Kelley didn't want to. 'It could mean anything' he said, 'it could mean mother or hello, for all we know'."
"You remember this?" Roxanne asked.
Megamind's powers of memory really were quite extraordinary. Really very—fascinatingly alien, just as much as everything he'd told her about being able to breath underwater, about being able to heal without scars.
"Oh, yes," Megamind said, and then grinned. "Dr. Kelley suggested they name me 'John Walker'."
Roxanne sat up and tilted her head thoughtfully.
"John makes sense, I guess," she said. "John Doe, or—the warden's name is John, isn't it? But why 'Walker'?"
Megamind sat up, too, still grinning.
"Nickname," he said, "think about it for a minute."
Nickname? The nickname for 'John' would obviously be 'Johnny', but she didn't see—
Johnny. Johnny Walker.
"—Johnny Walker Blue," Roxanne said, "oh my god, Megamind, that is the worst thing I've ever heard—"
Megamind laughed again.
"That's what the warden said! 'We are not naming the kid after your favorite alcohol, Len.' Personally, in retrospect, I think it's pretty funny." he gave her a sly look from beneath his lashes. "My species called themselves the M'ega, by the way."
M'ega—
"You made your name a pun?" Roxanne said, "Megamind, you are so—" she stopped, laughing and shaking her head.
"Well, why not?" Megamind said with a grand gesture at his own cranium. "It already had the double meaning of 'large head' and 'very intelligent'! It was just too good to pass up!"
"You are ridiculous," Roxanne said.
He gave her another smile from beneath his lashes, this one a little sharper, more wicked.
"And you love that about me," he said, "don't you?"
"I really, really do," Roxanne said.
She leaned forward, putting her hand on his knee, and quickly kissed that impish smirk of his. He went still again at that, like he still hadn't quite expected her to kiss him.
"And I love your name, too," she added, leaning back but leaving her hand on his knee. "You wouldn't be you if you'd chosen something ordinary."
He looked surprised at that, and then gratified.
"Did the doctor think it was funny when you chose it?" she asked.
Megamind's eyes dropped from hers, his smile disappearing.
"—ah," he said, "no, Doctor Kelley had—left. By then."
"Oh," Roxanne said, taken aback by the sudden change of tone. "I'm—I'm sorry."
Megamind looked up at her and gave her a tight little smile. He waved a dismissive hand.
"It's all right," he said, "It doesn't matter."
"Megamind," Roxanne said, catching his hand and holding it gently between both of hers.
She swallowed, looked down at his hand in hers.
(This wasn't about her; she didn't need to make it about her, but maybe Megamind needed to hear—)
"Megamind, it always matters when your father leaves you," she said quietly.
His hand jerked in hers, his shoulders twitching sharply, too, as though an electrical shock had gone through him. Roxanne looked up at the movement.
"Father?" he said, "He wasn't my father."
"—I'm sorry," Roxanne said, "yeah, you probably don't want to call him that, now; I should have thought—I just mean—even if he and the warden weren't able to legally adopt you, it still counts emotionally, Megamind. You're still allowed to be upset about—"
"What? What are you—it was never a matter of 'weren't able'," Megamind said, the fingers of his free hand curling tightly on his knee, "it was a matter of 'didn't want'. I—they were never going to—there was never any possibility of them adopting me."
Roxanne stopped and stared at him for a moment.
Megamind gave her a look of impatient incomprehension.
Oh. Oh no.
He didn't know. They hadn't told him.
He didn't know.
And of course she wasn't—she was never going to keep something like this from Megamind; she couldn't, but how in the hell was she supposed to tell him?
This wasn't something he should be hearing from her; she shouldn't be the one to tell him this—
(the sick twist of envy in the pit of her stomach)
(at least he had someone who—)
(stop thinking that stop feeling that what's wrong with you Roxanne)
—god, Megamind deserved so much better than this, so much better than—
(her)
"The warden," Roxanne said, words spilling out too quickly, like maybe if she said them fast enough they wouldn't hurt so much, "when I was talking to him, before I interviewed him, he said that he'd wanted to adopt you with the prison doctor when you were a kid, but that Dr. Kelley had been afraid that people would—well, that they would think they were gay and use that as excuse to take you away from them completely and didn't they tell you any of this?"
Megamind stared at her, his breathing quick and shallow, his face getting paler and paler.
Roxanne let go of his hand to gesture wildly.
"I just—I mean, I assumed he'd told you! He really didn't tell you?"
"No," Megamind said, "No, he did not tell me that; he never told me that; neither of them—why didn't they tell me?" he asked, voice rising. "I thought no one—why wouldn't they tell me?"
Both of his hands were twisted in the sheets now, his fingers balled up into fists. Roxanne reached out and hesitantly touched the back of one hand; Megamind's breath hissed between his teeth and he let go of the sheet to grab her hand instead, clutching at it desperately, as if they were out to sea and he was afraid they'd be swept apart if he didn't hold on tight enough.
Roxanne put her other hand over his, hating the way she didn't know how to make him feel better.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I'm so sorry that you had to find out like this. From me."
He gave a short, rather strangled laugh.
"No," he said, "no, don't be sorry; I'm glad, because it sounds like I probably wouldn't have found out at all, otherwise and Roxanne, do you think you could hold me for a minute?"
"Yes, of course," Roxanne said immediately. "Here—"
She shifted the two of them, moving to lie down and tugging Megamind's hand, pulling him down with her, so that her arm was around him, his head on her shoulder. Megamind took a shuddery breath and turned more towards her, pressing his forehead to the side of her neck, one of his hands tucked beneath his chin, the other clutching at the material of her shirt. Roxanne wrapped her other arm around him, too, and held him tightly.
Roxanne just—she just kept finding more ways that the world had hurt him and it made her so—sad, yes, it did make her sad, but mostly what it made her was angry.
She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek to the top of Megamind's head.
I love you so much, she thought. Fuck each and every person who ever hurt you; fuck them individually and specifically.
(he'd asked her to hold him, actually asked; that felt—he was so—Megamind was just so trusting and open and incredibly sweet, and Roxanne knew she didn't deserve that, but god, she wished she did.)
For a moment, they just stayed like that, as Megamind's breathing gradually slowed and became more normal.
"Sorry," he said, voice quiet.
"You haven't done anything you need to apologize for," Roxanne said, her voice just as quiet. "I love you, Megamind. Holding you is something that I want to do."
Megamind gave a breathy kind of laugh that brushed against the skin of her neck and stirred her hair.
"That's—that is really incredible," he said, "I just—I ask for a lot from you; I feel—I don't know, I feel like I should apologize."
"For needing help?" Roxanne asked. She shook her head slightly, careful not to dislodge Megamind. "Everybody needs help. And we're partners, Megamind; I want to help you."
Megamind shifted, so that he was lying next to her, their arms around each other. He looked closely at her face, studying her expression.
"And you wanting to help me—it's really not because you feel sorry for me," he said slowly, carefully, as if he was speaking a foreign language for the first time. "It's—because you love me. You want to help me—because you love me."
Roxanne's heart pulsed in her chest, almost painful with a fierce sort of joy.
"Yes," she said, feeling tears rising in her eyes as she smiled at Megamind, "yes, that is exactly why."
Megamind gave her a quick, fluttering smile. His eyes dropped to her mouth and he reached up to touch her mouth, light and quick. Then he looked up into her eyes again.
"I want to help you, too, you know," he said. "Because I—I love you, too, Roxanne. And we're—partners. Like you said. And so I want to help you, too. You do know that, don't you?"
"Of course," she said reassuringly.
Megamind frowned, looking frustrated. Roxanne stroked his side soothingly and he sighed, relaxing a little.
"Why wouldn't he tell me?" he asked, voice quiet. "The warden, why wouldn't he tell me that?"
"I don't know, sweetheart," Roxanne said. "It—might have been that he was worried that telling you would hurt you worse. Offering something you wanted so badly and then immediately taking it away. But I don't know for sure. You can ask him, if you want to. It's understandable to want an answer to that. I'll help you ask if you need me to."
Megamind took a sharp breath.
"Oh," he said, as though he'd just figured something out.
He reached out and touched her face, his fingertips gentle against her cheek.
"Is that what you're doing?" he asked, voice soft. "Are you worried it's going to hurt me? Is that why you aren't telling me what's wrong?"
It seemed to Roxanne that her heart froze in her chest. She went very still.
"What?"
...to be continued.
Thank you for the reviews; I very much appreciate them!
I'm so glad to hear that so many of you loved Zero! She's based off of my much-beloved cat, so hearing that other people love her makes me very happy.
Megamind talking about how he communicates with the brainbots was inspired by a question from Elotaria.
The line where Megamind compares Roxanne to the lighthouse in the first picture is from something Displacerghost said. Ghost, thank you so much. And another thank you to Ghost for beta-reading this chapter! I've never had a beta before; this is very exciting.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!