A/N so this is actually the final chapter. I am not really satisfied with it. There will be a very long epilogue after this chapter. And I will probably upload it on Sunday because I have to make some changes to it.

enjoy reading!

He knew it had been her last night, behind that door, laughing at him. The look he gave her the next morning at breakfast spoke volumes and Elsie tried hard not to burst into laughter again.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked innocently, pouring him some fresh tea.

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye and then furrowed his brow. "You already know I did not."

Elsie opened her eyes wide. "Are you implying something here?" She was teasing him, this man she did not even really know. But the situation was too tempting.

"Can we please not talk about it now?" Finally he looked at her fully, pleading almost. "I do not want Mrs. Taylor or Mr. Jenkins to misunderstand our conversation."

Of course he was right. Their conversation could be picked up by someone sitting close to them and be reported to the housekeeper or the butler in the worst case. Elsie set down the pot of tea. "We can talk later, after luncheon perhaps?" She really should not risk her reputation in this house. Not because of him. But she very much wanted to talk to him. After all they had met twice in the past already and this third encounter was not a sheer coincidence. They could maybe become friends, although her dreams had something different in mind.

"If you wish. I see whether I can find the time."

=o=

For the first time since she had become a housemaid, Elsie hated her daily routine. Making beds, cleaning furniture, floorboards, windows. Every morning was the same. She had more responsibility since the day they had made her head housemaid and usually she enjoyed her work. It made her proud when they finished room after room, when everything was perfectly prepared for another day. Still today all she wanted was luncheon to be over and some time alone, for that anticipated talk with Charles Carson.

Eager to be one of the first at the table, she quickly made her way downstairs and almost ran into Mr. Jenkins who was on his way to the servant's hall too. "Easy, Elsie. Why are you in such a hurry? Luncheon is only ready now. You have plenty of time to eat."

The butler was a kind man but he also always knew exactly what was going on in this house, same as Mrs. Taylor. Additionally, he had the great gift, to tell if someone lied to him. He could read faces like no other person Elsie had met in her life. And he had already warned her once. "I was hoping to have some spare time after luncheon to spend on my own", was closest to the truth without lying.

Mr. Jenkins studied her intently and Elsie felt the blush that crept from her chest towards her cheeks. "Make sure to spend it on your own then. I told you once already that it is not wise to give up your career because of someone. You have worked too hard for it."

She knew that, and so far it had never been a problem at all. Elsie was ambitious, wanted to make the best of her life, wanted to be free. This had been the reason she had left her parent's farm. Some would argue that a life in service was the opposite of freedom but for Elsie it meant self-determination and respect.

"I know, Mr. Jenkins. I will keep it in mind."

=o=

He was not there. The place next to her at the table remained empty during luncheon. Elsie tried hard to hide her disappointment, suppressed the urge to look over her shoulder every time someone entered the room. It was never he. Her food tasted stale and was not worth eating. She picked at it, took a small bite now and then but her plate was still full when she left the servant's hall together with some of the other housemaids.

After all the small encounters they had had so far, the teasing, the smiles, the easy talk, how could he forget to tell her that he would not make it to luncheon today? Why did he leave her alone, ruin her day? Instead of enjoying the thirty minutes she now had for herself, she went upstairs to the ladies bedroom's to give the flower decorations a second once-over. Her steps were not as elegant as usual; she stomped up the stairs and almost slammed the baize door shut behind her. Her disappointment had turned into anger. Hot and flaming. She did not even know why. He had not made a promise, had only said he would try to find the time. But he could at least inform her instead of keeping her hopes up all morning.

Elsie opened the first bedroom door, with a bit more care, stepped inside the room and checked the flower arrangement on the sideboard. Some of the rose buds were a bit brown at the stem and the removed them from the vase, went into the next room and the next. Repeated this procedure until she came into the male corridor. They never put flowers here so there was no need for her to go into those rooms. Still, she was here now so she could as well have a look around. Perhaps he was in the room they had given to Lord Grantham, still working. Elsie hoped that he had simply forgotten the time and had no opportunity to talk to her.

"Elsie? What are doing here?" Mrs. Taylor appeared at the end of the corridor, her voice stern and piercing, allowing no arguments and especially no lies. "Who gave the orders to inspect the bedrooms here?"

Elsie drew in a sharp breath. It was not like her to break the rules, to do something out of the ordinary. And Mrs. Taylor knew this. She had the housekeeper's trust. Until now.

"No one, Mrs. Taylor." There was no point in lying, or inventing a story or a reason why she had not turned around after inspecting the women's rooms to go downstairs again.

The housekeeper was now standing in front of her, sighing deeply. "Elsie. What is wrong with you? Is it because of this valet?"

She could not deny it so she nodded, admitted it. "I was looking for him because he wasn't at luncheon. We wanted to spend the time after luncheon together, to talk." From the expression on Mrs. Taylor's face, Elsie knew that the housekeeper did not believe her.

"Talk? Why would a head housemaid want to talk to a valet?"

Elsie was telling the truth already. "We met before, twice. Years ago. And I wanted to know what he had done since then." Which was true. She hoped this was all the information Mrs. Taylor wanted to know. Admitting that Charles Carson fascinated her, that she wanted to know everything about him or at least as much as he would tell her, was out of the question.

"You should have told me. Elsie, you are not secretive, you do not enjoy gossip, why do you now cause gossip yourself?"

"I did nothing wrong." She held her back straight now, did not want to give the housekeeper the impression that she felt ashamed of her behaviour when there was nothing to be ashamed of. They had shared a few looks, a few words, nothing more.

"I know you did not." A hand was placed on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Mr. Carson has left half an hour before luncheon. Lord Grantham received a telegram that some business of his could not wait."

She could not breathe, the corridor started to spin, and Elsie reached out for the wall next to her to support her body. Now she would probably never see him again, never discover his story, never know what his favourite book was or his favourite season, tree, flower.

=o=

"Carson, we have to leave. Now. Can you please take care of our luggage?" Lord Grantham came upstairs after a walk outside while Charles was preparing the clothes for luncheon.

"Milord?" Why did they have to leave all of a sudden? Their last day of their stay was tomorrow and he had plans for later, the talk with Elsie, a few stolen moments with this wonderful woman. He could not simply leave her behind now.

"I received a telegram. The ship will leave Liverpool early tomorrow morning instead of the day after." His employer took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I know this is on very short notice but I have to leave for New York."

"I will take care of everything", he heard himself say and his Lordship answered something before he left the room, but Charles did not hear it. She had crossed his path twice before, they had been given a third chance by some divine providence and suddenly she was taken from him for good.

Angrily he began to take out the clothes from the wardrobe, folded them a bit too forcefully and almost tossed them into the open suitcase. A button from one of the dinner shirts ripped off, and a cufflink fell to the floor, rolled underneath the bed. He kneeled down to retrieve it, shoved it back into the little box where it was supposed to be carried in. The box landed on top of the folded shirts. He continued to act like this until only the dinner jackets were left. Exhausted he sunk down on the bed. He had to calm down, concentrate on his work and not let the anger prevail. But how? When the one good thing that had happened in his life was taken away from him. There was suddenly something in his eye that threatened to escape, to make him look like a lovestruck fool. He wiped across his face with the back of his hand, took a deep breath and carried on. Like always.

=o=

He could not find her anywhere as if she had vanished, or escaped from the bad news he had to tell. Charles even knocked on her bedroom door after he had packed his belongings. Elsie was nowhere. His last hope was to catch her on her way down from the guest bedrooms towards the kitchen, on her way to luncheon. But he had no such luck and most of all no time to wait and search any longer. The coach was already waiting outside, a footman had taken care of their suitcases, he had not even found the time to inform Mr. Jenkins, so rushed was their departure. Only Mrs. Taylor knew. Before Charles knew, he was sitting on the front seat of the coach, watching Campbell Hall disappearing behind him in the distance as they moved away from it towards the train station. Another chapter of his life was closed now and he felt miserable about it. He would certainly never see her again, his Elsie, the first and only woman he had ever felt attracted to. From now on he would only concentrate on his work, his daily routine, the rules that came with being a servant and not let his thoughts ever again escape into regions he could not control, would not allow them to be influenced again by silly dreams that would never come true.

=o=

Elsie tried again to get him out of her mind by working harder than ever before, after all this had always been the best method of distraction for her. This time however it did not have the desired effect at all. A week after his sudden departure she still thought of this small accident he had in front of her bedroom door, her silly behaviour, the smiles they shared at breakfast. What was the worst: his voice was stuck in her head like a melody that would not fade away.

She asked for additional chores, more responsibilities and ran errands that she usually delegated to other housemaids. The only effect it had was that it exhausted her so much that she did not dream of him. Alone in her bed at night she fell asleep almost immediately.

For weeks she kept up her exhausting daily schedule until Mrs. Taylor took her aside one afternoon.

"Elsie, you cannot go on like this." They were sitting in the housekeeper's parlour and Elsie had been offered a cup of tea that she declined. She was already behind with her afternoon chores and sat at the edge of the chair Mrs. Taylor had offered her, nervously wringing her hands. "No on can work so many hours a day."

She shook her head immediately. The housekeeper did not know that the work kept not only her hands but also her mind busy. She needed to do to this, otherwise she feared to collapse. "I can." Was her simple answer.

"You cannot. Have you looked in the mirror lately?" Suddenly she felt Mrs. Taylor's hand on her cold hands, covering them. It was an unusual display of affection. "You are pale and you do not eat enough."

Elsie wanted to disagree again but then remembered how dizzy she sometimes felt when she got out of bed in the mornings. And how tasteless the food had been lately. "I can do something about that."

The housekeeper did not let go of her hands. "Yes, I think you can. Tomorrow I will hire two more housemaids to assist you. And you will delegate some of your work so that you find the time to rest."

Stubbornly she shook her head again because she could not allow this. The dreams would return and she could not let them. She had always been so strong, able to suppress every unwanted emotion, to stay focused. Why had two and a half day thrown her so off balance? Nothing had happened between them.

"Is it because of him?" The question was asked with a raised eyebrow and Elsie contemplated to answer with a lie. But she had always been a bad liar, was better at hiding things than thinking of an excuse. This time she could not use this strategy however. So her only option was to nod her head and accept the scolding that was sure to follow her confession.

Mrs. Taylor took a deep breath but did not let go of Elsie's hands. "I thought so. You haven't kissed or done anything forbidden?

"I am not pregnant!" Elsie blurted out and then blushed crimson, immediately regretted her outburst. "We did nothing of that sort. We only talked."

"Then he must have impressed you when you still think of him." There was a smile on the housekeeper's face now. "Anyway, you will hand over some of your chores by tomorrow and then return to your normal duties."

TBC