The Things They Carried
Summary: The agents of Graceland are masters of keeping secrets. But sometimes, secrets have a way of coming back to haunt you.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; Graceland belongs to Jeff Eastin and USA.
A/n: Guys, I am SO SORRY about how long this has taken. This chapter hasn't come easily, and with the amount of schoolwork I've had to do in the past week I've been too busy to spend much time writing. But I promise I'm not abandoning you – it's just going to take me some time to write chapters from now on, because I have so much other stuff to do!
Mike glanced down at the phone in his hand, staring at it as if it was something completely foreign. "You really should call your family, Mike… let them know what's going on."
"It's just going to make things worse," Mike replied, putting the phone face down on the table in front of him.
"Why not start with Hollie?" Nikki asked. Mike closed his eyes, sighing. "You're on good terms with her, and from what you said about the trip to Virginia it's clear she cares about you."
"She's just going to tell the rest of the family…"
"This isn't something you should be keeping a secret. They know you're relapsing, Mike, but do they know how bad this is? That you're in the hospital?" Mike shook his head.
"I don't want it… their attention. I don't want to make Hollie worry about me."
"You think she won't worry if you don't tell her what's going on? Mike, she cares about you… I'm sure she's already worrying, if you haven't been in touch with her since you left." Mike sighed. "Mike… listen to me here. You need a support system in place before you go into treatment. This isn't going to work if you're released and don't have anyone to go to when you need help."
"I've gone to them in the past… I've asked them for help. And all it got me was six weeks in a hospital with almost no contact with anyone outside. Do you really think that's going to do me any good, Nikki?" Mike opened his eyes as he heard the sound of Nikki's chair scraping across the floor.
"I have to get back to the office. But I do want you to think about at least contacting Hollie… this doesn't have to be like the last time. Your siblings are all adults, and they can make their own decisions." Mike nodded, sighing and closing his eyes again. He knew Nikki was right, of course; Hollie could do as she pleased, and Mike knew she would more than likely want to be there for him. But he couldn't bring himself to call her.
"You look like someone waiting to be executed… not a guy waiting for his release papers to be signed." Mike opened his eyes slowly, turning to look at Paige as she stood in the doorway. "I thought they were letting you out of here today."
"Yeah…"
"Then why do you look like someone just killed your dog?" Mike sighed as Paige walked over, sitting down in the chair Nikki had just recently vacated. "Seriously, Mike… what's wrong?"
"I just… Nikki thinks I need to call my family."
"And you don't?" Paige asked.
"I can't ask them to be there for me, Paige. They wouldn't do it when I was fifteen… why would they do it now?" Mike watched as the woman sighed, reaching out and taking his hand.
"Mike… they aren't the only family you have, you know…"
Mike smiled slightly. "Is this going to be like one of those saccharine Disney 'ohana speeches?"
"I'm not Lilo and you aren't a psychotic blue dog…" Paige began.
"I'm pretty sure Stitch is an alien."
"And I'm pretty sure that you were a teenager when that movie came out… you have a Disney obsession we don't know about, Mike?"
"I have three younger siblings… what do you expect?" Mike squeezed the woman's hand slightly, sighing. "Thank you, Paige."
"I'm being serious, Mike. We're a family, and we've got your back even if your real family doesn't," Paige replied. Mike closed his eyes again. "I know Nikki has your best interests at heart, but that doesn't necessarily mean she knows what's best… if you aren't okay with telling your family, there's nothing that says you have to do it. If they're toxic… maybe it's better to cut ties."
"It's easier said than done," Mike replied. "But she's probably right… I think there are some people I need to call…"
"And I think I need to go get both of us some coffee…" Paige began. Mike started to tell her his preferred drink. "Americano, two sugars and a little skim milk. I know your coffee order, Mike."
"Thank you, Paige." Mike watched as the woman walked out of the room, before turning back to his phone and pulling up his contact list, scrolling through until he found the number he was looking for.
"Mike! I was starting to worry… why didn't you call to tell me you'd landed?"
"Things were a little crazy around here when I got back… I got pretty sick on the plane…" Mike began. He closed his eyes. "I'm actually just getting out of the hospital today…"
"Oh my God… Mike! You should have told me sooner, I would have come out there…"
"It's fine, Holls. I didn't want to make a big deal out of everything…" Mike began.
"What was wrong? Do they know?" Mike closed his eyes.
"Dehydration, among other things. All related to the purging." Mike waited silently for his sister to respond "I know I screwed up, okay? But I'm headed to inpatient at the end of the week. I'm going to get this thing sorted out again, and I'm going to get my life back."
"Where are you going?" Hollie asked.
"I don't know yet… someone else is making the arrangements for me."
"Let me know, okay? As soon as you know."
"I'll text you the details once I get them."
"I can still come out there, at least until you go to inpatient…" Mike smiled slightly, closing his eyes.
"I appreciate the offer… but after last week I think I might be better off just staying away from family for a little while. I know it wasn't you, but… I need some space. Just until I can get some things sorted out in my head," Mike replied.
"Of course…" Mike could hear the sadness in the woman's voice.
"It's not that I don't want to see you… I just really need to get my head on straight before I start bringing on the stress of having anyone from the family around…"
"You don't have to explain, Mike. I get it. Just… don't shut me out, okay? I want to be there for you, even if no one else in the family wants to understand." Mike couldn't help smiling at Hollie's words.
"Thank you, Hollie. That really means a lot to me."
"You're going to be okay…"
"Yeah. I'm going to be okay." Mike sighed as he hung up the phone, staring at the screen for a moment as he tried to work up the courage to make the second phone call he needed to make.
"How did it go?" Mike looked up at the sound of Paige's voice, smiling as she handed over his cup of coffee.
"I think Hollie's probably going to be pissed off at me for a while, but she seemed to understand that I need some more time before I see her…" Mike began.
"And Abbey?" Mike looked up, surprised. "I know you saw her while you were out there. I figured you might have called her, too."
"I was going to…" Mike began.
"I can go wait somewhere for you to be done… I have my phone…"
"I think I'd rather wait, honestly." Mike finally put the phone down, sighing. "I don't want to deal with all of this right now… I'd rather just ignore it for a little while longer…"
"You can't keep ignoring your problems, Mike," Paige replied, sitting down on the side of his bed. Mike closed his eyes as she took his hand, squeezing it. "I know it's painful, Mike. But unless you're going to cut all ties with her, you have to tell Abbey what's happening here."
Mike shook his head, sighing before opening his eyes to look at Paige again. "Weren't you the one saying I was getting too close to her?"
"You're the only one that can make that decision… but I feel better about it now that she's across the country and less of a risk to the house," Paige admitted. "The most important thing for me is that you don't keep doing this… that you stop hurting yourself."
"I don't get you sometimes…" Mike began. He looked over at the woman, squeezing her hand. "It feels like you go back and forth over whether or not you want to deal with this… sometimes you're super supportive and helpful, and other times it feels like you don't know if you even want to be involved in this whole situation…"
Mike could see the hurt in Paige's eyes. "I know… it's not easy for me to watch you go through this, after what happened with my sister. I want to be here for you, but at the same time it hurts to think that the same thing might happen to you." Mike watched as she sighed, shaking her head. "You're going to be okay. I know that you're a smart guy, that you're going to beat this. But I still just see Jamie and what she went through."
"Come here…" Mike reached out towards the woman, motioning for her to sit down next to him on the bed. He put his arm around her, giving her a hug. "It's all going to be okay. I'm going to beat this."
"I know you are. You're too fucking hard-headed not to." Mike couldn't help laughing.
"You're probably right about that." Mike gently squeezed the woman's shoulders. "You'd think they'd be trying to get me out of here a little faster… they said they were releasing me hours ago, but I still haven't seen the paperwork…"
"Is this a hint that you want me to try to hurry them up?" Paige asked. Mike shrugged, smiling. "I'll go find out what the hold up is. Drink your coffee."