Author's note: Enjoy the extra post this week. I will post as per regular time tomorrow. School starts again this Sunday (yes I have class Sunday night go figure) so I will be back to posting once a week again.

Dear Diary,

Everyone is assembled by the main fire when I leave my tent. This is odd. I head over to the kitchen area grabbing a mug I head back toward the fire and pour myself a mug of tea from the kettle that is sitting close by on the warming rock as we call it.

I sit down between Tamlen and Zev at the fire. I look at everyone. They seem rather serious.

"Did someone die and not tell me?" I joke weakly looking at them.

No one even cracked a smile. Wow, this must be serious.

"Elly," Wynne starts, "We are worried about you."

"Why? What's going on?" I ask worriedly.

"You have been taking a large amount of sleeping draughts lately." Morrigan notes lightly.

"You come to each of us separately hoping we wouldn't notice," Ox adds firmly.

"Ok, so I have trouble sleeping, blightmares remember?" I say defensively.

"It seems to be worse since Highever," Alistair says.

"Alistair, that is really none of your business," I say quietly seething.

"You never asked for sleeping spells or draughts before Highever," states Wynne firmly.

I fire an angry glare at her.

"I saw the devastation at Highever, you cannot come out of the unscathed, you helped me let me help you," Cullen says kindly looking at me with sympathy.

"You aren't the same Elly," Leliana says gently, "Please talk to us."

"You are getting pale and thin, my dear warden, you hardly eat anymore," Zev adds with concern showing in his amber eyes.

"You avoid me now," says Rory worriedly, "you won't talk to me about it."

"If your most trusted companion's say this is not you, I believe them," Adela adds seriously, "I have not been here as long as the rest, but even I can see you are not yourself."

I'm getting angrier by the second it seems.

"You are changed," notes with distain Sten, "and if you cannot lead I cannot follow."

"I've seen you sneaking out of camp at all hours of the night," Shale snitches.

I glare at her angrily.

"What, it's not like I sleep or perform other body functions," she adds distastefully.

"We care about you, Falon, please let us help," pleads Tamlen.

Not you too Tamlen.

"Well now if I can finally speak," I bite out angrily. Seriously an intervention…They think I need an intervention?

"Have I shown I am an incapable leader?" I hiss at them.

They are all silent.

"Good, then this discussion is over and I suggest you leave me the hell alone for a while!" I angrily stomp off heading for the pond.

I look back at the camp and see my companions in huddle talking and gesturing in my direction.

I turn and stalk to the pond out of their sight.

What the bloody hell! Andraste's flaming arse! How dare they! I seethe. I grab a stick and start hitting a tree.

"Perhaps you would prefer a more animated sparring partner."

I turn to see Sten standing a few feet away from me with wooden practice daggers and wooden sword and shield.

"Andraste's flaming knickers Sten, did you just make a joke?" I say sarcastically, "I'll mark that one down on my calendar."

He looks at me stoically but I see the corners of his mouth twitch ever so slightly.

"So you've come to wrestle me for leadership because I'm unfit to lead?" I bite out angrily.

"No Kadan, I'm here because I think this is what you need right now," he says gesturing to the practice weapons.

I feel several eyes upon me. "You might as well come out I know you're there," I sigh crossly.

Alistair, Zev, Cullen, Adela, Tamlen, Rory, Leliana, and Wynne step out of the brush looking a bit guilty. I look behind them and see Morrigan, Ox and Shale watching with interest from a distance.

"We only want to help, please," Rory says sadly.

"Help me what?!" I grate.

I am answered with silence.

"Relive the nightmare!" I answer my own question shouting furiously. Grabbing the practice weapons, I move automatically into fighting stance.

Sten readies himself and I throw myself in a whirlwind slashing at him. I come at him and connect hard. He looks a bit surprised (Sten and I have never sparred before) as his balance trembles a bit but he holds fast.

"Howe killed my beloved!" I shout angrily remembering Darrien's sweet face when he proposed and then his broken bloodied body. I lunge forward again this time Sten feints to the side slashing out with his sword. I roll sideways barely missing the blow and rise to my feet. I feel he is mocking me egging me on.

"He killed my sweet sister in law, and nephew whom I absolutely adored!" I scream irately, remembering little Oren asking me to teach him to use a sword. I strike again. Sten counters with his shield.

"Then I was forced to leave my parents and my best friend to die at his whim," I blare raging thinking about Rory holding the front gate, and hugging my parents for the last time, rushing Sten and dropping low for a leg shot. He grunts as that one connects.

We connect again my crossed daggers on his shield. "And if that wasn't enough he tortured my best friend," I shriek out lividly remembering Rory's wounds, pushing against the shield.

"And left the bodies to rot," I scream enraged, picturing the decomposing bodies, Sten twists effectively knocking me backwards. Tossing the sword and shield to the ground, he grabs my arms effectively pinning me to ground.

I struggle, "I carried my mother's decomposing body to the pyre myself," I howl in angry pain as I remember and my heart is breaking all over again. I ferociously head butt him as hard as I can. I see stars but I don't care. Sten seems stunned.

"I can't…," I sob all the fight going out of me. In my blurry vision I see Sten shake his head for a moment.

He pulls himself off of me and sits on the ground pulling me into his lap like child. One the floodgates were open I couldn't stop. "I am here, Kadan, for your Ataas shokra. It's ok Kadan there will be kost in herah," he soothes rubbing my back. I sink into the large Qunari, letting the man comfort me, not caring about appearances anymore. Everyone is quiet for some time as I my sobs slow down and finally stop. "I was wrong," He says regretfully. I look up at him curiously still teary eyed. "I should have come. We don't have families as you do but I understand the need to ash aqun and ash kost."

"I told you he was a softy," I hear Leliana whisper to the group.

"Parsharra! Venak hol! Not a word!" Sten growls in Leliana's direction. I snicker in spite of myself.

Sten looks down at me the corners of his mouth are slightly upturned, "Are you feeling better Kadan?"

I swear to the Maker the man might be smiling.

"Better yes, myself, not quite yet. Thank you Sten," I wrap my arms around his neck giving the man a hug and impulsively kiss him on the cheek. I see a bit red enter his cheeks at the gesture. I still the impulse to comment on it and look up at him giving him a watery smile.

"Are you Ok?" I ask concerned as we stand.

He rubs his head and I can see several bruises on his greyish skin.

"I would be honored if you would spar with me in the future Kadan. You hit hard…. for a human… I can see why the others are afraid of you," He smirks.

Andraste's flaming butt cheeks! Sten is smirking. I think the void just open up and I've been transported into an alternate Thedas.

"I just assumed the other warden had weak bones," he adds dryly.

I shake my head wryly chuckling as we walk back to camp.

Venak hol: "Wearying one". A mild insult.

Parshaara:"Enough".

Ash Aqun: seek balance

Ash Kosh: seek peace

Herah: Time

Asit tal-eb:"The way things are meant to be." or "It is to be." A driving principle of the Qunari philosophy.