Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, the Twilight quartet, Bleach, the Haruhi Suzumiya series, Code Geass, Dragonball Z, Axis Powers: Hetalia, or any of their associated characters or fictional locations.

Slash Note:

How to use it

I

The human whose name in this note shall have sex with the nearest human of the same gender. It will happen.

II

If a specific pairing is desired then the second humans name must be written next to the firsts with an 'x' between the two within the next forty seconds.

III

If a specific type of sexual encounter is desired then details of the encounter must be written underneath the humans name within the next six minutes and forty seconds.

Okay my evil readers, after an extreme period of absence I have finally decided to continue this diary (purely on the basis of having to join the eloper's permanently if I do not, Mregent.2 is evil I tell you!).

I suppose you'll all want some kind of summary of what went on during the past month of so of absence, well, not much really, I decided to lock myself in my room for most of it so I really don't know what the hell happened.

However, today my period of peace was brought to an abrupt close as Kyon finally came from the hospital after being raped by Haruhi.

Just for the record, I still believe that women can't rape men, Haruhi does NOT count due to the fact that she's a god (I think?) and Sayu's... a Yagami, lets leave it at that.

Anyways, back to the story. I had come down to breakfast (Mrs Yagami got sick of carrying it to my room so I have to collect it from the table nowadays) when I spotted Kyon sitting at the table.

"Oh, hello Kyon, I see the Doctor's managed to put you back together again". I said conversationally.

"Yes, I'm surprised too, there wasn't exactly much left to- hey it's YOU!" He suddenly pointed a finger at me, screaming like a banshee.

"Yes, I am me."

"I know that!" I noticed a few seconds ago. "You're the as*&^%$ who threw me to Haruhi!"

"Oh stop complaining", I replied. "We could all hear how much you enjoyed it."

"It's true". Agreed Light, who had suddenly appeared behind me.

"Sound's about right," said L from pocking his head up from beneath the table.

"That's how it rolled," said Mello who had apparently been hiding n the closet with Matt. Just out of curiosity just how is hell still in one piece anyway? I mean, he should have fallen apart a few days after he'd been 'resurrected', and Mello's not exactly gentle with him...

"I was screaming in pain not pleasure you morons- how did you get up there?"

"I don't know," said I, from my vantage point on the air conditioner. "I think my instinct's took control when the eloper's appeared from no-where, they're very finely tuned at this point."

Kyon shook his head. "Well, whatever, the point is that you still threw me to Haruhi, now you're going to pay!" And with that he jumped onto the table and started clawing at me.

"If I hadn't we would all be stuck in a permanent orgy with multiple people that or may not be alive!"

"Because of you I had to have anal reconstruction surgery!" The eloper's winced.

"If I hadn't done it you wouldn't want one!" I yelled, trying to avoid Kyon's grasping fingers. Arrgh! I've had it with this stupidity! I mean, half the people around here aren't even from from Death Note in the first place and there's more chapter's with crossover character's than without. Suddenly, my genius brain came up with an idea, an idea to rid my universe of crossover character's at last!

"Say, Kyon," said I. "I think you should go get Haruhi."
Kyon froze. "And why should I do that?"

"Just do it," replied I. "And don't forget the rest of the SOS brigade, that C.C. Person, and get the Twilight people as well."

Kyon folded his arms. "And just why should I do that, I mean, even if I was kind enough to do it you might just run off to your room again and I'd never be able to wreak my revenge."

I sighed. "Look, the past has show us both that the presence of crossover people in one area increase the chances of insanity occurring, if you get all the crossover people here than the possibility of insanity occurring will go through the roof, meaning something bad will probably happen to me. Furthermore if I try to leave that means I'll be putting squishy body in the hands of the eloper's down there, and we all know what happen next..."

Kyon's eyes narrowed. "And just what do you get out of this?"

"Momentary relief," replied I. "My guess is that for revenge you were planning to toss me to either Sayu, the eloper's or both. Since the presence of crossover people only increases insanity that means that the possibility of my escaping or being saved is reduced to somewhere just below zero percent. This way I have a few minutes more before losing my Virginity and/or my sanity, while you get the satisfaction of knowing that my fate has become all the worse due to you following my own orders due to the fact that such a high possibility of insanity occurring will make things even worse.."

Kyon looked my in the eyes for a moment, "... fine so long as I get my revenge I suppose I can wait a few minutes." And with that Kyon jumped off the table and ran off to find the rest of the crossover-invaders.

The next few minutes were spend quivering in fear as I watched the eloper's eye me. When Kyon finally came back I found myself the centre of attention from humans, Aliens, Vampires, Espers, Time Traveller's and (possibly) a deity.

"Greeting's citizen''s of insanity!" I proclaimed. "Suppose you all want to know why you have been gathered here?"

"Well duh!" Said Haruhi.

"I would like to know what;s going on," that was Koizumi.

" I don't really care so long as I'm with Edward,"said Bella.

"Um.. I'm Jacob." Said Jacob, looking a bit creeped out by the girl doing a very good limpet impression on his arm, who, by this time, seemed to not be able to differentiate between the Gary-Stu vampire rip-off and the boy who turned into a giant hairy rabid-looking bear-thing.

I felt my eye twitch. "... Well, I'm going to tell you any-"

"Hey, are you trying to signal Aliens by sitting on the fan?" Asked Haruhi.

"No, now-"

"EDWARD!" Shouted Bella for no apparent reason.

"BELLA!" Shouted Edward back, who had come in with the rest of them.

"Be quite!" I snapped. "Now, like I was saying, I will now explain why I have brought you here-"

"Actually Mr boring-boy here brought us here," Said C.C, "I was told there would be Pizza..."

"I thought I would be getting revenge!" Shouted Kyon.

"AND I THOIUGHT I WOULD BE GETTING JAM!" Said BB.

"And thought I would I be getting Edward," said Bella dreamily.

"I'm right here," said Edward.

"SHUT UP YOU RETARDS!" I shouted. "Now, for the last time the reason why I have brought you here, and if anyone interrupts me one more time I swear I will put a GPS on them and give a tracker to the fangirls! AND NO, I DO NOT CARE WHAT GENDER YOU ARE!"

The room was suddenly filled with silence.

"Good," I sighed. "Now, the reason I have brought you all here is to inform you that your time in my world is at an end. I'm afraid that in a few minutes a portal will appear that will take you all back to your original universes and-"

"And who's to say we're to go through it?" Snapped Haruhi. "I like it here!"

I turned slowly to her,. "Miss Suzumiya, could you remind me what I said would happen to the next person who interrupted me."

Haruhi's face turned white, "um-well, err..."

"Never-mind, it's actually quite a good question," I said in a soothing tone, I stuck a hand inside my pyjama shirt and pulled out the Slash Note. "This is what's called a Slash Note, when you write someone's name in it you can make them have sex with anyone you like, and unless the portal appears within the next five seconds and you go through it I'm going to write your name into the note and make you have sex with Ganju from Bleach!"

"Ew, OH HELLS NO!" Screamed Haruhi, and with that the portal that brought the crossover people here suddenly appeared behind her.

"Come on Brigade, we're getting the hell outta dodge!" And so, the SOS Brigade left this universe, with Haruhi running like the hounds of hell were after her, and Kyon being dragged by the collar, howling in lament for his lost vengeance.

The rest just walked, in case anyone cares.

Near: 6 Fate: 12

You see, it was simple, I knew that Haruhi was the only one with the power to open the portal, so I simply tricked her into believing that portal into existence. Then I threatened her with an unimaginable horror that even she couldn't find interesting thus causing her to leave, taking Kyon (who she obviously loves) and the rest of the SOS Brigade (who follow her everywhere so she doesn't blow up the universe) with her.

Now it was the Twilight people's turn, I turned to see Bella attached to Jacob's arm once again. Edward looked sad and occasionally made puppy-eyes at her.

Well this is going to be easy.

"Hey Bella!"

The Mary-Sue looked at me. "Yes pyjama boy?"

I pointed at the portal. "Edwards waiting on the other side of the portal!"

"WAIT FOR ME EDWARD!" Screamed Bella suddenly, tossing aside Jacob's arm like last weeks newspaper and Jumping through the portal.

"BELLA!" The Twilight people collectively screamed and promptly jumped through the portal.(Which I suppose was the logical thing to do, after all, the Twilight world revolves around Bella, and if she isn't around.. well it's not like the characters are interesting enough to make book without all the teenage angst now are they?).

Near: 7 Fate: 12!

I was catching up! Now my only problem was how get down without being raped by the eloper's... or so I thought! Suddenly the portal hummed and spat out a bunch of new people onto the floor, after a few seconds of watching them untangle themselves I recognised them.

"O' for gods sake ENOUGH WITH THE CROSSOVER'S ALREADY!" I shouted at Fate, as Goku, Vegeta, Cell and the rest of the supporting cast whose names I can't be bothered remembering disentangled themselves.

"Huh?" Said Goku once he had finally managed to stand up. "How come you're shouting at the ceiling little boy?"

Near: 7 Fate: 13

I slowly turned to look at him, my eye twitching ever so slightly. "Because Fate won't stop screwing with me!"

Suddenly Vegeta kicked Goku out of his way. "Out the way you idio- what the, look at this one's hair!"

Goku looked up from his position on the floor. "Hey, it's white! Does that mean you're some kind of Utlra-Mega-Super-Sajin?"

"No," I deadpanned. "I'm an L level three."

"Umm, okay.... hey I don't suppose you're actually some kind of alien invader coming to destroy earth?"

"Er, no."

"Well, then, I don't suppose you know any do you?"

"Afraid not," said I. "We don't have many Alien's around here.."

Goku blinked. "Okay then, hey guy's, "he called to the other Dragonball Z people. 'We're not fighting!"

The rest looked confused. "Then what are we supposed to do?" Said Krillin. "I mean, all we usually do is look anxious while the main characters fight..."

"I know!" Said Vegeta. "Why don't we do the invading for a change, that way we can fight AND get rich at the same time!"

"Umm, I dunno.." said Goku. "That might clash with my, 'dumb hero' image..."

"You get free food."

"I'm in!"

Okay, it was at this point I decided to step in, because as much as I might want to see the eloper's burned to a crisp, I don't want to be.

"Hey, Goku plus side characters!" I shouted, they turned to me. "I have a question to ask before you blow us all to god knows where!"

Goku grinned. "Sure, what is it?"

"Umm, I've always wanted to know why you always scream so loud when you're powering up.." I said slowly. "I mean, if I didn't know better I would say you get your super-powers from constipation!"

Goku look a bit shifty, "well actually-"

So my suspicions were correct! Now to phase to two of my plan!"I mean, it would explain how you keep getting stronger against all logic, all that food you eat has to go somewhere doesn't it?"

"Yes but-"

"But of course that silly.." I laughed. "I mean, what kind of superhero gets their powers from constipation! Or course if you did you would never be able to eat anything from this planet..."

"Oh, and why is that?" Asked Vegeta.

I smiled my best creepy smile. "Because in this world we like to sweeten everything we eat with laxative, so if you tried to conquer this world you would eventually have to eat and thus lose your super-powers.."

The Dragonball Z cast blanched. "I-is that so?" Asked Vegeta stiffly.

Yes, " I lied with a chirpy voice reminiscent of Misa (by the way, I think the rest of the Death Note cast besides me and the eloper's had either gone to work or school, and they would have gotten up by now with all of the racket). "But of course you big strong super-hero's wouldn't have to worry about that now would you? Of course not, in fact, here!" I took out a square of chocolate I had been saving for plot to poison L from my Pyjamas . "Consider this piece of our finest chocolate a welcome from your new subjects!"
"N-no that won't be necessary!" Said Vegeta backing away.

I grinned and threw it at them.

Goku screamed like a little girl and jumped through the portal, the rest of cast quickly following. Within seconds the room was once again deserted by all except for the eloper's and myself

Near: 8 Fate: 13

The gap between I and Fate was quickly diminishing, al I had to do now was find a way to get the eloper's to go through the portal and the battle would be mine! Looking downward from my vantage of the fan I could see their lust-filled eyes, and suddenly, an idea occurred to me.

"Say Light, what would you do for a Slash Note?" I asked slyly.

"ANYTHING!" Screamed Light, his pretty-boy looks marred by the drool coming from the corner of his mouth.

I smiled. "Good, now," I pointed at the portal. "All you have to do is go through there and I'll give you the Slash Note!"

Light's yes narrowed. "And how do I know this isn't a trick to get me to jump through the portal to some unknown universe where I might never be able to return from?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Because if you don't do it I'll make you have sex with Misa."

Light blinked. ".. good enough for me!" And with that our favourite homicidal maniac jumped through the portal to god-knows-where, hopefully never to be seen again. The rest of the eloper's did exactly as I expected them to.

"Light-bright!" Screamed L, who then jumped into the portal.

"THE JAM NEEDS IT'S PRETTY-BOY!" Said BB who also jumped in.

"Dammit how are supposed to have a foursome without you guys?" Asked Mello before performing a somersault and jumping into the portal, somehow managing to drag Matt behind him. It was really quite impressive.

Near: 9 Fate: 13.

At last I had defeated the eloper's, now they were gone. I laughed in joy as I climbed down to the table, only to be suddenly met by two yellow eyes.

"Er, hello C.C."

"You forgot about me didn't you?" Asked C.C.

"Er, um... yes I suppose I did."

"Well since everybody else is gone there's no-one here to stop me from fulfilling my deepest wish.."

I gulped. "And what is that?"

C.C. suddenly grinned, "to make a pizza with albino topping!" She grabbed me around the waist and began dragging me to the kitchen.

"Arghh! No, wait, I don't want to be albino pizza!" I shouted.

"'Topping' not 'pizza' silly!" Giggled C.C. which was strangely disturbing.

Oh of course, 'Topping' not 'Pizza' how silly of me, of course being 'Topping' make everything alright then doesn't it? Wait Pizza, that it!

"Hey!" I suddenly yelled. "There's twenty pounds of Pizza waiting for you on the other side of the portal!"

"Yeah right, do you really think I'm so stupid as to fall for that trick, I'm over five hundred years old for pity's sake!" And with that C.C. threw me onto the kitchen table.

"Umm, there's Jam and Albino topping!" I shouted desperately as she pulled a knife out of somewhere I don't want to remember.

"Why didn't you say so!" C.C, dropped the knife and ran out of the Kitchen and through the portal.

Near: 10 Fate: 13

Okay, let's review shall we. I, Near, had now managed to defeat all the sources of my torment single-handily besides Fate him/herself. I was alone in the kitchen, still had time to get to school and my breakfast was still edible.

And that ,Toshiro Hitsugia, is how to show Fate where to stick it, now let's see you try to pull that off!

Alas, my hard-won peace was not to last, for much to my horror the portal started glowing, suddenly a new bunch of beings burst through portal, and then, something worse happened.

The portal closed.

That meant I was stuck with whatever moron's Fate had decided to throw at me. Sighing resignedly I lifted myself from the table and went over to meet them.

"Ahh, where the F*&^ have dragged us to this time you f*&%wit!?" A Blonde man with giant eyebrows pocked his head from the mass.

"Umm, that's a good question, but have no fear, a hero always finds a way out of any situation!" Proclaimed another blonde man, this one wearing glasses and a stupid expression.

Apparently they were the characters of Axis Powers: Hetalia, who, as I was abut to find out were even worse than the rest of the moron's I had just rid of put together.

Long story short, right now I'm in my room after the school day, the Nation's have taken their places in the household (Mr Yagami's charging them double the old prices due to meeting Russia and France at the same time). Just to let you know exactly how bad my situation has become I'll explain:

Mrs Yagami is sick of cooking so much each night so now ENGLAND is on cooking, France is even worse than the eloper's were and America... well I actually don't know where he is but I guarantee that when he does turn up things will be even worse. Oh well, enough ranting for tonight, at least I managed to double my previous score right?

The Score: Near: 10 Fate: 14

23rd of November

The Yagami household

Going to sleep.

Nate Rivers