12

Window Reflections

Ship of Spies

A cold midwinter blast snuck through the front door as Amanda entered her house. She was quick to shut the door and block any more of that frigid air from entering. Hanging up her coat, she moved into the family room quickly surveying the familiar surroundings. It was always nice to be at home; she loved her house, her family and the busy life they had together. But she had just spent two days in the warm Caribbean sun looking at aqua blue waters and white sands, and all of sudden Arlington, Virginia seemed very gray and in desperate need of color. She had also spent the last two days thinking that she had been married to one Lee Stetson. She wasn't sure which was more incongruent with her normal, everyday life at the moment, the tropics or the idea of being married to Lee.

She had been willing to do the engagement cover. Of course, Lee had taken her off guard with his plan, but she understood the need to wear the ring and pretend to be a couple in order to be passengers on that wedding cruise. She may even have been able to cope a little better with the shocking information that there was a possibility that they would need to go through with a wedding if he had given her a little advanced notice. Why that man continued to refuse to discuss things with her ahead of time, she still couldn't understand. He had told her later on in their cabin that he had been worried that she wouldn't agree to come along because of how strongly she felt about marriage. Now that she thought about his comment, she found it touching that he would be concerned about it, but really, springing it on her like that was not a better alternative. They were really going to need to work on the communication part of their partnership.

Moving through the kitchen now, Amanda picked up the odds and ends of the breakfast dishes that were scattered around on the counters and placed them in the sink. Returning to her normal routines had a reassuring, settling effect on her, one that she didn't know she had needed to feel. Her thoughts quickly returned to the cruise, she couldn't help it. Lee was right about her, she did have strong feelings about marriage. Thinking about that now, it surprised her that she had actually been willing to marry Lee, even if it was only for a couple days. She had given no thought to any future ramifications to her life, or her family, if she had an annulment noted somewhere in her life's file. Why had she been so willing to go through with a real wedding ceremony with Lee? She had even been ok with the room arrangements. In the past she would have been more perturbed by it, but this time she was more aware of how attentive and even sweet it was that he had remembered and honored what was important to her.

Even though she was confused about the reasoning behind her actions on the cruise as she recalled all these moments, a serene smile spread across her face and a warmth filled her chest. She felt an odd sense that she was standing outside, looking at her own self, responding to these memories. She had all these disparate sensations pulsing through her, and she was having a hard time reconciling them. Here she was, smiling and feeling a strange warmth, and yet she was still unsettled about the fact that she had just gone through with a marriage ceremony with Lee Stetson, a spy and a playboy! But he was also her friend. No, first of all he was her friend. Her hands stilled in the warm water and she lifted her eyes to let them stare into the distance past her kitchen window. Maybe that was it. They had completed another case together, but something else had been accomplished on that assignment; she had also gotten to know Lee so much better somehow. Maybe that was why she felt more of the contented feelings than the unsettled ones?

She had always suspected that there was a tender, sweet side to Lee, but now she knew. She had seen glimpses of it here and there, and she had thought that there was something special about him the first time she had worked with him, and it had compelled her to continue to help him. She had seen it that time he had risked his career to rescue her from the Russians on that golf course. Numerous times since then a personal, sensitive side of Lee had popped its head out for a moment and comforted her or said a soft, "I know" to her, but it never stayed that long. It was as if he would notice that it was showing and he would tuck it away. Maybe one of the reasons she had kept coming back to work with him was because she hoped that she would get another glimpse of that side of Lee. He could be such a cold and difficult person, and maybe he needed to be because of the kind of work he did, but she had to admit that she was truly intrigued by those glimpses she got to have.

But on this case something special had happened. She chuckled to herself as she remembered what Lee had said this morning, "some strange things happened." She knew what he was talking about and it had made her smile when he had brought it up. She didn't care what he had thought there standing in the hall outside the Bull Pen. He had been trying to cover what had happened during that wedding ceremony on San Angelo. She knew that he couldn't, this time that sweetness in him had come out again.

She had seen it there, in his eyes, every time he looked at her during the wedding ceremony. She couldn't figure out exactly what he was feeling at first; it seemed to be a mixture of fear and an apology. Maybe he felt bad that keeping their cover had required this or maybe he was completely freaked out by the whole idea of marriage? It was a cover, after all. Hadn't he been trained to play all kinds of covers? But his reactions had touched her and made her aware that it wasn't the agent, Scarecrow, going through with this. There, leading her down the aisle was a very nervous Lee Stetson. It occurred to her that he must have some sort of respect for marriage too and that was an insight into Lee that she knew she would never forget. As the short ceremony progressed, she could see him settle in a bit. She could easily remember that moment when he had placed that wedding band on her finger and said the words, "with this ring, I thee wed." At the time, she had thought that the marriage was a valid one, she hadn't known that Lee had falsified his information (why hadn't he told her?) But then, as he had said those words, his voice had a weighty quality to it, as if he could feel how significant the words were. She could feel her heart beat loudly in her chest even now as she thought about that moment.

And then he had lifted her veil and drawn her to himself and they had kissed. She had been kissed by Lee before, about a year ago at that training camp for that football team he was playing for undercover. That kiss had been electrifying to her and she found herself trying to forget it more often than she had wanted to. But this time was so different. Maybe it was because they had gotten to know each other better since then? She had approached the wedding as part of the case, but she kept getting surprised by the reactions she saw cross Lee's face, and she kept needing to remind herself that it was all part of the job. But that kiss...well, to be honest with herself, she had to admit that everything else had faded away and it had felt like it was just her and Lee at that moment. She could sense that sweetness that drew her to him come through his kiss. He was there, really there, present with her. She was touching that tender side of Lee, and it felt like he was offering it to her. Oh boy!

She shut her eyes and shook her head. She tried to shut the thoughts and memories off as quickly as that kiss had ended. She went to wipe her hands off on a dish towel, just as she had wiped her lipstick off of Lee's mouth after they had kissed. Her hands were still slightly wet, so she wiped them on her skirt as she moved to sit down on the family room couch. Her hands paused over her pocket; she could feel the thin round shape of the wedding band that had lain forgotten in her pocket. He'd had to buy it on the ship when they had realized that they would go through with the actual wedding. Holding it in her open hand, she recalled his words the other day as they sipped champagne after the wedding, "At least your 18 K gold wedding band is real." Yeah, well, it was as real as a cover can be. She would give it back in the morning, after all they were just playing their covers; it was all part of the job, just like Lee had said. Marrying Lee Stetson was part of the job she had chosen to do, just like dangling over the ocean on a life boat boom, jumping out of a speeding car and apprehending a bad woman with a gold pipe on a Caribbean beach were.

Now, however, slipping herself in next to the side of a gun wielding Lee on a beach at sunset was also part of the job. Before her mind could form the memory of him wrapping his arm around her and her placing her head on his shoulder, the front door was thrown open and Philip and Jamie burst into the house along with another blast of cold air. "Hey, Mom! Anything to eat? We're starved!" Yes, it was all a part of the job.