a/n SOOOOOOOOO sorry for the long absence. I can't explain how sorry I am. RL and a bunch of other commitments, blah, blah blah.
a/n Who saw Breaking Dawn? Hands up!
Anyone like it, didn't like it?
I think it was well done, and like it best of the other three. I just can't get over that name though, Renesmee. Grrr.
a/n Who has seen the Hunger Games? Hands up!
Love that series and I loved the movie, it was amazing!
Chapter 23- Simple anxiety
"My family and I have decided to help you."
Relief flooded her features' as Edward's words. "Really? You'll help us?"
Edward sat back. "Yes, we were going to anyway, most of us feel strongly about your situation and want to help, the Volturi has no business forcing you into anything."
Bella inwardly cringed at the 'most of us' Edward had uttered, but the rest of her was significantly relieved that she and Chase would not have to face off against a horde of vampires alone. She relaxed into the grass and let out a sigh of relief. Now she only had to worry about the fact that Vampire royalty are threatening to pay her and Chase a visit. Sitting there next to Edward she began to feel like the biggest charity case in the world, but she had no idea how to apologise for it. She couldn't worry about that though; there was a limited amount of time left. Her birthday was in less than a month, and if she was right then the Volturi would try to visit them around that time.
Bella stood up and began to pace. That had to be it. When would they be at their strongest?
Immediately after they ascended.
Edward's eyes followed Bella's pacing. A part of him was still angry with her, but he knew that Bella had only done what she had because she had been trying to stay alive, something he couldn't fault.
As of late Alice's visions had been reassuring. True, the first one she'd had had ended in massacre, but after Edward himself had decided to help Bella and Chase things seemed to calm down somewhat. Edward guessed whatever Aro would try could not be done in front of his whole coven.
Bella began fidgeting again, "I can't even sit still." She turned to look at him suspiciously, "why aren't you more worried?"
Edward turned to look at her seriously, "Because the Volturi mainly consists of Aro and his trophies. I will be surprised if he even makes the trip. We'll most likely be seeing Jane, Demetri and any other cronies Aro wants to expend. Trust me it's not going to be a big deal; they've tried to recruit me as well. You just tell them no and that's that."
Edward reached out and cupped her face. His intention was to calm her some, but Bella's heart only sped up. Her mind surprisingly blank, every worry Bella had had vanished and was replaced with nothing; the small fact that Edward was touching her seemed to be her body's only concern.
Edward moved in a fraction of an inch and said, "I want to try something. Don't move."
Edward moved in at a snail's pace. It was more difficult than he imagined to get closer to her while breathing in her scent and listening to her heart beat. When Edward felt the heat from her breath reach him, he stopped breathing. He moved his hand down to the nape of her neck and pushed his hands into her hair. At the same time, Bella leaned forward into Edward and closed her eyes.
Their lips touched for the slightest moment before Edward began to pull away.
For a fraction of a second they both stared at each other, and then they both moved away from each other, suddenly embarrassed.
Edward was suddenly aware of how such an intimate moment could lead to what he'd seen in Alice's vision. That moment he'd seen in Alice's' vision had happened around the time of graduation, which was fast approaching. He and Bella had been (surprisingly) happy together. They had something that he would never guess at, and had it not been for the fact that he had seen it, he would never have believed it would be possible. That vision in particular had shocked and scared him. It was often -since he had been in Alice's company for what felt now like an eternity- that he would see into Alice's visions, but nothing like what he'd seen had ever happened before. He was quite unsure how to react when it came to the prospect of love.
And with a human no less!
Edward raised his hands and ran them down his face, frustrated. The image of Bella pinned beneath him was hard to ignore. It would in fact happen close to where they were now laying; the small change being that the thriving flowers surrounding the meadow were all that was missing. The stiff buds that now surrounded them were soon to blossom, but in how long?
What most consumed Edward was whether he wanted to let the vision play out or avoid the situation altogether. What could the repercussions be?
He felt a vibration in his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. It was a text from Alice. All it said was: Ask her!
He had no idea what that meant. Everything with Bella seemed to tip him off-kilter, and was either deeply personal or unspoken between them. At this moment he wasn't sure what to do.
Bella lay back in the grass looking up into the sky, pondering what had just happened. She tried to play off the moment as some sort of slip of control and nothing more, as she secretly hoped it had been but all was in vain, she could feel the blood rising to her cheeks and looked away to hide it.
Besides, she had other things to worry about.
Beside her Edward coughed. She was startled, and wasn't sure she had ever heard such a sound come from him.
Edward quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket and turned to look at Bella whom he found staring at him.
He looked away quickly and stood up. He didn't have a purpose but he needed to put some distance between him and Bella. In his opinion, things were moving quite fast between them and he needed to slow them down. There were a lot of things that needed to be attended to before he could even think about a possible relationship with Bella.
Bella too, sat up. She wasn't quite sure what had changed Edward's mood but he had now taken up her pacing. His hair, which had previously been an unruly mess was now being hand-combed and pushed into all different types of directions.
He truly looked bizarre.
"Uh Edward are you okay?"
Edward gave one sharp nod but otherwise said nothing.
They stood in silence for a while, Edward staring off into the distance, Bella staring at him unsure of what to say.
Finally, after what felt like a long uncomfortable pause, Edward seemed to snap out of it. He stopped pacing and proposed that they begin the journey home.
"My house or yours?" Bella questioned.
Edward thought for a minute before concluding that hers was probably a better idea. "Things might be a bit tense at my house." He finished.
Bella didn't need him to say it, Rosalie would not want Bella anywhere near her. Sending her flying through the air might have been funny to her, but she was sure that the uptight blonde was just waiting for retribution.
Bella nodded and sat up, accepting the hand Edward offered and walking with it wrapped around hers for what she thought wasn't long enough. Edward gave another weird cough and started walking for the tree-line. Bella followed silently behind him.
The journey back towards the car was less treacherous than the one up to the meadow. The trees still seemed to be curved in a way that was not in their favour, but the steep incline was now a decline and this time around Bella had to watch the hidden rocks and branches.
Edward walked slowly in front of Bella, leading the way and also making sure that nothing was in her way, he had not done such a marvellous job on the way here and Bella became very irritable. It was safe to say that he would not be making the same mistake twice.
After about ten minutes of silence he decided to spark up a conversation.
"I thought you liked the outdoors." Edward said after Bella swore under her breath for the third time.
Bella shot him a look but eventually rolled her eyes. "Where did you get that?"
Edward smirked, "not a fan of long walks in the rain anymore?"
Bella stared at him in disbelief, "that was months ago. How did you hear about that?"
Edward shrugged and held up a branch for her to pass under. "I heard about it through the minds of about everyone in town."
Bella was stunned that he was being so honest with her and smiled.
"I must have been quite memorable."
Edward looked at her, suddenly serious. "You have no idea."
Bella looked over to him but Edward looked away.
The ground had begun to level out when Edward spoke again.
"It's funny you are so uncoordinated awake, yet you seem completely capable half asleep."
Bella stopped walking at once. "What?" She asked.
Edward stopped walking and swallowed hard, strangely terrified at what he had let slip. He struggled to say anything that would help him out of this situation while Bella stared at him heatedly.
"Uh, you just seem so uncoordinated right now, yet in the middle of the night-"
"- how do you know what I look like in the middle of the night?" Bella asked quickly.
"Well it was before we'd ever really talked, and then I just couldn't stay away." He rambled.
"What was before we ever talked?"
"Uh, I sort of watched you sleeping for a couple of months after you came to Forks."
Bella stared at him for a beat too long.
"You. Watched. Me. Sleep?"
The rage that had been delayed by her shock came in full force.
Edward was taken aback at the anger and shock in her voice and stumbled to answer her without incriminating himself further. Funnily enough, he'd seen Emmett in this situation with Rosalie countless times, heck even Jasper and Carlisle had been in the dog house over the years, yet he'd never had been in their position, but Bella was bringing a lot of things out of him.
"Bella I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I promise you I did nothing inappropriate besides watching you sleep."
"Nothing inappropriate?" She squealed. Her fists bunched at her sides and she turned towards Edward, ready to slap him.
Edward saw the dark tint to her eyes and backed up slowly, hands raised as if he was retracting from a dangerous animal.
"Bella I-"
Edward found himself pinned against a nearby tree.
Bella growled lowly as she approached him. "I try my very hardest to be honest with you, I tell you everything about me and put my life on the line by confiding in you. I don't even argue with the way I've been treated, not when your sister jumps down my throat and not when you ask me, every, single detail. All Chase and I asked for was a little trust, but no, we don't deserve that." Bella spat sarcastically.
"What were you hoping to find, huh? Trade secrets? A criminal plot to expose you all? What exactly could you have gained from invading my privacy and embarrassing me in this way?"
Edward spoke the words that came to him without hesitating on whether or not it fit decorum.
"I wanted to know more about you. I wasn't sure who you were, whether you were who you really said you were. I know I had no right, but I was curious, and the more I got to know you, the more I realised I liked you, more than I should."
Bella stood staring at him cautiously, but let him go after she heard his confession.
Edward fell a short distance and landed on his feet easily.
Bella stared at him for a moment before walking away.
...
They both made it to the car but neither of them said a word. As Bella sat back against the cool leather she sighed with relief. It was times like these that she remembered the dull ache that would throb across the back of her torso when she so much as moved. Now, though there was only relief. The burn had gone, thanks to Dr. Francis.
Edward started the car, but kept silent. He was afraid Bella's feelings of hurt and betrayal were too strong.
When they pulled up to Bella's house Edward decided to speak.
"Bella, I know things between us haven't always been easy, but I'm going to do my best to change that."
Bella looked at him questioningly. "What do you mean by that?"
Edward struggled to explain himself, "I-I'm always here, if you need me."
Bella looked at Edward strangely, "O-kay then. I'll keep that in mind."
Edward huffed, "Look I'm sorry for being so distant I just think that it's the best way."
Bella turned to look at him sharply, "how can you say that? You tell me you're here for me but then say you have to be distant? What the fuck Edward?"
Edward cringed at the contradictory messages he was sending Bella. In all honesty he wanted to be able to open himself up to her, tell her about himself and enjoy a relationship close to the one Alice had seen, but he couldn't. Still, even after everything they had been through Edward would not kid himself into thinking he was good enough for Bella.
He was a murderer, many times over. And that was his baser instinct, to kill. Bella was experienced in many areas, but was innocent in that she hadn't lived long enough to see the way the world worked.
He wouldn't subject her to a lifetime with someone fighting his basic urge to kill her.
"Bella," he said cautiously, and turned to face her. Bella stopped walking and turned to look at him. She was confused by the pained look on his face, as Edward rarely showed so much of his thoughts through his facial expressions.
"Bella," Edward continued, "I can't be that person for you. I can't – we can't be together, in that way. I'm sorry."
Bella looked away. She couldn't deny that she was hurt, but more than that, Bella was stunned.
"So let me get this straight. You kiss me, and then you tell me we can't be together. Why?"
"Bella I'm sorry, but we have enough to worry about right now without worrying about… this."
"This, what Edward? God you're such a piece of work. Even after everything we've been through you still won't let me in. This is just like what happened with our science project. Are you going to disappear when things get complicated again? What is it about me that you seem to have a problem with?" Bella asked in exasperation.
"You know what never mind, if anything I realise now that I don't have the problem, you do."
Bella got out of the car and slammed the door.
…
Bella plunked down on her bed, wiping her hands down her face and groaning.
She sat up and put her head between her knees, trying to push away the queasy feeling that she felt rising within her. It had been a long day, and an even longer week and she was very tired. Bella was looking at the floor when she noticed something, or rather, missed something.
Her bag, the one that she used before she had come to Forks and had carried around with her everywhere. The same bag that she had stopped wearing strangely after she and Edward had begun to hang out.
It was missing.
a/n Big thanks to my beta LanaCullen
a/n Reviews please?