PART II
Chapter 12. A Final Farewell
The sudden hush that descended over the camp after Bidam's fall was unnerving and eerie. It was an awkward silence brought forth by uncertainty and embarrassment. The Queen knew that had it not been her betrothed lying dead on the ground, had it been any other rebel brought to heel, the crowd would now be breaking into shouts of joy and triumph.
She should be thankful, therefore, that they were conscientious enough to take her feelings into consideration. But then, their silence also told her that they saw her, first and foremost, as a woman – easily dictated and controlled by her emotions, and not as their leader – which should not be the case. She could not deny that the previous events had taken such a big toll on her, both emotionally and physically, that only by sheer willpower was she able to withstand the agony of its unfolding. Her subjects, however, should never doubt her capacity to rule as their Queen. So, instead of giving into the turbulence inside her, she mustered the last of her strength and addressed the crowd before her
"Our Heavenly Kingdom is finally at peace. Everyone involved in the rebellion had been rounded up and will be dealt with accordingly. But we must not be complacent. Let the events of the past few days be a constant reminder to us that we must not waver in our goals. We must continue to strive to uplift the standard of living of our people, root out those who are abusing their position and authority, tamp down corruption at its root, strengthen our defenses and give our all to the country that we love. Together, we will bring our Heavenly Kingdom to greater glory! Let this be the goal of every citizen of Silla!"
Her speech was met with thunderous cheers of 'Long live the Queen, Long live Silla' led by her officers, Yushin and Al Cheon.
But as she looked down at the body of her beloved, all noise was blocked out by the thundering beat of her heart. The air suddenly turned hot and oppressive. Because as she now gazed at her betrothed's lifeless form, she could not help but relive the moments before his final downfall. How she wanted to scream for them to stop, to run to his side and shield him from the vicious blows being dealt him. How she fought so hard to restrain her urge to put her own body between him and his executioners. How she bit her lips to refrain from calling out to him.
It was hell on earth for her – watching how they slowly cut him down, how the arrows savagely pierced his body, how his strength finally seeped out from his wounds. Now, it was her strength that was seeping out through her tears. And as the thunderous cheers of her men echoed inside her head, the Queen saw the world spinning around her. She fought to stay upright, but her body finally gave up and collapsed on the ground, just a few steps from her beloved's still form.
Oh, Bidam! Forgive me! I was not able to protect you. I'm sorry, my love, but I had no choice. I had to do my duty to the people. Please forgive me...
They were now lying face-to-face, 6 paces apart; hot tears now flowing freely as she lifted her arm and tried to reach for Bidam's hand. Darkness was slowly enveloping her and tried as hard as she might, she could not bridge the distance between them. She could see the sun shining down on her face, yet there was no warmth, only a pervading cold that forced her body to welcome the silent bliss of oblivion.
The Queen slowly woke up to the ministrations of a tender hand. When she opened her eyes, she was greeted by the smiling face of Lady Mangmyeong, Yushin's mother. The elder woman had personally been seeing to the Queen's welfare for years now; just right after the Queen Mother had elected to be a tonsured servant in the temple where the King was buried.
Her head still ached and her limbs had as yet to recover its usual strength but the concern flickering just beneath Lady Mangmyeong's eyes was enough to make her rise from her bed. She did not want to give the gentle lady anymore cause for worry.
"Good morning, Your Majesty. I'm glad you're awake now," Lady Mangmyeong said as she helped the Queen sit up on her bed.
"How long have I been sleeping?"
"You've been asleep for three days, Your Majesty. We were really worried for you."
So, it's been three days since I've lost you, my love. How long must I endure?
Her heart constricted as she thought of her lost love. No, we must wait awhile; there are still things to take care of.
Her reverie was interrupted when Chief Al Cheon entered, his bright smile indicating that he had already been told of her miraculous recovery.
"Your Majesty! Thank the gods, you've already woken."
"Yes, Chief Al Cheon. I'm glad to see you're doing well, too. I'm sorry to have worried you all. Now, there is something I'd like you to do."
"Anything, Your Majesty. I'm your servant."
"I would like you to assume the post of Sangdaedung," the Queen said, smiling at her long-time friend and confidant. If anyone deserved the position, it was no other than Al Cheon. He has the resilience, the fortitude and the integrity the position requires.
"Your Majesty! I don't think I deserve such a position. I'm just a simple soldier," Al Cheon replied, surprised at the Queen's magnanimous offer.
"Of course you do. You are more than qualified and you do deserve it. Our country would be privileged to have you as its Sangdaedung. Please, accede to my request."
"But shouldn't this appointment go through the council first?"
The Queen could not help but smile at her friend's sense of propriety. It further strengthened her belief that Al Cheon would make a great Sangdaedung.
"The appointment had already been approved by the Council. I've made the motion right after Lord Bidam was declared an enemy of the state," the last statement brought a new ache to her heart.
Al Cheon finally nodded, seeing the pain that flickered in his Queen's eyes. He knew how that simple statement had stabbed through her heart and he did not wish to let her dwell on the matter much farther.
"Thank you, Your Majesty, for trusting me with such an endeavor. I will try my best to not disappoint you," Al Cheon said, bowing to the Queen in gratitude.
"I know you won't. And thank you for accepting. Now, can you please send someone to ask Gen. Kim Yushin if I could have a private word with him?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. I will tell him myself," Al Cheon said before turning to leave. He gave the Queen one last look, his heart going out to the woman who was now mourning a loss that she could never share with anyone.
Don't worry, Your Majesty. All will be well from now on. I will make sure that no one will hurt you again.
Little did he know that such a responsibility would soon be taken out of his hands.
Yushin had been pacing the floor when Al Cheon came to tell him of the Queen's summons. Relief immediately washed over him upon hearing of the Queen's recovery. He wasted no time in responding to the Queen's summons and immediately left for the palace.
The past three nights had been hell for him. The royal physician could not give them any conclusive diagnosis about the Queen's condition and Yushin had to restrain himself from having the old man thrashed for insolence. All he could tell them was that the Queen seemed to be locked within herself, isolated and unreachable.
That it was something very obvious to any man who would lay eyes on the Queen was the reason why Yushin wanted the impertinent physician thrown into the dungeons. What he wanted to know was the reason why she fell into such a state and what they could do to remedy it, but the old man refused to even speculate on it. He said that only the Queen could make herself come out of her coma. That is if she still had the will to live.
And now, as Yushin sat before the Queen, his old apprehensions about her condition returned. She was barely a shadow of her former self. Gone was the strong, iron-willed monarch that he had always admired. In her place was a frail-looking, woeful version of the woman she once was. Yushin's heart clenched at the thought that he was now looking at a warrior who had won the battle but lost the war. The Queen may have triumphed over her enemies, but she had lost her own heart in the process. Somehow, he knew that she summoned him not to discuss the state of the nation but for something much more personal. And it was what he had dreaded.
"Your Majesty, I am glad that you have finally recovered," Yushin said.
"Yes. I did not realize I had slept that long. I must've been much more exhausted than I thought," the Queen replied, her sad smile barely reaching her eyes.
He nodded and waited. He knew there was something else on her mind. She always fidgeted with her fingers whenever she was nervous. And now, she was fidgeting with her jade ring, the symbol of her power, the very same one that she had duplicated and given to Bidam.
"Do you still remember the time when Bidam posed as a prophet in order to trick Lady Mishil?" the Queen asked.
Yushin nodded. Yes, he remembered it very well. They had all been trying to discredit Lady Mishil by forcing her to make an incorrect prediction about a solar eclipse that was supposed to take place. It was what they would use to convince the people that Deokman was the long-lost sacred-bone twin princess that would bring, not a curse, but an age of glory to the kingdom of Silla. Bidam had posed as a prophet predicting the reappearance of the princess but Lady Mishil had him arrested and put on trial for being a charlatan.
"Yes, Your Majesty. I remember it very well."
"Did I ever tell you how Bidam was able to outwit Lady Mishil during his trial?"
"No, Your Majesty. I'm afraid I have not heard that yet."
"My father told me about it after my coronation as Princess. No one had ever been able to outwit Lady Mishil before and my father was so impressed with Bidam's quick thinking that he was glad Bidam was on our side that time.
Lady Mishil knew that Bidam was a fake, but since the King and the whole council already knew about Bidam's 'predictions' pertaining to the Royal House, she needed proof before she could have him executed. So, she thought of a question that would condemn him no matter the answer he gave her.
She told him that if he could really foresee the future then he would surely know when he would die. It was a trick question, really. If Bidam said that he would die tomorrow, then Mishil would have him executed today. If he said today, then Mishil would just have him executed tomorrow. But Bidam saw through her trick and gave Mishil an answer that would hinder her from acting out of hand," the Queen paused and smiled at Yushin, her eyes now bright, regaining just a bit of its usual spirit.
"What was his answer, Your Majesty?"
"He said that yes, indeed, he already had foreseen the day of his own demise. And it was just three days before the death of the ruler of Silla. I wonder if Bidam really did see the future," the Queen replied, the last sentence barely above a whisper.
A sudden chill crept up Yushin's spine. What was she implying? That she would now follow Bidam to the afterworld? He heard the Queen's soft sigh and he braced himself for the next question, somehow knowing that it would be the one he was dreading.
"Bidam died in your arms. I saw his lips moving as he reached out his hand towards me. What was he saying?"
A large chunk of earth seemed to have caved in on him. He'd anticipated the question but it still broadsided him when it came.
"I cannot say, Your Majesty. I'm forbidden to say it," he replied.
"I'm giving you permission to say whatever it is."
Still, he hesitated and shaking his head replied, "I really cannot, Your Majesty. Forgive me but I will be committing treason if I say it."
"Please, Yushin. Forget that I'm the Queen just this once. I really need to know. Please, as one friend to another," the pain in her voice was evident and it tugged at Yushin.
Briefly, he nodded then plunged ahead without thought for himself or the consequences. Perhaps it's time that he became a friend to her again and not just a loyal supporter.
"He called your name. He said, 'Deokmana, Deokmana, forgive me.I did not mean to hurt you. I will always love you, Deokmana!'" The words came out in a rush yet they still stirred his senses. Those words were actually what drove him over the edge and gave him the ability to deliver the death blow to Bidam's battered body. It infuriated him that in spite of everything Bidam had done he still had the audacity to call the Queen by her given name. Even up to the very end, he had no qualms in committing treason.
He'd expected the Queen to at least be taken aback by Bidam's impudence, but it was actually he who was surprised by the Queen's reaction. The smile she gave him was something he'd never seen for a long time. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were soft and glowing with an inner light. She was happy!
Then he realized that it was that trait of Bidam that had captured the Queen's heart – his ability to look at her and see her for what she really was – a simple girl caught up in a web of lies and deceit that she always tried to escape but never could; a woman who needed to be loved for who she really was and not for what she embodied.
In Bidam's eyes, she was simply Deokman. And for him, calling her by her given name was not treason but a declaration of his devotion to her. That was what differentiated the two of them. Yushin could never put his personal feelings above his sense of duty and loyalty to his country while Bidam's duty and loyalty were first and foremost to his heart. In the end, however, his heart was what destroyed him.
"Yushin, I'd like to go outside and see the mountains. It will be spring soon and I'd like to see the budding flowers before they finally bloom."
Yushin thought the Queen's request in itself innocent enough. But when he looked at the haunted look in her eyes, the chill that had started to creep inside him suddenly took hold and froze his heart. She was going to say goodbye to her beloved Silla. He swallowed the lump clogging his throat and nodded, his smile hiding the fear that would not go away.
It was only when they were already outside, looking at the far away silhouette of the mountains bordering Silla, as the Queen sat silently on her cushioned chair, that Yushin finally gave in to the grief, frustration, and regret that had lodged inside his heart. No one would ever think that the man crumpled to his knees with tears streaking down his face, crying out the name that he had been forbidden to utter, was the mighty and fearsome General Kim Yushin, conqueror of Baekje, the most famous hero of Silla,
All they would see was a man who had at last released years of pent-up emotions, a man who was now mourning a loss that he would always regret, a man who was now shamelessly crying his heart out as he knelt beside his Queen, his one true love, clutching against his breast her cold, lifeless hand.