Chapter 25

"I don't want to leave without you," pouted Rachel. She was standing in the train station with her arms around Quinn's neck.

"I'll be down to visit in three weeks, Rach." Quinn didn't want her to leave either, but she was trying to play the strong one right now.

"Why did you have to pick Yale? There are plenty of suitable choices in New York City." Rachel was whining now and becoming increasingly unreasonable as the minutes ticked by.

"Only three weeks, baby. Then it'll only be a month until Thanksgiving and then only another month until we're home for winter break." Rachel let Quinn pull her closer as she tried to calm the diva.

"I know, but I miss you, Quinnie."

"I miss you too." She kissed Rachel's forehead softly. Overhead, the announcement of Rachel's train echoed. "I guess that's your cue." Quinn pulled Rachel even tighter, her arms wrapped around the slender waist. She breathed in Rachel's scent, wanting to take it all in before she was gone again.

"I'll call you when I get home. I love you, Quinn." She kissed Quinn hard.

"I love you too, pretty girl." Rachel smiled up at her and kissed her one more time before she picked up her bags and headed towards her train. Quinn stood rooted to the spot until the train disappeared, taking her girlfriend with it.

Once Quinn was back in her car, she sat in the parking lot to contemplate her next move. She knew she had to face the inevitable: Jess. But first she needed some advice and as much as she hated to admit it, she needed to talk to Santana Lopez.

"Glad to know you haven't fallen off the face of the earth," said Santana sarcastically when she answered the phone.

"If I didn't need your help I would follow that with a bitchy retort," Quinn replied easily.

"What kind of shit did you step in this time, Fabray?" asked Santana. Her eye roll was evident even over the phone.

"You know my friend Jess that I've mentioned?"

"The hot lesbian that Rachel is a little threatened by?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Well it came out that she has feelings for me and basically made a giant spectacle of herself the entire time that Rachel was here this weekend. I think I settled Rachel's insecurities by proving my loyalty, but now I have to deal with Jess. What the hell do I do?" Quinn wasn't sure why Santana was the one she was asking for advice. Santana didn't care about hurting people's feelings; she only cared about getting whatever she wanted.

"Well don't fuck things up with Berry. I don't care how much you say you dealt with her insecurities because you know that Berry is high maintenance and it's going to be an ongoing thing as long as Jess is around. As far as dealing with Jess, I thought you told me she was a girl whore. Now you're telling me that was all an act to cover up the fact that she has the hots for you?"

"I think that sums it up, San."

"You can't give this girl any hope. Not even an inkling. I know you've changed since your HBIC days so I know you care too much to just abandon her, but you need to put preserving your relationship with Berry as a top priority and this friendship as a secondary thing."

"Ugh, I'm so not good at breaking hearts. Can you just come out here and deal with it for me?"

"Are you calling me a heartless bitch? Either way, grow a set and handle your problems like a grown up because I am not coming all the way to fucking Connecticut to fight your battles."

"Thanks, bitch. How's my sweet Britt doing?"

"She's awesome, as usual. California rocks. But we miss you and the hobbit."

"Aww, I miss you girls too. Will I see you for Thanksgiving at least?"

"We'll do our best. B needs to see if she can take a few days back to make the trip to Ohio."

"Alright. I'll try to call soon. Love you, S."

"Yeah, yeah. You too, Q." Quinn hung up the phone and sighed as she started the car. Santana definitely kept it real and even more so, she kept Quinn on track.

"We don't need to talk about anything, Quinn. I've been acting like a jackass and it won't happen again. Can we please just forget about it?" Jess was sitting on her bed, refusing to talk to Quinn and avoiding her eyes at all costs.

"That's where you're wrong, Jess. We do need to talk. You have feelings for me and I can't sit around and just ignore that without us talking about it." Quinn was being stubborn, but if Jess really was anything like Santana, it was one of her only options. And since Britt wasn't around to help, it was really Quinn's only option.

"What is there to talk about? I'm an idiot that let myself get carried away."

"How did it happen though? I mean I know that I've been fawning over Rachel, but usually I'm pretty perceptive to what is going on around me." Quinn was still kicking herself for not realizing Jess' feelings way earlier than she did.

"I realized that morning in your bed just like you did. This is a first for me, Q."

"What do you mean this is a first?"

"I don't let myself have feelings for people. My parents are super liberal and were okay with my sexuality. But they have a terrible, loveless marriage. My eldest brother is a lawyer and is married, but sleeps with his secretary every chance he gets. My other brother is engaged to a Catholic girl and has completely changed to meet her standards. I refuse to end up like any of them." Jess' eyes were shining with tears and Quinn found herself sitting down next to her friend.

"You're not them, Jess. You're not going to end up like them because you let people in."

"No, but I like what I can't have. The chase is the most fun part of any hookup. Of any relationship, really. I've done the chase dozens of times. But this is the first time that the chase doesn't feel like enough." Jess blew her nose before continuing. "When I saw you in your room that first day, you set off my gaydar but I totally had you pegged for the repressed type that was going to need me to help her find her way. But then you didn't need me because despite your crappy family life, you are extremely well adjusted. Then I thought you would want someone that is in control, someone who is sexy, confident, and smart. Someone who would make you feel special the way that you hadn't felt in high school despite being the most popular girl in town. Again, you showed me that you already had that in Rachel. And when it came to seeing your face in the train station on Friday, I realized that I wasn't in this for the chase anymore. I wanted to win but not for the reasons I had in the beginning. I didn't care about the chase; I only cared about having the girl."

Quinn was a little stunned. Jess had put up some resistance at first, but then everything spilled out like a waterfall. She mulled over Jess' words, trying to figure out how best to respond.

"God, I'm so freaking pathetic. Although I'm probably like every guy was in your cow town. Falling for prom queen cheerleader Quinn Fabray. This isn't new for someone like you."

"Jess, believe me when I say this is the first time I've had to deal with anything like this. First of all, I'm completely new to being around lesbians in general. Secondly, boys might have fallen at my feet, but it was way more in admiration and fear than because of love. And lastly, they weren't my closest friend at college that I desperately don't want to lose over this."

"Does Rachel even know you're talking to me still? I bet she's not pleased."

"Rachel trusts me. And more than that, I love her and would never do anything to hurt her or my relationship. If I thought you were going to ruin my relationship, I definitely wouldn't be here right now. But I am because I care about our friendship. I know it probably hurts to be around me and if you don't want to be I understand, but I do want you as a friend, Jess." Quinn meant it sincerely and the brunette finally got the courage to look into her face.

"Thanks, Q," mumbled Jess, letting her head fall onto the blonde's shoulder as she cried it all out, knowing that having Quinn as a friend was definitely better than not having Quinn at all.

"Seriously, Kurt? The boy came all the way from Ohio and you guys barely left the apartment?" Rachel was sitting on Kurt's bed as he recapped his weekend with Blaine.

"I had made all of these fabulous last minute plans. We had been fighting so much lately that I thought he might be coming to New York just to break up with me. Instead, we spent the weekend making up."

"Gross. Please tell me you kept the making up to your bedroom?" Kurt giggled and his cheeks turned pink. "Damn it, Kurt! You better wash every square inch of this apartment where you spent time making up."

"How were things with Miss Fabray?" asked Kurt, changing the subject away from Blaine's visit.

"They were great besides the fact that her best friend is totally in love with her." Kurt gasped dramatically.

"Do you think there is something going on between them?"

"No, I know that nothing has happened. But this girl, Jess, is like drop dead beautiful. Quinn is prettier, but only marginally. It's like she found her match. Jess would totally have been Quinn's second in command in high school. I can't help but think that I'm just an experiment until Quinn finds someone more suitable."

"Nonsense, Rachel. You know that Quinn is head over heels for you. Don't pull this popularity argument because you know damn well that Quinn was willing to give all of that up to just be your friend senior year." Rachel knew Kurt was right. She was letting her old insecurities get the best of her.

"I know you're right. I just can't help but think that it's still a dream. That Quinn Fabray, THE Quinn Fabray chose me." She sighed as she fell into daydreams of Quinn at the lake house.

"You girls are nauseatingly adorable. But we seriously need to rehearse our parts for class tomorrow, Rachel." She sighed and picked up her script as Kurt began.

Kurt was finally satisfied with the scene nearly two hours later and Rachel quickly retreated to her own room. Her cell was lying on her bed and she laid down before checking her messages.

Talked to Jess. She really opened up and I think we'll be able to handle things without the freak-outs now. Sorry that it got in the way of our weekend together.

Rachel pressed the dial button and held the phone to her ear as it rang. After four rings Rachel heard Quinn's voice requesting that she leave a message and she hung up without doing so.

Quinn is probably still with Jess so she can't talk about the situation right now. Rachel reasoned to herself.

Rachel was exhausted from travelling and working with Kurt. She pulled her towel from its hook and headed into the bathroom where she let the hot water pulse down her back as she sang, loving the acoustics of the small room.

The first song that came to mind was one that she had heard through Quinn. It wasn't her normal Broadway number, but she couldn't help getting caught up in it anyway as she thought about Quinn.

I'm on top of the world

I can see it all around me

Such beautiful words

Leaving and oceans

I can feel it

Never felt this before

I got a beautiful woman

We're coming off of

The hard end of harder times

Gonna be starting something

That gets us straight up outta here

I can fix it

Let me take us away

Yeah, we leave at night

We stay by day

Say you're with me

There's gold ahead

There's golden dreams

And life's hills and valleys

Yeah, will you hold on with me?

Let me take us

Let me take us away, away

The loud knocking on the door interrupted Rachel's singing. She turned off the water and hastily wrapped her towel around herself before she opened the door.

"What is it?" she asked Kurt, wondering what couldn't wait until she got out of the shower.

"Santana is on the phone and she threatened me until I agreed to get you on the phone immediately." He held out his cell phone and she took it.

"Yes, Santana?" she asked impatiently.

"Nice to talk to you again too, Berry." Rachel did not like Santana's smug tone.

"What is it that you wanted?"

"I talked to Q earlier. She filled me in on the Jess drama and I figured you were having your little freak outs now that she's at Yale and you're not." Rachel didn't want to admit it, but Santana was kind of right.

"I trust her." It was all Rachel could manage because she really didn't want to be discussing her feelings with Santana Lopez at this particular moment.

"Look, Berry. I know Quinn can be stupid as hell when it comes to relationships most of the time, but she digs you. I'm not quite sure why, but she does. Don't freak her out because you're insecure that there's someone else looking at her. You've gotta face it, Quinn Fabray will always turn heads. And Quinn is smitten enough with you that she'll drop everything to run to New York and soothe you and you know that's not the best thing for her right now."

"Are you telling me to get over myself through a Rachel Berry worthy rant?"

"Shut it, Berry. Just don't fuck it up with Q, please. I do not want to fly to the East Coast to pick up those pieces."

"Thanks, San."

"Yeah, whatever. Bye, Berry."

Rachel went back into her bedroom and got into her pajamas. Her own cell phone was still lying on her bed and there were no new messages. She finished her bedtime routine and crawled under the covers before typing out her message.

Glad you worked things out with Jess. I'm going to bed and I miss you.

She felt stupid for missing Quinn so much. Going to sleep without hearing her voice and not being tangled up with her was nearly unbearable. She tossed for a long time until the phone in her hands finally vibrated.

I miss you too, babe. Sweet dreams.

She smiled into her pillow and cuddled her gold star bear a little tighter as sleep washed over her.

Jess, Hayley, and Quinn were sitting on Jess' floor, a bottle of vodka and three shot glasses between them. It was a Sunday and Quinn had to be up early for class, but after having the heart-to-heart with Jess, it seemed like a necessity.

The three of them were laughing and Quinn could feel the vodka going straight to her head, but she was glad that things seemed to be comfortable around Jess again. By the time the bottle was gone, the three of them were pretty trashed and it was past midnight. Hayley yawned loudly in between her hiccups and figured she should head to bed, leaving just Quinn and Jess in the room.

"I should probably go to bed too. I have an early class tomorrow," said Quinn as she leaned against Jess' bed.

"Yeah me too I guess. Thanks for tonight, Q, I really needed my best friend." Jess blushed slightly and looked away.

"I know. I'll see you for lunch tomorrow if I'm still alive." Quinn stood up and Jess followed, hugging the blonde tightly before she left.

Quinn finally collapsed on her own bed, exhausted. She hadn't checked her phone since she had given Rachel the update on Jess. Her phone showed a missed call and a goodnight text from Rachel and a message from Santana reminding her to not fuck things up. She returned the messages before passing out.

The hangover Quinn experienced as soon as her alarm went off in the morning made her contemplate skipping class. Her guilt got the best of her and she swallowed a few Advil before taking a shower. It was the first time she wore sweatpants to class and she had shaded her eyes with her Ray Bans as she made her way across campus for class.

"Damn, you look like shit, Fabray!" said Derek in greeting as she slunk in and collapsed into her chair next to him.

"Fucking Jessica's fault. I don't know why I agreed to drink so much on a school night."

"Welcome to college, Q," he said, twirling his pen in his fingers. Their professor walked in and Quinn forced herself to pull her notebook and pen from her bag and gave note taking an attempt, however futile it turned out to be.

After she bade Derek goodbye, she was thankful for her break before her next class. Quinn headed straight for the coffee bar, desperate for caffeine. She sunk into a chair, sipping her coffee appreciatively and pulling her cell out of her pocket.

I was stupid and got drunk on a school night and now I'm having the morning from hell. But I miss you and I hope you are having a good day.

She knew that she just opened the door for a Rachel Berry lecture, but there was something oddly soothing about not keeping things from Rachel. When they were just friends, Quinn would often skip over details of particular outings with Santana or Puck to save herself from being lectured. She figured as long as she didn't lie, Rachel didn't need to know about the few times she joined Puck getting high or when she agreed to let Santana order a slushie facial on a sophomore boy that reminded her a little too much of Finn.

You're lucky I'm in class otherwise I would be lecturing you on your irresponsible behavior. And you're rubbing off on me. I'm actually texting in class.

Quinn chuckled at Rachel's response. She knew the girl was probably sitting in a room with fifty other students but was still terrified that her professor would scold her for sending a text under her desk yet couldn't resist to remind Quinn of her 'irresponsible behavior.'

By lunch, Quinn's hangover was finally starting to subside. She saw Jess sitting in the dining hall when she arrived, but a gigantic pair of dark sunglasses shielded the brunette's eyes.

"I see your morning has been just as miserable as mine has," she said she dropped into the seat across from Jess.

"You at least made it to class. My ass is only out of bed because we had lunch plans, although I'm cursing you right now for making me venture into the sunlight for this." Quinn laughed at her friend, knowing that she wasn't exaggerating.

Rachel was eating lunch with Kurt and her friend Ashlyn after their morning classes.

"Can you believe that she got drunk on a school night? I mean, she knows how important Yale is but she's just willing to get drunk with Jess like it's nothing. Apparently things are all peachy keen now, but Quinn Fabray is getting wasted on school nights!"

"Rachel, you know I love you. But there's no need to give us the lecture that I'm sure you'll be delivering to Quinn as soon as you get an opportunity. May I suggest that you try to tone down your jealousy of Jess however?" Kurt knew Rachel better than most people, but Ashlyn still looked a little shell-shocked. Rachel was even more of a diva than most of the others in their class.

Rachel huffed for a minute, contemplating giving Kurt his own lecture on giving his unwanted opinions but managed to reel herself in at the slightly terrified look on Ashlyn's face.

"Fine," she pouted slightly and turned her attention to her salad instead.

"What did you think about class this morning?" asked Kurt, pulling the focus away from Quinn and onto a topic that he knew would keep Rachel going for the rest of their lunch break.

Rachel didn't get to talk to Quinn until she was already half asleep in her bed. She had contemplated not even rolling over to answer it, but she liked hearing Quinn's voice too much to overlook the opportunity.

"You know I need my diva sleep, Quinn Fabray," she said crankily when she answered the call.

"Good thing you break your routines because I'm adorable then," answered Quinn playfully.

"I'm going to guess it was your plan to call late so that I would be too tired to put any energy into expressing my displeasure at your actions last evening."

"Busted. But before you climb on your high horse despite the late hour, I would like to say that I admit that my actions were irresponsible and I greatly paid for them this morning. However, you should focus on the fact that Jess and I have worked out the kinks and will be able to manage to continue our friendship and we able to drink in one another's presence with no repercussions beyond terrible hangovers this morning."

"I'm glad you are learning from your mistakes. And as you just rambled in true Rachel Berry fashion, I will skip giving you an actual Rachel Berry lecture this time." Quinn laughed with relief. Being adorable to Rachel was definitely beneficial sometimes.