I'm sooooo sorry this took so long! I never expected that I would have such little free time at college to write. It's kind of put a damper on things because I love to write, but there's always something school related that needs to be done. :( School mixed with a trip to the ER for stitches in my forehead has left little time for creating. Anyways after months of waiting here it is!

Rachel xoxo

Chapter 25

In Over my Head

"I never knew, I never knew that everything was falling through, that everyone I knew was waiting on a cue to turn and run when all I needed was the truth." ~The Fray

I remember the exact day my nightmares became reality. It was the Monday my stitches were removed.

Carlisle drove me to the hospital that morning while the rest of the family went on their way to school. Even though most kids would jump at a chance to miss school, especially the dreaded Monday, I would have much rather been in Edward's Volvo on the way to first period Calculus. Instead I was sitting alone on a hard straight-backed chair while Carlisle made his rounds.

Seth was supposed to be here with me to hold my hand and lie to me by saying it won't hurt, but a last minute schedule change put him on guard duty today. Which was fine, I completely understood. It just made me a little more nervous knowing they were going to be pulling metal out of my forehead and there was going to be no one around to absorb some of my fear and anxiety or to distract me.

My eyes drifted over the empty waiting area I occupied taking in the nurses' station where only their heads were visible over the counter as their acrylic nails tapped against the keyboards, entering names of patients they've known their whole life. One of the older ones eventually looked up and smiled sweetly at me. Before she could start a conversation I shifted my attention to one of the three dirt old magazines that I pulled from the table beside me.

Much sooner than I cared for my name was called and I followed that older red-haired nurse back to a brightly lit room furnished with a table covered with multiple tools that looked like their uses were along the lines of torture. Two chairs were set up and a T.V. hung in the corner softly reporting the day's news. It was anything but inviting but I took a seat anyways.

"The doctor will be right in sweetie," the red-haired nurse smiled at me, unaware of my nervousness.

I nodded, swallowing hard as I tried to avoid looking at the pointy objects in front of me. It seemed the nurse had barely cleared the room before Dr. Brown was descending upon me, taking my hand in his gloved one.

"Alyssa, how are you doing?" He smiled at me.

"Fine," I mumbled.

"Good, good, now Carlisle's told me you're scared?" He said the last part like he was surprised anyone would be scared having sharp silver objects near their head.

"A little," I admitted, wishing he'd just get started so I could get it over with.

"Well, there's nothing to worry about, I haven't cut a patient since yesterday," he joked as he picked up one of the tools. I wasn't laughing as he began bringing it towards my face. Suddenly I wasn't so eager for him to start and I was really wishing Seth was here with me.

Gripping the hard metal table I found it wasn't as comforting as Seth's warm hand or as good a distraction. Keeping my hands plastered to the edge of the table I turned my eyes toward the TV and made a point to strain my ears for the news instead of focusing on Dr. Brown and his pointy scissors.

I felt, not pain, but a gentle tugging sensation which actually made me even more nauseous. My grip tightened until the circulation in my fingers was beginning to be cut off and I zeroed in on the TV trying not to pass out, or vomit. However when a reporter came on to announce a murder in southern Washington, very near the Makah tribe's territory, focusing on anything but the news became impossible.

Pictures flashed on the screen of the victims. Two girls I didn't know but somehow felt like I should know them, but as the reporter mentioned their names no bells were ringing. There were no suspects as of yet, but they did confirm that the girls were found in the apartment they shared and seemed to be left to bleed to death. It was around that point that I felt the blood drain from my face. Whoever had murdered those two girls had wanted them to suffer a slow and painful death, just like with me—except I hadn't died. But I did have the scars to prove someone had tried pretty damn hard to make me another statistic for automobile accidents.

"Alright, we're done here. You're free to go." Dr. Brown broke through my thoughts of death. "Alyssa? Are you alright?"

My mouth was too dry to respond with words so I moved my head slowly up and down in affirmation. Somehow I pulled myself together enough to rise out of that stiff chair and make my way deeper into the hospital in search of a bathroom or Carlisle, either one would be fine with me. I found a bathroom first and ducked in quickly. Standing in front of the sink I splashed my face with the cold water spewing from the spigot for the first time in weeks. As water dripped form my eyelashes my reflection was blurred until I wiped the drops away.

Moving my damp bangs to the side I studied the scar that would be a daily reminder of how close I had come to death. In fact in all respects I should be dead. It was only due to the remarkable beings in my life that I received treatment in time. I couldn't help but wonder what if those girls had werewolves at their disposal would they still have died?

I met my own eyes in the mirror and I looked visibly shaken; which was ridiculous because there was no proof that my accident and those two girls murder were connected to one another. Still, I needed Carlisle to ease my worry. I needed him to tell me the two weren't related and that I was overreacting. But when I left the bathroom in search of him it did anything but relieve my anxiousness.

I found Carlisle in his office tied up on the phone with his back to me. He was having a deep conversation with someone and judging by how he spoke quickly in a whisper it wasn't one he wished to be overheard.

"You're sure it was them?" Carlisle asked softly into the phone. Pausing just outside the door I heard the buzzing of the voice on the other end before Carlisle spoke again.

"I'm not sure what it means. It doesn't make any sense. They aren't ones for stirring up any kind of trouble that might threaten the exposure of our kind." I felt dizzy as the blood drained from my face at Carlisle's frustrated words. The Volturi were responsible; they're still in search of fairy blood and two of my fairies were already eliminated from their sick scavenger hunt.

"At first I was certain they were here because of Alyssa, but now…" Carlisle's voice faded when he couldn't finish his train of thought.

There was another, slightly longer, pause as whoever Carlisle was getting his information from spoke. Perhaps it was Tanya or Eleazar gone to investigate.

"No, I think it'd be best if you all headed back. It's not your battle to fight, they weren't your people." No, they were my people. "And Jake, you can tell Seth to stop worrying, she's fine and she's not angry with him."

Whoa, back up and hold the phone. Jake was the mumbling voice on the other end? That was the reason for the last minute schedule change? Seth went off chasing after the Volturi because they almost killed me and he felt the need to play the knight in shining armor that fought for my honor. I swear sometimes he could be such a stupid, egotistical, chauvinistic male.

As I stood there watching Carlisle after he hung up and started massaging his forehead I was torn between my horror that my worst nightmares were coming to life and anger at Seth for basically running towards his death when it was not his place. The fear kept me frozen in place while the anger urged me to move into action.

Anger won as I slipped silently into Carlisle's office, standing just behind him.

"Hello Carlisle," I greeted softly.

He immediately tensed at the sound of my voice, his hand falling from his face to his desk hitting one of his computer keys. I could tell he was trying to control his expression before he turned around because when he faced me it was constructed carefully into a small smile.

"Alyssa, you're done already. How did it go?" He asked carefully.

"Fine, it didn't hurt at all." I replied moving to sit on the edge of his desk.

"You see, I told you it would be easy." Right, I said it didn't hurt not that it was a walk in the park.

"Yeah, I guess I was distracted by the day's news." I saw a look of uneasiness flash briefly behind his eyes. "Not that it was anything compared to what I overheard three minutes ago."

"You weren't supposed to hear that," He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"But I did. Is it true; was it the Volturi who killed those girls?" I kept my voice even, not betraying how upset I was by the thought.

"Yes, their scent has been positively identified." Fury flushed through me at the thought of Seth being so near where the Volturi had been, where they could still be, practically running towards death's outstretched arms. However Carlisle kept his eyes on me as he spoke, gauging my reaction, so I bit back my anger and settled for grinding my teeth together.

"I told you," I spoke in a low controlled voice. "The Volturi weren't specifically targeting me."

Turning to face his desk Carlisle went back to rubbing the creases out of his forehead.

"We don't know that for sure. And even if it is true, it is all the more upsetting to think of the reasons why the Volturi are deciding to go on a killing spree, especially so far from home."

I knew that answer. And I probably should have told Carlisle, if I cared about his wellbeing at all. He worried too much as it was and it wasn't good for him. But the selfish side of me realized that if I admitted to what I knew I could kiss any chance of freedom goodbye. And I needed that freedom, badly.

"Carlisle, you know this has nothing to do with me personally. And besides, they're moving south so they won't be anywhere near our territory. Don't you think it's about time you ease off the security?"

He was still facing away from me so I went to stand by his desk and waited until he made eye contact before widening my eyes innocently and pouting. It was my strongest act of persuasion. I saw the conflict in his eyes. On one hand he wanted to make sure I was safe, but on the other he wanted to make me happy.

"I don't know Alyssa, they could always come back. They're acting unpredictable as it is."

"They're not coming back for me. I'm dead to them. Please Carlisle, all I'm asking is for a little slack. Let me at least go places without Edward or Alice or Bella babysitting me."

He seemed to be debating with himself internally and I prayed that the desire for my happiness beat out his protective, paternal instincts. "I'll speak to Edward about leaving some slack." I practically strangled him as I flung my arms around his neck. "But there'll be limitations."

Those limitations ended up being almost as annoying as Edward trailing me all day. Edward switched back a few of his classes, but kept some of mine as a precaution. Something I didn't quite understand, but I rarely ever understood Edward or his motives.

By some miracle I was allowed to drive again, but only under the stipulation that I drove Bella's old Mercedes Guardian aka the tank that she had to drive back before she was turned. I also had to call and check in with some member of my family every half hour on the dot when I wasn't in their range of sight, save for school.

That last rule was the reason why my lies grew within the first two weeks of the month. It got a little complicated as I had drive to Kendra's house, call my family to assure them I had arrived there safely, then have Kendra drive me to Desmond's so my car was still at her house in case Edward or one of them decided to do a drive by. But no matter how complicated a procedure it was, it was still easier than trying to convince them to let me anywhere near Desmond. And for reasons they wouldn't begin to understand or even accept it was crucial then more than ever that I see Desmond. There were some things only he knew and that only he could teach me.

"I can't do it. I'm just not strong enough." I let out a frustrated sigh as I pounded a fist lightly against Desmond's chest.

For the fortieth time I had succumbed to the power of his eyes and ended up in his arms instead of using my power to successfully nullify his like I was trying to do. I'd been working on strengthening my powers for weeks and yet I was still unable to control them for more than five minutes or so at a time.

"You can, you just have to keep practicing," Desmond whispered reassuringly. "You just have to want it."

"I do want it." I insisted.

"Well, maybe your desire to be in my arms overpowers your longing to control your powers," he laughed lightly in my ear.

I pushed away giving him a reproachful look. "Let's just try this again."

He obliged, sobering up as his smile slipped away and like many times before I told myself this time I would hold up. Inhaling a deep breath I closed my eyes, feeling the now familiar warmth flow through me, growing in temperature. Like a round ball of light centered at my core, its rays reaching outwards throughout my body. Finally I opened my eyes to stare straight into Desmond's hypnotic ones that started tugging on my heartstrings and drawing me in. Planting my feet I concentrated hard repeating the same word over and over in my head, no.

I stayed where I was, unaffected as the glow in Desmond's eyes faded back until they were in their natural state. Moments later I felt the warmth slipping towards my extremities, further and further away from my core, where I could barely control it. Before I could give it up as I had previously I thought of the reason that made harnessing my power so important. With every ounce of energy I called it back to me, pulling on invisible strings until once again the warmth filled my body.

Regardless of the weakening I felt from my exertion I continued to hold on tight to the warmth unaware of how much time was ticking by. Eventually I willingly relinquished my control over the ball of heat that resided within me, closing my eyes as it slipped from my grasp. I refused to open my eyes again until I was certain I could do so without stumbling, or throwing up. My limbs felt unsteady and I was sure I would crumble to the floor if I so much as took a step.

While I was dealing with the repercussion of my power I could sense Desmond moving towards me. However I was unprepared at the jolt I received when his skin came in contact with mine. It wasn't much, just his fingertips brushing against the back of my hand, but the effect was strangely empowering.

"Open your eyes" he whispered from beside me.

I did as he said, slowly so as not to be blinded by the brightness of the well lit room. Taking in the clock on the wall in front of me I was overcome with a moment of joy for how long I had managed to hold out. That moment was quickly replaced with one of anxiety. It was quarter past five and I hadn't called home yet.

"We've got to go." I grabbed my bag and had my phone flipped open before he had really processed me words. "Come on, I need to be at Kendra's like now." I urged him as I automatically punched the number and hit send.

"What was our deal again Alyssa?" Carlisle answered after the first ring.

"Call every half hour. I'm sorry I lost track of time." I sighed as I slipped into Desmond's car before we sped off towards Kendra's.

"And how was I supposed to know that was the reason you didn't call?" He asked in the same reasonable voice.

"Cause Kendra didn't call the house in hysterics blubbering something about my dead body." I took the sarcastic root hoping humor might help me out of the tight corner I had worked myself into.

"I'm not laughing Alyssa."

"Well you should be. I'm perfectly fine, not a scratch on me, still in one piece. I'm not as fragile as everyone thinks I am." I sighed audibly into the phone.

"In comparison you are." He answered softly, so softly I almost missed it. I could hear the strain that he was going through, that I was putting on him, in his voice and I felt like such a monster for lying and for putting him through all of this.

"I'll be home soon," I whispered gently before hanging up.

Desmond was parked in Kendra's driveway by that time, and we just sat there in silence once the line went dead. I was still feeling the aftereffects of my earlier exertion and was waiting until they died down some before I got behind the wheel.

"It's unnecessary you know." Desmond finally spoke into the silence, "all of them patrolling your every move. It's taking its toll on you."

"I know I've tried telling them a thousand times that I am in no danger." I leaned my head back against the headrest. How many times have I mentioned exactly what he said to them over the past month or so? And still it has gotten me nowhere.

"I did not mean you were not in danger I only meant they are going about it the entirely wrong way. There is an easier solution." My eyes flashed open as I turned my head towards him.

"What?"

"Come with me; come away where they will never find you." He pleaded, but for once he didn't use his eyes to suck me in. He wanted me to come willingly solely because I wanted to go, because I choose him.

"Are you talking about the Volturi or my family?"

I knew the answer before I asked, but still I waited for him to respond.

"Both," He breathed, bracing himself for my reaction.

I wasn't mad at him for asking it of me. After everything that had happened, everything that I've remembered, it was easier for me to understand where he was coming from. And a part of me felt as if what he said was the right thing, but the other half felt very differently. I was torn between two lives, two worlds, and two families.

"I don't know if I could do that to them, hurt them like that. Betray them." I tried picturing it and already I felt my heart start to break into pieces. Closing my eyes against the pain only made it worse as I pictured ever leaving them behind.

My eyes were still closed when Desmond's hand touched the side of my cheek. The contact seemed to ease away the pain as I opened my eyes to find his stormy blue eyes not far from my own. They seemed slightly desperate and wild as they bore into me.

"Just think about it." His voice sounded slightly strangled. It cut through me straight to my heart and all I could do was nod. His hand slipped off my cheek and fell into my lap as he let me go. I could tell it was hard for him to do and it wasn't the easiest for me to leave either, but it was getting darker out with every second we sat there. So I left, taking my time navigating the shadowed roads, trying to process all the emotions coursing through me.

As always I'd love to hear what you think. Especially since this one has been written in bits and pieces over several months rather than a week. I don't know if that's affected it's flow or not…