Chapter 25

A/N Please Review! Let me know what you think! Thank you so much for continuing to read this story!

Quinn looked over at the small brunette. Why was she here? Was she okay? Thoughts ran rapidly through her head. She wasn't sure what to think. She didn't know what to say. How did she go from hating Rachel to having her next to her in bed? How did she go from being at practice to being in a hospital? How did she go from being pregnant to being not pregnant? Quinn shook her head. She needed to get out of here. It was too much to be here. She took her hand from Rachel's and swung her legs weakly over the side. She started messing with her IV. She paused when she heard Rachel rustle the sheets and let out a pained moan as she shifted.

"Are you leaving?" her voice was curious and apologetic all at once.

Quinn didn't turn around. "Yeah, I am."

A nurse walked by and noticed Quinn trying to get up. She came and started to talk to Quinn about things like discharge papers and the expected pain. Rachel couldn't really focus on any of it. Her eyes were so heavy. She was so tired. But she wanted to stay awake for Quinn. She couldn't even begin to imagine what she was going through. She couldn't really understand why she wanted to be there for her. All she knew was she needed to. She knew it might have to do with the fact that it distracted her. Knowing that Quinn was in pain masked her own pain. It made it go away.

Quinn finished with the nurse and was finished putting on her clothes that Carol had given her. Quinn avoided Rachel's sleeping form. She looked so fragile and broken. She left this urge to run but she felt a pull to stay. She couldn't quite understand it. All she knew was that Kurt, Finn, Puck and Carol were waiting outside for her and that this hospital smelled like hospital. She wanted to get out of here. She grabbed the last of her things and started for the door.

"Quinn?" a small voice said from the bed. Quinn didn't turn but she stopped. "The voice continued. "I'm really sorry about what you lost." Quinn still didn't turn around. She couldn't. She couldn't look at her. Rachel had been brutally raped and beaten; and here in her hospital room, Quinn couldn't look at her and Rachel was still talking to her. Rachel had to stay here for the rest of the night and at least another, but she had still come to visit her. Quinn hadn't come to see Rachel other than right after and she had scared her. Quinn still didn't turn around. She couldn't. With her back still turned to her, Quinn gave a slight nod and headed out the door.

….

Santana stared at Rachel through the window. Quinn had left and everyone had left too. She didn't know what to say to Quinn. She gave a sigh. She didn't know what to say to Rachel. She didn't feel like herself. She still acted like herself. She ran practice today. She went to class, but she felt empty. She felt so far from who she was last year. She knew that she had tormented countless girls like Rachel; she had slushied numerous people, but she never let herself see the parallels. Deep down she had always known what those boys were capable of, but she always turned away from it. It wasn't her problem then; but now it was.

"Hey," she heard a voice say beside her.

"Go away," Santana said quietly.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Nope. And especially not to you." Santana finally turned. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I heard about Q."

"Well, she's gone now. So you should leave."

"Santana –''

"Stop. I don't want to hear any of it. You're right. You're never going to get through to me, but still amazingly you keep coming back. Why is that?"

Brittany's look hardened. "Because as much as want to punch you, and I do, I thought that at minimum we were friends. And as usual, my efforts are misguided. My mistake. Tell the midget I say hi."

Santana gave a weak smile. Brittany didn't see it as she turned away. She took a step but then felt a hand on hers. Santana didn't feel herself reach out to Brittany. It just sort of happened by itself. She looked at her hand in shock almost ready to scold it for its inappropriate behavior. She met Brittany's surprised eyes and let go immediately and turned away. Brittany gave a grimace. She was right. She couldn't do this. Neither of them could.

…..

Quinn walked through the door of Kurt's house. She hadn't said anything on the ride over and she was grateful that no one had pressured her. She felt hallow. She felt as if things used to matter didn't. It all felt like it was standing still. She sat down idly on the couch not noticing people milling around her. She didn't notice Puck leave. She didn't see Finn stalk up to his room. She didn't hear Carol tell her to sleep. She did feel Kurt put his hand on hers. She looked up at him with dull, saddened eyes. "Thanks," she muttered.

"Anytime."

"I think I'll sleep now," Kurt heard her say distantly. Kurt helped her lay down. The nurse had told them that she would be sore. Kurt wanted to make her comfortable. Part of him felt like this was his chance to get it right. Rachel he couldn't help and he had left her….. and Blaine, he just screwed him over, but maybe he would do something right. Maybe.

….

Santana was grateful that her fathers let her stay that night with Rachel. She knew that it wasn't for her. It was for Rachel. The more that she thought about it, she was surprised that Rachel would let her get so close to her. She was surprised that Rachel hadn't had any nightmares. She was surprised that she could sleep at all. Rachel hadn't said a word really about how it had happened, except what he told her before he took her. Santana knew that she had been brutalized, but she was demonstrating that she was stronger than Santana thought. Rachel was spooned more against her body asleep. Maybe it was the meds, Santana thought as she brushed Rachel's hair back. Rachel tilted her head in her sleep toward that light touch. Santana glanced at the clock. 5:06am. Santana sighed. Maybe she should try to sleep. Rachel's body suddenly jumped slightly and tensed. Santana saw that her eyes were closed tightly. Just a dream.

"Santana?" Santana looked down to see Rachel's tired face scrunched up.

"Monkey, go back to sleep," Santana soothed.

Rachel turned with a quiet pained moan so that she was curled up against Santana's chest.

"Santana?" she asked sleepily.

"Yeah, monkey?" Santana asked quietly.

"I don't blame you for this you know that right?" Rachel's voice was exhausted but forward. She still had her eyes squeezed shut. She didn't see Santana's face fall slightly.

"Rachel—''

"Santana, I know you blame yourself but I don't blame you." Rachel paused sleepily; her eyes were closed tightly.

Santana didn't respond. Rachel opened her eyes and looked at her. "You need to stop blaming yourself. It's done." Rachel looked away and then opened her mouth again to speak. Her face had become slightly distant and her gaze absent. "Where were you?"

"What?" Santana asked still unsure what was happening in this conversation.

"I don't blame you," Rachel started. Her face changed, she looked like she was far away. "Why weren't you there?" There was a small quiver in Rachel's voice.

Rachel felt Santana pull away from her. Rachel looked up at her apologetically. She didn't realize it but she had tears in her own eyes. She remembered just wanting for Santana as she lay on her back beneath him. She could clearly see the hurt in Santana's eyes. She shouldn't have asked. She scolded herself. Her assurance that she didn't blame her was just taken back by that question that fell off the end of her tongue like an out of control train. She wanted to take it all back.

"Never mind." She said quickly. She took Santana's hand.. "Please don't listen to me." Santana wasn't looking at her. She was staring at a bruise. And Rachel could see that she was wondering how she could have stopped it. "San, please stay with me." Santana still didn't respond. Rachel began kicking herself knowing that she had reiterated all of those things inside Santana's head telling her that this was her fault. She never wanted her to feel that way again. Rachel looked at her squeezing her hand tighter. "Santana, please," Rachel begged.

Santana looked at Rachel. Her fierce face melted and her brow knitted together. She felt a burning in her chest, but she pushed it down. She could easily imagine Rachel wondering where she was. She could imagine her sobbing like she did when she was little and Santana took too long to find her during hide and seek. Santana imagined her feeling abandoned and betrayed. She imagined Rachel defeated as she took hit after hit from him. Santana wasn't there. She didn't show up. She was twenty-six minutes late. Up until this year, Santana has always been there for her. A tiny voice crept into Santana's head, but who was there for her? Santana pushed the thought back; she never let anyone be there for her, she couldn't blame other people for not being there, because she never gave her a chance.

"Santana?" Rachel asked desperately trying to sit up.

Hearing Rachel struggle to sit up brought Santana back. "Lay back down, monkey." Her face was sorrowful but trying its best to look brave. "Dr. Griffin will be here soon for rounds. I need to go and get ready for school."

"Please Santana, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Rachel. I'm the one that's sorry." Santana was trying to comfort her, but her thoughts were still far away from here. I'm the one who will always be sorry, Santana said inwardly. She sat up and left the bed to leave. She turned suddenly and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. She felt Rachel flinch for the first time. She tensed sadly in response to Rachel's reaction, but kissed her gently on the forehead nonetheless.

"It's not you," Rachel whispered.

Santana didn't look her in the eyes, but just nodded and left the room. What she didn't see was that it really wasn't her. But how was she supposed to know that the nightmares had begun for Rachel?

...

Kurt walked into McKinnley looking for one person. He saw him standing at his locker gathering his books. Kurt approached him with confident strides.

"I'm sorry I've been such a jerk to you." There it was: his well-rehearsed apology.

Blaine looked over at him surprised but not assured. "Stop, Kurt. I'm not going to be your sympathy friend."

Kurt was taken aback. "I'm trying to apologize. And based on the fact that you're all talk –''

"I was being dumpstered and you froze. So thanks. I'm trying to apologize," Kurt emphasized again.

"Really?"

Kurt gave a small smile. "Really."

"Fine," Blaine said with a nod.

As practice ended Puck walked idly toward his car. Quinn couldn't talk to him. This all blew his mind. They had made a baby. And now that baby is gone. Just gone. He had taken his aggression out on the field. He tackled countless players into the ground that he knew they would be bruised tomorrow. Bruised, his thoughts shifted. Rachel. She had been so bruised on the floor of the auditorium stage, so broken. She was practically his little sister. He had known her for years and now she was bruised and pained. Quinn lost a baby. Rachel was…. It was all too much.

He approached his car he saw someone leaning against it. Santana was holding her duffle at her side and staring at the ground. She hadn't spotted him spotting her. "Hey," he called out as he got to the car. She looked up with a weak smile. He knew that smile. He had always known that she used him, but he kept coming back to her. Not because he was weak, he wouldn't admit that. But it was because he needed her just as much. And now with all that had happened, they needed to ease each other.

"Hi," she said with a smirk. "I came prepared." She opened her duffle to reveal a bottle of Tequila and a strip condoms. Puck gave a small smile. He opened the passenger side of the seat for her. They sat there for a moment before they headed over to Santana's house. He knew the Berry's schedule. He smiled realizing how long he had known her. He put his hand on her leg. "Thanks." He started the car, but stopped. "Do you want to drive your car?"

"No, I'm going to make you bring me back here later, I have to go for a run." Her tone softened. "Thank you."

She knew this is what they both needed.

After they got settled in her room at her empty house, she felt more relaxed. She took a swig Tequila and kissed Puck hungrily. She needed to silence Rachel's scream in her head. She needed to stop imagining how Rachel pleaded and begged for her to come and save her while she was holding Brittany in a state of heightened sexual bliss. She needed it all to go away. She felt him fumble with her uniform but he managed to get her naked quickly. He touched her cheek gently. Santana remembered how she felt so close and intimate with Brittany fully clothed. And now, lying beneath Puck she felt an urge to suffocate her feelings with lust. Other than that she felt nothing. She felt him enter her gently. "Harder," she whispered. Puck complied and Santana let herself get lost in his thrusts.

…

Quinn laid on the couch all day. She closed her eyes when people came into the room. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She heard someone shuffle into the room. She knew that shuffle. He had big feet.

"Hey faker."

Quinn opened one of her eyes to see Finn sitting on the coffee table across from her. She closed her eyes again. "Go away."

"Quinn," his voice quiet and gentle. "Can I get you some soup?"

"No. Go away."

"I don't know what to say to you."

"Then don't say anything and go away." Quinn's eyes were still closed.

"I'm trying to be nice here," Finn said defensively.

"No, you're trying to make yourself feel better about all those horrible things you thought about me." Finn looked at her in surprise. How did she know? She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I appreciate you letting me use your couch, but I can't help you feel better Finn. This is my fault and my problem. It has nothing to do with you."

Finn stood up shocked. He stared out the window as the sun was just beginning to set. Maybe tomorrow would be better he thought.

On the other side of town, Leroy pulled up to the school parking lot. He saw Santana's car sitting there. Rachel had told him that she was upset and ran out at five in the morning. He shook his head. It was sunset and he was just getting around to checking on her. He walked over to her car and saw that it was empty. However, he saw that the stadium lights were on. When he got to the field, he could see Santana's slender body running around with speed and strength around the track. She was running it out. He wanted to say something to her. Apologize for so much, but he couldn't. He walked into the stadium. He was wearing sneakers and sweats already. He didn't have any other clean clothes in his locker at the hospital. He peeled off his heavy shirt so that he had on his t-shirt and sweatpants on. Santana was rounding the curve. He ran up next to her. He struggled slightly to keep up with her pace. He saw her acknowledge her with distant eyes but she turned forward again and kept her stride. There was a lot that he should say to her, but right then at that moment all he could do was run with her.

….

Rachel opened her eyes. She was still alone. She hadn't been able to sleep very much. It wasn't just because Santana wasn't there. She was actually discovering she slept even less when she was around. She was so afraid of hurting her. But it was when she closed her eyes she felt it. She remembered it all. Before when she was at home, the pain distracted her. She was able to push it down. However, now as the pain was becoming less dominant, it was as if her memories were seeping back in.

It was morning now and the nurses said she could go home later today. She didn't know how she felt about it all. Dr. Griffin said that she had to have one more exam before she left. The surgery that they did on her to repair the tear was minimally evasive, but she still ached a little. She didn't want to have another exam, but she knew she had to. She needed to get out of here. Maybe it would be better once she got back to Glee. She heard the door open. Her brow frowned into itself.

"Alright Rachel," Dr. Griffin said gently. "We're going to do this quickly. Earlier we put some medication in your IV. You shouldn't feel this as much as you did at the house. Okay?"

Rachel straddled the leg props and opened up her legs. She felt the tears burning in her eyes. She felt so exposed. It hurt. Dr. Griffin soothed her gently. She felt her at her entrance with the terrible tool. "Okay, Rach, take a big breath for me." She did and then she felt it. She let out a small whimper. It did hurt less than before, but she kept her eyes sealed shut. Dr. Griffin saw that she needed to check her quickly before Rachel removed herself mentally. Rachel couldn't picture anything else but the spotlights on the stage. She started to remember how it all felt. Not just the auditorium. All of it. Fear was rising in her chest with every breath. Suddenly, she felt the tool pull out. "You didn't great." Rachel wiped a few stray tears.

"Can I go home now?"

…..

The game shows were on the television. Burt and Kurt were keeping Quinn company. Or, Quinn wondered she was just in their way, because this is what they watched every night. The doorbell rang. Quinn ignored the conversation about who was getting it and then who was at the door. She suddenly saw a Cheerio looking at her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she watched more of Wheel of Fortune even though she was in her line of vision.

"I came to see how you were doing."

"Shouldn't you be with Rachel?" Quinn refused to let herself see the hurt on Santana's face.

"No, she's okay," Santana replied though Quinn could hear her voice tremble slightly.

"Thanks for bringing me to hospital," Quinn said drily as her eyes drifting slightly from the screen. Santana gave a slight nod.

"Listen, I –'' Quinn didn't want to hear what she had to say. She just couldn't not then and not now.

"Santana. Please." Santana went to stand, but Quinn spoke again. "Thank your father Leroy for throwing me out. I really appreciate it." Her tone sad and cold.

"What are you talking about?"

"Santana, don't," Kurt interjected. "I'll walk you out."

….

Leroy watched as Rachel got the last of the medication in her IV. She looked so fragile and broken. They were going to take her home and things will be better.

"HEY!" he turned to see his other daughter fuming down the hallway. "How could you?"

He was taken aback. Didn't they just have a moment at the track? Now she was mad. Again.

"What are you talking about?"

"How could you talk to Quinn's father? That was ridiculously out of line! It wasn't your place to tell her parents!" Santana was fired up. He could see that. He took her arm and led her into the small on-call room. She grabbed her arm back. "Don't touch me!"

"Santana, I didn't know what Russell was going to do. She is sixteen years old.—''

"We're not children you need to take care of!"

"Clearly you are!" Leroy's anger flared.

"Well clearly we're dealing with things on our own. You're the one trying to fix it all!" Santana was screaming now.

"I'm the parent, Santana!"

"You're doing a hell of a job! Quinn got kicked out because of you!"

Leroy paused. "He kicked her out?"

"Yeah, because you said something," Santana knew she was gaining ground "You can't fix this! You can't fix any of it! So butt the fuck out!"

Santana's voice echoed in both their ears. Leroy took a step closer to her.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that again. I know that this had been hard, but don't you dare."

"Watch me!" Santana spat again challenging. "You took Rachel home and she's got sicker. You 'did the right thing' and got Quinn kicked out! You're ruining everything!"

Leroy flared. "Where the hell were you Santana? When your sister was being beaten and raped where were you? You blame this all on me, but where the hell were you?"

Santana's face fell. She had been yelled at before. She had screamed. She thrown things. This hurt harder than the slap. She wanted the slap before, but this … this hurt.

"That's enough, Leroy!" Both Santana and Leroy turned to see Hiram and Dr. Griffin in the doorway. "That's enough," he said softly.

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