A/N: How the account of "The Adventure of the Solitary Cyclist" may have been written, if Dr Watson had read the works of Dr Seuss. Contains spoilers for that story.

Originally suggested by Kiki Cabou.

Thanks to AdidasandPie for read through and encouragement :-)

Holmes and companions do not belong to me, nor do the wonderful rhyming patterns of Dr Seuss.

POV of Dr Watson

Man with Beard and Two-wheeled Thing

That case?

I do recall that case!

The season and the time and place!

We met the girl with two-wheeled thing

One morning; Baker Street; last spring.

~0~

We heard a sound we'd heard before;

A knock which knocked against the door.

She rang the bell, we heard it ring;

The girl who rode the two-wheeled thing.

~0~

The girl stood waiting in the hall;

A graceful girl, so fair and tall.

A lovely lady, all in all.

A lovely lady, quite distressed;

But elegant, and neatly dressed.

My friend and I were quite impressed.

~0~

She told us what she truly feared;

She told us of a man with beard;

A man with red moustache, who leered;

Her job; not quite as it appeared.

~0~

A note, a benefactor wrote;

He wanted her to see that note.

An uncle who had passed away;

A job with quite surprising pay.

A tempting governess position

Just perfect for a young musician.

~0~

The house: six miles from railway station;

A need for simple transportation.

How glad she was, she'd thought to bring

Her useful, sturdy two-wheeled thing!

~0~

One Saturday, like every other,

She headed out to see her mother.

But as she pedaled hard and steered,

Behind her rode a man with beard.

And when she left the Monday train,

She saw the man with beard again.

Oh, how she wished he'd not appeared;

That strange, persistent man with beard!

~0~

The next weekend, just as before,

She rode on two-wheeled thing once more;

And once again she clearly saw;

The man with beard

Had reappeared.

~0~

Determined this would soon be cleared;

She laid a trap for man with beard.

Instead of riding on, she veered

And waited till he reappeared.

But man with beard

Had disappeared!

He'd really, truly disappeared!

~o~

A friend?

A foe?

A would-be beau?

This lady was engaged, you know!

~0~

She told her boss what she had learned;

He seemed, sincerely, quite concerned.

Her heart beat fast, her stomach churned;

As man with red moustache returned.

His amorous advance was spurned.

~0~

So, off to spy the land I went;

To learn what all those actions meant.

I hid beside the lonely track

And watched that lovely girl ride back.

Then, from a nearby hiding-place;

The man with beard rejoined the chase.

I did not get to see his face.

He rode away towards the Hall.

I did not see his face at all.

~0~

And, heading home,I made a call;

And found who'd rented out the Hall

~0~

I'd helped my friend.

I'd helped the case.

I knew who'd rented out the place,

And Holmes would be impressed with me;

He'd know how useful I could be.

~0~

I told my tale.

I told it all.

I told him, standing in the hall.

I told him, by the kitchen door.

I told him everything, and more.

I told him as we climbed each stair.

I told my story everywhere!

I told him in the sitting room.

~0~

His comments filled my heart with gloom.

~0~

"You have not helped us solve this case!

You did not clearly see his face!

You waited in a faulty place!

So what, if he approached the Hall?

You have not helped this case at all!"

~0~

I felt quite useless, sad and small.

I had not helped his case at all!

~0~

I really, truly tried my best;

And tried to smile at Holmes' request.

He told me not to get depressed.

~0~

Our lovely lady sent a note.

We worried at the note she wrote.

The man with red moustache was near;

Her boss had made his feelings clear;

He held that lovely lady dear.

In fact he said

He'd like to wed.

~0~

So, Holmes himself went down to see

If he could find out more than me.

~0~

He came back home, the worse for wear,

With quite a dissipated air.

I checked him over, carefully;

A cut and bruise were there to see.

What explanation could there be?

~0~

"The local inn seemed just the place

To find more clues and solve the case.

I let some useful talk begin,

Then man with red moustache walked in.

He hurled abuse, then raised his hand;

I answered, so he'd understand.

I finished what he tried to start,

I've knowledge of the boxer's art.

He traveled home in back of cart."

~0~

"Although that fight was lots of fun;

I did not get much business done.

So neither of us really won.

No victory

For you and me."

~0~

Another note and deeper trouble.

We headed down there, at the double.

~0~

Oh no!

Oh woe!

The worst we'd feared!

The lovely girl had disappeared!

An injured driver on the ground.

Our lovely girl could not be found!

No single sight!

No single sound!

~0~

The man with beard

Then reappeared.

~0~

He knew precisely where she'd gone;

The reason she'd been set upon.

"She's at the Hall."

The game was on!

So, off we went, he led the way;

We hurried there without delay

And hoped that we could save the day.

~0~

The girl, we found;

Was gagged and bound.

Her mocking captors stood their ground.

~0~

A white-haired man, in priestly frocks

Just smiled at us-the wily fox!

The man with red moustache stood by,

A gleam of triumph in his eye.

"You're late!

Too late!

You're far too late!

This girl is in a married state!

This girl is mine, and her estate!"

~0~

But Holmes stood firm and loudly said,

"You cannot force this girl to wed!

She loves another man instead!

This girl, who rode the two-wheeled thing,

Shall choose who buys her wedding ring!

You really can't!

You should not dare!

You cannot wed her anywhere!

You cannot wed her here nor there;

Inside nor in the open air!

Not in a church!

Not in this Hall!

You cannot wed this girl at all!"

~0~

The man with beard,

Then reappeared.

~o~

"You will not wed this girl!

You'll not!"

With that, he fired a single shot.

~0~

The man with red moustache bled red

And tumbled to the ground; not dead.

~0~

Come beard.

Go beard.

Hide beard.

Show beard.

~0~

The man with beard

Had disappeared.

A man without a beard

Appeared.

~0~

The lovely girl was at a loss;

The man with beard had been… her boss!

~0~

The local policemen soon appeared

The driver seemed quite well;

I cheered.

The priest, we heard, had been unfrocked

So wedding paperwork was blocked.

~0~

We learned what these three men had schemed;

Her uncle had been rich, it seemed.

Far richer than the schemers dreamed.

They'd played their cards to see who'd wed

The girl, and gain her wealth instead.

~0~

The man who'd sometimes worn a beard,

And disappeared,

Then reappeared;

Had fallen for the girl and feared

His evil friends would have their way;

So followed her, with beard, each day.

So, it appeared

The man with beard

Had tried to get his conscience cleared.

So, all in all his aims were good;

He'd done the very best he could.

~0~

Because of this, we hoped the court

Would make his prison sentence short.

He really was a decent sort.

~0~

The other two

Both clearly knew

They'd spend a lot more time in jail.

Their actions were beyond the Pale.

~0~

The girl, relieved she wasn't wed,

Then wed the man she loved instead.

A rich and happy life was led.

~0~

That case?

I did recall that case!

And later, by our fireplace,

We'd sit and chat about that case;

The one with girl and two- wheeled thing;

We'd hear a knock, the bell would ring;

We'd wonder what this knock would bring,

Prepared for almost anything.

And off we'd go,

Adventuring!

~0~

~0~

And thus,

My friends.

This story

Ends.

~0~