Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction

I do not own Glee. Review my lovelies!

Dear Kurt,

I don't have to worry about Karlie sending anymore emails of mine. She's tied up. Not literally. Though I would take sheer joy out of pulling her shoelaces out of her light up Skechers and attaching her to the nearest hard backed chair available. Make that second nearest. I wouldn't want her attached to my chair. That would defeat the whole purpose of confining her in a place away from me and the mouse.

Currently she is surround by hundreds of bubbles and a rubber duck. See, I didn't do anything evil to her. She's in the very safe location of the bathtub, with Nana scrubbing off the dried cookie dough and purple frosting that has dried to her skin and hair. You should see the kitchen. I'm sure Nana doesn't plan on baking with Karlie around anytime soon.

That's not the only reason I'm glad she's not around. It is very difficult to write an email to your unofficial boyfriend with a small child breathing down your neck. She's a mouth breather too, so there's always the lurking suspicion about why my neck is wet. It could be the sweat I'm accumulating. When I write you I get some pretty hot ideas running through my head. Hot ideas that I can't say because I have a minor over my shoulder.

That, and because I could get in some serious trouble for sexting.

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Kurt,

We really should make this official. I really love being your "more than friend" but I would love to walk up to every person I see, and introduce you as my boyfriend Kurt. Not my boy, who is a friend Kurt. There is no space between boy and friend. Like how there should be no space between the two of us. I'd be glued to your side when I said it. Alright, maybe not glued. That would ruin my clothes. More importantly, that'd ruin your clothes and you'd break up with my faster than a pair of disjointed Legos.

There's this one girl in the store where I buy all of my soap. She seems to think that you aren't my beau. Which you weren't at the time. Weren't as in past tense. As in, you better be my present tense beau. She seems to think I'm lying about being gay, regardless of the fact that I only go there to buy soap to wash away the thoughts I have during my multiple cold showers caused by a BOY. But excuse me, clearly she knows more than I do if I'm gay or not.

Next time I go soap shopping you are coming with me. We are going to wait until the line is at its longest and make out the entire way up the line.

For my sake, I'm hoping to get stuck behind someone that needs a price check.

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Kurt,

I'm glad you enjoyed me serenading you in the commons after practice today. I understand that it was the time normally reserved for our religiously scheduled cup of coffee. I would've expected you to be in a midday slump without it. Still, you seemed wide awake as I plunked down the keys of the piano. I only wish I thought ahead to bring the karaoke track so I could've seen your face while I play. There was so much emotion in that song, and closing my eyes made it pour out so much easier. You may not know this, but your eyes are very hypnotic.

I almost freaked out when I saw a tear rolling down your cheek. I say almost because I managed to contain it inside and not reach out to wipe away the residue on your cheek. Which would've been incredibly awkward considering you were standing and I was not. You were so close I couldn't stand to wipe off your cheek without making a big show.

So I swiveled around and offered you my lap as the terrible twosome came in.

Amazingly Fabulous Kurt: "Shouldn't you be on top of me? I'm bigger."

Totally Smitten Me: "You're not that big. I don't mind the bottom."

Completely Annoying Wes: "You two are arguing over who's on top?"

Can't Think of a Clever Nickname David: "Wanky."

What do you think they'll say when we actually do it?

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Kurt,

Two words (to be ultimately followed by an rant that will indeed exceed the expectation of two words). Yoga pants. You see, once I finished my homework I had some spare time on my hands. So I decided to flip through the newspaper ads. I came across one ad that had a pair of booty hugging yoga pants. If they hugged this girl any harder she'd die of suffocation. I wasn't terribly attracted by the picture, but it got me thinking.

What do you look like in booty hugging yoga pants? We've talked about skin tight jeans before. But jeans don't mold to every curve of your entire body. Neither do yoga pants, since they are just pants. If they hugged any curve about your waistline I'd start to worry. Yes I'd take great pleasure in growing old with you. That doesn't mean that when you become an old man you can wear your pants to your navel. That is plain wrong.

You should teach me how to do yoga. There are so many bends and stretches that could lead to some compromising positions. But I wouldn't have to hold back anymore. If your ear happens to look very kissable while you're hovering over me and moving my arms to the right pose I can kiss it with no further questions.

Unless of course that question is if the other ear is going to get some loving. And once you untangle me, I can guarantee your ears will not be the only thing meeting my lips.

After all, it is important to stretch every part of the body, lips included.

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Kurt,

I'm going to ask you a question tomorrow. Promise you'll say yes?

My best friend's hot,

Backspace

The peanut butter to your jelly,

Backspace

Dancing to your tune,

Blaine

(P.S. I promise you won't regret it. I know I won't.)