A/N: I was gonna wait longer to upload this, but I figured why not. Go ahead and upload it now. Note: The next few chapters will not cover any of the episodes. Don't know how many, but I'll say that plenty of them.
"Man, I'm starving," Odd said.
"When aren't you starving?" I asked, stretching my arms out to relieve them of soreness. "Man, I'm tired. Luckily we made it in time for dinner. We have less than ten minutes though."
"It'll have to do. Come on," Jeremy said before my phone rang. I quickly answered as I recognized that caller ID.
"Meet me on the side of the dorms. I want to ask you something. That is, if you're free," Emily said as soon as I put the phone against my ear.
"Yeah, I just finished up. I can meet you," I said. Then I heard a dial tone as she just hung up. No goodbye or anything. Weird.
"Emily?" Yumi questioned.
"Yup. To be fair, I haven't seen her all day. I definitely owe her, given the fact that I didn't show up to the dance like, at all," I said, putting my phone back in my pocket.
"For the sake of you two, I hope we find out how to kill XANA quickly," Ulrich said. I snorted.
"So do I. I'm tired of having to treat her like a second priority whenever XANA attacks. If you don't mind, wrap some food in a napkin and hand it to me. I don't want to go to bed hungry," I told him. Ulrich gave me a thumbs up and I smiled at him in an appreciative way before directing away from the cafeteria and toward the dorms. I quickly spotted her near the dorm building and walked up to her with a smile.
"So what'd you want to see me about?" I asked Emily as I planted a kiss to her cheek. But something about her seemed... stiff. Like she was just there for the kiss and not actually receiving it. Something had to be wrong.
"We need to talk," Emily said, making me internally groan. I knew nothing good was going to come of this. Every time a female says those words, it's usually never good. It'll likely be some problem that I'll have to solve later on.
"Alright, what is it? I'm all ears," I said, paying abrupt attention. Just because I knew it was nothing good didn't mean that I didn't care. That actually made all the more reason to care.
"Where do you go?" Emily asked. I sighed. No second guessing what she meant by that.
"I thought we already went over this," I told her.
"I know. I thought you might actually want to tell me this time," Emily said.
"I told you. I can't. It's a family secret. If I could tell you, I would," I told her. It was the same thing I told her every time she brought it up. The more and more I said it, the more and more I was getting tired of saying it. It also felt more like a lie than a technical truth. The group was my family in bond, not blood.
"This secret involves me too," Emily said.
"How do you figure that?" I questioned.
"When you go off at random times and don't tell me where you're at, then it involves me. You know I worry about you," Emily said. My eyes softened and I had to bite my tongue. I was tempted to tell her. I really wanted to tell her. But I knew I couldn't. I just couldn't. It was dangerous. Not just to her, but what would happen to all of us if she decided to say anything to anyone. That is, if she believed how ludicrous it would sound.
"I'm sorry to worry you. But it's just something I can't divulge to anyone. I promised I wouldn't," I told her. She nodded before reaching in her purse and pulling out a tape recorder, cradling it like an extremely small child.
"Hmm. Then why does Aelita know?" Emily asked before playing the tape recorder. I remembered this conversation. It was really recent.
"Just how how often do we have to do this?" I questioned over the tape.
"If you don't know, you can sure as hell believe I don't," Aelita said.
"Let's ignore the fact that I'm infecting you all with cussing as part of your language. I'm starting to hate doing this. I want a normal life. It was fun at first, but now..."
"You'll get it. I promise you. Soon everything'll be alright."
"I hope so. But there's just that doubt of not measuring up when the time comes."
"You are one of the strongest people I know. You can do this. We can do this." I let out a deep sigh on the recorder that was filled with burden.
"Night."
"Night."
She then clicked the recorder and I wasn't quite sure how to respond. I'm glad we played the pronoun game like hell in that conversation. I sure wasn't going to open up with an "I can explain." That's just asking for trouble. Actually, never mind. I had a pretty good idea where to start.
"I wasn't aware you owned a tape recorder," I said, frowning at the device.
"No I don't. Cause I don't need one. Herb however, seemingly does, as he's the one who gave this to me," Emily said, holding up the item. I bristled with irritation. Trust Sissi's little group to try to butt in and make as many problems for as possible to go along with XANA. Stamp 'sucker' at the top of my forehead, because I actually thought the girl was getting better at stopping herself from butting into stuff that didn't involve her.
"I see," I said calmly while on the inside I had a dark image of choking the hell out of the dude. His eyes bulging as I strangled him and all. My mind really needed some therapy. Then again, so did a lot of other people.
"Are you seeing Aelita behind my back?" Emily said.
"No. I'm not. That is not the kind of person I am," I said honestly, but she didn't seem to believe me.
"I suppose the best way to hide is to hide in plain sight, huh? You two always did act close to each other in public. At times, it was like there was no one else in the world," Emily said.
"That's just how we are. If you don't believe me, you can't forget the fact that Aelita has it bad for Jeremy. You can't honestly be taking him seriously?" I questioned, gesturing to the tape recorder.
"I didn't want to when he showed me the recorder, but I spent the whole day thinking about this when Herb gave me this. At times you don't show to our dates, a prime example being the dance that's one of the last few days I get to see you before summer starts. A lot of times I don't even get a response from you when I call. During those sessions you usually take about ten minutes to a half hour. What do you do during that time period?" Emily asked me.
"I told you. I-" This time Emily cut me off, her voice angry and impatient.
"I've heard the same thing so many times from you. If it's really a family secret, then why does Aelita know?" Emily asked.
"Cause she found out. I didn't tell her about this, and I sure as hell would've made her forget it if I could. I had to keep her quiet about the whole thing and cover my tracks just to make sure no one else would find out. For fucks sake, I come back to the dorms bone tired after I finish with it," I told her, rubbing my temples. Which is a fact. I come back to these dorms tired as hell when XANA attacks late at night. Most of the time, I don't even feel like conversating.
"Are you involved in something illegal?" Emily asked me.
"No, I'm not," I told her.
"Cause if you are, I wouldn't mind if you are lying to try and protect me. If that's it, it's ok. You don't have to keep it hidden from me," Emily said sincerely. I wanted so badly to tell her that it was what I was doing. But it would be a lie. A flat out lie. It would be an easy way out, but it'd be a dishonest one as well. Plus the idea of me being involved in something illegal wasn't exactly smart to admit if what she thought was true somehow leaked.
"No. I assure you what I'm doing isn't illegal," I told her honestly.
"Then I don't know what else to believe other than my first suspicion," Emily said. I grabbed her right hand, which was the hand she had the promise ring I gave her on.
"You see this? It's a promise ring. When I gave it to you, I promised you that I would be the most faithful person that I could ever be to you. Just give me a while longer. Once it's over, I don't have to do this anymore," I told her with one of the heaviest voices I ever had. I could only hope what I told her worked. Please... it's already been a shitty day...
"It's not enough," Emily suddenly said. "There's nothing more I can really think of to let me believe you."
"Then what do you want me to do? I can't tell you what I'm doing. I am bound by my word. My hands, my feet, everything," I told her, holding my hands together symbolically.
"I don't think there's anything you can tell me at this point. Your promises..." Emily trailed before taking off the ring. She then walked up to me, opened my hand, and put the ring in it before closing my hand back up. "... just aren't enough. I'm done. I just can't deal with it anymore. We're done." Then she walked away.
For a while, I just stood there. Completely immobilized by what she just said. I opened my hand and looked at the promise ring in my hands. It was easily the most expensive thing I had ever bought for someone. But at the time, it was not about the money. It was about to what I could turn into. How it could've turned into a diamond ring rather than a promise ring later in life. How I had someone to talk to; Someone to take me away from the issues with XANA and help me feel like a person. Normal. A person to be loved and cared. To always rely on. Those hopes had been all but shattered.
I sniffled at one point when I was looking at the ring. The hand holding it wouldn't stop trembling. I used my other hand to try and steady it, but it wasn't working. I wanted to make it stop, but it wouldn't. Just like this situation with XANA and what just happened.
Then I hadn't even noticed I had started crying until the tears were hanging at the very bottom of my chin, the sensation making them almost impossible to ignore. I hadn't cried in sadness for a long time. When I was younger, I only cried out of anger. And even that seemed to go away. I didn't even cry during my grandmother's funeral as a child. There was an intense sadness and watery eyes, but not tears. Maybe it was some crap about not being as in touch with my emotions as I am now.
But right now, I could feel the tears dropping one by one and I couldn't stop them if I wanted to. I started letting out sobs as I held the ring close to my chest. I fell to my knees and started sobbing on the ground under me, staining the ground and my pants with tears.
I stood to my feet and ran inside the building, trying my best to hold in my sobs, but I wasn't doing a very good job. Sobs kept slipping out every five seconds and there wasn't much I could do to stop it. By the time I made it up to the boys' dorm, I timed it extremely wrong as it seemed dinner had just ended and everyone was flooding the hallway.
"Robert! I got your food!" I could hear Ulrich exclaim from far away, but my one concern was getting to my room to be by myself cause that was the thing I wanted the most right now. So I didn't respond.
I quickly made it to my room and slammed the door behind me. If I could've locked it, I would've. But there were no locks on these doors, which I didn't understand in the least bit. And hated so much as of now. There was nothing to stop anyone from coming in here and seeing how miserable I looked.
I leaned against the wall next to my bed and pressed the ring directly against my chest before I started to cry relentlessly. After trying to hold it in on the walk over here, it seems I've only made my grief worse.
I don't recall ever crying so much that it felt like the air itself was avoiding me. My lungs felt void as I continued to cry and they had to turn into gasping sobs as I needed breath more than I needed to cry, so my body auto corrected itself.
"What's wrong?" I heard a soft voice ask. I wasn't aware that anyone came in.
I closed my eyes even tighter at Aelita's voice. It only made the conversation I just had a lot more sharp in my mind. But somehow, I managed to get words flowing out of my mouth.
"She's gone. She's gone," I sobbed, pressing the ring even closer to my heart. It felt like it was going to make an imprint even through the shirt, but I didn't care at the moment.
"Who is?" Odd asked softly. I only sobbed harder. I couldn't answer that question. Even thinking her name hurt. I thought it was just an exaggeration in movies, but you didn't know until you had really been through it.
"Who's gone Robert?" Jeremy asked. His voice was very sympathetic. Everyone who spoke sounded that way. I wanted to give them an answer, but I couldn't speak. So I managed to remove the ring from my chest and held it out while my trembling hand was outstretched.
"Oh."
"Damn."
"I was afraid of this..."
All reactions I had expected. Jeremy did say that this might backfire with having to keep Lyoko a secret like this. I knew he might've been right, but I wanted to see it through to the end. Look how that ended up for me. Maybe I was just that kind of idiot.
"It's hard man. You never know until you've really been through it," I said, managing to find my voice. But it sounded ragged and sorrowful. I hardly recognized it as my voice.
"This was a relationship I tried my hardest to maintain. I had to balance keeping a relationship together, school, and dealing with XANA. They make this double life of being a hero seem so awesome on TV, but it's hard. Nothing is normal for you. Nothing. And there are no guarantees, no second chances, no girl that'll just stay faithful to you so you can be together forever while you're bullshitting her on what you actually do behind the scenes. That doesn't happen in the real world."
Then I felt a soft hand touch my right shoulder before leaning me towards the left. I laid my head on Aelita's shoulder while she was rubbing my right shoulder in comfort. I can honestly say it was a lot more comforting that being here by myself.
I knew I wouldn't have been able to keep this bottled up for long. They wouldn't have let me. But when you had people around you to help you through it rather than dealing with it alone, it felt a lot better. To know there were people still here for you really helped.
"I was afraid this would happen," Jeremy repeated, shaking his head remorsefully.
"I don't think now's the time for an 'I told you so' Jeremy," Ulrich said, glaring at his friend.
"No, that's not what I meant. I was-"
"It's alright," I said miserably. "I lived in oblivion about the whole thing. Acting like having to do all of these Lyoko trips with no Return to the Past wouldn't have an effect. The more you gain, the more you have to lose. I should've known that eventually something was going to have to give from this double life. My grades. My sleep. Emily. For a while I had it all. Then I lost the main thing out of the bunch I cared about. I was devoted to that relationship. And it still crumbled. I still lost her."
My eyes were looking at nothing currently, but my vision started to well up with tears again. But I immediately felt a hand move up to wipe them off.
"Don't cry. Please don't," Aelita said, her voice starting to crack up as well.
"I can't. You don't know what it's like to lose someone like that. And I certainly wouldn't wish it on any of you," I said, tears falling freely down my face. I felt Aelita turn me around and hold me close to her chest. For some reason, I only cried harder. I could feel her hand running softly through my head in a type of comfort, but it did nothing for me. No one else said a word the rest of the night.
It looked like there was a giant sleepover in my room if you were to walk in it now. The floor was covered with people lying down. At least Odd's head was against the door, which would block anyone who tried to come in. It'd be painful for him, but it'd block them.
As I woke up, the smell of strawberries filled my nostrils. I didn't need to guess where that smell came from. Aelita was the only one who slept in the bed with me. Fact was, there was literally no more room on the floor. And everyone insisted that she sleep in the bed as well. Plus, I saw that she really wanted to. This girl was really good at comforting people. Maybe she was just good at it naturally cause she was so kind and understanding.
But when I woke up and was able to process the world around me, I saw the promise ring I had put on my finger. The one that Emily gave me back. I gripped my head. What happened was no nightmare, but I very much wish it was because it seemed like one. First XANA gets free of the Supercomputer, regardless of my knowledge of the situation. Then I lose my girlfriend. All highlights of a absolutely shitty day. At least I stopped crying.
I sat up and reached across my bed to put the ring on my table with my computer. I then checked for a XANA attack. Nothing. He was quiet.
I scooted Aelita over a little bit so I could just lay flat on my bed, staring at the ceiling and just wishing to feel nothing right now. Just a few minutes of blissful numbness.
"Feel any better?" Aelita asked suddenly, making me jerk my head to face her.
"A little. Still hurts though," I said, looking back at the ceiling.
"I figured that. Your eyes are really red," Aelita said.
"If you recall, I kept us up past midnight with the occasional sob. Forgive me for that," I said.
"You don't have to apologize. We stayed here for you. Cause we wanted to help you through this. Cause that's what friends do. You've done it for us countless times," Aelita said.
"I try to. I try to keep it together, be the best friend I can be for you all and the best boyfriend I could be for Emily. How long is it before I go two for two?" I asked.
"Cause you don't have to keep Lyoko a secret from us. We understand. And we're not going anywhere. We have our ups and downs, but we are all the best of friends in the end," Aelita said. I smiled slightly.
"Thanks for the reassurance," I said before the smile faded. "I need something to distract myself. Something... anything... just so I don't have to think about what happened."
"You could start hanging with us again. We can find something to do to help you," Aelita suggested, but I shook my head.
"No, I don't want to take up much of your time. I just need a hobby or something. Something constructive that'll keep my mind off things," I said.
"I turn to music when I need something to do. You know I've had fun with it," Aelita suggested.
"For one, I'm not the best singer. Two, who says I'm good at it? And three, that's your thing," I told her.
"One, we can work on that. There is a process to singing. You just have to get it down. Two, you're good at most things you do. Three, who said it has to be just my thing? It's a lot more fun to do it with others. Plus it doesn't just have to be singing. Just do your own little thing. I love it cause it's creative. I feel like I'm talented and skilled," Aelita told me.
"Maybe cause you are," I said evenly. Aelita laughed lightly.
"Thanks. But my point is still out there. I would really have fun if we had music sessions together," she said.
"I'll think about it. In a way, I'm pretty sure it's not a good idea," I said.
"Why's that?" Aelita asked curiously. I shook my head.
"It's nothing," I said.
"We've been through this before," Aelita said with that firm tone in her voice that I was starting to hear more and more. I sighed.
"Apparently, the secret alone wasn't what pushed her to break up with me," I said.
"It wasn't?" Aelita asked.
"No. Once again, I am fucked over by a tape recorder. I half wish they didn't exist," I said.
"You mean she recorded us having a conversation about Lyoko?" Aelita asked.
"No. Thank God. She just got a very specific conversation with us after a XANA attack where we didn't return to the past. Apparently, Herb recorded it and gave it to her," I said.
"Herb did what?!" Odd exclaimed suddenly, waking everyone up. Yumi looked at Odd with an angry look her face. With her hair in her face, she almost looked like The Grudge.
"What the hell are you doing screaming about the place?" she hissed at him. It seems I've infected everyone with the articulate knowledge of cussing. I lost count of how many times I've said or thought that.
"Robert, repeat what you just said. Trust me, I think everyone will enjoy what you just said," Odd said, gesturing towards me. I sighed. I really couldn't keep this hidden. I faced Aelita before talking.
"Apparently, the secret alone wasn't what pushed her to break up with me," I repeated.
"It wasn't?" Aelita repeated.
"No. Once again, I am fucked over by a tape recorder. I half wish they didn't exist."
"You mean she recorded us having a conversation about Lyoko?"
"No. Thank God. She just got a very specific conversation with us after a XANA attack where we didn't return to the past. Apparently, Herb recorded it and gave it to her." I could see that everyone's eyes widened except for Odd's.
"Herb did what?!" Yumi yelled even louder than Odd.
"And you scolded me for being loud," Odd said with a small laugh, but Yumi ignored him.
"Are you serious?" she questioned.
"Yes I am. She didn't say Sissi. She said Herb. I knew he didn't like me, but..." I stopped and opted on blowing out a puff of breath.
"I think we'll have to have a talk with Herb," Ulrich said, looking furious.
"Don't bother getting in trouble on my account," I said, but Odd held a hand out towards me.
"Don't worry. We won't hurt him. Probably. We'll just talk to him first. Hopefully for him, it stays that way," he said.
"In most cases, I wouldn't agree with what you're saying. But this is over the top even for Sissi if she is indeed the one behind this," Jeremy said, reaching for his glasses on my table. I sighed.
"Go ahead if you want. It's not going to make me feel any better right now. Kind of glad summer's almost here. I don't think I could get through school feeling like this," I said, placing a hand on my forehead and starting to rub it.
"We'll be back after we get dressed. You should get dressed as well," Aelita told me.
"Yeah," I said, my voice low and soft. Aelita patted me on the shoulder before getting up and heading out of the door.
"My parents are going to be really upset," Yumi said, standing up.
"You didn't have to stay," I told her.
"Yes I did. I don't regret it," Yumi said. I walked up to her and hugged her. I just felt so emotional right now.
"Thank you," I said. I felt her hands grab my back and pull me closer.
"You're welcome. Just know we're here to help you," Yumi said softly, holding my at distance and looking directly in my eyes. I nodded before she walked out of my room and I closed my door. I walked over to my closet, but out of the corner of my eye, I could see the promise ring lying on my table.
I closed my eyes mournfully before trying to ignore it. I went in my closet and changed into a different pair of clothes. But as I opened the door, I looked back at the promise ring. It was like a ghost that was just sitting on my table. I then walked over to the ring and held it in my hands, just staring at it.
"Cut her off. Cut her off," I thought to myself. That was definitely the healthiest thing to do.
I gripped the ring tightly in my hands and felt like I should pawn it. But I couldn't do it. Not right now at least. I decided to put it in my drawer before walking out of my room. First XANA freeing himself from the Supercomputer, and now this. Life is the most unfair thing ever.
A/N: Had this planned out for a while now. Realistically, there's only so many times you can not show up to your dates without telling her what you're doing, where, or who you're doing it with before she starts to get tired of it. Not even the slightest explanation. So that was the birth of this chapter. Yeah. Breakups are a bitch.