April 23, 1952
The 4077th, Korea to Bloomington
Oh, dearest Lorraine,
Things have been slow here and a break is in sight. There are five wounded men and a North Korean prisoner of war in this Post-Op right now, so it's very quiet. It's also about four in the morning right now and all is quiet on the front lines too. Fighting has been down to a lull and we are all happy about it. We're so happy about it, in fact, that the Swampmen (Frank included) have gotten bored and have been whipping out prank after prank to get the mood merry after such sadness out of me. It's actually amusing to see Frank get into such a frenzy over something as trivial as a joke on someone, especially after Margaret's engagement announcement. Colonel Potter considered the ordeal done with and I am hoping that he is right about it.
I try to stay out of the Swamp. Even though I sleep in there and have left my belongings in there, I always try to keep away from the chaos that is the Swamp. Once (and mind you, Lorraine, this was yesterday), I came into the tent, back from my shift and wanting to sleep. That was when I walked into a water balloon fight (well, it was surgical gloves filled with water) between Frank on one side and BJ and Hawkeye on the other!
Needless to say, I got very wet as did my things. Since then, I have resolved to stay away from there as much as I humanly could, unless I have no other place to go to. Hawkeye though has been trying to coax me back in and has given me so many promises that I cannot count them. We'll see though.
Good luck and news also follow me around, Lorraine, although I do have some sad news to pass on a little later. Other than giving my mother a strange letter, telling her about the war (which I know she told you about most likely), things here have actually been pretty good. I have not told Mom about this yet because I know that she is bound to kneel over in more grief (or have a heart attack, knowing her age), but I am engaged to Hawkeye! It was quite strange at first, because he didn't quite ask me outright and just gave me his mother's wedding ring with a sad story about his family. Soon enough, he proposed to me at the bar drunk and then, the next morning, under a cherry blossom in a park in Tokyo, to get it right. That last part, I don't want to tell too many people about because of how special it is to me. While I told everyone about the bar incident, I would not share our dreamy moment in the park. I know you'll keep it quiet though.
It was kind of romantic, to say the least, but heartfelt nonetheless. I accepted it, knowing that we will get married when the war is over and we are able to go home to Crabapple Cove with Shannon. It's a dream I've had for a few days now and it's one I've been trying to keep in order to stay sane. It's a good dream, I'd say, and one I think you would like me to have.
Well, Lorraine, a few days later, Dean, Hawkeye and I arrived back at the 4077th, where we learned of a lull in the fighting. Already, Dean's men were celebrating in the Officers' Club (some were even down at Rosie's Bar), dancing and cheering as a wounded man of theirs played the piano. Radar was reading a comic book on his cot, his teddy bear hidden for the moment. Colonel Potter was taking his horse, Sophie (an anniversary gift from Radar from a while back), around for a ride for a little while. Margaret was secretly dying her hair (Hawkeye was right about that one) and giving it the usual treatment (a hundred strokes a day). Klinger was on KP duty with Igor, peeling potatoes for the tonight's dinner course. Father Mulcahy was at the orphanage, which has moved closer to the 4077th (not to mention, his sister the Sister has started working there with Sister Theresa). And the remaining Swampmen left behind in Korea, Frank and BJ, were reading the Holy Bible (Frank) and darning socks (BJ) respectively.
All and all, it was a normal day at the 4077th, I'd say. I wasn't on duty until the next day, so I was all set for some resting and relaxing. On the other hand, Hawkeye was angry to find out that he had Post-Op duty with Nurse Johnson that evening. He needed to get some sleep as soon as he could and he knew that it wasn't coming anytime soon.
"Hi, honey, I'm home," Hawkeye aimlessly yelled as he and I entered the Swamp upon arrival back from Tokyo, throwing our bags here and there. Dean already went to his quarters, camping out near Rosie's with his men as he normally does. However, even I was too tired to care about my baggage, tossing my bags in Frank's direction.
Apparently, I had knocked the Holy Bible right out of Frank's hands, his semi-bald head (still recovering from the last assault on it) covered with my dirty clothes which popped out when the latch of the suitcase came undone. Hawkeye's things also scattered when he threw them in the space in-between his and BJ's space. That wouldn't have offended Frank except that I too was as careless as Hawkeye.
"Will you ever learn, Captain?!" Frank screeched at me as soon as I walked over to my cot for a well-deserved rest. "You degenerate, immortal animal, you made me lose my place in the Holy Bible!"
"Like I care right now, Frank," I replied as Hawkeye flopped on his own cot and fell straight to sleep, it seemed. "We all know what happens in the end. So, why keep reading it? We all know that you don't follow the script anyhow."
"He can always watch the movie," BJ suggested as he looked up from his socks. "The ending is the same, but it's a shorter flick."
"You keep your opinions to yourself, Mr. Smarty Pants!" Frank said to the surgeon as he took the clothes off of his head and threw my things back on my side of the tent. To me, he added (my clothes littered the floors on my side of the Swamp), "Listen here, Captain. We get our strength, our moral standing from this one book that helps us through the trials and hardest times of our lives and –"
"Ahh, can it, Frank!" Hawkeye interrupted in a moan. "I don't think she wants to hear the same things her mother tells her."
"At least I know one person will keep her in line now," I chimed in, thinking of my family always left behind. "My Uncle Nathan, her twin brother, usually keeps tabs on my mother and always makes sure that she's isn't going too crazy and trying to kill herself by the noose or doing something stupid. I'm only glad he was the only one like me who didn't take this crap…no offense to Father Mulcahy."
"You say you're sorry to the camp priest, but not to me, your superior officer?!" Frank seemed super offended I dared to apologize to the one person who has helped to keep me sane in this dump, the one person who has helped to keep me and my baby safe by any means possible.
"In case you haven't noticed, Major, Father Mulcahy is the most underappreciated person in this camp and, right about now, I would thank him for everything he's done for me." I didn't even look up at Frank because I was so irritated with him for it. "Compared to you, the man is an utter saint, concerning everything he's also done around the camp and outside of it. Come on, Frank, you can't beat that."
"You can't even act like a saint, Frank," BJ remarked.
"Would he even make the list Saint Peter has?" Hawkeye asked.
"What list is this? I never heard of any lists in heaven." I was confused, finally getting up and looking to the two goofy Swampmen for the inane answers to all of Christianity's insanities and mysteries.
"Who was naughty and who was nice of course," Hawkeye answered.
"It's the same list that Santa Claus has," BJ added as he put aside his socks.
"As well as the Easter Bunny," Hawkeye chimed in behind BJ.
"As well as…wait a second here!" Frank was about to add something silly behind the jokers and stopped quickly. "You two don't know anything about God or the Bible or anything! You….you animals have no values to speak of, no morals to uphold, nothing that makes you men! All you do is drink and fool around and act unmilitary."
"I resent that fact, knowing that it's untrue," BJ replied apathetically. "Hawk, Jeanie, want a drink?"
I stuffed my knuckles into my mouth, to stifle my giggling, but Frank heard it as he stood up to leave. "Captain, you're a disgrace to this man's Army and to the uniform in which you have worn for over ten years. I am ashamed to name you as a fellow officer."
"Amen to that," I said to conclude the arguing, not caring what Frank commented on anymore. "I think I want that drink after all, BJ."
Nothing much happened after that, Lorraine, except for the letter I got the next day about my uncle's death and the wonderful news from Colonel Potter. It was a double-edged sword and one that I did not relish, despite everything. In the meantime, even after my stepfather's untimely death, I had thought that my mother was going to keep in line for a while and try not to kill herself this time around. With the recent news from home though, I don't think so. I think she will totally kneel over in grief soon enough and that she would soon use religion for it too.
"Mail call!" Radar said that awful day, passing out packages and white envelopes to me, BJ and Hawkeye and throwing a few letters on Frank's cot before he left for the next tent.
While I had one letter, that one letter, the other two had packages and letters. BJ received more desserts from Peg as well as letters and pictures while Hawkeye received a mysterious package (hidden from me) and a letter or two from his Dad.
I opened my letter with my longest nail and read the dancing words on the page, more worried words from my mother about the family. As I scanned down to the first lines (wet with tears, I could tell), I read that my Uncle Nathan, the one I mentioned only days before and always kept his distance from the family, had passed away suddenly. He was cleaning out the gutters of his house, wanting to get ready for spring and surprise his wife, and was waiting for my Aunt Mary to bring him lunch outside when a neighborhood kid's ball hit the bottom of his ladder. It had knocked him off as he worked. His head hit the hard concrete borders that he made for my aunt, to make her flowerbeds prettier and more organized. He was dead in an instant, his head smashed in.
And my aunt, my poor aunt, found him that way, his head stuck on the concrete corners and his legs in the air. She was the first person to find him and scream for help.
"Oh, my God," I muttered, a tear sliding down my face. "I knew that this was going to happen sometime."
I knew what his death meant. Two insanely religious women were now on the loose without a leash. There was my mother, wanting to kill herself. The other was my aunt, wanting to hide herself from the outside world. Either way, both were doomed to walk emptier lives.
"What is it? News from home?" BJ smiled widely as he took out a few pictures of his growing daughter. Then, he sighed as he looked at the child nearly a year old.
"My uncle died," I replied quietly, hoping that this small pain would go away somehow. "He was my mother's twin. Twins run on my mother's side, one in each family. There was always a set in each generation. It was always girl and boy, the latter dying sometime in their lives. It was curse, as family rumors say."
I didn't like mentioning it, always liking to forget about it because I never really believed in it. It seemed like a good time to explain it all though, to share in the news that caught me by surprise. I might as well, seeing as how it might hit me and Dean sometime in this war, something that I do and do not believe it. Oh, Lorraine, I don't know what to think of it anymore. It all seems so dim and gloomy.
Hawkeye came over to my cot first, pulling me up from my sitting position, and held me, the letter squished in my hands. "I'm so sorry, Love. Is there anything I can do?"
"Save for making my mother saner and leaving me alone, nothing," I replied, my speech muffled as my mouth continued to be pressed into his chest.
"Jeanie, I'm so sorry to hear about that," BJ added kindly behind Hawkeye. "You know, we'll do anything to help, if you need it."
Remembering the funeral and burial service of Radar's skunk, I nearly laughed insanely, but declined the temptation, sniffles stifled for the time being. "Thanks, you two. I appreciate it. I really do. I'm just worried. I'm actually worried about my mother and aunt."
Another tear went down my face as Hawkeye held me close. It wasn't just for my uncle, but also for the ruin of my family. Suddenly, I was worried that all of them were going crazy before my eyes and that there was nothing I could do about it, save for making sure that Dean didn't fall into the curse's clutches…if I could make myself stop believing in something silly such as that. At that moment, I was paranoid enough, this place making me that way when I used to be so rational. Before my eyes, I was seeing that the male twins were dying, Uncle Nathan being the last one before Dean.
Dean couldn't fall prone to it, Lorraine, and neither could I. I needed my brother. He could not die! He CAN'T die now!
"So, what's this about a curse?" BJ asked as Hawkeye and I sat down on my cot together, making it creak with the weight.
"It's just what I said it is," I started to explain, taking a deep breath. "Every generation in my family has twins, a boy and girl. My mother thought that she was immune to it before me and Dean were born, but here we are. I don't really remember how many brothers I have from her or even my father, but I remember that she was surprised to see me after Dean was born. Anyhow, family rumors go back on my mother's side, back to when her great-great-great grandparents, however many times, were in France. Something came out of it when they took off to America, like a curse or something from the local witch, and ever since then, twins came into every generation without fail. The girls always had children, having twins eventually. The boys could marry and try all they wanted, but they never had children, like my uncle and aunt. We thought and joked around that he was immune to such silly superstition. This time, I am not thinking so."
"What does Colonel Insanity think about all of this?" Hawkeye asked, referring to my father. When BJ raised an eyebrow about the comment, Hawkeye explained quickly about who he was talking about, the other captain understanding instantly.
"The Morrison side of the family just drinks and forgets about things." I shrugged my shoulders. "They all came from Ireland. Does it explain something?"
"Other than you and your brother's drinking habits, nothing more," BJ responded, trying to smile at me when I looked (and felt) so depressed and pitiful.
"Hey, so, what new pictures do you have from Peg?" I then asked somewhat cheerfully, trying to change the topic all of a sudden.
"What new pictures do you have from Trapper John?" BJ inquired of me in return, also trying to help me forget that awful letter.
"Nothing new really, just the usual odds and ends," I said quietly, not bothering to get out my pictures of Shannon. "Her hair is getting black so I'm told and teeth are popping out and everything. I'm missing too much. Pictures don't really show me much."
"I know the feeling, Jeanie. Boy, do I know the feeling." BJ was quiet afterward, which was setting the tone for the tent
Silence…there was so much of it and it was too heavy to cut with a knife. Even Hawkeye was silenced, not knowing what else to say to me until Colonel Potter knocked on the Swamp's door only a few minutes later. We all then looked up and stared at him with what appeared to be little interested.
"Knock, knock, captains," Colonel Potter said to us, jovial as hell as he entered. Seeing our long faces, his mood changed quickly. "News from home, I take it?" he then asked, his voice low.
"Just a death in the family, nothing more," I replied, trying to hide the wretchedness in my voice and failing miserably. I felt worse about the news than I really was leading on.
"I'm so sorry, Captain," Colonel Potter said quietly, coming over to me and squeezing in-between me and Hawkeye, rubbing my shoulders and back, like a father would do. "If there's anything I can do, just holler. My tent is down the road. I think you can find it right." He then paused. "I think this news will cheer you up though."
"What?" I seemed a little confused, like good news seemed out of place when I had such bad from home and everywhere else, for that matter. It just didn't seem so right.
"Jeanie, did you hear the news?!" Dean came rushing in the Swamp all of a sudden, slamming open and close the door of the Swamp. Tears seemed to have been on his face earlier. "I heard from Mom today about –"
"I heard, I heard," I interrupted, motioning for him to take a seat someplace where there was room. "I got a letter today too."
Dean could not stay with us and I understood. More tears coming down his face, my brother abruptly left the tent, running quickly in the opposite direction towards Rosie's Bar, where he was camped out and most likely would be sleeping at. I was sure that he was going to get drunk later and think about that family curse, all the while trying to forget everything, just as I had so many times before.
Hawkeye sighed with worry. I said quickly, "I'll check on him later. He'll probably be as drunk as I'll be later on. But go on, Colonel. What good news do you have for me?"
"You've been promoted," Colonel Potter said with a little cheer, still rubbing my back. "No, you're not a major yet, but you're pretty close! No, you've been promoted to assistant head nurse of the 4077th, which merits a new tent of your very own and handling cases with Major Houlihan."
"Does Margaret know of this already, Colonel?" BJ asked for me when I could not say anything of my own after another minute of silence.
"Yes, she does, and she's very excited to get some training into you, Captain." Colonel Potter stopped his ministrations to me and stood up. "I'm sorry this isn't the greatest time to tell you this, Captain, but I hope things are better at home. I hope this at least helps a little."
I smiled. "Thanks, Colonel. I'll talk to Margaret when I can."
As Colonel Potter left with a sympathetic face always looking back at me, I got up from my place on the cot, Hawkeye hanging onto me by the hands. At that point, I could not tell if it was out of sympathy or pity, the motion seemed a little desperate. As I let him go, trying to get on my own two feet, I played with the new ring on my finger, the thin vines and small flowers on it choking my feelings of despair and sadness.
"Where do you think you're going?" Hawkeye asked me, clearly worried again as I looked around me, dazed and confused myself.
"I need to find Dean," I replied quickly, running out the door suddenly.
It was all I needed to say. In the meantime, the only thing I needed was to find my brother to grieve with him together, as if the two of us could add it all up and then subtract it by being together, to cry and drink it out together. Maybe it could, but I can't tell now. I still can't. It's all still there, the grief and pain. It's still there. And I think it always will be there for some years to come, just like Henry.
Before I go, as I close this letter, I toast my Uncle Nathan, wherever he may be in the afterlife, and take a good walk to Rosie's Bar in the afternoon after my shift is done if Rosie doesn't get back to me first. Dean has been there since he got his letter, practically living there with his troops coming in and out to offer help. I better make sure he doesn't drink himself out and gets sick (to return the favor). I need to get him back to his own camp, with his own men, and sober him up in case something happens to the 4077th. It's been too quiet, so something's bound to happen very soon if we're not careful enough.
With love to you and the children, for it's all I can offer right now –
Your faithful daughter forever and still in Korea, Jeanie