Disclaimer: Twilight, the Character names and descriptions, places and events are property of Stephanie Meyer ™. I do not make money from this endeavor, it is for creative purposes only.
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Warning: Please be advised, this fiction is rated M for mature. Breaking Trinity contains graphic language and explicit descriptions of sexual acts including some terms/scenarios that may be offensive to those with sensitive natures. Please adhere to age/state guidelines when viewing any content in this fiction. If you are opposed to strong/inappropriate language with religious overtones it is advised you read no further.
The author is not responsible for your corruption. Read at your own risk.
Thank you!
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Chapter 23: Solar Flares and Radiation
~)(~
BPOV
"Ah Charlie, don't they make a cute couple?" Billy said after the long silence and sounds of chewing and soup slurping became too much.
I think I must have turned five shades of pale and nearly choked to death.
That wasn't even remotely funny.
Horrified, I looked at Jacob across the table from me. He was wide-eyed with a fork still hanging out of his teeth and the upturned corners of a smile plastered on his mouth.
Wait, was he blushing?
Wait, why was he blushing?
I felt like I had to shake the cobwebs loose before my own face turned any hotter or more flushed. Our fathers couldn't have been scheming. No-no way.
"Awk-ward," Charlie sniffled and accentuated the word, dragging it out nice and long while pressing his fork into the cornbread vegetable casserole before him.
"What do these kids know about going after anything they might actually want? Youth is wasted on the young." Billy replied, clearing his throat but still smiling like the Cheshire cat.
"Speak for yourself," my dad grumbled, casting me a furtive glance. "I'm still plenty young."
"When was that, 1970? Yeah I remember it…bell bottom jeans and polyester shirts. Very fashionable, " Billy chided.
"Now, you listen here-" Charlie pointed his fork in his best friend's direction and before I could tolerate another word, I rose up from the table.
Oh my God, they were scheming. It made perfect sense now. These two best-friend-bachelors-with-kids were trying to hook us up!
"Excuse me," I said with the most irritated and flabbergasted voice I had every heard pour out of my own throat.
"Bells-dinner?" Charlie said in a pleading and guilty voice.
"I'm not hungry-if you would all excuse me," I strode out of the kitchen with almost remarkable grace for someone so clumsy-minus my left shoulder hitting the wall as I rounded the corner.
I felt pins and needles shoot down to my fingers but I was shaking with so much adrenaline I just shrugged it off. I made no quiet adventure of getting up the stairs either, as a matter of fact I trampled the wood underfoot like an elephant.
And to punctuate my annoyance-I slammed my door. My coup-de-gras. That was just for you,Charlie.
How could any of them think I would be remotely interested in Jacob? Yes, we had a history as friends but that was from like a million years ago. The last time I had seen him before yesterday he had tried to make me eat mud-pies!
I pulled my hand through my hair, instantly mindful of the sting of my knuckles and pulled my long sleeve over my hand. With a flick of my finger I turned on my radio cassette player.
The Cure- In-Between Days played over the scratchy speakers. The odd gothic subtleness of Robert Smith owned me and right now, it fit my mood perfectly.
I went to the window that Edward had crawled through last night and opened it wide. I needed air and the cold breeze felt refreshing. So, there I leaned, huffing my breath out into the darkness-crooned by a British goth-boy and wondering at what temperature the air that left my lungs would crystallize.
I wondered what Edward was doing in Alaska and if-by any chance-he was thinking of me at this exact moment. I knew I would have to come clean with Charlie at some point if we were actually going to do this and I knew that would go over like a fart in church.
Nunnery. Nunnery. Nunnery.
Damn my Ophelia side. And for that matter, Damn the Hamlet that walked the parapets in the great frozen north.
I missed him. The ripping, tearing, aching kind of longing that felt so full and yet so unrequited at this moment in time. It should have been Edward downstairs with me tonight-having a pleasant dinner with Charlie and sharing in the taste of my cooking.
Like that would ever happen.
Maybe lack of sleep was making me delusional. I just couldn't seem to stay on one coherent thought before my head took me on the grand tour of tangents. There was one fleeting constant though-it came in a gorgeous package with wild and upswept copper hair and eyes so green they reminded me of summertime meadows.
I swear I missed him so much that I could almost picture the ghostly apparition of him standing just beyond my reach. Even the patterns of my breath seemed to form an embodiment of him-and like the situation at hand, that version of Edward floated into the world and away from my grasp.
I swear I was losing my mind. Sanity was slaying itself in favor of something more fanciful-and at the same time dying of anguish while I craved.
And crave I did. More than any woman should ever admit without losing her power. This man was driving me to the edge of reason-making me topsy-turvy with desire and anxiety; hope and despair; passion and doubt.
I reached for my cell phone from my haversack which I had dropped haphazardly on the floor after I rushed home and unpacked the ingredients for tonight's dinner.
No new messages.
I had called him this morning and it was already almost quarter-of-seven. I needed a fix. I was becoming a junkie. I barely recognized myself anymore.
I felt like I was torn in two. Each with distinctive personalities, hatreds, passions holding only one thing in common.
Edward Cullen.
I started to text him, hoping it would prompt him to call me when I heard the rapping of knuckles at my bedroom door.
"Go away," I glanced at the offending portal like a demon was standing just behind the entranceway.
"Bells-It's Jake-can I come in?" a penitent voice spoke in hushed tones behind the door.
I looked down to my cell and back up once again. With a flick of my fingers I closed the old-flip style phone and stayed at my place by the window. "It's open."
The smell of sandalwood and cumin and earthy spices entered before Jacob did, so much more acute to me without the overpowering aromas of a fantastic dinner cooking in the background.
"Hey," I said meekly, suddenly feeling a little fuzzy and kind of drained.
"Hey yourself," Jake replied and closed the door behind him with one hand. In the other he was carrying my dinner-fork and knife included. "Charlie made me bring it up, you still hungry?"
Starving actually.
"I'm good," I grumbled.
"You calling someone? Do you want me to go back downstairs?" Dulcet dark eyes met mine and I instantly felt like an Ogre for the way I had reacted downstairs.
"No, its alright," I said simply, setting my phone down on the window sill. The air was heavy between us and I felt like that was all my fault.
"Jacob,"
"Look Bella-"
I couldn't help but smile as we both started to try and explain away the downstairs incident at exactly the same time.
"You first," Jake smiled. Solar flares hit me with incredible warm radiation. I was going to come down with melanoma if I wasn't careful.
"I'm sorry about the whole dinner thing-not the food part, just the leaving part," I huffed, turning my back to the window. I tried to gather my thoughts into one cohesive strain.
"It's cool. I mean our dads were being kinda lame and all," Jacob set the plate down on the edge of my bed and stuffed his massive hands into his pockets. I couldn't help but notice the slight red blush that crawled over the balls of his cheeks.
"I chalk it up to age, you know they are getting up there," I rolled my eyes and I was rewarded with Jacob's throaty laugh. More Solar flares.
"Yeah-sure sure," he smiled and looked down at the floor for something interesting to catch his attention. I noticed his nose crinkling as he looked along the perimeter for whatever offended his senses.
My room was clean. I wasn't sure what that crinkle was implying.
"I'm still glad you came tonight, minus the fiasco," I said, playing with the edge of my sweater with my fingers.
"Me too." Jake said and jerked his head toward the bed, silently asking me if he could sit down.
I nodded.
"Is there something on your mind Bella, besides the downstairs disaster?" Jake pushed his long black hair behind his back and I could see the massive girth of his neck. The guy was huge-on the verge of steroidal. Even with that, his ebony eyes were so intent on me that for the moment I felt like I was the only person in the world.
It felt kind of weird and special all at the same time.
"Yeah I guess you could say I have something on my mind and it has to do with a certain guy," I groaned and leaned my backside against the cold and open window. I paid close attention to the nails I had bitten to the quick earlier today, flicking jagged, raw cuticles with imaginary importance.
"Really?" Jake perked his voice up.
No one knew about Edward and I-except for his brother Emmett and his sister Alice. This felt so weird as it formed in my mind but a sense of relief washed over me. Finally someone else would know about what Edward and I were building and the dangerous road that was bringing us there.
I wasn't his dirty little secret anymore.
Nice internal choice of words on my part.
And yes, part of me still felt outraged and wanted to scream about what I had been relegated to in this brief but bizarre friendship? Relationship? What exactly could I call it up until this point?
"Bells?" Jake asked, one brow upraised as he watched my inner dialogue play against my face. Was I becoming a crazy person? I think the answer must have been an emphatic yes.
"Sorry," I grumbled and went bright red. Jake was studying me and hanging on the precipice of my words. "What was I saying again?"
He took a step closer to me, hands still stuffed into his pockets. "Something about this guy who has been on your mind? Does he have a name?"
There was something overtly Casanova in his voice-replacing his jovial tone with a little more bass and breath. When I looked up into his eyes I could literally see them smoldering.
Only Edward had ever really looked at me that way before.
Solar flares made the temperature in the room shoot up ten degrees and I could feel the burn when we locked gazes. Right then, it hit me.
Smoldering-bass voiced-breathy sounds-Jacob thought that certain guy I had been thinking about was him.
With tangible difficulty I stood up just a little straighter. "He does actually. His name is Edward Cullen."
Jake was silent for a long moment and those smoldering eyes were internally doused with a hydrant full of blasting water. He huffed out a breath and looked toward the ceiling like he was imagining it wasn't really there.
"Edward Cullen. Jesus Bells-not you too," He finally said in a low, defeated voice. When he turned his eyes to me again he looked as lost as a puppy that had wondered too far out of their home yard.
Wait, what was that supposed to mean-not you too?
Jake sighed and shook his head. Only then did I realize my internal filter had somehow over-ridden my vocal chords. I must have said it aloud.
"I know your boy, Edward Cullen. Believe me, every girl from the Reservation to Port Angeles knows him too. And pretty much every guy in the same radius hates him for it," Jake grumbled and turned around, removing his hands from his pockets and nervously started playing with his hair.
"I don't understand?" I know my brow crinkled as I spoke, I could feel it weighing over my eyes. Not a very attractive habit I admit.
Jacob sat down on my bed and mumbled.
"Don't leave me in the dark Jake!" I folded my arms before my chest and started chewing on my lip.
"Bells-he's just one of those guys, yanno? The rich-pretty-boy kind that every girl wants to get down on all-fours for." He groaned and I felt my face turn hot with anger.
"You don't even know him, do you? Not really anyway?" I huffed and Jake shook his head at my obvious irritation.
"I do know him-from baseball. I know his brother from football too. If you ask me they are both arrogant pricks. " There was that bass in his voice again. This time it wasn't the melty kind of bass but rather a more aggravated version of it.
He was right on when it came to arrogance. Edward certainly had it but it was kind of…sexy on him. I mean who doesn't want a guy who is confident and assertive?
Emmett on the other hand, I didn't know very well at all. But if he was anything like Edward and Alice, that observation couldn't be entirely true.
"So what does that have to do with girls that span the length of the state of Washington then?" I pushed him, wanting to know more. "I mean he had a girlfriend, so what are you trying to tell me?"
Oh please-don't tell me he was a player. Don't tell me he had slept with every girl in the state. I found myself starting to get angry, maybe even jealous with the idea.
What if he was feeding me a bullshit line all this time just to get in my pants without suspicion?
"Had a girlfriend?" Jake raised a brow at me but I was already hitting an internal fever-pitch.
"Jake!" I hissed out his name like a cat on the defensive.
"Whoa Bells-calm down," He grumbled. "I'm not saying he whored himself out-at least not that I know of. I'm just saying that every girl I know-and I know a lot of them-are all hot after him. I guess you could say he's stiff competition in that respect."
Minor crisis averted. For now.
"So, what's going on with you and Edward Cullen?" Jake barked his name like a curse word. I could taste the venom in it. "You said he had a girlfriend-so what, are you his girlfriend now or something?"
"Kind of-sort of-I don't know," I chewed more furiously on my lip. When my eyes flickered over to Jacob he looked like he had gone four shades of pale while coming down with a fever.
"Bella!" Jake growled and I motioned for him to keep his voice down. Knowing Charlie it was a matter of time before he stalked me like some under-cover CIA agent on a mission.
"What? I mean-we have sort of been seeing each other but nothing official," Did all the air somehow get sucked out of the room? Maybe it was the way Jake was looking at me. I couldn't be sure.
"I think you better tell me the whole story," Jacob said as he leaned back on my bed. He sniffed at the air around us audibly and once again crinkled his nose in disgust.
I couldn't be sure but I thought I heard him mumble, "Should've fucking figured."
~)(~
EPOV
I fell asleep in the chair beside Tanya's bed. It took a shit-load of cohersion to get her to lay down and even more to keep my distance when she did. I knew she needed to be held-coddled and taken care of. But I just didn't have it in me.
And I felt like a shit for not being able to extend myself that far for her. I might have been here in body but when it came to spirit and heart and mind, I was in Forks having lunch in our cafeteria with Bella.
Wouldn't that rock the worlds of Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley and half the other student body that wouldn't understand what we had?
I woke up when I heard someone come into Tanya's room. I blinked my eyes clear to find Laurent standing in the doorway, looking at me with almost seething hatred.
"Your parents want you. I'll take the next watch," he said with the most ungrateful tone. It was my father's credit card that bought him a first class ticket out here because Tanya wanted him to be here.
Maybe I was exhausted but the thin line that kept me from ripping his heart out with my bear fingers was starting to blur.
I narrowed my eyes when I passed him, staring him down till I was sure he got the point. When Laurent shifted to move away from me-his body language told me I won that pissing match.
No, it wasn't about Tanya. It was about respect. Guys were big on that sort of thing.
With a loud yawn and walking-stretch I stepped through the maze of corridors till I reached the main foyer. Esme was on the settee and Carlisle was pacing the confines in slow, calculated movements.
I had seen this scenario before the move to Forks-when Emmett was in enough trouble to start the quest for a more wholesome place to live.
"Edward," My mother said with tired eyes and she patted the seat on the sofa next to her. "We thought you might be in with Tanya-is she sleeping finally?"
I moved like a robot to the seat beside my mother. "Yeah, she passed out. What time is it?"
"Four-thirty." Carlisle said as he pinched the bridge of his nose and continued pacing.
Wow, I had taken a helluva power nap.
"What's going on?" I finally managed, feeling the tension in the room poised on the edge of a knife.
"Your father notified the school and your job-of course the hospital as well about the impending absences," Esme said softly.
Alright, that was no big deal. I'm sure he did the same for Tanya. Carlisle was just like that-proactive.
"The funeral will be in two days and the viewing-closed casket-will be tomorrow. Your mother and I are taking care of the arrangements. Kate and Carmen have asked that your mother and I continue to be the executor of the estate for Tanya," Carlisle said, pausing for a moment to glance at me.
"What can I do to help?" I asked, feeling bile rise in my throat when I met withering blue eyes. Something was upsetting Carlisle.
A long moment of silence trickled in between us and I remained stone-still. It was unnerving how I could do that and I knew it irritated my family to no end. I wasn't sure what was going on but something was definitely looming over their heads.
"Edward-what is going on with you and Tanya?" My father said in a very no-nonsense voice.
"Carlisle," My mother said in an alarming tone and kept her voice low.
"No Esme, I don't feel we have the time to beat around the proverbial bush. Edward, I asked you a question," he said in perfect stoicism. He ceased to move and drew up to rigid height. I realized just then whose traits I had inherited most predominantly in times of stress.
I didn't say a word because I knew my father. To ask me a question as defined as this one-he already had an answer.
Another dramatic pause and the silence was so deafening I could hear the seconds of the large ornate clock on the wall tick its fatalistic beats.
"Edward-you know Tanya lost her cell phone after hearing the news. Laurent was kind enough to check to see if there were any additional messages for her." Esme said softly and I could see the tears blotting at her eyes.
And there it was.
I was speechless.
They knew and of course, Laurent had been the one to tell them. It wasn't that I did not want it out in the open, I just planned on doing it myself. Laurent had taken that choice from me. That left me with a few unkind ideas of what I could take out of him in repayment.
"Edward, you realize this is a precarious time," Pale blond brows knitted in consternation. "By the time stamp on your message, I know this was prior to your knowledge of Irina but none-the-less I cannot condone these actions." Carlisle, ever the diplomat, used a voice of such grace I felt like I was listening to Winston-fucking-Churchill. Yeah, this day was certainly shaping up to be 'a day that shall live in infamy'.
When my father paused, I knew it was my turn to speak and the silence would remain until I chose my words and gave them voice.
Here goes nothing…and everything.
"It has nothing to do with your permission. I understand your ties to this family, I have built my own too over the years. But I just can't continue like this-I'm not happy and I haven't been for a long time." I tried not to sound like a whining child but when Carlisle stood before me like this, how could I feel any way otherwise?
"I warned you of this that night I caught you both in your room," Carlisle said in a stronger tone but still his voice never lifted into a new decibel. I watched him pinch the bridge of his nose more severely now.
The events of the night he spoke of rang like a shot through my mind. But this conversation wasn't on my terms-I was ready to tell them but the decisions was made for me rather than allowing me to move forward the way I envisioned.
"I know," I said strongly, pressing my fingers together between my spread knees, easing out the tension. "But you had to realize this couldn't last forever, despite your warnings."
More silence.
"Of course there was that chance," Esme said softly, giving me a sympathetic look before turning her attention to Carlisle.
"You mentioned you had found someone else Edward," Carlisle released his fingers from the bridge of his nose and looked at me with such disappointment I could almost touch it. "Does this have anything to do with Chief Swan's daughter, Isabella?"
It was probably obvious by my reaction the moment her name was said. Isabella. She shot through me like an electric charge and I was up on my feet with a new sense of determination and craving.
The haze of this conversation lifted and I felt more ready than ever before to stand and defend what we were building.
"I can see that it does," Carlisle said with a heavy sigh in his voice. "How long has this been going on, Edward?'
"A few days, " I said in earnest. "But I want a whole lot more time with her."
"Edward," My mother said and I thought I detected something hopeful and wistful in her voice.
"Esme, please." Carlisle remanded in the same even tone that belayed the maelstrom within. I knew they had to present me with a unified front but it was obvious now they weren't of like mind on the situation.
Knowing my parents, they had both probably spoken at length about this already. That didn't mean they would see eye to eye, however. Though, for all intents and purposes, I could not ever remember a time when they had been loud or verbal or nasty to each other.
"Carlisle-don't be unfair. You know how I love Tanya like another daughter but we knew this might be the outcome. It does not present itself in an opportune moment but can you not see the light in his eyes?"
I knew my mother's words struck a chord with Carlisle, I could hear the subtle change in his tone.
"I forbid you to say a word of this to Tanya until such time as Irina is given proper respects and burial and I have had a chance to speak with Kate, Carmen and Eleazar. I will not have Tanya doing something desperate…in her already delicate state." My father said and I knew it was his edict-the final note on the concerto he had been playing in concord with my mother.
Another long moment of silence passed.
"I assume Emmett and Alice already know about this?" Carlisle asked though he already seemed to know the answer.
I could do nothing more than nod my head.
"We will speak to them as well, Edward. I trust you know that you and I will need to spend some time in-depth, in conversation, on the ramifications of this…situation.. before you proceed in this course of action." My father was increasingly displeased.
I felt like a shit-heel. "Yes, Dad."
"If you will excuse me, I have some additional arrangements to make," Carlisle nodded to me and closed the space that separated him from my mother. With a short lean, he kissed her gently and I averted my eyes out of respect.
As he drew up, I could see the exhaustion and disappointment etched like lines into his already pale face.
The echo of his footsteps shot through my mind on replay. I was caught off guard and I could thank Laurent for that. I would see to it his life would be fucking miserable when I was done with him.
"Edward," my mother said softly and I turned to look into her fathomless eyes. She bore the emotional brunt of everything with such grace and poise. I felt like I was breaking her heart and yet she was too kind to show it to me.
"Yes?" I said solemnly.
"Isabella must be a beautiful girl to have captured your fancy. I know things might look impossible right now but I have faith they will work out. Tell me something about her?"
I foundered for a single piece of information I could share about Bella that was…appropriate for my mother. I couldn't exactly say what the girl invoked within me-the passion, desire and pure feral lust.
Truth be told, I had no fucking idea what to say. I would have to remedy that. Fast.
"She's amazing," I said with genuine awe. It was simple and perfect and true.
Esme smiled. "I have no doubt Edward."
~)(~
"So, that's the situation," I groaned, raking my hands through my hair.
"Well this sucks but it's got positive sides too, right?" Emmett said, adjusting his tie over and over again as he looked onto the mirror. "Damn, I can never get this thing straight. I need Rosalie."
"Here, let me." Alice said with a sharp exhale, turning our brother around to face her. Her nimble fingers undid the tragedy of a Windsor knot that Emmett had tried to create.
It was just after five-o-clock in Alaska and we were about to attend a large family dinner at some restaurant Esme had booked. Apparently it was one of Irina's favorites here in town.
And with that said, a good portion of the friends Irina and her parents before her had here, wanted a place to toast and remember before the viewing tomorrow morning.
"I wanted to tell them on my own terms, Emm." I ran my hands through my hair again, overdressed and anxious. Besides dealing with my parents, I ached for Bella. I craved her.
"So, you want to tag-team Laurent or should I just be there to referee?" Emmett asked, gagging slightly as Alice overly tightened the knot at his throat.
"Focus, boys." Alice said, stepping back to admire her work on the tie-which our brother was already trying to loosen enough to breath. "We have to get through this. Kate, Carmen and Tanya need us right now. Edward, you know I love Bella already-but we need to get through the next few days before we can even think about what's next."
Alice was the voice of reason. The yin to my yang. But the fault in her thoughts was underestimating just how fucking bad I wanted to be with Bella-right now, every minute of every day.
"I can't go on pretending to be something I'm not, namely her boyfriend." I grumbled but it fell on deaf ears.
"Just be glad she hasn't had the mind to check her messages, bro." Emmett said, tucking his hands into his slacks and looking almost debonair.
Shit, I hadn't even thought of that. Laurent was obviously one step ahead of the rest of us. I wouldn't be stupid enough to underestimate him again.
I morbidly wondered what exactly would happen if Tanya did decide to check her messages before I had the chance to speak to her. What kind of damage control could I put in place to prepare for those events?
Fuck, my mind was swarming.
The ring of Alice's cell phone drew me back to reality. I heard her tone and without knowing what she said, I knew she was talking to Jasper.
In a matter of seconds, Emmett was dialing his Crackberry and I knew he was trying to reach Rosalie.
I needed to call Bella. Soon.
With all the anxiety racing through me only the sound of her voice could set me right, keep me on the path. Emmett leaned into his phone and started pacing to one side of the room while Alice was standing dead center, obviously preoccupied.
I knew it was up to me to find Tanya and prepare for the evening ahead. I just wasn't sure how much more of this I could take…and how Laurent was going to survive tonight in one fucking piece.
~)(~
BPOV
"So, there you have it." I said, inhaling a shaking breath as I let Jacob absorb the entire story in one fell swoop.
"It sounds like more trouble than it's worth," Jake grumbled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the red kerchief. Rileys' kerchief-to blot away the thin sheen of sweat that glistened over caramel skin.
He looked like he was coming down with a fever.
"I know it does, Jake. And you're the only one besides Edward and I to know about what's going on. You cant say anything-not to anyone and especially not Billy." I walked over to where he sat on my bed and joined him there.
I felt so vulnerable.
"Sworn to secrecy, eh? Is this guy really worth it all, Bells? Worth enough to lie to your father and make me lie to mine?" Ebony eyes met mine and I could see myself reflected there. The mirror-eye painted me about as fragile as I felt.
"Its not about that," I groaned and reached the back of my hand up to brush Jacobs forehead. He was extremely hot to the touch. "Hey, are you feeling alright? Your burning up?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," He said with a slight exaggeration but didn't pull away from my touch. "So tell me Bells-what is it about, exactly?"
"I don't know how else to describe it but it just feels-right. And then sometimes it feels so wrong. I need your help-cant you just whip out that guy to guy dictionary and help me decipher what is really going on here?"
"It doesn't work like that." Jake exhaled sharply, shaking his head.
"Can you try-for me?" I asked quietly, feeling my anxiety writhe under the skin like a flame.
"You wont like what I have to say but hey, you asked, right?" Jake snickered. That's right-snickered. "You already gave yourself away, upfront and without any remorse or pretenses or any kind of demands for respect that a woman should make on her prospective suitor."
Ouch. That was harsh. Was he serious-prospective suitor? What is this, the dating game?
"He said he dumped his girlfriend for you, maybe you're just that good-where it counts. But who's to say he wont do it to you when the next piece of tail presents itself?"
"You're just being cruel," I said in a wisp of a voice. No one had ever spoken to me that way and I never thought Jake would be the first one to break that ice. "I trusted you and…you're throwing it in my face because you don't like Edward."
There was a long silence and I actually felt like I might cry. Was this what I should be thinking about myself? Is this how Edward really saw me? It had to be true if Jake was saying it-he wouldn't just hurt me for no reason, would he?
"Bells, I'm sorry," he said with a self-deprecating voice. His hand rose up and slowly, softly rubbed a warming circle on my back. "You're right, I don't like Edward Cullen but there has to be something redeeming if you're into him like you are. I just-I just don't want to see you get hurt…..and here I am doing to you the last thing I want to see happen. I'm an asshole."
"Jake," I whispered and my eyes were already bleary with tears. "You're not a complete asshole-maybe just a little bit of one."
"I've almost made you cry and you're right, I was being cruel. You need me to be supportive and I've done nothing but shit on your parade. I won't do it again Bella. I promise you, I will never hurt you again." he said with such steadfast voice that I actually felt like he might truly mean it.
I nodded and rubbed my tears away with the sleeve of my shirt.
"I just don't know what to do-or think-or anything, Jake, " I said softly. I craved Edward-ached for him and it became stronger with each passing minute.
"I don't have any answers for you, Bells. Take it as it comes and listen to your heart-just know that I'm here for you, no matter what happens," he said soothingly.
I snuffled my tears back and cleared my throat. "I'm gonna wash my face, I'll be right back."
"Then promise me you'll eat something. I can go warm it up for you?"
"Alright," I said as I stood up. Jake rose as well and I took the moment to give him the biggest hug I could muster.
His cheek pressed against my head and for a long moment he just held me tight enough to find some semblance of stability. The solar flares returned and the angst ebbed away from me in his embrace.
I made my way to the bathroom and I heard Jake head down the stairs-as lead footed as I had been earlier. In the fluorescent bathroom light I took a good look at myself in the mirror.
I looked pale and sallow with puffy eyes, red-rimmed from wiping my tears away too hard. I braced my hands on either side of the porcelain sink and let myself find a natural rhythm to breathing again.
Jake was right about some things. Could Edward and I transform what we had into more? Would we ever be more than what we were? Will it work?
I had no answers and even more questions.
I ran the cold water in the sink and started to splash my face with the liquid gathered in my cupped hands.
In the distance, I thought I heard my phone ring-and without even realizing it, I was already out of the bathroom door.
Jake stood there with my phone in his hands, looking at the ancient contraption almost quizzically.
"Who was it?" I asked in a huff, water dripping off my face.
"I don't know-I didn't look at the display before I answered. I caught it on the fourth ring but the line went dead after I picked it up and said hello. " His hand was outstretched, knowing I would obviously want to see for myself.
I took the phone and flipped to the menu, blinking back water from my eyes.
Sure enough, it was Edward.
Why did he hang up?
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A/N: Happy Post-Thanksgiving-fullness.
I would like to thank Brits_23 for once more, continuing to remain epic-beta. Special shouts to the Covenant of the Snarl and Twitterazzi.
I appreciate and love every review, special Snarls to those who take the time to show the love, you know who you are.
Next Update: Not yet determined. Approximately December 15-22, 2010 (tis the season to have a lot less time to write).
Every review gets this Elf typing faster and updating sooner…