Hello! I'm not going to lie, I struggled for a while with writing this chapter. I wasn't sure where I wanted it to go and what all I wanted to include in it. You'll know what I mean by the end. However, I'm happy with the result, and I hope you will be as well. Thank you so much for your feedback, I live to read your reviews and get your opinions on the story! You guys are the best.
Tali sat on a bench next to Ashley, looking at the pristine water of the Presidium Lake as they waited for Shepard to come out of his meeting. Liara lay on the ground next to them, absorbed in her books. Garrus and Wrex were off next to the edge, apparently having a rock-skipping contest. Tali had no idea where they found rocks to throw in their immaculate surroundings.
She was still reeling from Shepard's confession of love. Quarians were more emotional than most races, prone to snap decisions based on their feelings and to fall for the cliché 'love at first sight.' The months before they'd become a couple had been enough for her to know she would never feel the way she felt about Shepard for anyone else, and that had been before he had expressed any interest in her in return. Now…now she was sure he had ruined her for any other person in the galaxy. And she had been willing to give that up, because the thought of living without him was only tolerable if she were with her people.
She smiled as she remembered her mother telling the story about how her father had fallen for her. He had proposed in under three weeks; it seemed recklessness was inherited. Despite their conversation, doubts flickered across her mind. He could just be trying to get her to stay. But Shepard would never do that; she wouldn't love him if he was that kind of person. Still, what if she wasn't the one for him? What if he found someone else a few years down the road? Then she would just be one lone quarian with no one to turn to, adrift without her heart or her family. Ugh, I'm going to make myself sick just thinking about it.
Ashley nudged her, drawing her from her spiral of worry. "You look like something's on your mind. You haven't said anything for a while."
"Oh, it's nothing."
She swiveled and faced her, sitting cross-legged on the bench. "It's boy trouble, isn't it?"
Tali was perplexed. "How did you-"
"I grew up with three younger sisters. I don't need to see your face to know that tone. Heard it a thousand times, especially with Sara. So, what's up?"
"Um, well, it's complicated."
"Has Shepard hurt you in any way?" Ashley asked, her menacing attitude making her intentions clear if Tali said yes.
"What? No! Nothing like that." Tali didn't normally involve other people in her personal affairs, but she liked Ashley. Maybe she could help. "I'm worried. If I stay with Shepard after my Pilgrimage, I will most likely not be welcomed back to the Fleet. While that will hurt, I am okay with it. Nothing could hurt more than the other option, you know?" She stopped when she saw Ashley's smile. "What is it?"
"If you're worried that Shepard might someday leave you or something, then you are out of your damn mind."
"I never said that," Tali spluttered.
"That's where your thought was going though, right?" Ashley ruffled the top of Tali's hood. "Oh Tali. That man is so in love with you it's painful to the rest of us. You already said it would be better to lose the Fleet than to lose Shepard. So, stay then, silly girl." Satisfied with her answer, Ashley turned back around and leaned against the wall once more, her eyes closing as she enjoyed the beautiful Presidium air.
Well, alright then. Even though the delivery had been more abrupt then she had expected, Ashley had said exactly what she needed to hear. It wasn't that she needed to be convinced again; she just wanted a little encouragement that she was making the right choice. She peacefully settled back into her spot, noticing that Garrus and Wrex were unsuccessfully trying to sneak away from the lake. She laughed when she saw the broken window. I guess someone won the contest.
Shepard got off the elevator, his stiff posture speaking volumes. Uh oh.
They all gathered around him, eager to hear the news. "When do we leave, Commander?" Garrus asked.
"We don't. It was all a trick to lure us here. The Normandy's been grounded; all they are doing is tightening the defenses around the Mass Relays." He scuffed the ground with his foot. "I should have known something was up when they changed their minds so quickly. Damnit!"
"That's the Council for you," Wrex rumbled.
"Politicians," Ashley spat. "What do we do now?"
"I don't know. The Normandy is the only ship that has a chance of reaching Ilos' surface undetected, and they'll be watching it like hawks I'm sure. If we are going to stop Saren, we need her up and running." Shepard glanced at his omnitool, checking a message that flashed across the screen. "Hm. We may have something."
"What is it?" Tali fell in beside Shepard as he approached the taxi stand.
"Anderson reached out. He was cryptic, but he wants to meet at Flux and discuss things. He knows what's at stake; he's always believed me. Maybe he'll have a way out of this mess."
Tali started bobbing along to the music the moment they stepped into the somewhat seedy establishment. While she wasn't the most outgoing of individuals, dancing was something she could never resist. It's been so long since I've gotten the chance… She had to pull herself away from the crowd, casting forlorn glances at the writhing bodies. Maybe later. She couldn't imagine Shepard would have difficulty joining her considering his grace on the battlefield. Dancing was a hundred times easier than dodging Colossus legs.
Anderson waved them over to his table in the corner. The nearby window afforded a decent view of the Citadel, the buildings stretching an unfathomable distance down the length of the arm. They clustered around him, dragging over extra chairs as needed. Wrex decided to simply lean against the glass. His giant size would have taken up a whole edge to himself, so it was probably for the best.
Shepard's friend nodded at them. "Glad you could make it. We have a lot to talk about."
Shepard folded his arms on the table. "You knew what they were planning, didn't you?"
"Before you say anything else, as soon as I heard they cut off my communications until you were already docked. There was nothing I could do."
"I understand." Shepard grinned. "It's good to see you, whatever the circumstances are. How's life on the Citadel?"
"Too damn boring. I wasn't meant for a desk job, Shepard." Anderson leaned forward, his face eager. "How has the Normandy treated you? Is she performing well?"
"Like a dream. I'm sorry for how that whole business went down."
"Nonsense. It had to be done." He took a sip from his beer. "So, from what I read in the report, we need to get you back on the Normandy, pronto."
"It doesn't matter if I can get to the ship. They have the Normandy on lockdown; we won't be able to leave."
Anderson swirled his glass around. "I may have a way around that. I know that Udina's computer can override the hold they have on your ship. All I need is a minute inside his office and we'll be good to go."
Shepard shook his head. "We still can't go anywhere near it without being arrested by C-Sec, and we'll need a full crew to pilot her. I doubt any Alliance soldier would be willing to go rogue on their Commander's hunch."
"You underestimate the power of your charisma." Anderson laughed. "I've already asked. Every single one of your crew is already in the ship on standby, waiting to take off as soon as we put the plan in motion."
Garrus frowned. "How did they already board? I thought no one was allowed near the Normandy."
"Actually, the order is to keep Shepard and his 'band of mercenaries' away. It doesn't say anything about the rest of the crew. They all went under the guise of maintenance and retrieving belongings and such."
"Band of mercenaries?" Ashley huffed. "That's a new low."
"What's wrong with mercenaries?" Wrex shrugged. "I think I'm a perfectly reasonable fellow to be around."
"Uh huh."
Tali smirked. "The world's first quarian mercenary in centuries. Dad would be so proud."
"Oh, you're definitely not alone on that count," Garrus said.
"Really?"
"There was this one quarian, Kalo'Razal, who was number one on the Citadel's most wanted list for almost half a year."
Tali gaped. "You're kidding? What did he do?"
"There was a hanar kingpin working out of Omega-"
Anderson rapped his fist on the table, quieting the chatter. "Are they always like this?"
"Pretty much." Shepard patted Tali and Garrus, the two sitting on either side of him. "It's endearing once you get used to it."
"Get used to it? I'll bet money you're worse than all of them combined," Anderson chuckled. All five of Shepard's companions nodded in unison.
"I think this constitutes as a mutiny." Shepard looked wounded, turning to each of his team. "Et tu Brute?"
"Here we go, chasing another rabbit," Anderson said. Tali had no idea what that meant but figured now was not the time to interrupt with a random question once more. "For this to work, I'll need backup to make sure I'm not stopped by the security outside Udina's office."
Shepard chewed his lip. "Does anyone want to volunteer? It'll mean being left behind on the Citadel and probably being charged with treason. By the way, you're okay with being charged with treason, right Anderson?"
"It'll be something new to add to the resume."
Ashley sat forward. "I'll do it."
Shepard didn't argue, knowing there was more to this than simply taking one for the team. He clasped hands with her. "We'll see you when we get back. This time, we'll be sure to take video; that should get everything dropped, I would think."
"Good luck Commander."
Anderson drained the last of his drink. "Okay. Nothing left but to do it, then."
As he stood up, Shepard shook his hand, pulling him in for a pat on the back. "I can't tell you how much it means that you believe me, sir. It's been an honor serving with you." He broke off and snapped into a salute, which Ashley quickly copied. Anderson saluted back, his face a mix of emotions.
"Go kick some ass, Shepard."
"Yes sir."
Ashley smiled at the men guarding Udina's door. "Peterson! How've you been? I haven't seen you since basic!" She knew he'd had a crush on her since their first week on the force. This will be a piece of cake.
"Ashley! I mean, Williams. How, ah, are you?" Peterson stammered, his cheeks turning crimson. His two compatriots gave each other knowing looks, clearly enjoying the show. She walked right up to Peterson, shaking his hand.
"It's great to see you!" She surreptitiously glanced back, watching as Anderson advanced on them in the middle of a small crowd of ambassadors. She positioned herself as close to the guards as possible, readying for the ensuing fight. They would need to be quick and decisive; otherwise, things might get ugly, and since they weren't using lethal force, it probably wouldn't go their way.
"Listen, I'm really sorry about this."
"About what?" Peterson's dumb grin remained on his face after Ashley knocked him out cold with a well-placed canon punch to the jaw. Anderson leapt forward and wrestled with the second while Ashley wrapped her arm around a throat. She continuously walked backwards, keeping the guard unbalanced until the lack of oxygen made him fall limp against her. It was about at this point that the bystanders started screaming, running for security. They rushed in the office, Ashley placing herself at the door while Anderson advanced on an angry Udina.
"What are you doing here, Anderson? You are not allowed in here. I am-" His sentence was cut short as Anderson slammed his face into the desk. Ashley sniggered.
"Nice one." Her attention was diverted as the doors slid open, revealing two more C-Sec officers. Luckily, they hadn't been expecting to see someone standing directly in front of them. She bowled both of them over with a tackle, keeping them occupied as they rolled around on the floor trading blows.
"Hurry up, Anderson!" She gasped as a fist found its way into her stomach.
"I've never been good at this technical crap. Let's see…no, that's the extranet."
A third guard tried to jump over the pile of wrestling bodies, but Ashley grabbed his foot at the last moment, causing him to fall on his chin. She pulled him into the fray, now completely lost in the mass of limbs. It didn't matter, as long as Anderson could get the time he needed.
After several more seconds of this, her body felt like one massive bruise. Still she fought, biting, clawing, punching, and kicking whatever she could see and keeping her three assailants from pinning her limbs down. After a particularly solid connection with her foot, she saw that one of the bodies had stopped resisting. She grabbed the arm around her neck and lifted the guard off the floor, his friend coming along for the ride, and smashed him back down, snapping her head back for extra effect. The loosening grip and loud groan told her she had been successful. She flipped the last enemy on his back, trading places with him, and started pounding her fist into his face until he too stopped moving.
Anderson pumped his fist in the air. "It's done!"
Ashley stayed on her knees, looking at him through the stream of blood pouring from her brow. "Great. Couldn't…have been any quicker, huh."
He radioed Shepard, letting him know the plan had been a success, just as a new regiment entered the scene with their guns drawn. Ashley put her hands on her head, grinning through the pain as they cuffed them behind her back. It's all up to you guys now.
Shepard swore when he saw the number of troops watching over the docking bay. Wrex counted at least twenty, all armed. We'll never get through them without using our weapons. Even between him and Liara, there weren't enough biotics to keep all of them occupied.
"How are we going to get around them?" Tali asked worriedly. Anderson had just given them the all clear; it was now or never.
Wrex cracked his knuckles, rolling his neck around. "Wait for thirty seconds, then run for it. If you could disable as many guns as possible, I would appreciate it Tali."
Shepard looked confused. "What are you doing?"
"Just give Saren hell for me." He charged, yelling some incoherent battle-cry and firing his shotgun harmlessly at the floor. He put up as strong a barrier as he could muster, easily absorbing the shots from the weapons Tali hadn't reached yet. He leered in satisfaction when he saw the idiots chasing him down the street. He constantly peppered them with annoying biotics, just enough to trip them or keep them off balance. He made sure he didn't slow them down too much, though. He needed them to keep following him away from the docks. This is too easy. If I could shoot at them, I could take them all singlehandedly. Pathetic. He even shortened his pace at one point as he was pulling too far ahead of the pyjaks.
And we should reach our destination in three, two, one… He pulled up short as he barreled straight into C-Sec headquarters. He casually strolled over to the front desk, leaning against it and ignoring the strange looks he got from the receptionists. His pursuers came in shortly after, most of them gasping for air. They trained their guns on him, shouting various orders to stand down and drop his weapons. He let out a low rumble of a laugh, shaking his head slowly back and forth.
"You guys are going to feel really stupid in a couple of minutes." He dropped his guns on the desk. He growled when two of the guards approached him with restraints. "I don't think so. I know my way to the cells. Try that, and you'll have more broken bones than whole ones."
Executor Pallin burst in from further within C-Sec, bewildered at the sight of Wrex. "What is he doing here?" He focused on the twenty or so guards standing behind him. His eyes widened. "Why aren't you guarding the Normandy?"
"Sir, this krogan-"
"GET BACK TO YOUR STATION!" Wrex winked at Pallin as he walked over to the holding area, taking a seat on the wooden beam as the doors locked behind him.
About ten minutes later, his door opened, and Ashley was thrown onto the floor, her hands and feet chained together. Wrex snorted as he helped her to a seat. He could barely see her face through the swelling and bruises, and all the skin on her knuckles was scraped off, leaving a bloody mess.
She raised an eyebrow at him, or at least he thought she did. "Fancy seeing you here."
The Normandy zipped through the Mass Relay, speeding away from the Citadel and safely out of the clutches of the Council. Tali breathed a sigh of relief; she couldn't believe they had actually made it. Shepard let go of the white-knuckle grip he had on the back of Joker's chair. He looked at the remaining members of his squad, gathered together in the cockpit.
"At least I won't have to choose who comes with me in the Mako this time." He pressed something on Joker's console, turning on the PA system.
"This is Commander Shepard. By this point, I'm sure you all know that we are officially considered traitors to the Alliance. To humanity. To everyone, really. But none of that matters if we don't stop Saren. The future of the galaxy rests with us. If we fail, there won't be anyone left to condemn our actions. Your bravery today has given us a chance. I am proud to call myself your Commander; I couldn't have asked for a more loyal and capable crew. Shepard out." He crossed his arms, looking uncomfortable. "I hate making speeches like that. It never comes out the way I see it in my head."
Joker rotated his chair around, his hand firmly placed in a salute. "It was good enough for me, Commander."
"Thanks. Set a course for Ilos." Shepard sighed. "It'll be at least a day before we get there. Do whatever you need to do to prepare. We'll need to be at our best when the time comes."
"You know, I think there's still a few bottles of turian brandy in the mess," Garrus said, striding purposefully towards the stairs.
Liara hopped into pace behind him. "Hopefully they will have some levo-based intoxication liquid. I believe I might be in need of one."
"You? Drink? I would have never guessed…" Their words trailed off as they disappeared out of sight. Tali fidgeted with the small package in her pocket as Shepard looked at her questioningly.
"So, what do you want to do? I'm too worried about Saren to come up with any good suggestions." They fell in together as their feet naturally led them to the lift.
She pressed the box into his palm. "Here."
"What is it?"
"It's, um…well, a type of soap. Just…could you shower?"
They had reached the elevator by this point and were slowly riding it to Shepard's cabin. He gave her a wry smile. "Do I smell that bad?"
"No no no, that isn't, erm, what I meant. It's a special type of soap, you see." Keelah. I feel like I'm inside a furnace. She was sweating as if she were in the middle of a battle. "Look, don't ask any questions. Just do it, alright?"
"Alright, alright." Shepard quirked an eyebrow. "Will you be joining me, or is there another reason you rode up here as well?"
Tali giggled nervously. "Not yet."
"What was that?"
"I, ah…" The inside of Tali's head was just one, loud, unbroken scream. "Nothing. I didn't say anything. Nothing is what I said and hey look, we're here!" She gestured at his room.
"Yep."
"So why don't you go do that, and I'll just wait here." She kept her gaze at Shepard's feet and wrung her hands together furiously.
"Okay. I'll see you in a bit, I suppose." Shepard slowly closed the door to the bathroom, still giving her an odd look until it was shut. She immediately started to shuffle around the room, using a new tool she had installed on their latest visit to the Citadel before everything went crazy. It wasn't nearly as effective as a full room decontamination unit, but it should do the trick for a limited exposure. She went ahead and began her injections of antibiotics and immuno-boosters as she continued manually scrubbing Shepard's cabin. What am I doing; this is insane. Even with all of these precautions, there is still a chance I'll die if I take off my mask. At the same time, she knew this is exactly what she wanted. This was the end. They might all be dead in twenty-four hours; she was going to make sure that if that happened, she wouldn't have any regrets.
Satisfied that she had prepared as best as she could, she sat back down on the bed, her feet bouncing. Even though she wasn't even planning on any physical contact with Shepard, her heart was about to explode in her chest from nerves. It had been so long since she had seen her own face; what if she wasn't appealing? Shepard had already assured her long ago that he didn't care what she looked like, but it was still a concern in her mind. She wanted him to want her.
Shepard stepped out of the bathroom with a new set of clothes. Tali still found it funny when he wasn't wearing his armor or his official Alliance casual wear. He looked like a completely different person. He sniffed the air. "Did you spray some air freshener? Are you sure you aren't just dropping hints that I smell?"
"Just come over here." Now that he was in front of her, she felt herself calming down. He was her Shepard. He would accept her for who she was, no matter what. He sat down beside her, still looking extremely confused. She took a deep breath.
"We might not come back from this, you know. There's so much that could go wrong, so much riding on us…so, I wanted to share something with you."
Shepard's eyes grew big in surprise. "Are you saying what I think you're saying? Tali, isn't this dangerous? I don't want you to risk your health because you think you have to prove something to me. You don't."
"I know, John." She smiled at him. "You are the keeper of my soul. I want this. I want you to have a piece of me that no one else does." She raised a shaky finger to the clasps at her visor, going through the lengthy process of unsealing her mask. After almost an entire minute, the last safety piece was released. She clicked the final connector, and a sharp hiss escaped as her cage opened for the first time in front of another person. The last time someone had seen her face was when her mother had helped her into a new suit after living in a bubble for the first few years of life. Her hands were too unsteady to lift the visor off completely, causing her grip to slip. Shepard gently gripped her wrists, helping her remove the purple screen.
Even in the dim light of the cabin, she had to blink several times before her sensitive eyes adjusted to their new environment without her tinted glass. She took a deep breath, amazed at the strange feeling of breathing outside of the suit. The air was cool as it traveled to her lungs, completely different from what she was familiar with as the air inside her suit was almost always heated by her body before she breathed it in.
She locked her eyes with Shepard. He was frozen, staring at her without saying a word. She went to scratch the back of her helmet, embarrassed, and found her hand brushing the side of her cheek. Having the rough material slide along her skin was the most indescribable sensation in the world. She let her fingers travel farther back, bringing a few tendrils of her thick hair out of their confinement. While she did this, Shepard still hadn't moved or spoken.
She licked her dry lips as she went to break the silence. "I…hi."
His face finally cracked into a half-smile. "You are so beautiful, Tali."
"Do you mean that?" She couldn't quite believe him. She had to look an absolute mess, being stuck inside her suit for so long.
He drew her to a small mirror on the wall, placing her in front of it. "You tell me." She barely recognized herself. Her markings on her forehead stretched from her brow and vanished into her black mane. Two silver circles stared back at her, looking confused by what they saw. She knew that quarians and humans shared many physical traits, but she hadn't realized just how closely she would resemble one.
She turned back to Shepard as he reached forward, running a finger along a marking on her cheek. "Are these tattoos?" His skin set her on fire. Before she knew what she was doing, she had flung him back on the bed, pressing her lips against his. Every new feeling sent her farther into the flames, fueling her passion until coherent thoughts were lost in the taste of Shepard's skin. Somewhere in the back of her head, a voice was desperately trying to remind her that she wasn't properly prepared for something like this, but she was beyond reason. She pressed herself against him, pinning him down as she abandoned herself in his kiss.
Soon, much too soon, he softly broke contact and pushed her away slightly. He was breathing hard, clearly wanting to continue, but he managed to gain control of himself. "Are…whew…can you do this? Is this safe?"
She laughed. "Not at all. Oh wow. That was definitely not what I had planned."
Shepard reached out and played with a strand of her hair. "Your face is so expressive when you talk. Like how you crinkled your nose right then when I said that. How have I been missing this all this time? And your voice, it sounds completely different without the mask." She nuzzled into his hand, relishing every moment of touch. "You are beautiful."
"You said that already."
"I don't have the words to describe you, Tali. How you make me feel, how a single glance from you can turn my legs to jelly. You are beautiful. I don't think anything else would fit as well as that."
She felt tears start to well up as the timer in her omnitool went off. "I don't want to go back, John. I don't know that I can."
He wiped away the streaks of water with his thumb, his smile soft and encouraging. "I'll be right here with you. One day, we will figure something out, but until then, I'll be here. It doesn't matter what separates us, be it time or space or an environmental suit. You will have me."
She stole one last kiss from him before he helped her seal the visor back on her suit. Her world once more consisted of violet shades and distant experiences, cut off from everything around her. She couldn't help herself; she cried and cried, curling up with her head on Shepard's lap as he held her and whispered in her ear. She didn't know what he was saying, but the sound of his voice was enough to keep her from falling into despair. She couldn't believe that earlier that day she had doubted his love for her. She wouldn't be able to function without him in her life, not after today. My soul's soul. My saera.