Characters:
Arthur 'England' Kirkland
Alistair 'Scotland' Kirkland
Alfred F. 'America' Jones
Summary; British slang is weird
A quiet British pub, lunchtime
Arthur bites into his sandwich, glaring at Alistair. Alistair is still building his sandwich, strategically placing his chunky chips and fish pieces. Alfred stacks his onion rings and some extra salad in his burger, grinning in anticipation.
Alfred replaces the toasted burger bun, picking up the colossal sandwich and biting down. Melted cheese and grease and sauce dribble down his chin, and he moans.
"Fuck, lad," Alistair grunts, "Get a room."
"Oh I would," Alfred moans, mouth still half full, "I would show this burger a good time."
Alistair pulls a face, picking up his own sandwich and taking a bite. A couple of chips fall out onto his plate, landing in his curry sauce.
"How's the cob, brother dear?" Arthur asks innocently.
"None of us ordered sweetcorn," Alistair says sharply.
"Do they serve corn cobs here?" Alfred asks, grabbing the menu.
"Probably," Alistair snatches the menu back, "But you've got enough food."
"I never have enough food!"
"Not corn on the cob, silly!" Arthur grins, "Your chip cob!"
"His what now?" Alfred deadpans.
Alistair drops his sandwich onto his plate. "It's a fucking butty."
"It's a cob."
"It's a butty."
"What's a butty?" Alfred cuts in.
"The wrong name for a cob," Arthur says.
Alistair glares like he's about to dive over the table and strangle Arthur.
"You know something?" Alfred says, preparing himself for another biter of his Orgasmic Burger™, "I am so glad George Washington told y'all to fuck of so I don't gotta participate in whatever this bullshit is."
A cob is a bread roll/bun/cake We have too many words for small breads in Britain.
A butty is a sandwich. Specifically a sandwich with warm contents, like bacon or chips
Random headcannons of the day
Alfred appreciates a well made burger. McD's etc are good, but nothing beats pub grub.
Alistair prefers curry with fish and chips. Arthur prefers mushy peas.
Arthur lives to wind his siblings up. Especially Alistair. Alistair rises to it every time.
I own nothing.
It is a chip butty gdi.
-Laurel Silver