Help
"That's enough you two! Knock it off!" Tifa shouted.
The duo stopped immediately and smiled sheepishly at the angered woman. Zack released the greasy box containing the last slice of Del Sol pizza. Cloud greedily hugged the cardboard to his chest like a savage, with a Grinch-like smile slowly forming on his face. He finally won in a game of Tug o' War!
"I'm sick of you two fighting all the time!" Tifa spat, thoroughly pissed. Aerith was by her side, arms crossed and a disapproving frown on her face as she nodded in agreement. "You're worse then Cid and Yuffie!"
As if on cue, a southern accent bellowed, "Get outta my room, ya' two by four!" And then an object could be heard hitting a wall.
Some one squealed back an, "I am VOLUPTOUS! Just ask Vinnie!", followed by the sound of a shuriken slicing through the air.
Smoothing down his disheveled hair, thanks to Cloud whacking him earlier, Zack muttered a measly apology.
"We've decided that we're going to get you some help." Aerith announced. The mass of tangled limbs stiffened as their owners eyes widened in horror.
Zack tried to free himself. As he squirmed free from under Cloud's butt, he raised himself from the flipped over couch.
"But Aerith-!" He protested. The woman raised her hand to silence him.
"No buts." She said with finality.
"But you promised I wouldn't going back to that mental psychologist!" He whined anyways.
Cloud rolled the cold slice of bread and sauce and chomped it. His hunger was preventing him from being scared shitless about whatever 'help' they were going to receive.
Tifa shook her head. "No, we've made an appointment for you two to go see a marriage counselor." The garnet-eyed woman explained.
The ball of chewed up grease stuck to the inside of the blonde's throat, not fully making it's journey.
Zack and Cloud shouted over each other, "Marriage counselor?" Cloud shouted. "We're not married!" Zack exclaimed. "Or gay!" They added. Cloud gagged and wheezed around the pizza lodged in his throat in astonishment.
Aerith shrugged. "The way that you two act, someone would think you were involved in an abusive relationship. Plus, he's also a therapist."
"Basically, we're getting our Gil's worth at a chance of peacefulness around here." Tifa finished rather bluntly.
Cloud stood "We don't have 'problems'. He makes them." He pushed Zack forcefully out of his way as he strode to the kitchen for a glass of juice. Zack yanked the pale ear behind the tuft of blonde spikes.
Tifa pulled the collar of Cloud's shirt before he could tackle Zack, "No, no." She scolded.
"This is exactly what we're talking about." Aerith said as she glared at Zack. The ravenette raised his hands and pointed to the blonde in a 'He started it!' gesture.
"Thank Gods their appointment is today..." Aerith muttered to Tifa. The dark haired woman nodded.
"TODAY?" The men shouted.
They sat as far away from one another as possible. Cloud was in one chair pushed all the way against the wall, in the corner. He noticed with a grimace that the yellow paint that was supposed to be soothing was like the inside of the toilet bowl after Zack went into the bathroom. And didn't flush. LIKE ALWAYS.
Said unhygienic ravenette was practically perched on his chairs armrest, almost perfectly matching that beach scene from the original Karate Kid. Just without the hectic kicking. That wouldn't be pretty.
The counselor/therapist noted the duo's, -not couple's- behavior. He removed his glasses and looked at the two back and forth, since they were on opposite sides of the room. "So, what seems to be the problem?" The man's voice was as calming as the deceiving mellow hue of the room's walls.
Cloud mumbled an incoherent 'nuttin' childishly as his fist was smushed against his cheek. Zack grunted in agreement, the action wobbling his balance.
The therapist sighed. Zack's eyes were suddenly drawn to the colorful Dippy Bird's hypnotic movements. His eyes followed it as the bird set itself upright, and then slowly drifted back down to drown itself in the pool of water.
"Okay..." the silence made the therapist uncomfortable. Normally, his patients would immediately begin ranting and complaining while foaming at the mouth the minute they sat down. "How about I start?" He suggested.
For the first time ever, the two men were silent.
"How did this all start? Cloud?" The counselor prompted. The blonde pointed to the ravenette without removing his eyes from a crevice in the wall.
The greying man turned his head in the other direction, "Zack?"
Zack took a shaky breath and looked into the therapists eyes. The counselor was startled to see tears brimming the electric blue surrounding the man's pupils.
"It's all because of Cloud." He responded shakily, sounding uncharacteristically depressed.
Cloud straightened his back. "Me?" He yelled. "What did I ever do to YOU?" The ravenette was the one always causing him trouble!
The therapist hushed him quickly. "Mrs. Fair," the therapist started scoldingly.
Mrs. Fair? What the HELL? They weren't married! Didn't Tifa tell him this when she made the appointment? And even if he was in a relationship with Zack, HE would be the man wearing the pants!
"You remembered what we talked about earlier, about interrupting?" The man went on maliciously. Cloud paled, hands immediately clawing at the 'accessory' around his wrist.
There was a reason why this man was the best counselor in Edge, he used bracelets that emitted bolts of electricity to have his patients behave. How inhumane was that?
Now that Cloud was silent, the therapist gave an encouraging nod to Zack to continue. "Mr. Fair."
Zack started to speak woefully "Well, It all started back when I was a SOLDIER second class, and Cloudy was just a little Infantryman..."
"Hey, Gen" Cloud greeted his redheaded friend, as they did their new swag-a-licious handshake.
Even though Cloud just started his lowly position a week before, he and Genesis had become close.
"You know who Zack is, right?" the redheaded literature maniac suddenly asked, a glint in his eyes.
The blonde thought for a moment, "That dude who's Angeal's protege?"A smirk and a nod answered the blonde.
Genesis was looking awfully suspicious...
"Why do you want to know?" Cloud asked cautiously as he eyed the older man.
"I want to play a little...prank, on him." He started to chuckle to himself. Cloud just shrugged at the insane outburst. Genesis was known to despise the ravenette.
"Sure, what do you have in mind?" he asked. Genesis bent down to the shorter boys height and whispered his plan into his ear. Cloud snickered when Genesis pulled away.
That brilliant idea was going to crush that ravenette's cocky, overconfident ego. Maybe it'll even knock some sense into him so he would act more like his age instead of his shoe size.
Once night had fallen, the halls of the Shinra employee's living quarters were dark and confusing like a never ending abyss.
Somewhere along this hallway abyss, was Zack Fair's room.
Cloud lugged all the materials they had gathered earlier that day like the midget pack mule he was. Genesis crept the halls slowly in front of him, his mako enhanced eyes aiding him in the darkness. His leather boots didn't make a sound as he floated above the floor.
The blonde, however, was a different story.
He lugged the big bag filled with all the objects as it made loud clunky sounds. He winced at how loud everything seemed to be when he was trying to be sneaky.
Something rolled out of the bag and into Cloud's clumsy path. Being at a disadvantage since he couldn't see in the dark, he tripped over the item and face planted into the ground.
Genesis whipped around and hissed between his teeth for the blonde Infantryman to be quiet. And if not, he would have to toss Cloud into a training room with a Level 100 Cactuar. Cloud quickly got up and placed the fallen item back into the bag. Genesis was known for his harsh -and bizarre- punishments on lowly Infantrymen.
Coming to a door decorated with shiny stickers (which went against the dorm rules), Genesis knelt down and picked the lock. The redhead snuck in.
Cloud stayed outside the room and patiently waited for Genesis to return. Even though he had to be silent and prevent the floor from creaking underneath him, he couldn't help but shift nervously from foot to foot.
They were kidnapping a SOLDIER! A Second Class one, at that. And if that wasn't enough, his mentor Angeal was like Zack's other very large and very burly father!
Why did he even agree to this? It's not like the ravenette directly annoyed him. Just indirectly.
For example, Zack had annoyed the redhead one day by switching the sugar with salt. Genesis was not pleased when he took a sip of his coffee that afternoon. For the rest of the day Genesis was a moody teenage girl and took it out on Cloud.
He scratched his forehead with his hyperactive twitching hand that was pulsing from anxious adrenaline.
The realization of how creepy this situation he was stuck in was hit him like a sack of steel bricks when Genesis strolled back out of the ravenette's dorm room.
The redhead exited the room with the six foot something man slung over his shoulder, just dangling there.
"Genesis!" Cloud whispered. "He can't just walk around with him like that!" It never really occurred to Cloud before how they would actually manage bringing the man to the Lobby without waking him.
He titled his head. "Why not?"
The blonde stumbled for an answer "What if he wakes up? You are carrying him like a bag of meat or something!"
Genesis shrugged. The snoring man moved with the action. Cloud gritted his teeth and prayed that it wouldn't wake up Zack. Thankfully it didn't.
If anything, it just increased the chainsaw sound emanating from the ravenette. Zack slept like a drugged up Chocobo.
Cloud sighed and followed after Genesis who was now parading to the elevator with an odd limp from under the weight of the SOLDIER.
As the sun appeared that morning, along with the corporations workers, plan 'Zack's Embarrassment' began.
Mmm, was that pancakes he could smell? He licked his lips and started to awake from the state of deep sleep.
He blinked a few times and wiped his eyes as he yawned and stretched. He tried to tuck his foot back into bed since it felt like it was hanging off in the air.
Zack's eyes shot open and he jumped. Snickers and rude laughing was coming from below him.
His thoughts went in this order;
Sweet! I was sleep flying!
Wait, no! I'm going to fall and splat into a sexy puddle!
"Get me down!" He shouted his final thought in panic as he flailed about, restrained. Cloud and Genesis were in the crowd below him, laughing along to the SOLDIER's fear.
All of Cloud's feelings of guilt went out the window along with Zack's dignity. After all, how can you not laugh at a sight like this?
Zack was suspended in mid air, connected only to a bungee cord strapped to the center of the hand rail that lined the edges of the second floor as a safety precaution. What made it worse was that it was in the main lobby, which that was right at the entrance of the building.
Every distressed movement made the bungee cord wiggle and sway crazily as he bounced from side to side.
But that wasn't all.
Cloud and Genesis had tore apart Sephiroth's unusually vast wardrobe searching for the embarrassing pink Lolita dress he had somehow decided to wear to the Shinra Christmas party that year. They also bought a princess crown and lipstick. Clunky clown shoes accented the whole outfit flob.
Zack was dressed as so. The pink, itchy looking dress was tossed on over his blue footsie PJs The lipstick was smeared all across his face in a gruesome Joker-ish fashion. The clashing cheeto orange (and probably just as crusty) clown shoes were thrown on his feet, while the bedazzled crown was tangled in his bed-head spikes.
He was now bouncing wildly from side to side now, still not realizing he wasn't getting down anytime soon.
The therapist leaned back in his chair, aghast.
"Cloud...You are horrible." the therapist spoke slowly, still trying to comprehend everything Zack just gushed out.
Zack's shoulders shook and he sniffled. "And since then, I've never been the same." the ravenette concluded, increasing the one attendant to his pity party's hate and disgust towards Cloud.
"Wh-what? I am not horrible!" Cloud protested as he hit the armrest.
"Now Cloud, no need to get angry-" the counselor tried to calm him down. His hand was hovering over the remote that controlled the electrocuting bracelets.
Cloud stood, "It wasn't like that! He's exaggerating!" he shouted, getting worked up. Why did Zack have to be such an ass like that? "It was all Genesis's idea, I hardly did a thing!" The blonde's angry rant ended in him making a peculiar gurgling sound and collapsing to the floor, as he went through a fit of spasms.
The remote was in the grey-haired therapists hand, a satisfying look in his eyes. Zack's eyes went wide as he saw his friend flopping around like a fish out of water.
"That...was so cool!" Zack claimed. Cloud deserved it for being such a douch, anyways.
They watched as Cloud shakily rose himself as if he were drunk. He feebly succeeded in swiping the other remote that controlled Zack's bracelet from the therapists desk. Jabbing his thumb manically on the button, Zack tipped off his chair and started to convulse on the ground.
Stunned into silence, the counselor could only watch helplessly. They were far beyond help, they...they were animals!
And the poor man had a right to fear for his own life and safety.
Zack took the remote into his hands after weakly going over to the desk. The older man behind it did nothing to stop it.
Pressing the button, Zack watched as Cloud flopped over and gripped the desk as electricity surged through his body. He gritted his teeth and reached out for the dipping bird that was oblivious to the whole scene as it happily continued to drown itself.
The ravenette watched curiously. What was this chocobo head doing?
Cloud stumbled as he attempted to get closer to Zack, the seemingly harmless decoration clutched in his hand. His friends blue eyes were full of evil intent.
The beak sliced through the air so fast it almost broke the sound barrier like a whip. A howl of pain.
The howl of pain did not come from Zack, the intended target.
Clasping his shoulder in agony, the therapist stumbled backwards and into the bookcase that stood behind his desk, filled with heavy looking books.
As if getting nailed in the shoulder by a plastic bird wasn't already painful enough, getting a concussion from an unhealthy amount of Dictionaries and Encyclopedias would do the trick.
He dropped to the floor, a complete dead weight. The thick mahogany bookcase swayed, but thankfully stayed upright.
"You know I hardly did anything, right Zack?" Cloud asked heartfeltly as he launched a Newton Balls display at the ravenette. Zack dodged, his lower lip begining to twitch again.
"No one told you to follow along with Genesis! I don't even know why he hates me..." Zack whimpered as he bent to pick up more ammo; a.k.a the coma-inducing books of knowledge. Zack accidentally grabbed the therapist's nose as his face began to appear from under the mountain of paper and leather covers.
Cloud just shook his head, carefully eying the books Zack was collecting. "Well, I don't hate you. You're my best friend. You know that, right? I actually kinda hate that I didn't stop Gen." Cloud added. "After all, that prank changed you, like you said. If it wasn't for you getting humiliated, you might have actually been normal now instead of an immature ten year old in a grown man's body."
Thankfully, Zack chuckled at that like Cloud hoped.
"Am I really your best buddy?" Zack asked carefully. Cloud rolled his eyes.
"No, sorry. I lied." he replied sarcastically. Zack's eyes widened in hurt. "It's that creepy next door neighbor of ours." Cloud finished.
Zack snickered, finally getting the joke. Their neighbor was extremely odd.
Zack suddenly stepped forward. Cloud shielded his face from Zack, thinking he was going to get attacked by one of the slightly bloody books.
Instead, Zack squeezed him in a bear hug. "D'aww, Cloudy. I love ya man." he gushed. "No homo." He added in a serious tone.
"I'm just going to treasure this moment of peace before we start going at each others throats again." Even though Cloud said it in a joking tone, it was the truth.
Apparently, Zack thought so too. "Hell yeah!" he agreed.
They continued to hug it out while their therapist was being crushed in the background by fifty two Encyclopedias.
I haven't updated this in sooo long! Sorry, sorry! Dx By the way, keep yer eyes peeled for a Christmas special coming up veeery soon! Hopefully, if things go according to plan, I'll have it up on Christmas Eve :3
But for now, leave a review with your thoughts about this chapter!
~Sabby-Sama