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My mind was racing just as much as my heart and I couldn´t help but to press myself more into this intoxicating man that used to be my personal devil and made me now feel like never before. His arms sneaked around my waist again, holding me flush against his chest. When his tongue darted out and licked my bottom lip to ask for entrance, a gasp escaped me and he took it as an invitation. I got lost in our kiss, all rational thoughts leaving me and the feelings taking over. Never in my life would I have thought that I could feel like this. So… wanted and…

One of his hands left my waist and came up to stroke m hair and cheek. His touch was so tender and careful, like it was something precious. My body moved on its own accord and suddenly I was straddling his lap. My hands in his soft locks again and tugging softly. A low moan escaped him and I froze. What was I doing here? I was making out with Edward, my FRIEND! A friend, who was devastated over the loss of his patient.

My eyes flew open, wide and full of shock. Also Edward must have realized what we were doing, because he looked just as shocked at me.

"Bella… I…" he began but didn´t know how to go on. I got off of his lap as fast as I could without making a fool of myself and falling flat onto my behind.

"I have to go now." He suddenly said and got up himself. Though I knew it was best, my heart sank. I had been wrong of me to kiss him like that, but it had also so… right. I didn´t want him so leave, but the look on his face told me that he just wanted to get out of here.

"Uhm… okay." I mumbled and bit my lip.

Before I could react, he had grabbed his jacket and had left with a mumbled ´bye´.

I had no idea what had just happened, but it hurt. It really hurt. So must that I sank back onto the couch, curled into a ball and let the tears flow.

2 weeks till the wedding and things were going crazy. There was still so much to do and though Alice was annoying as hell, I was happy that she was there to help Leah and me with everything. It was stress, but we also had a lot of fun together and it made me happy to see that Alice and Leah got on so well. I could have all my friends without having to split the time. Things were really going great so far. At least when it came to them. With Edward it was different. 3 weeks had gone by since our ´make-out-session´ and we hadn´t talked once since then. I knew it was ridiculous, but I didn´t dare to text or call him. He surely needed time to sort everything out. How I hoped he would sort it out soon, I really missed him. But I was scared. What if he really thought it was wrong to kiss me? I wouldn´t be able to pretend like nothing happened and go on like before.

"Hey, Bella. Are you bringing someone to the wedding?" asked Leah when she, Alice and I were at her house for some last minute planning.

"Nope, I´m coming alone." I answered. She and Alice looked surprised at each other.

"Really?" blurted Alice out.

"Yes, why?"

"Uhm… we thought you would come with… Edward." I looked with raised eyebrows at Alice, before I looked down and bit my lip.

"No, I´m coming alone."

"Did something happen?" asked Leah now and I tensed up.

"No, why?" I replied innocently, but of course the girls didn´t believe me.

"Oh, maybe because my dear brother and you aren´t yourself in the last time. Or because both of you are all weird when asked about the other. And maybe because both of you seem to be so sad?" Alice looked with one raised eyebrow at me while she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Nothing happened." I mumbled without looking at her or Leah.

"We know you, Bella. Something happened and you know you can tell us." Encouraged Leah now softly and put her hand onto my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.

"There is nothing to tell." I said in a stronger voice and got up. And it was true. There was really nothing to tell. Obviously, Edward regretted the kiss and I wouldn´t blame him for it.

"What happened?" asked Alice now scared. I made the fault to look at her. She looked really concerned and scared.

"Did he… was he… mean to you again?"

"What? NO! He did nothing wrong!" I called shocked.

"Then what happened?" she called herself.

"I told you that nothing happened."

"Oh really? Then why aren´t you talking to each other?" asked Leah now impatiently.

"Because there was no time. We were both busy." Huh? Since when could I lie so easily?

"I don´t believe you." Snapped Alice.

So much about being able to lie.

"Not my problem." I snapped myself.

"Damn it, Bella. Why do you always have to be so careful about everything? Something happened between the 2 of you. Why can´t you tell us?" Alice´s voice rose with every word.

"Because it´s none of your business." A hurt look crossed her face and I almost regretted my words.

"It IS my business! You 2 need help, Bella." My eyes narrowed at her.

"We don´t need help. We are adult and can sort out or stuff alone."

"Oh really? Doesn´t look like." I knew what she was trying to do. She tried to provocate me to get answers and I should have been able to handle it, but my temper got the best of me.

"You know what, Alice? We don´t need help. We are able to sort this situation out all alone. We need time to figure out our kiss. So stop pushing." I snapped. Both girls looked with wide eyes and open eyes at me and I felt proud of having told them off.

"You… you…" began Leah and I looked confused at her.

"OMG, really? FINALLY!" squeaked Alice and jumped up and down in her seat.

What are they talking about? Why are they so happy that I had told them off? I mean I just told them to keep their business and that we needed time to… Oh no! Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

My hands flew to my mouth, my eyes wide as I stared at an excited Alice and a wide grinning Leah.

"Forget I said anything. I have to go now." I said horrified and grabbed my bag. On my way to the door, a certain little pixie blocked my way out.

"Not a chance, honey. You´ll stay and tell us." She demanded.

"No, I won´t." I tried to decline.

"Yes, you will." Said Leah now from behind me.

Knowing that I had no chance against the force of the pixie, combined with Leah, I sighed deeply and went back to where Leah still sat and took a seat.

"Okay… spill." Said Alice seriously.

"It´s really nothing, girls." I tried one last time, but they just raised each an eyebrow at me.

"He came over after work, about 3 weeks ago. He was really devastated because he lost a patient that day and… I don´t know… he just stopped by. We talked and then we kissed." I tried to make a long story short.

"And what happened then?" asked Leah, sensing that something was off.

"Nothing. He grabbed his jacket and couldn´t get out fast enough." I admitted with a sigh.

The girls were silent for a moment.

"He´s scared, Bella." Said Alice eventually and I looked in disbelieve at her.

"He´s scared of his feelings for you. He can´t forgive himself what he did to you and…"

"That´s bullshit." I cut her off and shook my head.

"We talked about that and I told him to not feel guilty."

"Maybe, but this is Edward. He´s over analyzing everything. And, though I love my brother dearly, he really has problems to talk about his feelings." At that moment, I realized, how much Alice loved her brother and how much she wished for him to be happy.

Leah just nodded.

"Bella, please. You are the only one who can help him to be happy."

"Alice, who am I to…" but she shook her head.

"Please." She begged again.

I bit my lip. Why was she so keen on this? I didn´t understand it.

"Why?" I heard myself ask and looked questioning at her.

"Why what?" she asked confused.

"Why are you so keen on Edward and me being together? Why do you say things like this? Why…?" I sighed frustrated, but she remained quiet. Alice Cullen being quiet was such a bad sign.

"Why?" I whispered again, begging her with my eyes. She looked sad at me and shook her head.

"Okay. See you girls soon." I turned around.

"Because you are in love with him and he is in love with you. Always were, always will be. Because you are the only person who can help him out of the whole he´s living in. Because you are the only person who gets through to him. Even his family isn´t able to talk to him properly anymore. He´s suffering, Bella. Not only because he´s still blaming himself for what he did to you, but also because he thinks he´s not worth of being happy." I heard Leah say and froze. She was panting heavily after her rant and my heart was racing.

"What?" I whispered without turning around.

"It´s true, Bella." Sobbed Alice.

"Please, Bella…" I didn´t hear what else she had to say, as I stormed out of the house, jumped into my truck and drove off as fast as I could.

Some time later, I found myself in front of Edward´s house. The lights were on, so he was home. But what was I doing here? What did I want to tell him? What did I want to do? I had no idea, still I was here.

I had really missed him the last few days and I just wanted to see him and to talk to him. I didn´t care if he regretted the kiss. We could be friends, because I just wanted him to be okay.

"Bella?" he asked surprised, when I stood in front of his door after having knocked.

"Hey." I greeted weakly and took him in. He looked perfect, like always, but also tired.

"Come in." he stepped aside and opened the door further. I just nodded and passed him by, my head down.

"Hungry?" he asked, I shook my head.

We took a seat in the livingroom, where I wrung my hands and bit my lip forcefully.

I had really no idea how to start this and what to say.

"Are you okay?" he asked so concerned that I shivered and took my hand in his. I looked for a moment at our entangled hands, surprised how perfect they fit together.

"Why did you run away?" I asked before I could chicken out. I saw him tensing up from the corner of my eye and he pulled his hand back.

The following silence was defeating and my heart sank.

"I didn´t want to make it arkward for you." He eventually mumbled and my head snapped up, but he wasn´t looking at me.

"Arkward?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

He looked at me, his eyes so intense, yet sad that I shivered.

"Oh… I see… well, we are friends and it´s okay. The situation was… I mean… it´s really okay." I stuttered when I realized that he really regretted the kiss. Traitorous tears welled up in my eyes and I ducked my head, my hair creating a curtain around me.

"What?" called Edward and I jumped in my seat.

"I mean… it´s okay that you regret it. I´m not mad at you and…" I trailed off when I noticed how furious he looked.

"Do you regret it?" he asked after a few calming breaths.

Should I tell him? Where was the use in telling him? It would only cause a heartbreak… my heartbreak. But where was the use in lying? My heart would be broken, no matter what.

"No, I don´t." I whispered with closed eyes.