Heading Back to Juvie?
"He seems like he's doing better," Luke said as he put his arms around Lorelai's waist and hugged her from behind. They were in the kitchen looking at the kids playing in the backyard. Jess was pushing Rory in the newly built swing, whilst Tex and Lane were sitting together against the tree watching Rory and Jess.
The phone rang and Luke picked it up because he was the closest.
"Hello," Luke said in his gruff voice.
"Hey big brother," Liz replied and Luke made his way back into the kitchen.
"Oh hey Liz," there was an awkward silence.
"So how's Jess? Is he doing any better? Is he eating? Talking?" Liz blurted out frantically.
"He's good," Luke answered glancing back out the window. "He's eating healthy regular meals and he's talking a little bit."
"Really?" Liz questioned shocked. "I hope you're not joking. Oh this is good news. Can I talk to him please?"
"Sure let me just check with him first, I'll be right back," Luke sat the phone down and made his way outside to the kids. "Hey Jess, Liz is on the phone and she wants to talk to you." Jess was silent. "Should I tell her that you're busy holding a shelf for me or something?"
"No, I should talk to her," Jess stopped pushing Rory and made his way inside.
"The phone is on the kitchen counter," Luke informed him.
"Thanks," Jess replied.
Jess made his way nervously inside and into the kitchen. He didn't know what he was going to say to his mother. The last time she saw him he was a wreck, not talking, not eating, just not there. He picked up the phone. "Liz?"
"Oh Jessie, it's so good to hear your voice," Liz said both excited and relieved at the same time. "So how are you going? Luke said you're better. Did the change of scenery work?"
"Umm yeah I'm better," Jess replied, shifting nervously from foot to foot.
"Oh that's good, I was so worried Jess."
"I'm sorry," Jess automatically apologized.
"No don't be sorry baby boy, it wasn't your fault that you got attacked," Liz said comfortingly.
"Yes it was," Jess muttered.
"What was that?" Liz asked, she thought she heard what he said, but she wasn't sure.
"I said it was my fault," Jess replied and then added. "It's always my fault."
"No Jess, it wasn't your fault, you were the one who was attacked. You didn't start the fight did you?"
"No, but Sam had a reason to-" Jess started but Liz cut him off.
"Sam?" Liz questioned. "Jess did you know your attacker?"
"No," Jess said defiantly.
"You did didn't you Jess, I can't believe this, all this time you knew who it was. I was so worried about you and you knew all along, you should have told the police when you had a chance."
"No."
"You will tell them now that you're talking again."
"No."
"Jess if you won't I will."
"This isn't your fight Liz, this is mine, all mine. I got what I deserved in the end, so leave it alone."
"Jess I'm just trying to help you."
"Well stop, I don't need your help. I've moved on and you need to as well."
"Jess I will not stop until justice is served, they will pay for hurting you baby boy."
"You know what, fuck you Liz and stay the fuck out of my life."
"Jess please listen."
"No you listen, you leave this a-fucking-lone, I swear to god if one police officer comes knocking on this door then I'm fucking leaving and I'm not coming back."
"Jess please," Liz pleaded.
"No just fuck off and stay the hell out of my life." Jess slammed down the phone and stormed out of the house as the others looked on in shock, they had all gathered in the living room when they heard Jess begin yelling. Rory followed after him and the others were too shocked to stop her.
Jess went to the bridge, pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He then began pacing the bridge whilst dragging on his cigarette. Rory approached the bridge purposefully.
"Go away Rory, you don't want to be near me when I'm like this."
"I'm not leaving Jess," Rory stood her ground. "Now tell me what happened Jess?"
"Fucking Liz, she thinks that her way is the only way and that she can fix things, but she can't Rory, she just can't," Jess ranted as he paced up and down the bridge.
"Tell me what happened to you Jess," Rory pleaded. "It will help me understand."
"No, you don't need to hear it Rory."
"Jess come on, you can open up to me, you can trust me."
"Don't you think I know that, this isn't about trust Rory, this is something you don't need to know."
"Jess," Rory pleaded.
"Rory just stop, just fucking stop," Jess stopped in front of her and yelled. "Don't fucking plead with me on this, just leave me alone," she didn't leave. "I said leave me a-fucking-lone... I need to fucking cool down, just leave me be."
Rory contemplated whether to stay or not, she was unsure. Then she remember Tex's words from before, about giving Jess space, so that's what she was going to do. Jess watched her hesitate, he didn't know if he wanted her gone or if he wanted to hug her. He watched her walk away and he suddenly wished that he hadn't told her to go. Jess was beyond pissed now. He was pissed because of the incident. He was pissed at his mom. He was pissed that he shut Rory down once again. But most of all he was pissed at himself. It really was his fault and he didn't want to be around when everyone found out the truth.
Jess all but ran to the bus stop and got on the first bus out of Stars Hollow, but he could only get as far as Hartford. He got off the bus and went into the closest convenience store. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he did know one thing, he couldn't go home. When they found out, and they would eventually... he just couldn't bring himself to think about it. So he did something stupid. He walked up to the counter and demanded that the guy to empty the register. He didn't have a weapon so he knew that when the police came he wouldn't be in much trouble, but it would be enough to send him back to juvie and he couldn't hope for anything more.
The police arrived, he didn't run. They handcuffed him, he didn't struggle. They threw him in a cell, he complied. They asked for his lawyer, he didn't have one. They gave him one phone call, he declined. The hours passed, he settled in. The guard came, he was guarded out. They walked him down a hallway, he expected this. They walked him in the main area, he was confused. They gave him his personal belongings, he was furious. Someone called his name, he turned around. It was a familiar face, he was relieved. They looked at him sadly and opened their arms up for a hug, he didn't hesitate. They hugged him back, he broke down.
"I will always come after you Jess," Lorelai whispered in his ear. "You're family now and I'm not giving up on you." Lorelai held him to her tightly, giving him a chance to let it all out. His sobs settled down and she pulled back from him. "Come on let's go home," Jess just nodded his head.
The drive back was completely silent. Lorelai just focused on driving whilst Jess just thought. He was so set on going back to juvie, that was the only possible option in his mind. He spent so much time on that thought alone that he didn't even consider what he was leaving behind, who he was leaving behind. So when he saw Lorelai standing there at the police station he was glad that she came and he was glad that he didn't get sent back to juvie. He was glad for once that he had a family, a real family.
They pulled up out the front of Luke's house and Lorelai's cut the engine. She was just about to leave when Jess spoke, "Can you stay for a second? ...I'm ready to tell you what happened to me."
"Okay, fine," Lorelai answered. She shut her door, removed her seat belt and angled herself towards Jess.
"I had this friend Sam," Jess began quietly looking out the window in front of him . "She was just a friend, but we were close. We kind of grew up together. It was Sam, and our friends James, Tom and Lewis, and me. We were thick as thieves. We went to a party one night and we all got a little drunk, but not completely drunk. James, Tom and Lewis left, so Sam and I stuck by each other. We drank some more and were starting to lose our inhibitions. It started out fairy innocent, just kissing, but it slowly escalated. The next thing I knew we were alone in a bedroom, horizontal on a bed, our clothes forgotten on the floor."
Jess took a breath and Lorelai gave him a comforting squeeze on his shoulder.
"I was a virgin and I was so wound up. She asked me to stop Lorelai, but I didn't. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the pent up sexual tension, either way I blame myself. She kept saying no over and over again like a broken record. I couldn't stop, I didn't stop. She finally forced me off her, but it was too late, we had... well I had finished. We had a falling out after that. She told the guys what I had done and they gave me a good beating. Then they all abandoned me just because of a stupid mistake. But what was worse, it was Sam, she couldn't look at me anymore, but she... she swore her revenge on me."
Jess took another breath.
"I was only fifteen. I went from having a whole group of friends to no one. Word got around school and nobody came near me. Everywhere I went I got dirty looks from those who knew. It was just a mistake, we were both into it at the start, but she said no and I didn't listen and I'll always regret that. That's when I started my life of crime, I had no one so I had nothing to lose. Over a year of petty crimes later I got busted for stealing a car and crashing it. I got sent to juvie and six months later I met Rory," Jess smiled involuntarily and it didn't escape Lorelai's gaze. "That was the best time of my life, that week I spent with Rory... and Tex. I've never felt that close to anyone before, it was good, it was nice... but now being here, with you and Luke... with everyone, well it's better. I didn't realize it until tonight when I saw you in the police station."
He faced Lorelai and smiled at her and she returned it. But then his face fell when he realized that he was up to the incident.
"So I got released from juvie the same day as Rory did. I contemplated missing the bus and looking her up, but I decided against it. I thought that it was for the best, just to forget her completely, but I was wrong, so wrong. She haunted me for a while, but then one day it shifted, I started viewing her as a good memory instead. Anyway enough about Rory, I don't doubt that I could spend hours talking about her," Jess let out a dry chuckle. "So I got home and was pleasantly surprised to see that my mother was doing better. She had a job, she was cooking, it was weird, but a good weird. But then I found out she had a boyfriend, see, umm... Liz's old boyfriends used to... beat me," Jess said dropping his head.
Lorelai reached across again but this time she ran her hand through Jess' hair soothingly.
"I was afraid that he was the same, so I just avoided him. Liz assured me that he was different and I guess he was. Liz never got drunk or did drugs whilst with him, nor did she have any unexplained bruises, and she was undeniably happy, happy for probably the first time in her life. I still didn't meet the guy, but I thanked god for sending him to her. This all went on for about five months. Life with Liz was actually good and with the exception of me consciously deciding to avoid her new boyfriend then it would have been as close to perfect as we would get. And that's when it happened, just when life was good and I wasn't expecting it."
Jess dropped his head into his hands as he took another breath, just willing the images of the attack to disappear. He decided to go through it as quickly as he could and to try and make himself numb, distance himself from his thoughts.
"I was walking back home one night and I was attacked from behind. They blindfolded me and took me to somewhere secluded. Somewhere in central park I suspect. When they took the blindfold off I noticed James, Tom and Lewis standing above me. They started to taunt me before they beat me. I was nearly unconscious when they slipped me something. I was expecting to pass out... but that's not what happened. They gave me... they gave me... umm Viagra, I think. After about twenty minutes they called someone on their phone and not long later Sam was standing in front of me. It was then that everything clicked into place."
Jess stopped for a moment, just looking out the window.
"I tried to struggle, I tried to get away, but they held me down. James sat on my legs, whilst Tom and Lewis took an arm each. Sam came over and straddled me. I fought Lorelai, I didn't want it to happen. I always regretted what I did to Sam, I did... always. I told her this, I pleaded with her. I know I did it to her, but at least she was into it at the start... I didn't even want this. I struggled so hard but they were too strong. She... she raped me Lorelai. When I did it to her it was quick, I was a virgin, it lasted a minute if that, but this... I didn't have a watch but it had to be an hour easily. She didn't stop until she got off, which was fair enough, but then she wanted to get me off or some sick fantasy like that. I was so scared that I couldn't."
Jess turned and looked at Lorelai. He suspected her to be disgusted with him but all he could see was sorrow and love in her eyes and it shocked him. He kept his eyes trained on Lorelai as he continued.
"She got angry that I couldn't... finish off, she kept going, but it got so painful... it hurt so bad, worse than the beating they had... we're giving me. They started mocking me and I was thankful when she got off me. They released me and I quickly pulled my pants back up. I backed away from them, but I backed myself against a tree. That's the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital. I woke up alone, I was in so much pain. I had a broken rib and a broken arm but that's not what hurt the most. If I was a girl they would have done a rape kit straight away, they didn't even check Lorelai... I guess they suspect that it doesn't happen to guys. It hurt so bad down there, but I wasn't going to tell the doctors... I didn't want anyone to know. I kept on saying that it was just payback and that I deserved it... but I didn't, not really. I didn't beat her. I didn't get our friends to hold her down. I didn't mock her. And when Rory asked me to run away with her and Tex... with you, I should have said yes... I should have said yes."
"Oh Jess," Lorelai finally spoke, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks as she pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry."
"I can't tell Rory," Jess confessed. "She wants to know, she keeps asking me... but she can't know."
"I know you think she shouldn't be exposed to that," Lorelai started regretfully, "but she'll understand... her father-"
"I know," Jess said cutting Lorelai off, "she told me."
"She'll understand it Jess. You don't hold what her father did against her do you?"
"What? No, of course not."
"Then what makes you think that she'll hold what happened to you against you?" Lorelai asked him.
"But I raped her Lorelai, I raped her first and I can't take that back," Jess confessed.
"Jess that was not your fault," Lorelai told him. "You were drunk, you were both drunk. As you said she was into it, yes she changed her mind, but you said that it only lasted a minute. I'm not congratulating you and telling you that it's okay, but it was a mistake and I can see how much you regret it. But what she did to you was calculated, it was premeditated, she planned it Jess."
"I'm not going to the police," Jess whispered.
"I know," Lorelai replied sympathetically. "Just use this as your penance, use what happened to you to help you get past all this. Use it to help you forgive and forget. You are even now."
"I will try," Jess said truthfully.
"Come on Jess," Lorelai said opening the door. "Let's go inside, I think you should go to bed it's been a long day, okay?"
"Okay," Jess answered as he exited the car.
Lorelai put her arm around Jess as they walked up to the house. She walked Jess inside and to the foot of the stairs.
"How'd it go?" Luke asked nervously, referring to bailing out Jess.
"Good, everything's settled and Jess isn't being charged," Lorelai told him dropping her arm from around Jess.
"Thank you," Jess told her. "For getting the charges dropped and for everything else."
"Sure," Lorelai told him. "But we're talking about you little crime spree tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay," Jess replied with a smile. He was so glad that he had Lorelai in his life. He finally felt as though he had a real mother, someone who cared for him and looked out for him no matter what. He went up the stairs and Lorelai went into the living room.
"Rory and Tex were watching you and Jess through the window," Luke whispered in Lorelai's ear.
"Come on kids time for bed," Lorelai told them and they let out a groan.
"Mom did Jess tell you, he did didn't he?" Rory accused.
"He did Rory," Lorelai answered truthfully. "He's not ready to tell you yet. I'm not one hundred per cent you should know either, but I told him to tell you. Don't rush him Rory he'll tell you when he's ready."
"It's bad isn't it mom?" Rory asked her. She had seen Jess crying in the car from the window.
"Just go to bed, you too Tex," Lorelai told them sadly. "And Rory, please sleep in your own bed tonight." Rory was about to defend herself but Lorelai waved her off. "Just leave him be tonight, okay?"
"Okay, mom," Rory said happy that her mom didn't seem to care that she had been sleeping in Jess' bed. She ran up the stairs.
"Night mom," Tex said leaning up to kiss her on the cheek. "Night dad," he told Luke before bolting up the stairs.
"Tex is going to be the death of me," Luke said collapsing on the couch. Lorelai sat down next to him completely drained. "So what happened? How'd it go?"
"Oh Luke," Lorelai said before burying her head in Luke's shoulders and breaking down. "That poor kid."