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Dear Momma and Pappi,

I am writing to tell you that this show sucks! Brandi is not my friend anymore! she obviously lied to me so she could get the last spot on Jersey Shore! she told me this show was the same thing as Jersey Shore! She also told me she auditioned for the show too! Obviously a lie! I can't believe she would do that to me! Now I see her on Jersey Shore when I turn on the TV and I'm stuck in a contract with Chris Mclean! Thanks a lot Brandi, you back stabbing Jersey Shore loving whore!

So, because of the loser friends of mine, I'm stuck on this show! The only thing good about this show is that I found a man who can handle the hotness that is me. His name is Justin and although he isn't Vito he will have to do. Alejandro is already taken and the rest of these guys are losers so he's about as good as I'm getting in this place. In case you haven't figured this out yet, I'm kinda stuck here and there is no loophole in my contract!...Trust me, I looked.

So I'm going to tell you about my personal hell...I miss getting my nails done with my momma! I can't get my nails done here! These girls do the weirdest thing around here, they actually paint each other's nails and paint their own! They're all horrible at it. I didn't know girls actually did this! Have they ever heard of getting their nails done. That weird goth girl paints her own black and then this weird Izzy girl paints hers in rainbow colors...Oh, and that surfer girl paints hers this hideous blue color! Their polish always chips off in a day or two so I don't know why they waste their time. I'd rather walk around with my nails not painted then let one of those girls do a crappy job painting mine.

Another thing they don't do around here is hair and makeup! The girls who do wear it waste their time! it looks like they turned the lights off and did their makeup in the dark. I'm obviously the only one who knows that makeup is an art and I'm the only artist who can do it properly. I watched Heather do her makeup and she needs more eyeliner and I told her that and she got mad at me. I also told Gwen she looked dead when she put on her foundation and she told me that's 'The look she was going for.' Bridgette says that there is no point in wearing it when you surf...I'm surprised she has a boyfriend with an attitude like that. I tried to give that Jo girl a Makeover so that Lightning would stop calling her a boy but that failed miserably. I only offered in the first place because they are constantly slamming doors and fighting and everyone is sick of it.

Nobody on this show is normal. If you thought Jersey Shore was good at destroying things you obviously never saw how these people acted behind the scenes! There is so much nudity and s much cursing! Noah told me his aunt blocked this show at her house, I can see why! These people are horrible. Geoff always runs around in his underwear and Alejandro and Lightning are always making a mess in the hallway. The worst thing that happened was that Gwen broke the elevator and forced everyone to take the stairs! Now everyone is constantly pushing people down the stairs! Owen discovered his voice echoes in the stairwell and screams and farts in there just to hear it echo...at 3am! If I could ban him from the playa, I really would. I have tried to vote several people out of this place, including Duncan, Lightning and that loser Gwen because she's always trying to voice her opinion around here and I just want her to shut up! I got Courtney to vote with me, but Chef keeps telling us we can't vote people out of the house. Courtney is working on a lawsuit for that.

Another problem I'm having is Trent! It's all Chris's fault too! Chris just had to tell him that my Birthday was September 9th! Well it turns out that for some reason that freak Trent started to stalk me and tell me that we should be together and my parents were sex gods. I have no clue what that means but he keeps sending me emails in Hebrew that I don't understand, I'm not sure if he's crazy or if he's in the mob. I'm afraid of him either way.

As you can see, I'm not a fan of anyone on this show. They don't have taste and they're all crazy! I've talked to Brick about this and we've come to the conclusion that the longer you stay on this show the more you start to lose your mind. The people you saw in season 1 drastically changed. I'm thinking that If I stick around here I'll become crazy too. They all need makeovers and some serious help if you ask me. Chris needs to hire councilors for these people! They could seriously use it.

I need more tan in a can and some hairspray or I'm never going to survive this week.

Wishin I was on Jersey Shore,

Anne Maria.

What would you guys like to see next? I know a lot of you wanted Mike and that's gonna be awhile. I gotta get his personalities down before I write him. So, anyone other than Mike?