The penultimate chapter...
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A/N: Song for this chapter: Nearer My God to Thee, Eileen Ivers, Back to Titanic soundtrack
A/N: Song for this chapter: Now We Are Free, Lisa Gerrard and Hans Zimmer, Gladiator soundtrack
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CHAPTER 24
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The cloning cylinder explodes in a violent rage, the ensuing shock wave ripping apart every droid in its path. Shards of glass tear through my body, and that pain is enough to make me scream out in agony, but my voice catches in my throat as the blast throws me clear across the room. I hit the cavern wall with a loud thud and hear my ribs crack. My head slams backwards against the hard rock and I feel blood begin to drip down my face. Breathing becomes labored and I fear that my lungs have been punctured.
As I slide down the wall, another blast radiates from the clone itself. This shock wave hits my very soul, and I realize that not only did the first explosion destroy the sentinels, but also the ysalamiri hidden around the cavern. I can feel the Force again, and with it the waves of dark energy emanating from the clone that was just destroyed, exactly as it did when the original was thrown down a reactor shaft on the second Death Star.
I collapse to the floor in a heap and hear Luke scream my name from across the cavern. I look up through fluttering eyes to see him running towards me, and smile in relief; he was shielded from the blast enough to escape life-threatening injuries. He will be fine.
I am not sure if I will be.
I black out, and the next thing I know, Luke is kneeling over me, calling my name over and over, shaking my shoulders, pushing my hair back from my face, his hands covered with blood. His voice is full of panic and tears glisten in his eyes.
But I don't pay attention to sight or sound. I can feel him in my mind again. This time, it is very different.
I sense Luke's every thought; feel his every emotion. I see myself through his eyes; hear the buzzing left over from the explosion in his ears; taste the salty tears on his lips; smell the scent of burnt metal that wafts into his nose.
It is, in one way, a logical extension of the bond that was created while I trained at the Jedi Academy—a bond that was cultivated during all of our time sparring, during all our meditation sessions, and the one night we spent together, when he held me in his arms and we blocked out the rest of the galaxy, seeing only each other and our love. But in another way, it is completely new.
With Palpatine, I could hear his call from anywhere in the galaxy. I believed what I felt with him to be the ultimate power of the Force. But this…this is much more powerful.
I thought I knew Luke Skywalker before. I thought I loved him more than I could ever love anyone.
I was wrong. This is what it should be like. This is how we should feel…forever.
As I lie there, dying in his arms, I know that he is feeling the same thing. Even if I couldn't sense it through the Force, I can see it in his eyes. There is more love there than I could have ever imagined someone having for me, even after seeing all my failures, all my fears, all my weaknesses, and my deep and profound regret for what I once was. This time, I do not run away from the openness. I do not hide from the man in front of me. I allow him to see me—to really see me, deeply and truly, and along with that, the depths of my love for him.
But suddenly, even as I have this epiphany about Luke, I realize that something is missing from the back of my mind. For the first time since Wayland, I no longer feel guilt for what I did as the Emperor's Hand. I no longer wish I could go back and fix everything. I no longer believe that I am incapable of redemption.
Thinking all of this, I smile. I don't care if this is the end. It is the happiest moment of my life. And I get to have it lying in Luke's arms.
As if he can sense this—which he most assuredly can—he squeezes my hand. "It's going to be okay, Mara," he chokes out, tears falling unabashedly down his face. "The ysalamiri are gone. I can put you in a healing trance. Just stay with me, okay? Please stay with me…"
I meet his gaze, unable to speak. I hear the earnestness in his voice, the absolute conviction that I will make it. I know that Luke is powerful, and I hope that he is right. But even if he is not able to heal me, I realize that I am not afraid of dying—not anymore.
Luke shakes his head against my thoughts. "You'll get through this. We'll get through it together. I promise. You just need to fight for me, okay?"
But I'm no longer concentrating on him, because suddenly, as if from a far off place, I see a man and woman standing over me. The man's green eyes twinkle with happiness. The woman's red gold hair whips around her face, framing the smile that graces her lips. I sense that they want nothing more than to be with me again, but they gesture for me to stay where I am. They say it's not my time yet.
I sense something else, too.
"They're proud of me," I whisper.
"Don't talk, Mara," Luke pleads. His expression is calm, hiding the fear and panic I feel deep inside of him. "Just close your eyes, okay? You need to go to sleep. Then everything will be alright." He places his hands on my forehead, pulling me into a healing trance. I start to drift away, but I force my eyes to stay open for just a few more moments. I have to tell him this in case the trance does not work.
"You wanted to know what it would take for me to finally forgive myself," I croak, almost unable to get out my words. He leans down to hear me, his hands warm on the sides of my face, and I pull him to me in a kiss.
I do not kiss him because I love him. I do not kiss him because I am grateful for his ever-present belief in me. I do not kiss him because I want to give him one last kiss before I die. I kiss him because, for the first time since I have known him, being with him feels absolutely right.
Everything feels right.
As I pull away, I find myself staring into his eyes again. I can feel his breath on my face, as if he is trying to put life back into my body. He searches me, trying to find the answer to his question. I recognize the expression all too well, because I have been looking at myself in the mirror the same way for many years.
Gathering up my last bit of strength, I smile and tell him what he has so desperately wanted to hear, because he deserves to know:
"I beat him, Luke. I finally beat him.
"And now I can forgive myself."
Those are the last words I speak before the blackness takes me.
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My eyes open slowly. I blink rapidly, trying to push away the last remnants of sleep. For a moment, I do not know where I am. I do not even know if I am alive.
Then, like the bright sunlight shining on the very core of my being, I sense Luke's presence, and I realize that everything is going to be okay. He sits next to me, staring down at me with a relieved expression on his face. "Hi," he whispers.
He helps me sit up and I look around, trying to figure out where I am. It is dark, and I realize that we are still in the caves that led us into the cloning chamber on Nirauan. Above us are the same avian-like creatures watching us, as if they are on guard. "Hi," I whisper back.
Luke smiles at me and takes my hand in his. "You made it."
I smile back at him, reaching out into the Force to sense the universe around me. "Yeah," I sigh happily. "I guess I did."
"Don't you ever do that to me again," he growls, but his eyes twinkle with happiness, betraying his true emotions.
"I won't," I squeeze his hand. "I promise."
He moves even closer to me and brings my hand to his lips. "How do you feel?"
I look down at myself. All my injuries are gone. I touch my head, but no blood comes off on my hands. Luke must have washed me off while I was in the healing trance. I feel brand new…like I've just been born again.
"I feel wonderful," I tell him, and I do, in so many ways.
His smile grows even bigger. I hear his next thought, one that he does not say out loud: Now we can be together…forever…
For once, I do not flinch away at being so connected to him. I do not shy away from the openness. I hold his gaze, taking in the man I tried to find for so many years, only to run away from when I finally found exactly what I was looking for. "Yes," I murmur. "Forever."
Luke gently caresses my face and leans his lips down to mine. But, ever the practical one, I pull away before he can taste his victory. "Wait! How long have I been out?" I ask.
His expression shifts from one of bewilderment to one of amusement. "Four days," he replies, gently pushing the stray locks hair from my face.
"Oh." I cannot get my head around that fact. Without even having to ask, I know that he has stayed with me the entire time. "What's happening?" I gesture above us.
He takes my other hand in his as he answers. "Once I got you out of the cavern, I was able to link up Artoo to the Jade's Fire and use the ship's comm system to send a message to Leia. From what the Qom Jha have informed me, the New Republic showed up earlier this morning to clean up this mess. But apparently there wasn't much of a fight."
"The Qom Jha?" I question.
"Indigenous creatures to Nirauan, along with the Qom Qae," Luke explains, pointing to the avians above us. "I discovered I could speak to them through the Force. They have been most helpful."
"Oh." I try to reconcile everything he's told me. Something doesn't add up. "The fleet got here this morning, you said?"
"From as much as I can tell. I haven't heard anything from them yet, but then again, I haven't bothered to check Artoo for any messages."
I stare at him incredulously, realizing what is out of place. "But…but why aren't you up there with them, helping to put an end to it?" I ask. "Why are you still down here?"
Luke stares at me. "Because this is where you are," he replies, as if it is the most obvious answer in the universe.
"Oh."
"Apparently spending four days unconscious does wonders for your powers of eloquence," Luke quips, running his fingers down my face.
"Are you…are you teasing me, Skywalker? No less then five minutes after me waking up from healing trance that saved me from certain death?"
Luke's eyes twinkle in amusement. "You have a problem with that?"
I grin at him. "No—I'm impressed, actually."
He chuckles, and then we fall into a comfortable silence, listening to the fluttering of wings above us. I know that he is trying to think of what to say to me. I do not press him; I am content to merely sit peacefully beside him. But then I remember something, a question to which I need to know the answer. "Luke…why did you insist on coming with me?"
He stares straight ahead, lost in thought. For a moment, I think that he might act like the old Luke Skywalker, and avoid confiding in me, holding on to his burdens alone, but things are different now. He wants to tell me. He wants to share everything with me.
That's why he's here, after all.
He speaks slowly, hesitantly. "One night, right after the ball, I…I had a vision."
"Of?" I ask, even though I already know.
"Of you…lying on the floor of a large cavern. And you looked…"
"Dead?" I suggest.
He nods. I watch him closely; his face is gripped with the fear that he felt when he thought he was going to see his vision come true. I place my hand on his arm, wanting to reassure him that his vision has been passed, and he turns to face me. "I hadn't even gone back to Yavin IV yet, but I couldn't get the vision out of my head. It was exactly like when I saw Han and Leia in danger on Bespin. I knew that I should go back to the Academy; that I was needed there. And I knew that you could take care of yourself. But I just couldn't let it go.
"I could hear Master Yoda's voice, exactly like it was on Dagobah, telling me to do my duty. Telling me to be a good, perfect Jedi. But just like on Dagobah, I couldn't listen to him, and I realized that I didn't want to. He was right about so many things, but not this. My compassion for others isn't wrong. I need it to keep me sane.
"Leia said I was crazy to go running after you, that I should send you a message warning you of the possible danger and get on with my life. She was afraid I'd get hurt again. But Han told me to go. He said I'd be crazy not to."
"Wait a minute…Han Solo told you to act on a Force vision?"
Luke grins. "It makes sense, once you get to know him. Despite all his talk, he's a big softie. And he likes you."
"Oh." I have to remember to buy Han a very big drink the next time I see him…after I set things right with Leia.
Luke takes my hand again and begins to trace the lines on my palm with his finger. "Once I got to the Wild Karrde and saw that you were okay, I was relieved, but I still couldn't get the vision out of my head. When you said you were going somewhere, I just couldn't let you go alone. I knew something bad was going to happen. I had to go with you."
"So you left all your responsibilities with the Jedi Order to follow me halfway across the galaxy, just to make sure that I was okay? Me, the woman who couldn't stop running away from everything?"
"Ironic, isn't it?"
"No," I reply, shaking my head, fighting back tears. "Not at all."
Luke takes a deep breath before he next speaks. "When I had that vision, Mara, I realized how stupid I was not to go running after you in the first place. Because I don't need to be a perfect Jedi…I don't need to do everything by myself…but I do need to be with you."
I smile at his words and lean in for a kiss, but this time, he is the one to pull away. "Did you really mean what you said about forgiving yourself?"
I nod, thinking of what I told him back in the cavern, when I thought I was going to die. "Yes."
"What was holding you back all that time?" he asks quietly.
I sit thoughtfully for a moment, remembering the night I realized that I had to leave the Academy. I have never once confided in anyone the true reason I left, but I no longer feel afraid to do so. Not now. Not with him.
I reach up and stroke his cheek as I finally open up to him. "I just didn't believe that I deserved forgiveness for all the things I'd done. Once I realized that, I couldn't stay with you, feeling that way. I had no choice but to leave."
As I finish my words, his expression turns to one of pure love and affection. I never thought that anyone could ever look at me this way. I never thought I could accept this kind of love. "And now?" he asks, even though he already knows the answer.
"Now…now I know that I deserve it. Now I finally feel free."
Luke smiles at me, tears in his eyes, and leans in to press his forehead against mine. "I love you, Mara," he whispers, and this time, it is a triumph to hear those words.
I laugh against him, unable to believe that we have finally gotten to a place where we can let ourselves be together without any fear or apprehension of the consequences. Sending out all my love for him through the Force, I wrap my arms around him, reveling in the feel of his body against mine. I never want to let go, but I force myself to pull away so I can gaze into his perfect crystal blue eyes, and finally say the words I once swore I'd never speak aloud:
"I love you, Luke."
It is my hard-earned victory.
And then, on the ground of a dark Nirauan cave, with the fate of the galaxy being decided far, far away, Luke Skywalker once again takes me in his arms, and we are both exactly where we belong in the universe.
