Stef sat on their bed flipping through the newest issue of "psychology Today" that had come in the mail for Lena. Stef looked over to Lena's sleeping form beside her. Lena was sleeping soundly with a blanket pulled up around her shoulders, a bandanna covering her head. Stef couldn't get into the magazine, but it reminded her of three months ago, before all this started. Her wife would get so excited when a new issue would appear in the mail box. She usually ordered take out on those nights, just so she could get to it quicker, a glass of wine sitting up in bed. She would tell Stef all the new things that were happening. She was excited with the new brain things coming out all the time, and new research on the autism spectrum.
When Stef showed it to her today Lena's eyes lit up, but after five minutes of reading her eyes started to close. It didn't surprise Stef, it'd been a long night last night, and a long couple of days. Lena was finally cleared recovered enough from the pneumonia to get radiation, and then had to stay another day for scans and a lumbar puncture. Last night Lena spent most of it throwing up, or shifting restlessly, the effects of radiation not only leaving sunburn like burns over her torso but also making her joints and bones ache. With graduation for their two oldest three days away, Lena begged to come home, and Dr. Smock told them he would make a home visit today to discuss results of the MRI done on her liver. Stef had spent the morning making the living room and their downstairs bedroom look descent, something that had gone on the back burner for the last week or so. She would have to wake Lena up in a half hour or so so she could help Lena clean up a little. Though at the moment she was enjoying being in her wife's company while her wife seemed to finally get some much needed sleep. Setting the magazine down (psychology wasn't really her thing anyways) she scooted down the bed so she was parallel with Lena and wrap an arm gently around her waist, hoping not to disturb Lena too much.
Lena opened her eyes to see Stef asleep beside her. She smiled to herself, it was rare to see Stef so calm. Turning slightly onto her side she brushed a few stray hairs off of Stef's forehead, running her fingers down Stef's face she listened with a smile to the small content hums Stef exhaled, "good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty," Lena said, smiling down at Stef as she opened her eyes.
" 'afternoon," Stef murmured and snuggled into Lena's side, by the time her brain could register it could hurt the darker skinned woman, Lena wrapped her arms securely around Stef to stop her from pulling back, letting her fingers glide through Stef's hair. "You're going to bruise," Stef tried to pull back.
"Stop it," Lena retorted a little irritated at Stef fighting her, "I'm fine, but if I won't be allowed to snuggle with my wife, what's the point?"
"I just worry," Stef said quietly, but letting herself relax against Lena.
"I know, but I bruise from everything, I have a huge handprint on my arm from Jude grabbing my arm when Jesus scared him, if I was at school and it was someone else, I'd be calling social services for child abuse, by the look of them all," Lena said, "But the don't exactly hurt, and I like being like this," she ended with a kiss to Stef's forehead.
"Me too, Love, but Dr. Smock is going to be here any minute," Stef said with a small sigh, as much as it worried her, she was enjoying being wrapped in her wife's arms.
"No, he sent a text to my phone, he's running late, he'll be here in an hour or so," Lena said, vaguely remembering the text she had gotten when Stef went to get the mail and do an after school check in with the kids. Lena lay there for a few minutes later before kissing Stef's forehead, "I'm going to go see the kids and use the bathroom."
"Do you need help?" Stef asked, sitting up.
"No, maybe you can start on dinner," Lena suggest, raising the head of her side of the bed and pushing herself into a sitting position, standing she wrapped her warm rope around herself and tying the sash.
"What do you want?" Stef asked, getting a small shrug in return, "Ok, what can you force yourself to eat?"
"Some garlic mashed potatoes and a smoothie?" Lena shrugged.
"Ok," Stef smiled, "I can do that. Is there something I can make everyone else that you can try a few bites of?"
"Parmesan chicken maybe," Lena said, "but I don't see why you would make something specifically or me if I can't eat but a bite or two."
"Because I like cooking you things you like. And you usually eat more if it's something you like," Stef said, kissing Lena's shoulder as they made their way into the living room, "Plus, that's Jude's favorite meal too."
"I know," Lena smiled as she walked into the living room to find Jude sitting with The Hobbit open in front of him.
"Hi, Mama," Lena smiled at the grin that formed across his face.
"Hey Sweetheart," Lena said, "Let me go to the bathroom and I'll be right back."
"Ok," Jude said as he scrambled into a sitting position and curled up on one of the cushions. Lena made her way to the bathroom to use it and wash her face, changing her bandanna for a warn beanie and walking back out to the living room.
"Are you reading this for school?" Lena asked as she sat down next to him, Jude snuggling into her side.
"No, I just found it in the bookcase," Jude said as he opened to his page again. "Can I read some of it to you?"
"Of course," Lena smiled, "It's one of my favorites." Lena listened for 15 minutes as Jude read, smiling to herself. At one point Jude struggled to read and now he was pulling books off the shelf to read for fun. "I'm going to check on your siblings, where is everyone?" Lena asked as Jude paused for a moment.
"Callie and Brandon are playing music in the garage," Jude said, "And Mariana is with Zack, Jesus is in his room."
"Will you go grab Callie for me?" Lena asked. "Hi, Bug," Lena smiled five minutes later when Callie came in and sat by her. Lena pulled Callie to her, kissing her temple.
"Hi," Callie said with a smile.
"How was your third to last day of school?" Lena asked.
"Good. We turned in books and everything. Tomorrow is the senior trip, and Thursday is the Senior breakfast and graduation practice."
"How does it feel?" Lena asked.
"I never thought I would graduate," Callie smiled, "I can't believe I ended up here. If you would have asked me two years ago..."
"I know, and I'm so proud of you," Lena smiled.
Lena checked in with all the other kids before sitting down in her room, pulling out her magazine and reading until she heard the doorbell ring and the familiar voice of her radiologist. "Hello Lena,"
"Hi Dr. Smock," Lena smiled.
"How are you feeling?" he asked as he pulled the chair Stef had brought in for him. Lena explained what had been happening the last 24 hours or so with Stef adding information when she felt Lena wasn't being specific enough. "So, we are concerned about your latest scans," Dr. Smock said as he pulled out results and showed Lena pictures of her liver after each round of radiation, the last two had shown growth in the tumor.
"So what does this mean?" Lena asked as she stared at the pictures as Stef sat next to her, she felt Stef tense behind her.
"It means that the radiation doesn't seem to be working, I'm sorry Lena," Dr. Smock said as he rested his hand on her knee.
"So what are you going to do?" Stef asked.
"We want to put Lena on a transplant list," Dr. Smock said.
"I thought you had aid before that she wouldn't be put as a priority because of the other cancer."
"She will be put as a lower priority."
"So you're pretty much giving up on Lena," Stef said angrily.
"Baby," Lena murmured, squeezing Stef's knee, "It's not his fault."
"Now, we could continue with radiation, this is your choice," Dr. Smock said, "But chemo and radiation is really taking a tole on your body. We almost didn't get you back from the bought of pneumonia. After talking to your oncologist, the recommendation is that we stop the radiation and up your chemo. That way your body will have that two weeks to recover."
"But what about her liver?" Stef asked.
"Our feeling is that if we put Lena on dialisis four times a week that can take the work of her liver until you are stronger and we can start radiation full force or find a doner."
"Do you think it'll work?" Lena asked a couple moments of silence.
"I think it's the best chance you have," Dr. Sock replied softly. Lena nodded,
"Ok," she said quietly.
"Now I hear you have two graduates," Dr. Smock smiled.
"Yes, my two oldest are graduating on Friday," Lena beamed.
"I want to bring you in on Thursday to get a blood transfusion. It will help you feel better for graduation day."
"I was asked to help present diplomas. Will I be ok to do that?" Lena asked.
"I would wear your mask out to protect you from any germs. But other than that, just don't over do it. Bring your wheelchair so you can sit if needed."
"And I still have Chemo Monday?" Lena asked.
"Yes, but then you will have two weeks to recover."
Dr. Smock talked to them for a few more minutes and gave them pamphlets on dialisis and scheduled her for it the same day as her blood transfusion. Once Dr. Smock had left Lena laid back against the raised bed as Stef stared off into space. "You know you don't have to always be strong around me," Lena said after a moment as she watched Stef.
"Lets go eat dinner," Stef said after a moment.
"Ok," Lena sighed as they made their way to the kitchen. Lena managed a couple bites of chicken and a few bites of mashed potatoes along with half her nutrician shake. She watched Stef pick at her meal also as the kids devoured their plates. "B, will you and the boys do the kitchen?" Lena asked.
"Of course," B said as Jesus and Jude nodded in agreement.
"Mari, Callie, will you guys help me for a minute?" Lena asked before turning to Stef "Is there anyway you would go get us raspberry sherbet for dessert?"
"Anything for you, Love," Stef smiled, scraping her plate into the garbage and grabbing the car keys, after kissing Lena she headed out, walking towards their bedroom with the girls she looked at them, "Upstairs in mine and Mom's closet there are two or three blankets and some extra pillows, would you guys grab them all?"
"Sure?" Mariana said, "Why?"
"I want to make kind of... A fort or nest of sorts," Lena said.
"What's going on?" Callie asked. She knew what Lena was doing. When she and Jude were in bad homes she would surround them with blankets and pillows, creating a safe and comforting space surrounded by the soft warmth.
"nothing bad, it's just been a long couple of days." Callie looked at her unconvinced but she and Mariana made their way up the stairs. Once they returned the girls helped make the nest of bedding, finishing about the time Stef came back. Lena could feel herself fading as she ate a half of scoop of sherbet and kissed helped put the kids to bed, slipping an extra $20 to both Brandon and Callie to add to the $20 Stef had given them for the senior trip, making them promise her to have a fun time. She was exhausted when she and Stef made it back to the bed, Stef smiling softly at the arrangements. They curled in the middle of the nest, pulling the blanket over them both.
"I love you," Lena whispered, kissing Stef chastely a couple times before kissing her more deeply.
"I love you too," Stef murmured, resting her forehead against Lena's, "I'm so scared, Love," Stef admitted softly.
"I know, I am too," Lena said as she kissed her once more before snuggling against Stef's chest.