Chapter 25

BPO

I'm not going to lie. Staying with Jacob at LaPush was my first thought. My gut reaction.

But it was quickly shoved out of my mind - it was a little out of the way for me and it meant a long drive back and forth for only a couple of days alone.

Of course, by now, I mostly wanted company and enough comfort for me to feel minutely better about my life and myself. Even so, in the end, I knew Jacob would only be a temporary distraction from my real problems and possibly would bring brand new ones I was in no way searching for. Even while my own scared side screamed at me for pretending to be brave, I thanked Jacob and told him I wasn't going to need his help.

And now, while I was alone in my bedroom getting ready for bed it suddenly didn't seem so clear cut. It was windy and cold and I was pretty sure it was going to rain tonight. But that didn't matter. Because I was in a strongBella mood, and that included being tough and behaving maturely – meaning I was going to spend this night alone and I wasn't going to be a baby about it.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the windows rustling. Damn it.

Shuddering, I wrapped my jacket tightly around my body, unsure of whether I was looking for warmth or comfort. It was just the freaking wind. That's it. When had I become such a baby?

With quick steps I was by the window, pushing and pulling at the locks to assess its sturdiness. I shuddered again at my lack of self control, trying not to get too angry at myself.

With a sigh I remembered it didn't matter if I was a baby about it or not because there was no one there to see it. So if I wanted to hide my head beneath the covers or secretly keep a knife close to me by the bed, then so what? I would put it back in the morning and no one would ever know.

Having the vision of all the reports of women kidnapped in their own homes and killed in their sleep I hopped off the bed and in a quick move I hurried to the kitchen, choosing the biggest knife I could find and hesitantly taking it with me upstairs.

Standing by the entrance of my room, I paused. It was difficult to decide where to put it. On one hand, the closer the better. But then again, being Bella Swan meant living in constant danger of accidentally bumping your head on your nightstand while you sleep. And if you have a big ass knife resting there, it makes the situation just a little bit more terrifying.

I looked at the knife, shuddering as the blade shone with the movement of my hand. If I had to guess I'd say a knife of its size could do significant damage to my small, clumsy head.

Then again, considering the alternative was being mugged and hurt by someone else, it wasn't like I had much of a choice. With quick steps I placed the knife on the nightstand and pulled the furniture a little away from the bed. Still in reach, but not nearly as likely that I'd accidentally kill myself.

Slightly more relieved I went back to preparing myself for bed, frowning while I searched my bags for my iPod. I thrust my hand inside and felt around for it, getting more frustrated every second. Was it possible that I'd left it there?

When my hands found something cold, I pulled the object out, groaning in frustration when I realized it was my cell phone.

Noticing two unread messages, my heart picked up pace. Had Edward tried to contact me? Told me to come back to his place?

As my eyes screened the messages, I sat down on my bed, disappointed. Of course not. Both of them were from Jacob, and both asked the same questions – where was I and did I want him to come over.

My fingers paused on the call button. Did I want him here? Jacob's presence would surely be helpful in being able to sleep without fear of being raped and killed in my sleep.

Pressing the button to call Jacob, I held the phone to my ear. I didn't have to wait long – in two seconds Jacob's voice filled my ears. "Bells, where are you?"

"Home. I came home."

"Are you okay?"

I could hear some noise in the background and I suddenly hoped he wasn't on the way to my house.

"I'm fine. I'm just calling you to say everything's okay. You don't need to come here."

Static filled my ear. "Bells? I can't hear you!"

I cursed my life and my luck, but tried to speak as loud and clear as I could manage. "I said, don't come here Jacob! I'm fine!"

The line went down, leaving me staring at my phone. I was pretty sure Jacob had heard me, so that wasn't a problem. But a text message reinforcing that I was fine couldn't hurt. Before I could send it, a thundering noise from behind me made me turn around.

Someone was opening my window!

Without thinking, I ran for my nightstand, holding the knife in one hand and hastily reaching for the phone to dial 911.

With my heart nearly beating out of my chest, I nearly collapsed when I saw who it was.

"Edward!"

Suddenly more worried about my garments than anything else, I tried to cover myself up as much as I could, while carefully holding the knife in my hand.

He looked at the knife. "I didn't mean to scare you. I don't think you're that mad."

"Do you think I have people coming through the window of my bedroom every night? Why didn't you just use the door?"

He simply shrugged. "This is nice," he said, looking around.

"You've been in my room before," I replied, not realizing until the words were out of my mouth that he obviously hadn't – there would have never been a reason for him to be there before.

After he shook his head, I continued, crossing my arms defensively in front of me. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were safe. It's like the whole town knows you're here by yourself and I don't want anything to happen to you…"

"How? I mean…Why?"

His eyes wandered the room. "The locks on the windows are pretty easy to pick."

"No, I mean why? Why are you here?" I tried desperately to cover myself while he analyzed every detail around us, and I was getting more anxious by the second for his eyes to settle on me.

"I already told you that."

I rolled my eyes internally at myself. Stupid, stupid Bella. "You didn't need to come. I can take care of myself, you know."

My head turned at the sound of his voice, interrupting my thoughts. "I'm tired of being away from you."

Chuckling, I shrugged. "You were away from me by choice."

"I changed my mind."

His lips were covering mine hungrily before my brain processed his words, and I could feel my arms wrap around his neck against my will, desperately trying to pull him in and push him away at the same time. There were a million valid reasons to throw him off me and get him out of the house. The most important of all was that neither of us had any clue what the hell was going on. It didn't matter anymore, nothing did.

Grasping his t-shirt in my hands I bravely thrust my tongue into our kiss, hearing a throaty grunt come out of his lips before he mimicked my actions. In a second he flipped us so that he was the one on top and instinctively I opened my legs so I could feel him closer to me while we kissed. Immediately I felt Edward's hands expertly exploring my inexperienced body.

I felt one of his hands, which had been firmly placed on the side of my head, holding me in place while we kissed, travel downward to my ankles, his fingers lightly grazing my skin there; and I couldn't help but shiver when his right hand made contact with my skin, tickling me. He kept his other hand levering him on top of my, using his elbow to support himself while his hand played with my hair and occasionally moved to caress my face.

Continuing his work in my lips, his hand started rising at a torturous speed, lingering in all the right places, making me nearly lose my mind when he tickled the back of my knees while his mouth moved to my neck, sucking and licking and kissing all at once. I let a moan escape my mouth when I felt a light suction on my neck and I tilted my head to urge him on.

His touch still on my leg, kneading the same spot incessantly, his lips shifted so his mouth was next to my ear and as soon as I felt the warmth of his mouth around my earlobe I moaned his name, feeling the shredded bits of sanity I was clinging to dissipating around me.

A second later I could feel his body tensing above me, and Edward was hoarsely whispering in shallow breaths into the same ear he had been ravishing. "Fuck, Bella."

I could sense the strain in his voice and in the way his body was beginning to lightly thrust against me.

My heart was beating so fast I was afraid it might come out through my mouth. Just because I was a virgin didn't mean I was stupid; I knew exactly where this was going, and the fact that surprised me the most was that I wasn't even scared about what was happening. I desperately needed him to keep going and the thought that he might realize what he was doing and stop was too horrifying to even consider.

Suddenly the realization that under the nightie he'd given me I was wearing plain white cotton panties and a matching bra annoyed me. I was sure Edward's previous partners, whoever they may have been, had been much more inventive in that area, in addition to probably being more experienced. But while his tongue did those wonderful things to my ear it was so hard to care. I could feel my whole body vibrating in anticipation for what was to come, and as every second passed it became easier and easier to let my insecurities go and just enjoy the moment. I would have plenty of time to think about this choice later, whether I would want to or not.

After an eternity I finally felt Edward's fingers trailing up my thigh, stopping when his touch met the hem of my nightie and, with a frustrated groan, his hand groped my skin a little too roughly. It hurt, but I was surprised that in spite of the pain it felt so damn good; so damn desperate. When I winced in reaction, he backed away from me just enough so he could look in my eyes and through my half-closed lids I gave him the most reassuring nod I could muster.

Nodding back at me, Edward's eyes travelled to my lips and once again he began kissing me and pulling me in until I was literally going crazy. I was desperate for his hand to go on, to do something, anything. I wiggled my body underneath him, pushing my heaving chest into his, and brought my hand to his head so I could deepen the kiss impossibly more.

And the thing I loved about Edward was that he was very perceptive; in a second our kiss became hungry, frantic, and so exciting every time his lips sucked on my tongue I heard myself moaning his name, urgently trying to make our kiss and this moment last forever.

But forever got old after just a few minutes. Because the thrusting was gone and his touch had stopped to the point where all he was doing was holding me while we made out. And although I was already trembling from fear of rejection, I knew if I didn't act soon the moment would be lost there forever. So, in a moment of stupid bravery, I reached for his t-shirt and pushed it up, trying my best to ignore the expression in Edward's face while I did it.

His quizzical look and raised eyebrow asked me the question he wouldn't, but I didn't care. I wouldn't care. Before he started talking shit again and freaked out and left, I covered his lips with mine, hoping it would swallow whatever doubts he still had about what I was doing. This was my moment, and he wasn't about to ruin it.

While my lips worked on his, I waited for Edward to stop me for a few seconds. Nothing. If he was going to do anything about this, he was lagging behind. Feeling damned victorious that my actions had at least managed to shut him up, I sluggishly caressed the muscled skin in his back, occasionally letting my hands travel to his toned stomach muscles. As soon as my hand moved to his chest, I lingered feeling his heartbeat in my hand, marveled at its speed. There was something awfully empowering in making a man like Edward so excited.

His eyes fluttered and then shut tightly. There was such a painful expression in his face I was sure I'd done something wrong. Stopping my movements, I waited for Edward to open his eyes and look at me.

"Did I do something wrong?"

He shook his head. "No. Nothing wrong."

But something had happened and it had clearly gone way over my head. I went over my actions in my head and figured maybe I wasn't supposed to caress him through his jeans. Who knew, right?

My hands shifted to his jeans button and opened it, quickly, before I lost the nerve to do it. And it was just about to happen, too.

When I reached for his zipper, I felt his fingers clasping my wrist sternly. Opening my mouth to complain, I was silenced by his lips. Damn him. Using my own technique against myself. But I would show him; if he thought he could make me forget what he'd done he had another thing coming. As soon as we broke our kiss I would ask him why the hell he didn't want me to touch him.

That was the plan anyway. But as soon as the cold from the departure of his lips hit me, his hands were busy removing my nightie, pulling it over my head and immediately kissing my lips slowly again.

Feeling way too naked for my taste, even though I'd somehow managed to remove Edward's shirt as well, I managed to make space between us so I could use my arms to cover myself until I felt more at ease.

Without warning, Edward shifted and grabbed my hands, holding them harshly by the side of my head, pushing them into the mattress. "Don't," he ordered me, making me a little more confused and just a little scared. "Don't ever cover yourself in front of me."

As if to demonstrate, Edward knelt on top of me, moving his mouth down my body, slowly kissing my chin, then my neck and then starting to create a trail to my breasts.

I was so nervous I felt like I could throw up at any moment. It was incredibly daunting to know of his past and that now he was looking at me and probably comparing every little feature of my body that I hated.

"You're so beautiful."

Had I been thinking out loud? I dropped my gaze to my chest, feeling his tongue playing with the skin above my breasts, trying to look for any hint of dishonesty in his face. But once I saw him, I had no clue what to think, not even what he was thinking. We locked eyes and I gave him a quick nod to move him along.

He didn't need to be told twice. In a second his tongue was caressing the sensitive skin of my breasts, using his hand to arouse every soft spot of my body that needed attention. Unsure of what to do with my own hands, I ran a hand through his hair, tugging gently to urge him on, adoring the feel of his hair in my fingers.

With newfound courage, I unzipped his pants carefully and moaned into his lips when I felt the warmth of his dick in my hand.

Edward groaned and grabbed my hand. "Wait, Bella."

"No, please don't-"

"Shh," he placed a finger in front of my lips. "We need a condom," he explained with a crooked smile.

Surprised, I opened my mouth and closed it again. Damn it. Where the hell were we going to find a condom at this hour? I knew I didn't have the face to go to a pharmacy and ask for one.

My chest still heaving from our kiss, I noticed Edward had reached for his pocket, removing his wallet. Scowling to myself, I tried not to let my face show my revulsion in the thought that he carried condoms everywhere he went.

All my thoughts disappeared when he triumphantly held the condom in his hand and, looking at my disheveled state, lying half naked in the middle of the bed, gave me the sexiest smirk I'd ever seen.

In a swift move, his body was covering mine again, and all my thoughts about previous lovers vanished.

A loud bang interrupted my thoughts, causing us both to pause momentarily. Edward gave me a questioning look, clearly waiting for my explanation, but I had none to give him. Instead, I waited for a few moments to see if the noise repeated itself. After a moment of silence, Edward gave up on the queries and went back to sucking and kissing the spot at my neck that made my legs involuntarily tremble with excitement.

My hands traveled down his body again, this time a lot faster and more confident in myself, and I secretly smiled when I felt his body shudder when I wrapped my fingers around his length, surprised again at how warm and hard and soft he felt. Tentatively, slowly, I started pumping my hand up and down his length, delighted when Edward's attentions to my breasts pause to gasp.

Confidently, I let my hand pick up speed, listening to Edward's heaving breaths for clues of when to do it harder, or faster.

A second bang interrupted me, causing my hand to stop. The suspicion was back in his eyes. Before I could protest, Edward was up, putting his pants back on.

"Maybe you should get that."

I narrowed my eyes. Get what?

A third bang filled the room, and a voice filled the house. "Bella, are you there?"

Jacob. Of course, it had to be Jacob.

Edward chuckled bitterly. "Yeah. You definitely should get that."

"It's not like that," I whispered, feeling my cheeks fill with redness.

He nodded and smiled, but he didn't fool me. I knew we were on the verge of starting the biggest damn fight either one of us had ever seen. "Did you invite him here?"

"I was scared," I said defensively. "I only called him because you kicked me out."

"I only kicked you out because you told me you were in love with me," he said coldly, not even bothering to look at me.

Too hurt to react, I saw Edward grabbing the remnants of his clothes scattered on the floor. "Don't keep him waiting."

In a second, Edward was gone.