A/N: Another update because there are still so many people keeping up with this. Just thank you, thank you so much. Please bare with me as I get back into the writing groove and take warning that there is drug and alcohol use in this chapter. I think some of you may scream at the end of this. Let me know what you think and find me on my tumblr psychrollins if you want to ask me anything!
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A week before Dean's party, Roman gets a job. It's not great and it pays pretty much nothing at all but it's honest work, at least. It's in his father's friends steel yard, collecting scrap metal from the piles and piles that are dumped there everyday and sorting it into sellable or meltable pieces.
His first day doesn't go all that great, Roman's ribs still hurt like a bitch when he's doing any kind of physical work so lugging steel about all day is the easiest of tasks, but he finds that taking four Tylenol in the morning numbs the pain and makes him feel hazy the whole day and work just seems to fly on by.
Work takes up pretty much most of Roman's time that first week, he wakes up at six to be there by seven-thirty and he works until five in the evening with a half an hour lunch break in between and then goes home for dinner before passing out pretty much straight after.
Thankfully Steve, his boss and his father's friend, doesn't make him work weekends if he works five days a week.
So Roman misses his brother planning the party and only finds out about what's going on when he slumps through the door on Friday night after his first full week at work.
Their mother and father are just packing the car up ready for their weekend away and Dean and Seth are helping them.
Once they're gone, Roman dumps himself onto the couch clutching his ribs that are slowly starting to hurt again.
"Are you okay, Roman?"
Roman cracks an eye open to look at Dean sitting on the other couch with Seth next to him and he sighs. "Yeah, just tired. And hungry."
"We were gonna' order pizza, do you wanna' order with us?" Seth asks softly and Roman doesn't miss the way Dean's head jerks to look at Seth like he has two heads. Maybe it's selfish of Roman to say yes, because Dean had clearly intended to have a quiet evening with Seth on his own before the party tomorrow but Seth did offer and Roman is hungry.
"That would be great, thanks." He answers back and he tries not to be hurt when he sees Dean's face softly fall, like he'd assumed that Roman would say no. Seth smiles, all big and wide and like the answer just made him the happiest boy in the world.
Roman watches Dean carefully as Seth babbles on about what they're ordering. He doesn't seem completely there, seems deep in thought and pensive. Something Dean rarely is. He excuses himself to shower once Seth's placed their order, he's sweaty and smelly and has old oil smeared over his hands and face from dirty pieces of steel.
The water soothes him, taking some of the ache in his shoulders, back and ribs away but he still takes two Tylenol when he gets out because the shower still isn't enough. He's heading from his room to the stairs when he hears the raised voices and it stops him in his tracks, strains his ears to hear what's being said.
"He's just done a nine and a half hour shift and you can clearly see he's in some discomfort, Dean, you want to just let him fend for himself?"
"No! But we said we were going to order pizza and watch movies together, not the three of us. What happened to this weekend being our alone time?"
"We always have alone time Dean," Seth scoffs, "All we've had the past few weeks alone time because Roman's been working so much."
"I mean alone time from our parents!"
"Spending one evening with your brother isn't going to kill you, Dean. I actually like spending time with your brother."
"You would."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Roman hears the doorbell ring before Dean can answer Seth and he waits for Seth's voice to call to him telling him the pizza arrived before slowly walking down the stairs. He takes his own with a small smile and curls up on the armchair while Dean and Seth take the couch. They eat in mostly silence apart from a small conversation about what movie to watch. They settle on some futuristic sci-fi film that Roman's sure Seth and Dean have seen a million times before.
Roman doesn't really watch it, though, he's far too busy thinking about what Dean and Seth's mini spat about him meant earlier. There's an ache in his heart that Dean doesn't want to spend time with him anymore when a couple of months ago he was begging him to stop studying so that he could watch films with him. But what really confuses him is Seth's need to stand up for him, his need to include him in everything they do. Everything he said confused Roman, but this past month, Seth's had a habit of saying things that have confused Roman.
What did Dean mean by, 'You would', when Seth said he liked spending time with Roman? Why would Seth like spending time with him after everything?
Throughout the duration of the movie, and then another one after that, Roman doesn't come up with any answers. He sleeps more than he pays attention and he tries to listen out for any more discrepancies between his brother and Seth.
When they don't come Roman takes himself to bed, his ribs are starting to hurt again anyway and he's dead to the world.
Roman sleeps soundly that night, the four Tylenol he took before bed made his dreams far away and easily forgettable and he only wakes up when he hears someone come through the front door. It's only quarter-past eleven but Roman decides he deserved that lie in, so he heads downstairs to see what's going on.
Piled high on the kitchen table are all kinds of snacks, crisps and drinks, including a whole stash of alcohol and plastic cups and everything a party would need.
"Fuck, who's coming to this party?" Roman drawls, scratching through his patchy beard that he's letting grow out for once.
"Everyone," Dean laughs starting to put some of the stuff into the cupboards for now.
"Can I invite Calvin?"
Dean's face drops slightly and he doesn't answer immediately, takes a moment like he's thinking it over before he finally nods. "Yeah, sure."
Roman hasn't seen Calvin since the party at his house, and he misses having his friend around him constantly like when they were at school.
"Sweet, thanks."
Roman spends the day playing video games until he finally drags himself into the shower before the guests start to arrive.
When he finally makes it downstairs most of the people Dean invited are there, there's Nikki, John, Brie and Daniel, a couple of guys from the football team that Dean actually liked and then a whole bunch of his and Seth's friends from their nerd classes. It's nothing like the party at Calvin's, the music is pretty quiet and most people are standing and talking rather than downing drink after drink. But Calvin and Dean are nothing alike so maybe Roman's a fool for expecting anything different.
When Calvin does turn up, they spend approximately ten minutes downstairs with the others talking to them before they bail and head upstairs to Roman's room.
"Fuck, Ro, I thought you invited me to a party not a dinner party with no table or chairs."
"Fuck off, Cal. I didn't know it was going to be like this, but I should have." Roman laughs as they squat down underneath Roman's window with a bottle of vodka they pinched from the kitchen table and a baggie of weed that Calvin had wrapped up in his pocket.
"I mean I like your brother and all, but he's a giant nerd."
"You say that like it's something I'm not aware of." And Roman used to defend his brother when someone would call him a nerd or talk about him in any other way than good, but right now Roman's just focusing on trying to separate himself from the old relationship he had with his brother so that when Dean eventually goes away to college, he doesn't feel the loss quite so much.
Roman takes two Tylenol with a swig of vodka while Calvin rolls them a joint, and they smoke it out of Roman's open window. They talk for what seems like hours, about Calvin going to college and how he's going to cope leaving his mom and sister behind when his father works so much, and how Roman's going to cope working a deadbeat job for the rest of his life. They smoke and they drink and the hours tick away on the clock until Roman feels like he's flying and there's not a single ache or pain his body.
They're both giggling messes when there's a knock at his bedroom door.
It's Seth, and as soon as he steps through the door he's scrunching up his face and shutting the door before speaking.
"Fuck how much have you too smoked?" At least Seth's not completely innocent and nerdy.
"A lot," Calvin giggles before he pulls out a joint that Roman honestly didn't even notice he'd rolled. "You wanna' try some Rollins?"
Seth's eyes go wide before he's nervously stepping over to them and dropping to his knees in front of them. Roman's never really noticed before just how pretty Seth is. Especially on his knees.
"I uh… I've never, how do you do it?"
Calvin lights the joint and brings it to his lips, showing Seth what to do.
"You just have to take a drag and then hold it in for a little while before exhaling. It's simple." He offers the joint to Seth who looks at it skeptically before Roman practically hears him say fuck it and he takes the joint from Calvin and lifts it to his lips. He does exactly what Calvin told him too, and Roman expects him to cough or choke or something on his first go but he does it like he's been smoking weed for years.
"Shit Rollins, you done this before?"
Seth shakes his head, taking the vodka bottle from in between Roman's legs and taking a swig from it.
"You not havin' fun downstairs Seth?" Roman asks, slurring his words slightly.
"It's kind of boring," He admits with a shrug, "And I'm kind of sick of talking about medical school now."
Roman laughs softly swiping the vodka bottle and the joint because fuck he doesn't want to hear about that either. The three of them pass the joint and vodka around until it's all gone and they're slumped against the wall laughing at stuff they probably won't find funny in the morning.
"You know, Rollins, if you didn't have a boyfriend I'd shotgun you right now." Calvin laughs head tipped back against the wall and not looking at either of them. But Roman is watching Seth, and he sees his face contort in confusion and Roman can't really say he blames him, because Calvin is straight, apparently. Calvin laughs at himself again before he's standing up on wobbly legs.
"I need to take a piss, where's the bathroom Ro?"
"First door on your left."
Calvin heads out and there's a beat of silence before Seth is turning to him, and he looks all fuzzy in Roman's eyes but he still stands by saying how pretty he is like this.
"Roman… what's shotgun?"
Roman laughs some more before he tries his best to explain. "It's when you get a load of smoke in your mouth and blow it into someone else's mouth, like a kiss but not really."
"Oh…" Seth says before he's silent again. Roman's not sure whether they're still for a second or for an hour because time isn't real to him right now but however long it is, after it, Seth's crawling into his lap and straddling him, small, lithe legs wrapping around his waist.
"Can you show me?" He whispers, those big brown eyes blown even wider thanks to the weed and alcohol and before Roman can really process what he's doing he's lighting one of Calvin's roll ups from in his tin inhaling deeply and wrapping his hand around Seth's small jaw and bringing him in close. He blows smoke into Seth's open mouth, lips practically touching and there's a sane part of him somewhere underneath his intoxication that knows that this is wrong that this is his brother's boyfriend. But Seth's small body seated perfectly in his lap and so close to his feels so good.
The smoke's gone but Seth's lips are still close to his and Roman can smell weed and vodka on his breath and something that is so distinctively Seth that Roman can't even name it. When their lips finally touch, Roman feels electricity right to the tips of his toes.
He doesn't know if he can call it a kiss, more a rough smashing of drunken, uncoordinated mouths and fumbling hands over their bodies.
It's over before it really starts, though, when they hear Dean calling for Seth and Seth tumbles out of Roman's lap, hitting his head on the bedpost.
"Shit are you okay?" Seth simply bursts out laughing, not really feeling the pain of what just happened but clutching his head anyway.
"Roman what the fuck?" Dean asks barging straight into the room. He only has to take one look at them, one smell and he'll know what they've done.
"Have you been smoking weed?" He asks but Roman doesn't get time to reply before he's hauling Seth off the floor. "Did you give him weed? What the fuck is wrong with you Roman?"
"Calvin gave it me actually, don't blame Roman!" Seth slurs trying to battle his way out of Dean's grip but he can't.
"Well Roman let you have it that makes him just as bad!" Dean spits dragging Seth out of the room. Roman hears Seth whimpering and whining the whole way and its as he's thinking how cute Seth sounds when he realises what he's just done. He kissed Seth. He kissed Seth. Seth kissed him. Shit.