"So," Jack drawled out. He had held her for what felt like a lifetime before she had slowly withdrawn her arms from around him. They had moved to the side of the bed where they now sat, his right side flush up against her left and her head resting on his shoulder. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," Sam offered softly, not moving from her place beside him. "Thank you." His arm wound its way around her shoulder and she couldn't help but smile at the easy feeling that washed over her. "How is it that you always seem to know what it is I need before I do?"

"Ah, it's not that hard."

Because I know you.

That sat in a comfortable silence, neither wanting to move from the other until Sam pulled her head from his shoulder with a heavy sigh. "Can I ask you something … about Ba'al?"

Jack placed his free hand on top of one of hers and gave it a squeeze. "What do you want to know?"

"I guess … never mind … I shouldn't ask."

"Samantha."

Sam's head shot up at the use of her full name. There were so many hidden message's behind that one word that he head was spinning. But, she found her anchor in his eyes. Those warm chocolate eyes that said what he had had trouble voicing during the za'tarc test. Sam took a deep breath, "Did you ever … I mean … did you think you were going to die?"

"Yes."

"Did you want to …"

"Yes."

Sam was chewing on her bottom lip, trying so hard not to ask the question that she wanted to know most. "Did you give up?"

Jack didn't answer the question right away like he had the others. He took a deep breath and squeezed her shoulder. "Yeah … I thought … I asked Danny not to let Ba'al bring me back with the sarcophagus anymore. What about you?"

Tears feel down her cheeks at what Jack told her, at what she was about to tell him. "God," she began as she wiped at her face with her free hand. "You think I'd be over crying by now." Jack leaned closer to her, if that were possible, and gently placed a kiss at her temple. It was comforting, it was reassuring, and it was everything she needed then.

"You know he had other interests in me then what he kept asking for. I thought … I thought anything was better than letting him force himself on me. I had to antagonize him. Sometimes I … I couldn't fight him so I did what I could to piss him off."

"Who knew I would rub off on you so bad," he offered gently with a smile.

Sam chuckled a bit, rewarding him the way he needed. "He accused you of teaching me such 'tactics'," she said with a soft smile. Ba'al complaining that she was as difficult as Jack had been a highlight of her captivity … "It worked," she offered as her smile faded. "He would get so angry that he'd lash out against me. You saw what he did when I spit in his face or the time I drew blood from his lip …"

Jack tightened his hold on her once again as they both remembered the beating and the stabbing she received for her efforts. She squeezed his hand and laced her fingers with his before placing her free hand on top of their joined ones. "The longer it went on … I started antagonizing him hoping he would kill me." Sam closed her eyes against the onslaught of tears before placing her head on Jack's shoulder again. "It wasn't what I had to do anymore to keep him from violating me … it was what I wanted," she choked out against her tears. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I asked you and Janet to kill me!"

Jack shifted, pulling her to his chest and wrapping both arms around her. She mimicked his moves as she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in the side of his neck. "I'm sorry," she mumbled against him. "I'm so sorry!"

"Shh, it's okay Sam. There's nothing to be sorry for. Shh," he offered as his hand drew up and down her back in a lazy motion, trying to comfort her. "Believe me you're not the first to wish for death. You're probably the first to survive such extremes considering I know what Ba'al is capable of but, wishing for death … anything to stop the pain, it happens …" Jack continued to rub her back hoping to calm her guilt. He was also trying to by time, to keep from asking the question he knew needed to be asked. "You don't still wish for it, do you," he asked with a barely audible voice.

Without hesitation Sam shook her head 'no' against his neck. "I've never wished for it though," she said into his neck. "I thought that I would die in Vietnam but, I never wished for it," she offered as her tears began to slow.

"When you escaped, what were you thinking?"

"What," she asked as she pulled back just enough to look into his eyes.

"What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about killing Ba'al but I don't –"

"At that moment, did you still want to die," he asked as he cupped her cheek in his hand.

"No … I thought I might though."

"I know you feel like you quit, like you gave up but if you really had you would have told him what he wanted to know; you wouldn't have fought so hard to keep him from forcing himself on you. Don't fault yourself for wanting a release."

It's not your fault.

Stop feeling guilty.

You are strong.

Jack brushed away the single tear that feel down her check and smiled softly at her. Sam couldn't help but close her eyes, enjoying the comfort and the feel of his hand on her cheek. She leaned into his hand while his other one, still wrapped around her back, pulled her closer to him. She felt his lips press against her forehead and against her best efforts her heart skipped a beat before it sped up.

When he pulled his lips away from her she opened her eyes to find him studying her carefully. He leaned back towards her, this time kissing her on her cheek, just short of touching her lips. He pulled away one more time and told her to rest before he pulled away from her and quietly left her quarters.