Healing Process
A/N: I am amazed. When I started this story three months ago, I never expected to be here still writing. I have never written a story that is as long as this is nor did I expect that so many people would like it and actually keep up with it. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of my readers. This story is still here solely because of you.
Having said that, I was very disheartened when I received a flame several days ago, and while I respect that people have a right to their opinion I will not tolerate rudeness. If someone doesn't like this story, fine. Don't read it.
Writing and reading fan fiction is a privilege, not a license to tear someone's story apart. And it is about time that people remember that. So let me be very clear, if you choose to review please be positive and constructive. I treat every author and story I read with respect and I hope you will do the same.
This is for Chels, Brandy, Kayli, Raven, Sarah, Flick and all of my fans on both TI and here.
XXIV: Delicate Issues
We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate
"We're going where?" Alex asked sitting up in bed now fully awake.
"To dinner at my dad's house," Ava replied perching on the edge of the bed.
"But I thought your father was still in Seattle?" Alex asked, hoping that he was right. Dr. Shepherd was the last person he wanted to deal with.
"My biological father Jackson lives here in New York. He's married now and has two sons. We met when I was 16."
"Did he walk out on you?" Alex asked.
"No, it's the other way around I'm afraid." Ava said quietly. "Kate, my birth mother lived with my father the year following my birth. Things between them started to disintegrate at some point and a little after my first birthday my dad came home from work and we weren't there." Ava paused. "It was like we had vanished without a trace. And he finally found me just after my 16th birthday. We've been working on a relationship ever since."
"So is this some kind of a test? If I meet your dad I can date you?"
Ava laughed and kissed him, "No. I already said I would have dinner with them before you told me you were coming out. I thought this was something we could do together. So what do you say? Are you up for it?"
He smiled, "Yeah. But after dinner all bets are off. You're mine," He said pulling her to him and kissing her passionately.
Ava moaned softly and then pulled away, "I'll be waiting downstairs. I don't want us to get sidetracked," she said before leaving the room.
September 2003
"Daddy, why is Ava sad?" 4 year-old Quinn asked her father. It was early evening on a Friday and by some miracle Addison and Derek had managed to get home by 5 o'clock.
"Sad? Why would Ava be sad?" Derek asked looking at Quinn who was playing on the floor with her dolls.
"When I was upstairs getting my dolls, Ava was in her room and she looked sad."
"She's probably just nervous sweetheart."
"Is it because of the man who's coming today?"
Derek nodded, "Yes."
"Ava needs cuddles daddy."
Derek smiled, "Why don't you go give them to her?"
"But you make me feel better when you do it."
"Honey, Ava's too old for cuddles."
"But she really needs them."
"Ok, I'll go up," Derek said kissing Quinn on the head and going upstairs. He knocked on the doorframe and Ava looked up.
"Hey dad, come in," Ava said as Derek sat in the desk chair opposite her.
"I just wanted to make sure you're ok," He said looking into her eyes, searching for anything that might have been bothering Ava.
"Yeah, of course I am," Ava replied confidently.
"Are you nervous?"
"A little," Ava admitted. "But that's to be expected considering that I'm seeing my father for the first time in 15 years."
"Yes it is."
"Everything is going to change after today."
"Some things will change, but not everything," Derek reminded her. He observed her carefully and noticed that Ava was now avoiding his gaze. "Are you afraid that things between us will change?"
Ava remained silent for a moment, "Maybe," She said softly.
Derek crossed over to the bed and sat down next to her, lifting her chin to meet his gaze, "I will still be your dad Ava no matter what happens today."
"But what if---," Ava started. "What if he wants me to live with him? What if I like him?"
Derek laughed, "It's ok to like him you know. He is your father. But as for living with him; Jackson is not like Kate Ava. I've spoken with him and so has your mother. He came to us first before he called you. He respects that you have a family that loves you."
"That's what Kate says, but she doesn't."
Derek sighed, "I know. But that is Kate, butterfly. She's always shown a certain disregard for people and their feelings whether they are Grandma's, mine, your mom's, yours, or Jackson's." He paused for a moment as he thought of his older sister whom he had loved and adored once upon a time. And now all he felt was sadness. "You were separated from your father unfairly. He didn't walk out on you or Kate when you were born instead he tried to give you a good life. And Kate took you away from him. He needs to see you Ava and I think you need to see him too."
"I know. I just—," She stopped.
"You just what Ava?"
"You're probably going to think I'm being silly."
"I would never think that. What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid that by doing this, I'm hurting you."
Derek hugged her tightly, "I want you to be happy Ava and if doing this makes you happy I'm all for it. And as for you and me, I will always love you no matter what. Our relationship is something very special and no one can take that away." He kissed the top of her head. "Quinn said you needed cuddles."
Ava blushed slightly, but then sighed, "Ok so maybe I did."
"Cuddles Ava," He whispered in her ear.
"Cuddles daddy."
They stayed like that for a few minutes before the doorbell sounded.
"You'd better get that," he said pulling away from her.
Ava nodded and rose walking toward the door. But before she left, Ava turned back to Derek, "I love you dad."
"I love you too butterfly."
Ava turned and walked down the hall. Time seemed to slow down at that point as she made her way down the stairs. At the bottom, she paused before going to the door. And then taking a deep breath she opened it.
So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?
"So do you think I passed the test?" Alex asked as they walked into Ava's room several hours later.
"My father thought you had very intelligent things to say and my brothers were won over the instant you told them you were a wrestler.
"Yeah, but only after they threatened to tear me limb from limb if I hurt you."
Ava cocked an eyebrow, "Did they threaten you?"
"Yeah. But I don't think that will be a problem."
"Is that so?" She said with a laugh wrapping her arms around his neck.
"The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you Ava," He said before kissing her lightly.
"That's good to know."
"I'm going to go brush my teeth."
"Ok, the bathroom is just down the hall," Ava said before pulling away from him and got ready for bed.
Alex walked down the hall to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Only after he was done, did he realize that he had forgotten his mouthwash. Not wanting to go back and get it, Alex opened the medicine chest above the sink and began to scan the shelves. But mouthwash didn't catch his attention; pill bottles bearing Ava's name did. To his shock, Alex found that the three bottles in front of him that bore the names of powerful sleeping pills and anti-anxiety drugs. She was on psych meds and Ava hadn't told him.
When Alex finished, he took one of the bottles back to Ava's room. She was already in bed flipping through a magazine.
"Hey, are you ready to come to bed?"
"Yeah," He said and then crossed to his side of the bed and sat down facing her. "But before I do, I have to ask you something."
"Sure, go ahead."
"Why are you taking anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills?"
Ava looked afraid for a moment as she looked at the bottle in Alex's hand and he felt guilty for bringing it up. But then she spoke again, "Alex I have PTSD."
We might live like never before So why do you fill my sorrow
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?
The bright lights of downtown Seattle shined through Derek's office in the high-rise penthouse he shared with Addison and Quinn. A box sat on his desk from New York. He had brought it to Seattle when he had first moved here and had forgotten to unpack it. He pulled a small photo album out of the box and opened it. It contained photos of Ava and Quinn together and separately.
"What are you up to?" Addison asked coming into the room.
"Nothing, just sorting through some old boxes that's all."
"What are you looking at?" She asked crossing behind the desk and seeing the pictures of Quinn and Ava. "I haven't seen these in so long."
"I know. I forgot they were in here. I don't even remember when these were taken."
Addison flipped a page and came across the picture of Ava and Quinn taken the day Quinn was born, "They grew up so fast," She whispered.
"Yeah, they did," He said wrapping his arms around her from behind.
"I don't want to lose them Derek."
"We won't lose them."
"How can you say that? Quinn has a serious illness and Ava may never come back."
"Everything will fix itself in time."
Addison pulled away from him, "What if it doesn't Derek? What then? Our family is falling apart!"
"Gee Addison, I hadn't noticed!" Derek snapped.
"Don't get mad at me for stating the truth. I'm paying for the way you chose to leave New York!"
"I wouldn't have left New York if you hadn't slept with Mark!"
Addison looked like she had been slapped, "You're still bringing this up even after therapy?"
"It's the truth isn't it?"
"That was the only way I could get your attention!"
"Bullshit, there were other ways!"
Addison looked away and after a moment she spoke again, "Derek when are you going to stop punishing me? We lost a child and we lost sight of each other. I tried everything I could think of to get you to pay attention to me and you wouldn't."
"Fine! You want to admit that I was a bad husband and a lousy father? Ok then, I screwed up and I'm trying my hardest to fix it."
"Denial doesn't fix problems."
"I'm not denying anything."
"Aren't you? If you weren't Ava would still be speaking to us."
"She's throwing a temper-tantrum Addison. She'll come back when she wants something."
Addison let out a breath, "For your sake, I hope she keeps punishing you. You need to know what hurt feels like."
"What do you mean?"
"All anyone wants is to spend time with you and you punish them because they won't stay on the pedestal you put them on."
"What are you talking about?"
"None of us are on a pedestal Derek. We're not perfect."
"I never said that."
"You don't have to," Addison said before leaving the room.
So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?
Lyrics: "Delicate"- Damien Rice
That is the end for now. Please R/R! And remember positive and constructive critiques only! Thanks!