Lucy and Natsu were awoken suddenly the next morning by a loud knock on their hotel room door. Natsu groaned, stuffing his face in the pillow; Lucy stumbled out of bed, letting out a whine as she slowly made her way to the door. The knocks continued, getting heavier and louder.
Lucy tugged the door open, about to make a witty comment about how early it was. The second she saw the person behind the door, she paused. Gajeel. And his face was different—his expression was twisted up into something he so rarely showed to anyone: fear.
Lucy's mouth opened, but no words came out. Something was happening—why else would Gajeel look so…terrified?
His dark eyes were big. "Group meeting in Juvia's hotel room—now." He paused, taking the time to swallow; Lucy could see his adam's apple bob in his throat. After a couple long seconds, he whispered, "It's Mira."
Lucy's heart jumped. Mira? Was something wrong with her? Was she okay? So many thoughts ran through her mind, jumping to the worst conclusions. Gajeel gave her a nod and headed down the hallway towards Juvia's room; Lucy spun, quickly heading back to the bed.
"Natsu—up, now!"
The pink haired boy jumped awake, confused and irritated. "Eh?"
"It's Mira," Lucy hissed, heading over to her bag of clothes and grabbing the first thing she could find that weren't pajamas. "Group meeting in Juvia's room. Urgent. We have to go!"
Without a word, Natsu chucked the blankets off of him and grabbed a t-shirt off the ground, tugging it on quickly. His expression crumbled into one of absolute concern. He'd always been particularly messed up about Mira's situation, considering he was the boy afraid of death and it was the first time he'd nearly lost someone he considered a pal. Any hint of the cheerfulness and light that made Natsu himself was absolutely gone, smoldered out by fear and anxiety.
Lucy felt like crying. She wasn't sure why. Why was her gut feeling that something bad had happened?
They quickly sped over to Juvia's room, where the rest of the group had been waiting. Everyone looked anxious and worried; no one had any idea of what the news was yet. Juvia had wanted to wait until she could tell everyone, all at once.
Natsu and Lucy shuffled in, taking a seat on the edge of the puffy bed; the rest of the teens were scattered throughout the room. Gajeel sat at the desk, biting his nails; Erza was pacing the floor; Laxus was staring out the window at the hazy sky. Everyone else was equally upset, afraid of what they might here.
"Okay, guys," Juvia said, huffing out a breath. "I've got some news. Got the call this morning." She took a long break, watching everyone's expressions carefully. "Mira's woken up from her coma."
At first, the room was dead silent. After a few seconds, everyone's faces burst into grins, expressions of happiness and relief. They all began to speak, murmuring how happy they were, how this was great news.
Juvia let out another breath. "She's in rough shape, everyone," The counsellor said, voice hard. She was trying to hide how upset she was. "They don't know if she will make it. But, for now, she is awake. She can speak a little, and she understands what happened to her. But things aren't looking good."
Silence, yet again.
"How can this be?" Erza asked, eyes wide. "What's wrong with her?"
Juvia sighed. "I don't know all of the details, but her bulimia and anorexia has severely destroyed her organs. Liver, heart, lungs…they're in rough shape. Starting to fail. She's on treatment and dialysis right now, but they don't know if it's enough."
Laxus turned away from the window, eyebrows pulling down over his intense gaze. "We've gotta go see her, then."
"That's what I wanted to ask all of you—would you like to cut the trip short and head home? We can go straight to the hospital to visit, even if it's just short. I don't know how capable she is, or if she'd allowed visitors, but…" Juvia looked down at her hands, clearly upset. "It's your decision. All of you."
Everyone gave each other a glance, and it was immediately silently agreed upon.
Lucy pushed herself up from the bed, eyes hard and cold and heartbroken. "We've got to see Mira."
And with that, their beach vacation was cut short.
Everything moved very quickly once the group decided to head back home to see Mira. Everyone went to their rooms, packed their clothes, and returned their hotel keys; a shuttle was waiting outside of the hotel, prepared to haul the group to the airport. As they left, Lucy gave one last glance to the beach outside of the hotel, sad that she had to say goodbye to the spot so soon. She vowed to return one day.
Juvia had contacted the facility, who had altered their flights and got tickets for the soonest flight back; the kids lounged around the airport for an hour or two, nervous and upset and oddly quiet, compared to their usual selves. They boarded the plane in silence, not really having much to say. The quiet was a stark contrast to their travels to the island, which were filled with joy and laughter.
When they landed, they were shocked by the snow and the chilly weather; everyone went to the washrooms and changed out of their beachwear, back into their normal attire. They loaded onto a bus waiting for them, beginning the trek to the hospital.
Natsu hugged Lucy close; she rested her head on his shoulder and tried to stop herself from crying.
She felt like complete garbage. Her mind was racing, her heart hurt, her body was exhausted. It was devastating, watching someone fall apart. Seeing Mira starve herself, that was rough. But seeing the fallout—the medical issues, the slow descent into something even worse…that was heartbreaking.
Destroying yourself? That was easy. Lucy knew that well enough. But watching someone else do it? Watching another person you love and cherish begin to fall apart? Watching their demolished bodies begin to give up? That was petrifying.
The bus ride went by quickly. Too quickly. Lucy wasn't ready to see Mira, not like this. She'd always imagined that when Mira woke up, it would be a happy occasion; they'd smile, Lucy would say how much she missed her, and Mira would say the same. Then, she'd come back to the facility, a smile on her face, and things would go back to normal. The end.
But this wasn't a happy story. This was real life, and real life was a tragedy.
The group was put in that dismal little waiting room again. It was cramped, the seats were uncomfortable, and it was depressing as ever. The light still flickered, on the verge of flashing out. Looking out the window, the weather was just as upsetting: dark, purple skies with fat snowflakes swirling down.
Natsu was nervous the second they stepped into the hospital. When they sat down, Lucy finally realized how much the hospital bothered him—he was shaking violently, blinking so often she thought he might be having a seizure. His eyes were wet, as though he were about to burst into tears. Lucy reached over and held his hand, trying to calm him; he looked at her, terror in his expression.
She could practically see the images in his mind: a flashback to him waking up from a coma, confused and in severe pain. He asked where he was, and the doctors told him what happened. He asked to see his mom; the doctor's face crumbled down in sadness. They told him his mother was gone, that she and his dad and his brother didn't make it out of the flames. That he was the only one who survived. That he was alone, now.
Of course he hated the hospital. How could he not? It was where his whole life fell apart. It was where he found out he'd lost everything he had ever loved.
And of course it upset him, being here to see Mira as she awoke from her coma. It reflected his past, something he'd struggled to face over the past few years. Mira was experiencing something that had been so hard for Natsu. It was only natural that it horrified him.
He continued to shake, and Lucy's touch didn't seem to calm him. He didn't say a word, just stared at the ground intensely and quivered. Lucy didn't push him further, didn't try to get a sentence out of him. He didn't need that added stress. He was dealing with enough.
A nurse came, and mentioned that visits would have to be short; Mira was having a rough time, and having too much company would stress her out. Each person would have to visit individually—group sessions might overwhelm Mira. The group understood.
Everyone nominated Lucy to see Mira first. Lucy wasn't sure why—after all, Mira and Erza were best friends at the facility—but she didn't question it. Maybe it was because Lucy looked the most upset, other than Natsu. Or maybe it was because the group understood the profound effect Mira's breakdown had on Lucy's progress, as clearly shown by Lucy's episode in the kitchens after Mira fell into a coma. Whatever the reason, Lucy didn't hesitate. She squeezed Natsu's hand and pushed herself out of the stiff seat, shakily walking down the hallway towards Mira's room.
She took a deep breath before pushing open the heavy hospital door.
Once she opened the door, Lucy was shocked. Her heart stopped in her chest; her stomach knotted almost instantaneously. Tears welled up in her eyes at the sight before her.
Mira, in the hospital bed, sitting up over a bucket and vomiting violently. Her hair was in knots, thinning in spots; clumps of it had fallen out onto the bed's sheets. Her skin was a dead grey tone, as if there was no pulse beneath her flesh; her face was so thin it was almost hollow looking. A skeleton, brought to life.
Worst of all, Mira had tears streaming down her cheeks.
The nurse at her bedside held her up as she vomited, wiping her lips clean once she'd finished; the nurse then settled her back into the pillows, careful not to grab her dainty body too roughly, then headed off to empty out the pail.
Mira's eyes flickered to Lucy. When she spoke, her words were slurred and mumbled, as if English wasn't her first language. It didn't surprise Lucy; the nurses had explained that Mira knew how to talk, but her body had sort of forgotten what to do. "Lucy," Mira whispered coarsely, "You came."
Lucy stepped forward, legs shaking. She cleared her voice, trying to sound strong when she spoke; her words came out squeaky and small. "Of course I came."
Tears still streamed down Mira's cheeks, dripping off of her chin and landing on her hospital gown. Her arms were so thin it scared Lucy. There was a long pause while Mira tried to wipe the tears, struggling to lift her arms. After a couple seconds, she dropped her limbs, giving up. She didn't have the energy to lift a hand to her cheek. "Everything hurts, Lucy."
Lucy felt the tears in her eyes begin to overwhelm her; they pooled and spilt over, rushing down her cheeks and dripping to the floor. She took a few more steps closer to Mira, the smell of vomit and decay stunning her senses. "How bad is it?"
Mira's eyes drifted closed; she took a deep breath, then looked at Lucy again. "Worse than I thought was possible," She swallowed, appearing to have difficulty with it. "If I had known it would be like this…"
Lucy's eyebrows tugged down, awaiting Mira's next sentence.
Mira's lips were blue and cracked, bloody. They twisted up into a meek smile. Her hands gripped the sheets weakly; her fingertips were yellow and stained. "I just wanted to be pretty." She shook her head. "That was it. All of this…I just wanted to be pretty."
Lucy's heart ached. "You are pretty, Mira," Lucy sobbed, tears streaming down her cheeks, "You have always been pretty."
Mira smiled, but it wasn't cheerful; the expression on her dead face was sad. Melancholic. "I'm not pretty now. Ironic, isn't it?"
"You'll always be beautiful to me," Lucy whispered. It wasn't a lie. No matter how rough Mira looked, she was always…well, Mira. Just the thought of Mira's smile made Lucy happy—that's just who Mira was. Mira radiated beauty. "Always."
"I didn't think it would hurt this much." Mira sucked in a shaky breath, tears still flowing down her cheeks. "I didn't think this would happen. I mean, I knew I wasn't eating enough and I knew that throwing up any food I did eat was bad for me, but—I just…I wanted to be slimmer. Skinny enough to be a model. How stupid is that?"
Lucy took another step closer to the girl in the hospital bed, holding her weak, bony hand.
Mira continued. "I wanted to be pretty. Now, I'm gonna die."
"Don't say that," Lucy burst out, breaking down into sobs as she held onto Mira's hand. "Don't you ever say that again."
Mira's voice was a quiet, hollow whisper. "I want to die," She breathed, crying as she spoke. "It hurts so much Lucy—I don't think I can do it."
Lucy squeezed the girl's hand as gentle as possible. "You can't give up, Mira—I need you, we all need you. We need you."
"The doctors said it's a miracle I've made it this far. Some people don't make it to this stage—they don't even get to the point of their body shutting itself down. Most people just have heart failure, all of a sudden, after they skip a few meals." When she swallowed, she winced in pain. "I'm one of the lucky ones, I guess. Feeling this."
In the hospital, but still spouting sarcasm. Typical Mira.
"You can make it through this, Mira."
"I don't know if I want to," She responded, closing her eyes and setting her head back on the pillows. "It hurts so much, Lucy. Everything. All the time. I didn't know—If I had known…" She was still crying. "I don't think I can do this."
"Please," Lucy begged, "Mira—you've got to try, you can't just let your disease win like this—"
"I'm sorry," Mira interrupted, not opening her eyes, "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize!" Lucy continued to beg. "Don't say sorry, just get better!"
Mira's hands went limp, as if she were too tired to even slightly grab Lucy's fingers anymore. She let out a shaky breath. "Tell everyone I love them. Tell them to get better and get out of the facility and to travel the world for me."
"Mira—"
"Can you just do this for me, Lucy? Please?"
Lucy released Mira's hand, heart stuttering. She didn't know what to do—the pain of seeing her friend on the verge of death, completely out of hope was devastating. So, she just agreed. "Okay. I will."
Mira let out a groan then, her hand reaching over and clicking the 'call nurse' button; a nurse flew into the room, bucket in hand. Mira curled around the bucket, holding it to her lips as she began to puke again. Lucy closed her eyes.
"You should go," The nurse said.
Lucy obeyed, stepping out the door, back into the hallway. She took one last glance at her friend, and her heart completely shattered.
Mira was still crying, her hands balled up in pain and disgust, beads of sweat beginning to drip down her face.
Lucy let the door swing shut, and she instantly leaned her back against the wall. Tears poured down her cheeks, sobs escaping her lips.
Mira didn't look good. She was practically half dead already. Hell, even Mira didn't think she had a fighting chance—she'd already given up hope. She wanted Lucy to tell everyone she loved them, not herself. She wanted Lucy to convey her message of love and advice.
The thing that struck Lucy the most was Mira's regret. She regretted doing any of it: starving, purging, destroying herself. She'd said doing all of it just to be pretty was stupid. That one word seemed to repeat itself in Lucy's mind. Mira's regret...that was the most progress Mira had ever had regarding her condition, her disease.
What would Mira have been like, had she known the horrifying reality of anorexia? Would she be out in the world, healthy and happy? Would she have graduated school, taken a year off to explore the world? Would she have lived her life to the fullest, laughing and dancing every night away as she set off on her own little adventure? Would she have kissed boys, danced under the stars, maybe even get married? Would she have had children eventually? Would she have been happy?
Mira hadn't realized she'd wanted that until it was too late. For the longest time, all she'd wanted was to be pretty—and in her mind, being pretty meant being extremely thin. Her disease had warped her mind, made her think she was overweight, made her think she was ugly. All she'd wanted was to be beautiful.
But the whole time, Mira had missed the fact that she already was beautiful. All she saw were her flaws, when everyone else saw her beautiful smile and her sparkling eyes and her incredible way with words.
And now, laying in her hospital bed, undergoing the torture of having her body fail, Mira had figured out what was actually important. Happiness. Living life to the fullest. Experiencing as many things as possible.
But it was too late. She'd done the damage, and she was facing the consequences. She'd been so reckless, not caring about what she was doing to herself…and now, it was too late to change it. She was falling apart. She couldn't fix it, not now.
So, as Mira lay in bed, crying from the excruciating pain echoing from inside out, she thought about what could have been. She thought about going to prom, and having a boyfriend, and going to Rome. She thought about all of those dreams, all of those experiences. How she'd thrown them out, all because she wanted to be pretty.
So stupid. So naïve.
Lucy, in the hallway, had a breakdown. It felt as though her heart had been torn from her chest. It wasn't easy, watching someone you loved slowly kill themselves. And it definitely wasn't easy watching them regret their decision once it was too late to go back.
The fact that Lucy had been on that path was terrifying. She'd cut herself, burnt herself…for what? To deal with pain, to deal with her issues? Such a slippery slope to be playing on. She'd gotten a wakeup call before things had gotten too bad, before it was too late. Lucy had been given a second chance. A chance that not everyone got.
Maybe that's why this was happening. This was the universe's way of telling Lucy to take advantage of this second chance. This was the universe telling Lucy to move forward, progress in her rehabilitation, to move on from her illness.
Seeing Mira dying and regretting everything she once did changed Lucy. Now, there was no hesitation in her mind: cutting, self-destruction, it was all a thing of the past. She would move on. She would get past this. Lucy was not going to be the girl that cut herself—not anymore.
She had things to do in life. She had people to meet. She had stories to make and adventures to go on. There was no more time left for hatred and sadness. Lucy couldn't waste her precious life destroying herself.
Natsu had taught her that. Mira had taught her that.
And Lucy was going to take these lessons to heart.
Lucy went back to the waiting room, once she had calmed herself enough to stop her intense sobbing. She told everyone what she'd seen, what Mira had said. She told everyone how Mira had regretted everything.
The group waited for a bit longer, and the nurses came out to tell them that Mira couldn't see anymore visitors: she was too ill and too tired. Everyone was disappointed, but understood—especially after they heard what Lucy had seen in there. They all got on the bus, riding back to the facility in silence.
Lucy's heart was breaking for her friend. She felt like she could burst into tears at any second. But part of her knew that this had happened for a reason—Mira's mistakes would affect the entire group, help them learn and understand how they needed to get better.
Natsu held Lucy's hand the entire way back. He was still shaking, still anxious from his long moments in the hospital that felt all too familiar. Lucy squeezed his hand, letting him know that it was going to be okay.
And it was going to be okay. Something deep inside Lucy's gut was telling her that.
She was headed on the right path—the path to getting better.
She wanted it more than ever.
Edited 22/06/18.